What percentage of couples are mutually supportive vs. giver & taker?

[yurbud]

I can probably count the number of happy marriages I've seen on one hand, and some that I thought were happy turned out to have at least one party who was psycho, or at the very least, someone who demanded to be taken care of and gave far less back.

Do I just have pathetic friends or what?

[WindRavenX]

1. I'm personally 2/3 were "giver/taker"

Me being the giver, the other the taker...luckily, I'm with a good guy now.

My mom's 30 year old marriage ended recently. Same situation-- she's always the giver, my dad always the taker :(

[LynzM]

2. A lot are giver/taker

There are plenty of people out there who are happy filling those roles for each other, though. I wouldn't say that's the determining factor in whether the marriage is happy. I suppose it depends on how you're defining those things, though.

Personally, I think I'm in a marriage where we take turns being the giver/taker, so to speak, whether emotionally, or in terms of things like house-cleaning, and childcare. I consider myself very, very lucky to be able to say that!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear yurbud.......

My husband and I are mutually giver/takers.........We each have things we do for each other...

We are mutually dependant, is what I'm trying to say!

We would be lost without each other!

:bounce: :bounce:

[yurbud]

7. that's what I mean--what percentage are even roughly equal that way?

[Broken_Hero]

10. not many I imagine

with my wife and I we give/take pretty evenly...with other married couples I see, aka my parents, they give in take in spurts...at times my dad is a bonehead for an extended amount of time, and when he is over it, my mom goes on her little spurt..it goes back and forth though...

[yurbud]

11. I would count that as close to equal

[blondeatlast]

16. "Mutually dependent" is a perfect description. Mr. BAL and I have

different strengths and different waeknesses and have been happily married for a very repectable 10 years now, and had known each other 4 years prior to that.

It feels good knowing that he's there when I need his strength, and I'll return the favor when necessary!

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. Well....

I'm definitely a giver, and hubby is definitely a taker. He gives at times, and I take at times, but the ratio is definitely skewed. If I had to quantify it, I'd say the ratio is 3:1.

[Orangepeel]

5. what's giving and what's taking can be subjective

it is hard to judge anyone else's relationship. sometimes one party might be giving something that can't be seen from the outside (e.g., security, confidence, comfort). And sometimes, giving and taking ebbs and flows over time.

Sometimes I'll see a couple I know and think, "why in the world is he/she with him/her?" But then, I realize that I'm sure there are plenty of people in the world who don't understand what I see in my husband and plenty of people in the world who don't understand what my husband sees in me.

[ulysses]

13. an absolute truth:

And sometimes, giving and taking ebbs and flows over time.

We've never really been one particular way for too long. With the baby in the last year, our old ways of giving and taking got tossed out the window, and since school started up again, my time has been really stretched, so Ms Uly and I are having to work our way through to find new ways of doing things so that everyone's happy. It's a continual thing.

[Evoman]

6. Almost all relationships are giver/taker.

I don't understand givers...don't understand them at all. My relationship is mutual, although I am REALLY not needy, so my gf (who is a normal human being, unlike moi) is probably a slight bit needier. However, she never disturbs my peace with demands, and we split housework/money in a way that makes us both happy (I cook exclusively, she always washes dishes, etc).

[Redstone]

8. Well, we were the former, but tonight we're the latter.

So it goes.

Redstone

[Broken_Hero]

9. hmm....

IME, ....

1. 3 marriages that lasted...my parents, my mother/father in law, and my friends up in seattle. My wife and I have been married for over 2yrs, and we are doing okay, but we just started...

2. 5 that didn't make it past 7rs....the one that just dissolved over 7rs of marriage. They tried to make it appear things were going well but any friend remotely close to them, would tell you otherwise. They tried, and tried, and failed. The other 4 marriages were IMO, doomed from the get go, and a few years later they dissolved.

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. My spouse and I

shamble along giving and taking. I think he'd argue that he gives more, since he does a fair amount of dog and child care. But he can't do that without dinners, clean clothes, phone calls and appointment arranging! We manage to get things done together, but that doesn't mean we're not psycho :-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. Over the course of the 10 years of our married life, I would say

we are 50/50, but it's not 50/50 on a daily basis. To me, that's what marriage is all about. When I am sick, I take far more than give. When MrG's father killed himself, MrG was more the taker...I, the giver. It evens out in the end.

[yurbud]

15. I have seen some relationships where even those crisis don't affect

the balance.

In fact, I was in one (or more).

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. It has worked for us so far, although I am, at times, more emotionally

affected by "things".

[Blue_In_AK]

18. My husband and I are mutually supportive

but my previous three were all takers, while I just gave, gave, gave. That's why they're all "previous."