What's the best/funniest/pithiest remark YOU ever overheard?

[Richardo]

(Inspired by MissHoneyChurch's thread here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5574462 )

Mine: In West Lake Charles, LA I overheard a hotel chef say this to one of his waitstaff in responses to a story she was telling him: "Hm. The plot thickens.....when you add a little roux." :rofl:

[datasuspect]

1. at a bar in peoria, illinois

"my friends call me turbo."

[taterguy]

2. Because I'm a bitch that's why

A high school teacher answering a student who asked why she was giving a pop quiz

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

3. "A day of rest? What do you think this is? Creation?"

My HS English AP teacher. Man, she fucking rocked. My junior year she was a crazy, round, little fake British woman who screamed a lot. My senior year she was the really loveable, crazy, round, little fake British woman who screamed a lot.

[XNASA]

4. In a southside bar on a Friday night....

"I'm gonna fuck you up (pauses and thinks).................on Monday."

[Richardo]

5. .

:rofl:

[XNASA]

10. The guy who made this remark....

.....was nicknamed 'Puttyman', because he was always either drunk or under the influence of some substance or another and therefore moved like he was made of putty.

I once heard his girlfriend scream at the person sitting next to her at the same bar, "My name's NOT Puttywoman!!!!!!!!"

The entire bar erupted in a huge laugh.

[JVS]

11. Shit man! I gotta hand out at the bar you go to!

[XNASA]

14. This was 25 years ago, and the bar no longer exists.

It was a neighborhood place located at 144th & Division, which is one block west of Western.

It was a strange time in a strange place.

[JVS]

9. I'd gladly fuck you up on monday for a hamburger today

[Bunny]

6. The plot thickens when you add the roux? HAHA!

That's a good one. I'm trying to think of something pithy, I'll get back to you if I remember anything. Meanwhile, I'll :kick: your thread!

[MrCoffee]

7. In a grocery store parking lot in Toledo, Ohio

The Man With The World's Greatest Mullet was showing his new truck topper to his buddy as I walked by. TMWTWGM told his buddy, "I made sure to get one with a lock, because if it's got a lock, the cops can't get in there without a warrant."

Oh hell yeah. Best.Line.Ever.

[Heidi]

12. .

:rofl: :spray: TMWTWGM's knowledge of the law is impressive (in all the wrong ways). :rofl:

[Heidi]

8. Okay, I'll tell you.

I was editing wire copy on deadline one afternoon when a news brief came in about an accordianist. The word "accordianist" looked , odd to me, so I yelled over my shoulder, "Hey, how do you spell accordianist?" The reply from one of the reporters: "L-O-O-Z-A-H." :rofl: :spray:

[JVS]

13. "Where do you keep your ice cream?"

Made by a man who knew damned well that the ice cream is in the freezer. Where else would one keep it? The point was to get served a bowl of ice cream

[Haole Girl]

15. There are so many....here's just one:

A couple of years ago, at work, after I asked a customer "And the name as it appears on your credit card?" She replied, "Chase Manhattan."

[Heidi]

16. Ooooooooooooo.

:rofl: :spray: I can appreciate your frustration, gf. I recently had to teach Call Me Wesley's mother how to use her ATM card. :scared:

[Haole Girl]

17. Well, I hope you got some money out of it!

;)

[Heidi]

20. Not one single franc.

Here's a rough transcript of the ATM lesson as we stood at the ATM with about 50 impatient German tourists behind us.

Heidi: "OK, you put the card in like this, with the magnetic strip facing down."
Edith: "Okay."
Heidi: "What's your PIN number?"
Edith: "I think I have pen in my purse."
Heidi: "No, your PIN number. It's a four-digit number that they sent to you separately from the card."
Edith: "Oh, I threw that away."
Heidi: "Why'd you throw it away?"
Edith: "I didn't need it because I didn't know how to use the card."

(Call Me Wesley will attest that this was one of the most frustrating exchanges I've ever had with his mother.)

[Haole Girl]

21. LOL

:rofl:

PIN numbers! Grrrr.... It's-a-four-digit-number....

Yes, life was certainly less stressful before PIN's!

:7

[July]

18. I was in a curtained cubicle at a hospital, preparing for a biopsy.

Nurse was running through the health history questions with me. Another nurse was doing the same with a woman in the next cube.

Nurse: Have you had any prior surgeries?

Woman: Yes, a tonsillectomy, and I had breast augmentation on my right breast, and breast reduction on my left breast.


I'm sure there's a good reason this woman had "opposing" procedures, but I wanted to rip the curtain aside and ask her why just one of those breast procedures didn't solve the problem.

[ThomCat]

27. Um... likely, breast cancer

probably had a single breast removed. After a bout of breast cancer some insurance will pay for cosmetic surgery. If you were HUGE before and want to get a reduction then that's when you do it. Get the missing breast replaced with a moderate sized fake, and get the remaining one reduced to match.

[July]

28. As I said, I assumed there was a good reason for it.

But she didn't say "mastectomy," so I also assumed it was some other problem. That was the first (and only) time I've heard anything like that, so I couldn't guess what was behind it.

[Ohio Joe]

19. Grocery store in Closter, NJ

When I was in high school. A buddy of mine and I were walking through the produce section and overheard an exasperated clerk telling an old lady 'Thats what I'm trying to tell you lady, we ain't got no tomatoes'. We still repeat it today whenever some is having a hard time understanding, of course no one gets it but us but it always cracks us up.

[billyskank]

22. Bored in the dorm at university one night

Our friend says, "hey! Let's go knock up the girls on the top floor!"


:wtf:

I think he meant knock on their doors. :crazy:

[Richardo]

23. More's the pity.

:hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

24. When I went and saw a movie about 12 years ago in Austin...

don't even remember anymore what it was.

Two girls in front of me were talking, and one asked, "Is Keanu Reeves in this?" The other said she didn't think so.

Then, the first said, "You know, he totally ruined 'Dracula' for me. He was like, 'Dr. Van Helsing...DUDE."

I have always remembered it, and anytime, Keanu Reeves gets brought up in conversation, I mention it. It usually sends folks into giggle fits.

[idgiehkt]

37. yep.

she's right on the money, there, lol.

[fudge stripe cookays]

25. At an A & W in Calgary about 7 years ago...

reprehensor and I had just gotten back from camping, and I was starved, so we stopped to get me a cheeseburger.

The poor line cook in the back was losing it to keep up, and about every five minutes, someone would yell, "MIKE! MORE FRIES!!"

To this day, when one of us is behind in everything we have to do, or having a bad day, we yell this at each other. :D

[LostinVA]

26. "Man, that was some good shit we just smoked -- where's the pizza?"

[crim son]

29. At a club in Boston:

Man to woman: Wanna dance?
Woman to man: No thanks.
Man to woman: Oh, I get it. You only dance with guys you think are hot. Bitch!
Woman to man: And you asked me to dance because I've got a great personality?

The man slunk away.

[meegbear]

34. BHAW-HAHAHAHA!

That's a good one!

[izzybeans]

30. The day after my son had a "potty training accident":

He's just the right height for a toilet seat to bruise his "special spot".

He pulled his pants down in the middle of family dinner, pointed it at grandma, after she asked if it still hurt and he replied, "Kiss it grandma. Make it feel better."

I spit out hunks of food onto my plate. Poor kid. He had bruises.

But I know now what the kingpin embarrassing story will be when he brings home his first significant other. "...and this is from the guy who once asked his grandma to kiss his peepee and make it all better."

Anyway...you have to get the context in order to find the humor. Poor kid. He had bruises. He now knows to pull his pants up first before putting the toilet seat back down. And daddy knows to make sure he doesn't slam the seat again. Of all the things...that sort of thing can happen very fast.

[bertha katzenengel]

31. My brother-in-law, driving in rush-hour traffic on surface streets with

my sister riding shotgun. Not the most patient driver himself, someone cut off my BIL at an intersection, then floored it through the yellow and my BIL hit the red light. My BIL yelled, "Hurry up! The bank's closed!"

Everyone in my family now quotes that in similar situations in traffic.

Not the absolute funniest, but in our family, where laughter is more important than money, it's fabulous.

[Oeditpus Rex]

32. It was when I got my El Camino

and this guy I worked with, Stewart, and I were swapping the stereo into it from my '66 Chevy. Another guy, Randall, was mostly just watching. Stewart was a joker, and one of his regular bits was to act like he'd fucked up something of yours. Y'know — "Oops."

So I'm under the dash in the El Camino, fitting the receiver, and Stuart's in the garage, cutting the holes in the door panels for the speakers. He comes out, carrying the driver's side panel, and says, "Oops, I cut the wrong end. Oh, well." I look at it and go, "Uh, Stewart... you did." And he's all "What...? Oh, god, I don't believe I did that!"

After a couple minutes of Stewart's apologies, Randall looks at it and goes, "Yeah — but it's a damned fine hole!"

:rofl:

[Ramsey]

33. I'll alert the media

Whenever anybody announces some completely trivial piece of information, you say, "Oh good, I'll alert the media!"

[meegbear]

35. My old roommate and I were on a train heading for a concert ...

there were these women sitting in front of us talking about Europe:

WOMAN 1: "I've been to Sicily, it's beautiful."
WOMAN 2: "Oh, you should goto Athens. It's beautiful."
WOMAN 3: "Oh don't bother. There's not a decent place to get your nails done."

We burst out laughing and they continued their conversation in hushed tones.

[joneschick]

36. as reported

www.overheardinnewyork.com

Girl, wearing men's boxer shorts and sweatshirt, on cell: It was so awkward walking out of his room this morning...because I didn't remember walking in!

--Starbucks, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: just trying to get my morning coffee

[bif]

38. "You've got a lousy attitude about World War Two."

Crazy guy who used to wander around our city, shouting at people.

[bif]

39. while waiting for the film "Amedeus" to start...

Two teens.
Teen #1: I don't even know who this Amedeus guy is.
Teen #2: Isn't he the dude who cut off his ear?