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But first, you need to have an attention span of five minutes or longer. It's a short, one act play, made up almost entirely of rock and roll song titles and lyrics. Now you know what I do in my spare time. And I have a lot of it these days. See if you can guess how many song titles are in this!
A DAY IN THE LIFE
(A silly little one act play with song titles and lyrics)
by Joe Fields
There I was, stuck inside of Mobile, with those Memphis blues again. Downtown. I’d been waitin’ for the bus all day. I had a ticket to ride.
“I’m so tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of waiting for you,” I thought to myself. “Anyway, these boots are made for walkin’.” So, I cut through MacArthur park, and went down the long and winding road.
It was in the midnight hour. That’s when I saw her standing there, a foxy lady; the devil with a blue dress on. She was leanin’ on a lamp post. She looked over at me and said, “Hey, baby, wanna whole lotta love?”
I should’ve known better. But what the hell. Just got paid today. Got me a pocket full of change. Besides, I’ve been lonely too long.
She called out again. “Come on, baby. Light my fire. Give me your dirty love.”
“What price, love?” I asked her.
“Four and twenty. If you want it, here it is. Come and get it.”
She talked kinda funny. I stood there, dazed and confused. She looked like one of those billion dollar babies. “Is that your “midnight special?,”
“It’s not unusual,” said the brown-eyed girl.
“I call that a bargain. The best I ever had.”
Overhead, I saw chain lightning, and it began to rain. “Raindrops are falling on my head.”
She nodded. “A hard rain’s a-gonna fall. Come in,” she said. “I’ll give ya shelter from the storm. Walk this way.” She took me to Heartbreak hotel.
“What’s your name?” she asked, as we entered her love shack.
“Happy Jack. And you?”
“They call me Mellow Yellow. Tell me what you want, and I’ll give you what you need.”
“ For starters, I want one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.”
“Come on, baby, let the good times roll,” she said, as she started to pour drinks for the both of us.
“I drink alone,” I warned her.
She shrugged and handed me my drinks. The room smelled like incense and peppermint. I finished my drinks. Mellow Yellow whipped out a bottle from a mystery kit. It looked like some good, old-fashioned medicated goo.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Love potion number nine,” she said, handing me the bottle. “Drink up.”
I held my nose and closed my eyes. I took a drink.
“Do you believe in magic?” she asked.
“What are you? Some sort of voodoo chile? A black magic woman?”
“I can’t get no satisfaction without it,” she replied, and took a long pull from the bottle.
“Ain’t that a shame. Honey, I’m the space cowboy, here for your emotional rescue.”
She smiled. “Dream on. That’ll be the day.”
The strange brew began to affect me. “I’m so dizzy. My head is spinning.”
“I know,” she laughed. “Like a whirlpool. It never ends. Come on, come on, now touch me, babe.”
In no time, we were takin’ care of business. You should’ve seen that dynamo hum. It was a Nantucket sleighride, to be sure. That gal turned me over, under, sideways down. She had a heart full of soul.
I got a little carried away, because suddenly she cried out, “Oooh, ooh, child, you’re pushin’ too hard. You’re gonna break on through, to the other side.”
“I want to take you higher,” I told her.
“I’m already in outa-space!”
“I AM IRONMAN!” I yelled, beating my chest.
“Wild thing. I think I love you!”
After the loving, she said, “You’ve made me so very happy. I’m the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.”
“I’m so glad. For what it’s worth, you wreck me, baby. But baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me. I’m like a rolling stone. I’m here, there and everywhere..”
“Don’t you want somebody to love?”
“You’ve got a heart of gold,” I told her. “But I was born to wander.”
She looked away. “Love stinks.”
“Love hurts.”
“Why does love got to be so bad?” she asked, but I had no reply.
I gave her one last kiss and stood up to leave.
“Won’t you stay, just a little bit longer?” she pleaded.
“Sorry. I’ve got to keep movin’ on.”
“Baby don’t go!” she said, and started crying 96 tears.
Just then, the door flew open. A large man stood in the doorway, with a weapon in his hands.
She turned to me. “Oh, no! My boyfriend’s back, and there’s gonna be trouble!”
I turned a whiter shade of pale.
“Careful with that axe, Eugene!”
“What’s going on?” Eugene yelled.
“Take it easy,” I said.
“Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide,” he sneered, waving the axe menacingly.
“Help! I need somebody!” I cried out. I was sure that this is the end.
“Mellow, I’m tired of your cheatin’ heart. You ain’t nuthin’ but a hound dog. You’ve got to change your evil ways.”
“Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself,” Mellow Yellow said, now standing between me and Mr. big stuff.
“Baby, you know I just want to make it with you.”
“Liar, liar! I heard it through the grapevine, down at the Sunset Grill, that you and Cracklin’ Rosie were groovin’ in Itchycoo park. Now, the thrill is gone. Just let it be, and go now. Besides, it’s my life, and I’ll do what I want.”
“Look, Eugene,” I said. “You’ve got your troubles. I’ve got mine. Now, you can’t always get what you want, but if you gimme three steps, I’ll be headed out for the door. Then, you’ll never see me no more.”
Crestfallen, Eugene said, “Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!”
And with that, I took off, like a bat out of hell.
“Bye, bye, love,” Mellow Yellow called out to me.
“Keep on chooglin’,” I yelled, not looking back.
“Come see about me, sometime, baby.”
“You know my name. Look up the number,” I said, as I made it to the street and hailed a taxi.
Boy, people are strange.
Many thanks to the musical groups that made this bit of madness, borne out of boredom possible.
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