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Forget trying to under the male mind and how the male ego shapes the male mind. Women are just too complicated to get us. :)
I've been the part time dad after my divorce, and then for the last four and a half years the full time single parent who's had to go to court to get child support met. None of it's fun, but then none of it's for you anyway. It's for the kids.
Couple of points: First, going to court does not make you the bad guy. It makes you the person who couldn't agree out of court with the bad guy, and therefor the good guy. Second, it's counterproductive to think of anyone as the bad guy. There are obligations by law that all divorced parents--both custodial and non-custodial--owe to their kids. Your ex will never pay YOU child support. He can only pay child support, which you would happen to be the executor of. The sooner he learns this, the better all will be (assuming it really comes to the point where someone ends up making regular payments). You may not want his money, but your awkward feelings don't justify depriving his kids of the right to be supported by their father.
When I went to court the last time (this past summer) to get my kid's mom to keep up on her payments, I wanted to feel like shit. Some days I did, which is normal. But I had to realize that my daughter doesn't deserved to be deprived of any support her mom can provide. I'm not even a factor in this financial obligation. The sooner we came to see our financial transactions as professional duties, the sooner the shit ended.
Next, ignore the jealousy shit. It's his problem. Not yours, not you fiance's, not your kids'. His. Don't enable his shit and don't "compromise". Instead, come to mutual understandings. There really is not difference between a compromise and a mutual understanding--except where you brain is at when you finalize the decision, which is all the difference in the world.
Next, congratulate yourselves on handling it well up to now. It's the most complicate thing in the world, so any successes are small miracles. Take credit and take a bow and tell him he deserves to do the same. This will always be difficult. But most states just lay out pretty clear formulas on what the rules are for managing children under split custody. If you can't agree or get along, there's probably a required-by-law default that all have to comply with. I've found that if we always start with that as the basis for how we're going to alter our decisions, giving up a point feels like far less of a loss.
Finally, congratulations on the impending marriage. It's good for your kids to see you moving on with your life and will give them excellent skills in the future for how they manage their own difficult relationships. It's also reassuring to them that you're finding happiness with this new partner. He's not going to be a dad, per se, but a step dad can be a great asset in a kid's life. With luck, it will also let your ex know it's time for him to move on too.
It wouldn't hurt to reassure the dad that the kids still think of him as the Number One male. As men, we're almost hardwired for jealousy. If you ex is being contrarian about it, expecting your new hubby to try and take over, it can be a good and bad sign. On the one hand he's got to work thru his jealousy. On the other, being able to express that sarcasm may be an indication that he's already processing this new presense in his life. If the new man makes a few concessions to the ex in terms of overseeing the kids--something like "I'm not the one to ask, kiddo, there's your father right there"--could help assuage his insecurity.
Most of the time these issues are just things that take time to ride out. Most of the time--obviously I don't know much about your situation.
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