"I don't want to hurt you..."

[VelmaD]

So, somebody explain to me why it is people only ever say that right before they do something that really hurts you.

No one ever says it before they do something nice for you...like tell you they love you...or buy you ice cream. :)

Do they think it makes whatever they're about to do to you ok? That it exonerates them for causing you pain?

And if they really don't want to hurt you...then why don't they just NOT do whatever it is they're about to do?

People are fucked up.

[ZombieNixon]

1. I have no answer,

but the next time I buy someone I like ice cream, I will preface it with "I don't want to hurt you." :D

[VelmaD]

5. Heeeeeeeeee

That should really fuck with their head. *snort*

[ZombieNixon]

25. I know exactly where I'm going to do it, too.

Ghiradelli's by the Chicago Water Tower. :7

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. Having heard it myself before, I think the rest of that thought is,

"I don't want to hurt you, but I'm going to anyway and warning you now." :( I'm so sorry, Velma. :hug: It hurts like hell. :pals:

[VelmaD]

4. Oh, I'm ok today...

just went through it recently. I've been seeing someone for the last couple of months and he got a job offer in Florida. He's moving at the beginning of October. We're having lots of conversations that seem to include "I don't want to hurt you...". :shrug: I'll survive. It just seemed so very odd to me.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. You won't get disagreement from me

[VelmaD]

6. hey you

Long time no see. :hi:

[buddhamama]

7. i think people say it

because there are moments in our life when, in our own best interest, we must make painful decisions.

the person saying it probably doesn't want to hurt you, but is only doing what they think is right for them.

i am not suggesting hearing it will make You feel better, i won't it doesn't. i am sorry. :hug:

[VelmaD]

8. I suppose I'm just grumpy...

because I know it doesn't make the person hearing it feel better. And I was wondering if people say it just to make themselves feel better. I dunno.

Painful decisions suck.

[buddhamama]

9. i think it does make the person saying it feel better

somehow, although I am totally sure why. If they care at all about you, hurting You hurts them as well.
and maybe by saying it, they're letting you know this hurts me too.

[VelmaD]

10. I suppose I'm looking for a way...

to convince myself not to explode the next time I hear it. I need some perspective.

[Wetzelbill]

11. "I don't want to make you happy or anything"

then they actually do something that makes you happy.

It would be nice. :)

And yes, people are fucked up.

[VelmaD]

12. Now that's what I want to hear

*snort*

[martymar64]

13. I don't want to compliment you, but . . .

You make great brownies.

[VelmaD]

14. awwwwwww...thanks

You're too sweet. :)

[calico1]

15. I know how you feel...

That goes right along with "Its not you, its me." Yeah, that made me feel better. :-(

[VelmaD]

17. I've always wanted to be mean enough to say...

"It isn't me...it's you." *snort* Unfortunately I'm too nice. *pout*

[Aristus]

16. I can understand why people say it;

It's a two-way attempt to prove the speaker is not a jerk. If he says it, he's hoping you won't think he's heartless for doing what he is just about to tell you he's gonna do. Plus, he's hoping to convince himself of the same.

I mean, if he just launches into "I don't love you and I'm leaving you" with no preamble, well, that's a pretty cold-hearted thing to do.

[VelmaD]

19. So do you think it works...

I'm pretty sure from the recieving end that it doesn't work. DO you think it works for the person saying it?

And maybe I'm just weird. I'd rather they just go ahead and say whatever it is. When they preface it with "I don't want to hurt you"...all I can think is "they why are you, you fuckin' jerk?" But that could just be me. :)

[Aristus]

21. No, it doesn't work.

But it doesn't stop people from trying.

I mean, for example, the odds of winning a lottery are worse than the odds of being attacked by a shark in the middle of the Sahara, but look how many people still buy tickets every week. Human nature.

[VelmaD]

22. That reminds me...

I saw THE most fucked up thing on tv a couple of weeks ago. This idiot jumped out of a helicopter wearing a parachute. He jumped out over shark-infested water THAT HAD BEEN CHUMMED and had to land in a little bitty ol' shark cage.

He almost didn't make it...and frankly it was hard not to root for someone that stupid to end up as shark bait. But he somehow managed to land in the cage...though how he managed it without getting seriously concussed is still beyond me.

It was surreal.

[AlCzervik]

18. like "It's not personal or anything" yeah, it's always personal

[VelmaD]

20. The more I think about it...

and the more people bring up these things people say...the more I realize how truly fucked up some of the conventions of human interaction are.

[Liberal Veteran]

23. It's just a disclaimer which means...

....What I am about to say (or do) may hurt your feelings, but that is not the purpose of my saying it.

At the very least it shows that person is aware of your feelings.

[VelmaD]

24. I suppose I had just...

never really interpretted it that way. :shrug: Thanks for the alternate perspective.

[crim son]

26. I think it makes THEM feel better about what they are going to do.

Like, "I really don't want to hurt you because that's going to make me look bad but here goes anyway..."

[texas1928]

27. DARTH!!!!!!!!

(heavy breathing)

[VelmaD]

28. hey darlin'

Long time no heavy breathing. :)

[Radical Activist]

29. "I don't want to feel guilty about this later."

That's what it means. Its a self serving comment.

[Zomby Woof]

30. Another favorite...

"To be perfectly honest with you..."

So does that mean you are normally NOT honest with me, and when you are, sometimes it's an IMPERFECT honesty - which is a form of dishonesty, right? :silly:

:hi:

[buddhamama]

31. *snort*

good one

[reyd reid reed]

32. I've thought the same thing recently.

You hear that phrase and you just want to cover your ears and go, 'la la la la la la la'.

*sigh*

Anyone need a razor? Clippers, maybe?

[Haole Girl]

33. Or, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but..."

I usually stop them and say, "I won't, if you don't say what you're about to say."