Is it wrong to hope someone is unhappy so they come back?

[HEyHEY]

In about ten days my Girlfriend will move off to four years of University. She's taking nursing, but she's taking a special program available only at that university geared toward rural nursing. (She wants to do nursing in Africa and stuff.)
The city she has to go to is about a ten hour drive away and is a real shithole. I know she'll be miserable there. So, now I'm kinda hoping she's miserable enough to come and do her program here after a semester or so :) .
I would never want her to not get the degree. But with the degree she already has, she could do the program in Vancouver in less time, but it wouldn't be a program focused on rural nursing.
Naturally I haven't told her any of this. With all the stress of leaving and starting school the last thing she needs is a guilt trip from me.
So, all I can do is support her, tell her how much I'll miss her and secretly hope the university goes on strike.
sigh...
Is that wrong?

[dolo amber]

1. I hope people are unhappy all the time...

and for far less romantic reasons than that. ;)

[GirlinContempt]

2. Yeah, sort of.

But it's good you aren't saying anything about it.

[HEyHEY]

5. Well, I hope she's happy too... but at the same time.....

I hope she's miserable!

[GirlinContempt]

6. I getcha

but I dunno, maybe it's not *wrong*, just selfish. However, not saying anything about it is good.

[HEyHEY]

7. Meh, fuck it... I'm due to indulge in a little selfishness.

[GirlinContempt]

8. Go ahead.

You know I'm not tryin' to come down hard on ya doll, but, you did ask. And you did know the deal before you got involved. Be selfish, just don't let it affect anything else. :)

[HEyHEY]

10. Well, I'm not going to say anything to her

As I said, that would be prickish. But in my mind, evil, selfish things shall occur. :)

[GirlinContempt]

15. Yeah, these things happen.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. It's not wrong per se to feel that way...

If you act on the feeling is when it gets wrong.

Wanting to support her shows how awesome you really are.

[miss_american_pie]

4. Feelings are never wrong

Actions can be. :hug:

[MissMillie]

9. I think it's sweet that you'll miss her

and even sweeter that you're supportive of her decision to go.

If things are meant to be,.... yada yada.

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. It's a fine line to walk.

When you love somebody, you want them to be happy. Period.

Of course, speaking for myself, I'd want the object of my affection to be happy WITH ME. But that's not always possible.

Don't hope she's unhappy. Just hope that she realizes she'd be MORE happy with you. ;)

[HEyHEY]

12. Well, that's not gonna happen!

It's me, for christ's sake!

Well, the upside is that I suckered her in to falling for me much harder than she thought she would. So, at least there's that on my side.

[arwalden]

13. Damn!

That sucks!

[u4ic]

14. Calgary shithole or Edmonton shithole?

;-)

I think it's best to be upfront about the way you feel. You can let her know how much you care without the guilt trip.

But - if she wants to work in Africa, she'll be farther away after University, too. Have you thought of how you'd deal with that? (or will you just plead with the cbc to become their African correspondent?)

[HEyHEY]

16. That was already the plan

I wanted to go there anyway...woulda worked out nicely.

[emmajane67]

17. I totally hear you on this one.

My boyfriend starts post-grad school in another city in a few weeks. He's on holiday abroad at the moment but he'll be back for a few days then off to start his studies.
It's so hard to put your happiness aside for someone else's. Although seeing him get the kind of job he'll get at the end of this study and how happy he will be will make me very happy, but in the meantime he has to move away.
We've been together nearly six years and have lived together the last 4 1/2. I've been looking for a place to live by myself for the first time in so long and it's really hard, but have to put up the "I'm sorry happy for you front" the whole time.
I am happy for him. But I'm sad for me.
If you ever wanna chat about it PM me.

[Ariana Celeste]

18. I don't think it's wrong at all.

I actually think it's really sweet. And you're a damned good man for not holding her back. :)

[Haole Girl]

19. Oh my...

I was just about to go to bed, but I see my work is not yet finished!

OK...this is a topic I know about, first hand. You have got to talk with her! Tell her how you feel! Do not lay a guilt trip on her, but tell her what you are feeling!

There were soooo many relationships, when I was younger, ruined by either me or the guy I was dating because neither of us were open and honest about how we truly felt. So, please take this advice. Don't assume she knows. Not everybody is psychic, you know?

Take care... and please don't let this opportunity pass you by. Life is short-- it's just way too short!

My work is done here. Good night! :pals:

[hyphenate]

20. Naw

It's natural. The fact that you didn't mention speaks volumes of how much you care for her, though; perhaps somewhere down the line (for your sake, the sooner) she will see how much you miss her and she might change her mind.

[Cannikin]

21. HEyHEY, I'm afraid I'm right there with you

In a similar situation as well.

[Richard Steele]

22. Well, you aren't REALLY hoping she's unhappy...

...just hoping that she stays near, and the 'unhappy'
is a fantasy vehicle to accomplish that.

Seems pretty normal to me. If you feel guilty, why not just
try a more positive wish? You could HOPE she has to move
back for some good, happy reason.

[BlueIris]

23. ...Man, those are some cute polar bear cubs.

And yes it is.