My 10 year old daughter watched porn

[prozacnation]

Long story short.. Went to a friend's house for a pampering party (pedicures, etc). Anyway, my daughter was invited upstairs by her friend and minutes later walks downstairs with a horrified look on her face. When I ask her what's wrong, she told me that the kids were watching something they shouldn't be. Turns out it was porn on the computer. She told me she saw a woman taking her shirt off and then a different woman licking a man's penis. :wtf: Don't ask how it got on the computer in front of the kids because I don't know. Most of the kids were little, like 5 to 8.

My daughter and I have had the "sex" talk, but not the oral sex and porn talk. Is there ever a good time for that one? She said, "Mommy that wasn't sex, that was disgusting". The poor thing said the image of the woman licking the man was stuck in her brain. I took her to a movie to try to get her mind off of it.

I told her I was proud of her for coming to me and telling me what was going on. She didn't know what she was watching but she knew it felt wrong. I still don't know if I said the right things or if I should bring it up again. I'm as confused as she is, any opinions or thoughts?

[Wcross]

1. Opinions only here.

I would talk to the homeowner and inform them of whats going on in their home. It is beyond comprehension as to why someone would not take precautions to prevent children from seeing stuff like that. I would also not allow her to go to that home again unless you can be sure it wouldn't happen again.
I would not bring it up with your daughter again. She knew it was wrong and she came and told you. To dwell on it may confuse her. You should be proud of her and you should be complimented on your parenting. GOOD JOB prozacnation!

[MissMillie]

20. I'm wondering why 5-8 year olds are on a computer w/ internet connection

where adults are not supervising it? Shouldn't that computer be out in a common area where there is some supervision?

[Midlodemocrat]

52. At the very least, it should have a filter on it.

One of my friends had her pic on the internet as a breast cancer survivor and her daughter wanted to show MY daughter the pic. Thank God we had the safe search on because the word 'breast' on the internet conjurs up things that even I don't want to see.

Google's safesearch is good for filtering adult content also.

[Shakespeare]

2. Did you say anything to the host?

Or otherwise try to put a stop to what was going on upstairs??

[prozacnation]

4. Most definitely!

I said, "do you know the kids are upstairs watching porn?" She was extremely embarrassed and ran upstairs and turned the computer off. She had no idea how it got there and mentioned she would be talking with her spouse. I really didn't want to make her feel worse then she already did.

[noonwitch]

3. I would want to know more about the parents in that house

That's either very irresponsible parenting, leaving porn on a computer in a room where there are kids present, but it leads one to wonder what else is going on there. Don't ever let your daughter go there without you being present, and don't let her go into a room unsupervised until you find out more about this family.

There could be a reasonable explaination for the porn (teenaged boy in the home comes to mind), but until you clear it up you have to keep your kid safe.

[jadedconformist]

5. deleted

Deleted. Posted in wrong area

[prozacnation]

6. No teenage boys, just little kids and a husband

The husband was in the garage hanging out with some friends. So I'm thinking he went on a site earlier that left pop-ups or a virus. Either that or the kids just got lucky typing in random sites.

[qnr]

11. Perhaps - However, It is surprising what will sometimes lead you to

a porn site. I've done searches for cities and clicked on innocuous links that brought sites up. I've followed links to humorous videos where the hosting site had all sorts of porn.

[acmavm]

23. No kidding. I was signed up with an employment service

that had Celebrity as being the first part of their company name.

Type in celebrity.com and see what you get.

[malmapus]

26. That's my train of thought too

Just my .02

Trying to keep an open mind in regards to that other couple, but any kind of typo when you're doing a search these days can take you to a p0rN site. Maybe it was an innocent mistake, but I do question them leaving children in front of a computer unsupervised.

[LynneSin]

42. ZDNet use to have a download site called Hot Files

it was similiar to the type of stuff you'd find at http://www.download.com.

I had a customer at a job from years ago that asked about finding a chess game he could download for his son. He wasn't the biggest expert in computers and I told him I'd show him the site and how to search for stuff.

By mistake I mispelled hotfiles.com to a 1-letter difference that took me to a porn site.

It's very common that some of these porn sites will buy up website addresses that are like 1 letter off from popular sites, or like in the case of whitehouse.gov - whitehouse.com is a porn site.

I have no problem with pornography but I do have a problem with website that use this kind of deceivery in order to get people to their website. There was talk about requiring all pornographic sites to have a .xxx for their extension instead of .com/.org and sometimes I think that's not a bad idea (but why I think it's bad is because who defines what is porn? )

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

55. I'm inclined to agree with you. It's very odd what some searches bring up

[grace0418]

67. A lot of porn sites purposely buy slightly mispelled versions of common

domain names so that when you make a spelling mistake or you type in ".com" instead of ".net" you get something VERY different than what you intended to see.

That happened to me at work once. I was researching something for a product I was designing and suddenly got a *VERY* non-work-safe site. It had a million pop-ups, too, of course.

[jadedconformist]

7. Deleted

Deleted

[LeftyMom]

8. I worry about what's going on in that home

It's not that unusual for kids to stumble upon porn, but for them to keep watching it seems strange. Usually kids that age find sex gross.

I don't know if it's enough to make a sex abuse report over or anything, but I'd not let my child out of my sight with any member of that family again.

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. Now there's the reason why the computer's kept out in family

areas at my house.

Man prozac, I'm sorry your daughter had to see that. I wouldn't let her out of my sight at that house anymore...unless the computer is gone. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

10. Here's my 2 cents on the subject:

Taking a child to a movie "to get her mind off it" doesn't usually work, after something traumatic, as well as facing a problem straight-on. It sounds like you did a good job talking with her..and letting her know you are available if she needs to talk to you further.

It goes without saying, I think, that the host needs to be watched very carefully, and your daughter should not be allowed to go to that home unsupervised (meaning, I would not take my eyes off of her, for a moment, in that home). Maybe I've just watched and read John Walsh (from America's Most Wanted) too much, but pornography on home computers--where children can access it--often indicates pedophilia...something to keep in mind.

What a difficult situation...I don't envy you. Hang in there! :hug:

[prozacnation]

16. Thanks

I appreciate the good thoughts and warnings.

[Haole Girl]

38. You're welcome

:hug:

[mongo]

24. BS

but pornography on home computers--where children can access it--often indicates pedophilia...something to keep in mind.

More than half of Americans occasionally view porn on the internet. There was probably only one computer in the house.

Yeah, the husband should have cleaned up after himself. But I think you have been watching too much John Walsh.

[prozacnation]

30. Don't get me wrong

I'm not coming out for or against porn. Adults are free to watch what they want or do what they want (as long as they are all consenting).

I'm sure my own husband has visited many sites on his laptop. It doesn't make him a child perv unless he's watching little girls or boys, which he isn't. However, it is his private laptop and it isn't one that our children use. It is also password protected. He uses it for work, etc.

My point is I don't care if her husband was getting off in private. That is his business. I only care about my daughter and her exposure.

[Haole Girl]

39. My point, exactly! n/t

[mongo]

45. And I agree that your daughter should not have been exposed to that

But someone using the possibly one computer in the house to view porn isn't an indication of pedophilia.

It's an indication of carelessness. That's all I'm saying.

Of course, we don't really know if it was something that had been downloaded and saved to the machine, or if the kids stumbled upon this on an unprotected internet connection.

At any rate, the parents in that household were not doing their job. But the post I resonded to and a few others that have hinted at pedophilia over this incident are more likely than not over-reacting.

[alcibiades_mystery]

35. The fact that John Walsh is a very sick man

is another question altogether...

[Haole Girl]

37. Why do you say that?

:shrug:

[alcibiades_mystery]

53. Uh, because he's a fucking nutcase anti-crime weirdo?

Made insane by the brutal murder of his son, to be sure, but a bit over-the-fuycking top crazy? I dunno.

[Midlodemocrat]

54. Wow. I don't agree with that at all. America's Most Wanted has

done some wonderful things in bringing pedophiles to justice and reuniting children with their families.

If he's a little OTT, so be it. The good far outweighs the bad.

[Haole Girl]

57. Agreed. n/t

[alcibiades_mystery]

63. Hey, some insane people build nice cabinets, or contribute to game theory

Doesn't make 'em any less crazy. That man needs serious psychiatric attention.

[datasuspect]

70. a very SHORT sick man

i saw him filming a segment under the michigan avenue bridge by the tribune tower in chicago once. he's like 4 feet tall.

[Crazy Dave]

12. There's some pretty brutal stuff out there too

Gang rape videos, kid porn and the like. Could have been much worse and thank goodness it wasn't.

[prozacnation]

15. I miss the days of Playboy magazines hiding in the closet..

Not really, but at least I could have explained that one a little easier. I'm sure Mr. X enjoys the articles. wink wink That's what my Mom always told me. It's true, right?

[Crazy Dave]

18. Playboy back then (70's) must seem pretty mild...

...compared to what's out there today. Leno one time made a joke about how some place was going to quit providing or carrying copies of Playboy written for blind people in Braille. I don't know if it was a true story or not but he said something like, "Oh that's just great." "You want to take something away from the people who actually do read the articles."
:rofl:

[FedUpWithIt All]

13. When my daughter was 9...

she began asking me some age inappropriate questions. I was sick, scared and terrified. Prior to this she had been acting out angrily for a few days. My daughter eventually confided to me that a classmate had been describing things she has seen a young teen cousin doing with a boyfriend.

My daughter was deeply torn. She was both fascinated and repulsed. She said she could not get it out of her mind. I explained to her that there was nothing at all wrong with her or her feelings. I was afraid to have her form negative ideas about sex (i did not want to give the impression that the things she had heard about were abnormal or wrong behaviors withing the context of an adult relationship) but at the same time i welcomed her natural repulsion. Walking a fine line i explained that there is a reason sex is an "adult" thing. I explained how children grow up and learn things gradually so that they can form an independent and healthy understanding. I explained that the reason she was having troubles is that by hearing what she had, before she was ready, steps had been skipped.

My heart goes out to you...this is a terrible thing to go through. You want to protect them and create an atmosphere that encourages healthy sexuality. When the process is disrupted for some reason you also have to process your own feelings while trying to offer comfort, all without a road map. Not fun.

My daughter continued coming to me to talk for a few weeks. Eventually, it drifted off. Now, when she asks to talk it is more about things she is trying to understand that are right on cue. ;)

Good luck to you and your daughter.

[prozacnation]

14. Thank you

I am struggling with the exact same things you wrote. I don't want her to have negative thoughts about sex because of this incident. On the other hand I don't want her getting ahead of her natural development. Oral sex and porn are not appropriate things for a 10 year old to have to think about.

I'm still thankful that she came to me and told me what was going on. I just hope if she is confused or uncomfortable that she will continue to ask questions, etc. Not that I'll have the answers, but at least I can try.

Interestingly enough one of the other Moms who was there has totally blown it off. She told her daughter that it was disgusting, and illegal for children to be watching. Also, that my daughter was right to come and tell me. She left it at that. This is a close friend of mine. I guess I just expected more from her. Am I being dramatic or is she not reacting enough? I would think just letting something like this go without saying more is wrong. I don't know. Did I miss the parenting hand book?

BTW I'm glad that your daughter is doing well. Thanks for the kind words.

[FedUpWithIt All]

22. You are most welcome...

:hug:

I agree with the post down below about answering questions matter of fact when they come up. It sounds like you handled things beautifully. It is not easy.

I agree with you that a reprimand with no discussion may make things a bit more confusing, particularly the disgusting comment. Hopefully your friend and her child had a more involved discussion privately.

I had gotten an incredible book from the library when my oldest daughter was around 10. It was done in a cartoon format yet it touched on some very important issues that modern kids are often exposed too, in a very simple and easily digestible manner. I cannot remember the name just now but i think i might go get it for my 10 year old. When i do i will PM you with the title if your interested.

[mongo]

27. The less said the better

I think your friend has a better handle of the situation. If you make a big deal out of it, and she sees that you are upset by it, it only will create a negative attitude about sex in general.

Explaining that it was adult things, and not for kids is appropriate. But to keep bringing it up, and for your daughter to see you so upset about it, will only send the message that sex is dirty and bad.

[alittlelark]

73. I think her friend doesn't want to deal w/ the situation.

Prozacnation has a daughter who was exposed to explicit pornography. Her daughter is insightful and questioning.... I know - she is also my niece.

HER FRIENDS daughter was NOT the one that came to talk about the incident. HER FRIENDS daughter is most likely accepting of having her questions 'brushed off'.

Prozacnations daughter has a mother that will discuss issues with her.


'The less said the better' may work with a 4-6 year old, but a 10 year old.........?????

Healthy families can discuss these issues and will not balk when confronted with uncomfortable situations.




PS - From a $$$ standpoint I see your point. You make a living from Online Porn. From a parents' standpoint... another issue altogether.

[mongo]

82. First I don't make a living from online porn

My wife and I own and operate a brick and mortar Lingerie and Erotic Boutique.

Exactly how much is there to say about it, except that it is for adults?

Do you really need to go into in depth discussions on oral sex? Are you going to say it's disgusting and no one should do it? Do you say that it is for adults? Do you tell your daughter to only go down on a guy if he will do it to you? How much information do you really need to give a 10yo?

Do you have to give the it's OK when you're older and in love, love, love? Doesn't she know that already?

Saying that sex is an adult activity, and that some adults like to watch films of other adults having sex, but that it's not for kids is enough. Once you start putting too much emotion and value judgements on different acts, etc., you are only transfering your inhibitions and hangups about sex onto the next generation.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

56. Jesus, so she's trying to scare the kid into submission?

I always thought that was as bad, if not worse, than physical beating.

The whole idea of ingraing in kids the concept of 'it's illegal' or 'it's against the rules' is such BS. I'd say 70% of rules and laws are crap. We need to teach more civil disobedience.

[tigereye]

17. they need the smut blocker, or what have you

and maybe a more supervision of the computer.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

77. Our family computer is in the living room.

Solves quite a lot of problems.

[tigereye]

78. my husband put all the requisite blocks on ours since our kid

now loves all the sports sites....

our computers are all downstairs in the main area.

[warrens]

19. My daughter asked me at about 9

I just told her the truth, she said "ewwwww," then went back to being 9. They might as well have the data; just don't interpret or comment. If they know it's accurate, they'll deal with it in their own time. YMMV.

[MissMillie]

21. I wouldn't bring it up again, unless she does

and if she does, maybe the best you can do is to say that when it comes to sex different people like different things, and that she has a long time before she needs to think about what it is she might like--no rush at all!

[hunter]

25. Your daughter will make as big a deal out of it as you do.

But :wtf: are a bunch of little kids doing hanging out unsupervised in front of a computer, especially one with an internet connection or porn on it? That's the first question.

I like to think my own kids at age ten would have said "That's Gross!" and left to tell me about, but I don't think they would have been terribly upset.

Violence upsets me a whole lot more, which is why my kids don't watch television unsupervised. My creepiest experiences with sex (and there were some really, really creepy ones...) are pretty tame compared to my worst experiences with violence.

What's wrong with us? Nipples are blurred out on television, but guns are okay??? That's perverted.

[mongo]

28. Well said

[prozacnation]

31. Good point

I tried to make our conversation very casual. I told her I wasn't upset with her just proud of her for telling me. She asked the questions and I answered as honestly as I could. She told me she couldn't get the image out of her mind, I didn't bring it up. I want her to have a happy and healthy sex like when she is an adult.

I agree with you 100% about violence.

Don't ask me what the hell the kids were doing unsupervised at the computer, I just got there when it happened. This was only my second time at her house. Next time I'll be more careful.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

58. Um, on your think about 10 year olds saying 'Gross' I gues you don't have

boys? :P
I agree about the violence thing though. You know, I don't even have a problem with the violence on TV, it's the lack of explanation to people that violence is a bad thing.

But, while I'm against violence, I think it's a good outlet, cuz it's much better to watch violence than to go beat the shit outta your neighbor. We just have to talk to people about reality and fiction.

[IsIt1984Yet]

29. Mongo's dead-on. It's sex.

Not a brutal rape or graphic violence.

Granted, it's p0rn... and more graphic than the kid's seen... but it's NOT that huge of a deal. It's not indicative of a pedophile or any kind of sick perversion. It's SEX, for cripes sake.

Yes, a 10 year-old thinks it's "gross" and is "traumatized" by this... but I agree with everything you just said. EVERYTHING.

Stop making such a huge deal about it.

[alcibiades_mystery]

32. Did anyone here get past age ten without seeing porn?

I saw my first porn at age 7, when three of us boys playing in some woods behind an apartment complex found a whole stack of magazines. I'll tell ya, I remember soime of those magazine images very well to this day. Saw other porn after that before I was ten, including a friend's father's penthouses that he kept in his room. I never considered this a huge deal, nor particularly abnormal. Almost all the boys I knew had seen porn by the time we were in fifth grade, and I'm guessing the girls, too. This is probably one of the dirty open secrets of American (modern?) childhood. Everyone sees porn, and it's not that big of a deal.

Now, that doesn't mean that I'd encourage it, and if I saw my daughter looking at porn I would be p-i-s-s-e-d. But I don't doubt that she'll get her hands on some of this stuff some way, and I'm guessing it's not the end of the world.

[MissMillie]

34. yes

some of us have.

[alcibiades_mystery]

36. Congratulations...I'm guessing you're in the minority

Do you think it is some honor to have?

[MissMillie]

44. honor or no honor

it is possible that some people never saw porn before the age of 10

[alcibiades_mystery]

51. I'll concede that SOME people didn't see porn before age 10

If you'll concede that it is not particularly unusual to have seen porn by that age.

[MissMillie]

71. not unusual at all

which is very unfortunate

[alcibiades_mystery]

74. I'd go with "minorly irritating" over "very unfortunate"

I don't think it's that big of a deal.

[MissMillie]

75. that kids are seeing naked bodies is mildly irritating

that kids are learning that nakedness can be exploited for profit is very unfortunate.

[alcibiades_mystery]

76. Perhaps

Then again, everything is exploited for profit, not least being the very health of our children themselves. Just check the Type 2 and juvenile diabetes statistics over the last 25 years. Perhaps McDonald's and Cap'n Crunch is the real obscenity we should be worried about, rather than carrying on like moralistic nannies (or ninnies), still shocked and scandalized by the rather pedestrian notions that 1) sex is a business, like everything else in a capitalist social formation (GASP!) and 2) kids aren't pure ideals of innocence, in our society or any other.

My 2 cents. Like I said in my first post, I do understand the concerns, and it's all well and good to intellectualize it (as I'm very annoyingly doing), but it's another matter altogether when it's your daughter blech-ing at the blowjob pics. As I said, I would be majorly fucking pissed if it was my little girl. Luckily, she's only 5 months old, so I have a little time before I start worrying, but I don't want to give the impression that I would be unaffected. Still, when I seriously reflect on that anger, I understand that it is primarily a programmed response based on a rather flimsy ideology of childhood.

[mongo]

83. Much nicer answer than I could have given....

LOL!

[Book Lover]

40. Yes, at least me.

So? No badge of honor - I was just raised very, very Catholic. Italian in Irish Catholic Queens in the 70's kind of Catholic. It does happen, a_m.

[alcibiades_mystery]

49. Italian? Check? Irish? Check. Queens? Check

Catholic? Ehhhh, a bit. So, me too. Italian, Irish, Queens, Catholic. But I was in the late-1970's early 1980's.

:shrug:

[_testify_]

81. Me three - Italian - Irish -Queens -Catholic

Late 70s - mid 80s

Got my first Playboy magazine when I was 11, but it wasnt the first porn I'd seen, just the first I'd owned. I can't even tell you when the first time I was exposed to pornography. It was earlier than that.

[hunter]

47. When I was in fifth grade, one of my classmates brought porn to school.

It was a shoebox full of negatives and prints. If I remember right he was selling the prints for a quarter, and the negatives for a nickel. I wasn't really interested, but all the cool guys were buying them so I bought a small print of a woman standing naked beneath an oak tree with one foot resting high on a rock, and two strips of negatives that were a little more explicit.

I didn't think anything much more about it, so I wasn't hiding it, and my mom found them in my school stuff a few days later.

What I didn't know at the time was that my mom recognized the woman in the picture, and it pretty much confirmed to her that, yes, the kid's dad and the woman in the picture were having an affair. She's the one who called the kid's dad up and told him what had happened to his pictures. That was something I knew I'd better not ever tell anyone at school.

[Midlodemocrat]

50. Yes.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

59. Can't say I did.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

60. Is there a group of people like the Gideons who leave porn in the woods?

My first exposure to porn was a Playboy found in the woods behind a friend's house. And I know countless others who have gotten their first taste of porn from an old mag left out in the forest.

Maybe that's what the Masons are really up to -- leaving porn in groves of trees to springboard our nation's young men into puberty!

[IronLionZion]

61. yes

not everyone had porn lying around the house or that much unsupervised access to TV and magazines. The internet has made it a lot more accessible. I'd say I was a teen, maybe 14 when I saw a magazine in a gas station. And I was probably 15 or 16 when I saw a video that a friend had.

[alcibiades_mystery]

62. Huh?

You're noit suggesting, of course, that my parents left porn around the house or that I was unsupervised as a child, right?

[IronLionZion]

64. WTF?

No, I didn't mention you at all.

[FedUpWithIt All]

33. In light of some of the comments...

i would just like to say, sex itself is not always the issue. The issue is sometimes simply that a child was exposed to something they were not comfortable with. Nobody likes being in this position, adult or child.

Two children raised in the same home (open or narrow minded) might handle the same type event completely different. It is about the individual. More than seeing this as an issue about a child dealing with sexual exposure, i see it as helping a child cope, in a way best for them, specifically.

There are no hard and fast rules for parenting. Parents do the best they can based on the individual characteristics needs of their children.

[Fleshdancer]

41. The lesson I'm taking away from this....

First, I'm a strong believer in keeping the computer that my child access in the family room with me in the room when she's on it. I need to put some sort of nanny software on it though. The only reason why I haven't yet is because I'm the one who types in the URL's for her but I shouldn't rely on that being the case for much longer.

One thing I never thought of before reading this thread is that when Abby has a party, the computers will be turned off. It's easy (for now) to keep tabs on my kid but I don't know the computer search capabilities of other kids and, quite frankly, I would be mortified if this happened on my watch.

[Lars39]

65. The mouse and keyboard can be put elsewhere, too.

:)

[hunter]

80. Some kids are quite adept at getting around nanny software.

Teenagers are the worst. They know how to mess with Windows, and if they can't get what they want they will break it trying. It's happened a couple of times to the Windows machines in my own house. Now the rule is that if my kid's friends break it, I won't fix it until I'm good and ready. My kids have been inconvenienced often enough that they usually won't let their friends touch their computers. So far the Linux machines have been safe. It's sorta funny seeing some kids reaction to these:

:wtf:

Yes, my teenagers have their own computers. They really do need them for school. And yes, there have been times where I've taken away their computers. But I have to think when they are off at college I don't want them plunging in as utterly naive freshmen at the overflowing smorgasbord of stolen music and porn. This is my opportunity to instill in them some sort of self-discipline before they leave the house.

Wireless has added a another dimension to teenage mischief. Some parents who believe they've disconnected their kid's computer from the internet don't know their kid is still connecting just fine through a neighbor's wireless system.

[Fleshdancer]

84. True, but I'm more concerned about the younger kids

I'm thinking more about the 5-10 age group like the kids at the party described in the OP. With my future teenager, my tactic will be talking her to death about sexuality and hope she makes the decisions that are right for her. Overall though, I think teenagers are probably better equipped to handle unexpected view of pornography than small children are.

[Iris]

43. pampering parties today, porn. . .. today!

5 years old at a pampering party. even THAT'S too much for me even without the porn.

[Missy Vixen]

46. I think you did the right thing

Disclosure: We don't have kids. We've been approached by our friends' kids, who invariably want to talk about things they don't feel comfortable talking to their own parents about. We listen and (very gently,) steer them back to Mom and Dad.

>I'm as confused as she is, any opinions or thoughts?<

Our friends' pre-teen daughter approached us after her teenage brother insisted on showing her Mom and Dad's p*rn stash. She'd seen pictures of men and women "putting their mouths on other people's private parts", then asked me point blank if my husband and I did that with each other.

I explained to her that I couldn't answer her question because that part of DH and I's life together was nobody's business but he and I's. I said that when she was older and fell in love, she would want to express that love to the other person, and that she would want that part of her life kept private, too. I also encouraged her to think about talking to her parents about what she'd seen.

Her brother and I then had a "come to Jesus" discussion that I'm sure he remembers to this day.

Your daughter talked to you instead of going to someone else. She trusts you. You're doing a great job, Mom. :hug:

Julie

[Rabrrrrrr]

48. I think you said the right things - and I think you shouldn't say any more

unless she brings it up. You dealt with the issues as they appeared, you affirmed her feelings, you gave her some attention and helped her to understand it's part of life.

Now, I suggest you not bring it up again - if it isn't bothering her, it will go away. If it is bothering her, she will bring it up again. Sure, there's a small chance it will bother her and she won't bring it up, but since you dealt with it so well the first time, and didn't freak out, I'm sure she realizes that she is safe to talk to you about such things.

But if you bring it up again, that might start freaking her out, and she will make a big deal out of it because you're making a big deal out of it. She'll follow your lead.

nicely done!!

[Mutley]

66. I saw a Playboy when I was five, and a full-out porn movie when

I was ten. I got over it, and I think I have a very healthy attitude toward sex as an adult. She'll probably be fine.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

68. I wouldn't bring it up again unless she asks...

but at the same time she needs to know that she can always talk with you about it.

It might be helpful if you watched nature shows that include animals' courtship/mating rituals. This would help her to understand that foreplay (in different variations) occurs in all species, which might make it seem less disgusting. I'd say that it's not too young for her to learn this, since it won't be long before she understands that foreplay can be pleasant, and that it can be difficult to stop.

It would also be good for her to know that people can catch STDs by engaging in oral sex; and that makes it even more important to be extra picky about one's partner.

Congrats on having such a great daughter! It reflects what a great parent you are! :yourock:

[Jamastiene]

69. I'm no parent, but I'd just explain to her

that some people do that and she doesn't have to worry about it. I wouldn't let her go to that person's house again unless they installed some kind of net nanny type program that kept the porn away from her. No one who doesn't want to see porn should be subjected to it.

[hyphenate]

72. I think that she definitely

is too young to have experienced that. Was the computer the property of a child in the house, or was it the parents? If it's the former, I would alert the parents of what was on the hard drive. If it's the parents, I would make a point of telling them you don't appreciate access to adult materials in a place where young children can get at it.

As far as your daughter is concerned, I think the main point to relay to her is that what she saw was adult in nature, and it would be difficult to explain to her why adults engage in such behavior. I don't think she needs to be completely turned off by it, but this is one of those circumstances where she might completely forget about it eventually and not be bothered when she becomes an adult! Sex, in and of itself, is already hard to explain in civilized tones, so the added on activity makes it even more complicated.

You obviously can't not say something, so perhaps just telling her she's a little too young to fully understand it? I don't know how effective that would be, but perhaps it will give her some peace of mind until some point further down the line, when it will make some more sense to her.

[JVS]

79. Maybe you can use this as a lesson about not going off with the...

other kids to check out the "cool forbidden stuff"