Hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass.

[trof]

What follows definitely comes under the classification of TMI...
Too Much Information

But it's just weird, or maybe a well deserved dose of bad karma?

I turned 65 a few days ago.
Now I'm on MediCare.
whoopee

My doc sez "Now MediCare pays for a free colonsocopy. You should get one."
Well...I've never had one.
Colon cancer seems to be one of the diseases-du-jour, and the colonoscopy is the very latest in fashionable medical screenings to suffer.

She recommends a good gastroentologist.
He does about 300 of these a year, with no fatalaties...so far.
So I sign up.

Next Tuesday I go in.
After Sunday night, only clear liquids.
"Is Scotch a clear liquid?"
"Well, I can see through it. Sure."
OK, no problem.

Next Monday evening I take a blow-out laxative, and another dose early Tuesday morning. I will be as clean as a whistle when they poke the mini-cam up my tuchas.

Except...except...yesterday morning upon rising from my bed I have this...um...DISCOMFORT in my nether regions.
A digital examination (that's all you need to know and all I'm gonna say) reveals a damn hemorrhoid.
First one I've ever had.
EVER!

How's THAT for bad karma?
I mean, what are the chances?
I called and explained that I'd have to postpone the colonoscopy for a few days.
Now I'm self-medicating with good ol' Prep-H and sitting on a pillow.
Getting old sux.
Believe me.
:-(

[skygazer]

1. Not enough Scotch

That's my diagnosis. And no, I'm not a doctor. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.





Or was that a Best Western?.....

[trof]

2. HI Exp. lodger is good enough for me.

Thanks for your input.
;-)

[trof]

3. Possibly not a good subject line?

Yeah, that's probably it.
And I thought I'd get all these hemorrhoid stories.
Do you KNOW how hard it is even to SPELL that word?
TRES dificile.
:-)

[Elidor]

4. I feel your pain

Err...not directly, of course.

You know you're getting old when you learn to spell it correctly. But as bad as they are, they're apparently much, much worse if they become thrombosed. It happened to a close friend. Doctors with knives were involved. :scared:

[JitterbugPerfume]

5. poor trof

OUCH

[NNadir]

6. Baldness gets to your head.

[Xipe Totec]

7. Painfully obvious statement n/t

[graywarrior]

8. Your ass is trying to tell you something.

[Arugula Latte]

9. I guess you've never been post-partum, being a man and all.

:D

No, really, sending sympathies and all that ...

[mduffy31]

10. Just some friendly advice from a nurse

Don't fuck around with your ass!