Would you stay with someone you loved if you knew they'd never marry you?

[sbj405]

I suppose this is a question for heterosexuals.

[Nicole]

1. Yes but only because...

I've been married before & will never do it again. So a non-marrying man is a plus in my books. :)

[progmom]

2. I guess it can apply to homosexuals too.

But then it's kind of a different question. :shrug:

[Deja Q]

3. Love doesn't need a $100 license plus $10,000 ceremony. Love needs

two sincere people. No games. Nothing phony. Just two real people who will stay together through thick and thin.

Otherwise it's just lust.

[khashka]

I'm with Hypno on this one.....

Doesn't require hetero or homo or the blessing of the State or church. Just love and commitment . If you can manage that, you are way ahead of the game. Can the person you are with? Fuckin' damn great! Too little love to go round in this world, and one thing I have learned about love is it is almost totally NOT irreducible to strict interpretations.

Are you asking for personal reasons? Try to make sure that you are loved and taken care of. That's first.


(Aside to Hypno: what's so "just" about lust? Any attempt to connect with another person is a great thing.... "even" if it is "just" "sex/lust". I've probably driven the Goddess crazy. But I've never had sex with anyone that I didn't feel deeply connected to. And I'm well into to four figures.)


Khash.

[Deja Q]

23. Clarifications

Lust is the exchange of two fantasies. Which is fine and dandy; we all need outlets and I'm hardly against lust... (though I wish I had made it above the double digits in my lifespan...)

Love is lust with one major difference: There is more than the acquisition of pleasure on one's part for one's self. It means the people involved love and care about each other; and doing something for the other even if it means giving up something that the first person wants.

[khashka]

25. Oh goodness! Are you gonna sleep with me or not?

Maybe I'm just too good for my own good.

Let me say this again: I've never had sex with someone I didn't feel a connection with (and that's been a lotta people!)

Boy, I'm gonna have to take you under my wing and teach you a few thangs. You are equating pleasure with physical pleasure and then assuming it's bad or not meaningful. What is so bad about pleasure of your own body or some else's desire to help you achieve it?

Sure it can sometimes be entirely selfish but I've only seen that once (in all my vast experience). And he was hurting so badly.... I can't fault him for it.

You may have bought into the romatnic fantasy that there is someone else out there who will love you. Truth is, there are probably a lot of them - for a minute, an hour, a lifetime. So don't limit yourself


True story: (Sorry, possible sex thread ) I blew this guy. Totally anonymous. Bad sex, right? But we talked afterward: compared our lives, went window shopping, laughed, talked, went for coffee and spilled our guts to each other. We would never be lovers or suddenly want a life time commitment to each other. So maybe that means I'm a slut, but it was great! Everyone should be so lucky.

I'm not saying you should do the same thang. Do what feels good or natural to you with one caveat: don't hurt anyone.

And what's wrong with exchanging fantasies? They are usually ways in which we express our innermost desires and idealize ourselves and others. That's not a bad start. (OK, here's one of my unacheivable ones - big, hairy Viking. Won't ever happen. I ain't big, I ain't hairy and I ain't a Viking. So if some guy says he'll join in with that fantasy and let me be the person I wish I was... that's love. Even if only for a few minutes.)

Khash.

[sweetheart]

4. Checkin when ya'll die to let uz know if it lasted. n/t

[Nicole]

5. I think you need a new poll

I chose #1 before the edit so it's not a valid vote. I'm not a never married male. :rofl:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. I think I would.......

But it would depend on who I was in love with.....

And how sure I would be of him...

But in my book, love is way more important than marriage ever could be.

:hug:

[Debi]

7. Other - presumes that I'd want to get married

Okay, I'm being difficult. I'm married to someone I love who loves me back so maybe I don't count.

[liontamer]

8. why aren't they marrying you?

If it's cause they just don't love you enough, then that's not good.

[Haole Girl]

9. No

I, personally, need commitment. But, that is just me. As far as marriage goes...I believe in complete freedom-- to marry or not, hetero or not!

[Broken_Hero]

10. yes

marriage to me is meaningless...I don't need a piece of paper to prove that I love someone. The main/only reason why I got married, was because my wife wanted to get married, she had a lot more emphasis on it than I did, and I truly did love her, and would do anything for her...:)

[haf216]

11. Yes, but only if he said that it was a life time comment,

I don't necessarily need a paper to tell me it's forever I need the guy to.

[Sanity Claws]

12. Depends

If I were young and wanted children, I would not stay with a man who I knew would never marry me.
If I were older and had children who were grown or at least in their midteens, I might consider this a desirable situation.

[reyd reid reed]

13. That's making the presumption that I'm looking for marriage

which is something I've never done. In fact, I'd say I've shied away from it. I've been engaged three times...but never walked the aisle.

I don't think that a piece of paper...a legally binding contract...should have anything to do with it, personally. I've felt just as 'married' without it. Commitment is commitment and it's between two people, not two people and a judge.

Plus, I don't think that it makes you work any harder at staying together.

But that's just my opinion, and my opinion plus a buck'll buy you a cup of coffee at 7-11.

Maybe.

[Jamastiene]

14. Yes, to a degree.

I'm not allowed to get married, but if I was, I'd give the person some time before leaving the relationship. Sometimes people do change their minds. However, I would have to cut my losses after a reasonable amount of time. Staying too long can become toxic internally.

[enigmatic]

15. If I loved them, of course

I can't think of a reason I wouldn't..

[Callalily]

16. As long as both people

are committed to the relationship, no marriage doesn't matter. But remember all the legalities, now that's where it will matter. It will matter in the courts, at the hospital, and lord knows where else when one partner is not able or capable to make a decision.

[SOteric]

17. Erm yeah. I think I'd prefer it.

[kwassa]

18. Marriage is a public statement of commitment

That is the intent.

If you are not willing to go that far .... then you don't have the commitment, IMHO.

Saying that you will never marry is an absolutist position, and in a way, says that the commitment is limited.

[Fox Mulder]

19. Yeah, I would.

This coming from a single, 24-year-old male who has never been married.

[GOPisEvil]

20. Depends on their reasoning.

If they are philosophically opposed to traditional marriages for whatever reason, but they wish to have a stable, monogamous relationship, that's one thing, and I could accept that. If, on the other hand, it's to limit entanglements should the relationship lose some of its luster, then I'd have issues with that.

[dropkickpa]

21. I said yes, never married female

I am so NOT the typical girl. I NEVER imagined myself getting married, the white dress, yadda yadda yadda. Lately, I have thought that, should I ever decide I would be willing to get married, it would be a civil ceremony and it would be a huge costume party on Halloween ( I LOVE ahving a kid so I have an excuse to dress up again), with me and the spouse dressed as zombies. Why zombies? Because, it would be an acknowlegement of the zillion of times I've said "I'll get married when I'm dead and rotting" :evilgrin:

Ideally, I'd wanna be the real-life version of Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins or Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn.

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. I said yes, married female

Although I really should have answered, "It depends."

[Skittles]

24. I'd stay with them for that reason alone

why do people want to be married? i don't get it

[koneko]

26. I'm not racing to get to the altar

and am satisfied as a single woman, but I would want to affirm the vows. Not for the big pouffy dress, by any means, but it is important to me. I'd be perfectly happy to elope, but I need it on paper.

But it's not just for me, it's also for my mom. She is devoutly catholic, and she raised me on her own after my dad passed away way at a very young age. She gave up so much to give me so many advantages despite being on her own. It would break her heart if I were to 'live in sin' - even though I have more liberal ideas about that and am agnostic, I respect her too much to cause her pain after all of the sacrifices she's made for me.