Straight men here: does affection from another man make you uncomfortable?

[begin_within]

If another man (who you assume is straight) puts his arm around you, in a friendly way (over the shoulders) are you frozen in terror until it's over, or do you just bask in it? If you're sitting next to another man that you know (for example at a ball game) and your knee is resting against his knee, does this creep you out? If a man shakes your hand or pats you on the back or touches you a lot longer than you expected him to - do you read something into it and think it's a homosexual "hint" or come-on? Do you get uncomfortable being touched by another man or do you enjoy it? (I'm referring to before any influence of alcohol, which seems to throw all the "rules" out the window).

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

1. Your options are kind of BS. It's not a matter of being uncomfortable and

enjoying it (as a straight guy, I don't think I could find myself distinctly enjoying another guy touching me), I'm rather indifferent really. I don't enjoy it, but it doesn't really bother me.
Sorry, but this line just made me laugh "or do you just bask in it?". Most straight men I know just wouldn't give a shit.

[begin_within]

6. Your answer is kind of BS. You are clearly uncomfortable with it.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

7. Think you so? True, I gave a bullshit answer, I'll admit.

but I still think that you can be physical with another man without enjoying it or being uncomfortable. I'll throw my arm around a friend, and it's niether uncomfortable nor enjoyable. Just a form of literally bring someone closer to talk to them and guide them.

[qnr]

27. self-delete, replied to wrong post n/t

[GOPisEvil]

2. I don't give a shit. I know who I am and I'm comfortable with that.

[ZombieNixon]

3. Well,

if it's a guy I know ior assume is straight, then no. Some of my male friends and I routinely hug goodbye and such because we're a little crazy like that. :D If it's a guy I know is gay, then, as long as I think I've made it clear that he hasn't got a chance and he'd better know where to stop if he's considering going there at all, then also no.

[citizen snips]

4. yes

call me what you want but is makes me uncomfortable.

[ForrestGump]

5. Nope, not at all

I was never especially a touchy-feely kind of person, with either sex (obvious exceptions in a romantic setting with women, of course), but in the course of my current work I pose with a lot of men for photos and some of them not only hug me but will stand there with arms draped around my shoulders (and mine around theirs) or waist while doing the male-bonding thing and professing their admiration of Elvis or that they think it's cool I'm doing what I'm doing...many times they're giving off pretty loud (literally) heterosexual vibes, though I guess they could all be closeted. :o

Regardless, this job's got me thinking nothing of touching another dude in public and certainly I've become inured to getting a good grip on the women I take pictures with. Probably a good thing.

Don't care what people think, either -- as it is, some doofi yell out stuff like "are you gay?" or "fa**ots!," but they're probably just jealous 'cos they see we Elvises with all their women. :D

[ScreamingMeemie]

16. I thought the correct term was "We Elvi..." Hmmmm...

You learn something new every day. :D

[ForrestGump]

17. A-HA! I once thought the same, 'til our very own Ms teric

edjumikated me to the contrary, pointing out that 'Elvis' was not a Greek (nope, I think it was Latin, actually) word so doing the 'i' plural thing was not, technically, correct. So, yes, you do learn a lot in this here forum.. :D

[ScreamingMeemie]

18. But it's kinda cute sounding...

I.E. I just got my picture taken with a bunch of Elvi!!! :bounce:

Although there is only one Elvis impersonator for me. :hug:

[ForrestGump]

19. "I've got a lovely bunch of Elvii"

You're right. :D

You roll around in the Elvii too much, though, and you're liable to get a rash. Poison Elvii, you know...

And we all know there's only one Mrs (misnamed) Grumpy! :hug:

[sendero]

8. I'm as..

... physical (read: touchy-feely) as they come with my one true love.

Everybody else, I'm physically shy. Be it guy, gal, whatever, I'm not comfortable with people in my personal space. And physically touching me is my personal space.

That said, I've been "hit on" by gay men a few times. It never really bothered me except the time this asshole was insistent that I must be gay since I was wearing an earring, and not letting the idea go. It almost came to a fight. :)

[5thGenDemocrat]

9. Yes

I don't like being touched (handshakes don't count) by ANYONE I'm not intimate with.
John
And that applies whether I'm/we're under the influence or not. I don't "read something into it," I just don't like being touched.

[Roon]

10. I knew a straight guy

who loved hearing how hot he was from the gay guys. That alone would turn him on. Of course, he never did anything gay.

[flvegan]

11. I bask.

However, if it's a stranger, then I have personal space issues. For example, I don't care for my knee touching the knee of the dude (or the dudette) next to me at a concert.

That said, it matters little to me if the man in question is gay or straight. Though, to be honest, I bask even more if he is gay. Hey, I LIKE attention. Jeez. Especially if he's one of the many, MANY good looking DUer fellas.

[MrScorpio]

12. It all depends who it is

Relatives and close friends whom I've hugged... No problem

Just don't invade my space if I don;t know you and if I'm not close

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Other than that I don't like touching people in general,

except for handshakes and touching my sweetie woogums and a few friends that I don't mind hugging, no, it doesn't bother me at all being physically close with men, even gay men, and I have hugged and held many of both. I do not like touching my knee to another man's knee while sitting somewhere, but that's not cuz it's a guy, it's cuz I just hate touching strangers that way.

It only bothers me if it's CREEPY men - that's, well, for lack of a better word, just, you know, creepy.

Or that certain class of people who seem to need to make physical contact to make their points - not in a creepy or sexual way, but the people who just like to hold a shoulder, jab you in the chest, hit your knee, or whatever while they talk.

[Aristus]

14. It's kinda funny. A pat on the back, an arm around the shoulder

or a friendly tap on the arm...none of those things bother me. In fact, it makes me feel good that the guy is comfortable enough with me to do that.

But knee to knee...man, I get freaked OUT!

Don't know why the one so bother me so much when the others don't.

[Wapsie B]

15. I've got expectations with regards to personal space

but depending on the person and how it felt I'd go with the moment. Homosexual hint or not I'm tired of holding back and not going for it. I'm talking about being stone cold sober.

[Generic Brad]

20. In my younger days...

... I had gay friends who made passes at me. To be honest, I was always flattered by it the same as I would have been if a woman had done the same. If I was not interested in a male's advances I would gently let them down the same as I would have if the flirt had been initiated by a female I was not interested in.

But of course, that was back in the days when I had six pack abs. These days I have a keg belly. If anyone today told me they thought I was attractive I would suspect they had a screw loose.

[struggle4progress]

21. I pretty much apply the same rules to everybody, independent of ..

.. gender, and the rules are reciprocal. Relatives and close friends get hugs; physical contact with acquaintances is much more limited, unless a certain minimum comfort level is established. Strangers, or professional settings, involve hand-shakes or nods.

[RedCappedBandit]

22. affection from anybody makes me feel awkward..

but in the case of another guy, its not because i'm worried about their (or my own) sexuality .. i'm just shy

[xchrom]

23. wow -- what an interesting read this has been.

[billyskank]

24. Depends on the kind of affection

I hug guys all the time, I have no problem with physical contact in itself. If, however, a guy was touching me in a let's-be-romantic mood, then that wouldn't be okay because I wouldn't share that feeling.

[Guava Jelly]

25. My family were never the touchy feely huggy type.

I don't consider myself homophobic at all i have gay friends who i have shaken hands with and even hugged.
When it comes to hugg's there is normally a time limit on the hug i must confess.But even hugging the ladies there is a time limit of around 10-12 seconds before i start getting uncomfortable.
Unless it is a pretty hot chick then she can hug me all she wants.
As far as being touched by another man i guess a few seconds on the shoulder is Ok.
I know it may sound wierd but to me Physical contact with someone of age and non relation has sort of a very tiny sexual undertone. I don't get sexually excited by it..But it can be very very nice.
Who wants a hug.

So i guess you can judge me now What am I?

[ForrestGump]

54. My family wasn't, either

It just didn't seem necessary, and we're still all very close even though we're scattered across three continents. It took marrying into a touchy-feely Caifornia family to begin to get me used to the ideas of hugging, and it did take years for it to be anything but an unwelcome intrusion. Now it's not only something I do at the drop of a hat, but is somethign I usually enjoy. On the job, too, I get a lot of close body contact (hugs and, of course, just holding people for piuctures...also a lot of overt sexually-loaded stuff with women, at times) and I'm not sure I could have done that in decades prior -- my personal space was very big, indeed, and I liked it that way.

It's amazing what you can get used to, with time and 'practice.' I really was a "stay-the-f***-away-from-me" dude with a vast personal space and now I'm a huggin' fool...in fact, I've been off work a few days and I'm looking forward to getting back to it not so much for the money as for -- and I am still at heart a fairly asocial dude -- the physical contact (well, sure, I'm thinking of some of the female attention that comes with the job, but, still... :evilgrin: I mean, I'm on a mission, now, to try to do something about my terrible tendency toward failures to follow up on expressions of feminine interest, and I need all the field time I can muster)

:hug:


:D

[Kajsa]

26. Hmm- notice that this is not a problem

for many men in other countries around the world?

I love my country, in fact I want it back from the friggin neocons, but-

WASSUP here?

:shrug:

[ForrestGump]

55. In one developing nation in the Pacific, where I spent a lot of time

conducting research in my primary career, it's common for men to walk along holding hands...nothing sexual or romantic about it, it's just a tradition the people there never re-evaluated in light of the incursions of Western mores.

I thought it was kinda cool. :D

Though my research assistant and I never walked along hand-in-hand there, all the same.

[qnr]

28. I quiver in terror. However, I'd do the same if it were a female.

Being a social phobic sucks sometimes :) especially when you need to fill in the name and address of someone not related to you/not traveling with you as a contact on a form.

Edit: typo

[hfojvt]

31. was that your song, or someone else

"I touch no one and no one touches me..."

[qnr]

33. Someone else, true, but I always identified with it :) n/t

[Dangerously Amused]

29. Why, no. Not at all. Why do you ask?

"I'm George W. Bush, and I approve this massage."

[billyskank]

30. DA I have reason to believe

that you are not a hetero man. :hi:

[Dangerously Amused]

32. I'm not. But Mr. Bush is in town today

..and his Secret Service agents commandeered my laptop just so he could post in this thread. He felt very strongly about the subject matter, you see. He even signed it with his approval at the bottom, so you know it's authentic. :7



:hi:

[billyskank]

34. DA

I wanna ask you something.

[Dangerously Amused]

36. Uh oh.

Am I in trouble? Again?


:scared:



Okay, ask...


:scared:

[billyskank]

37. Again?

You been in trouble before? :rofl:


No. What I wanna ask is this.












































Why do you always start your posts with three newlines?

:P

[Dangerously Amused]

42. OMG! I am TOTALLY impressed that you noticed that!!!

Okay, this is silly. Really REALLY silly. About as silly as silly gets.


It's like this: My undergrad degree is in Fine Arts, which included (for me, at least) a lot of graphic design. After school I couldn't find a reasonable income being "just" a fine artist, so like actors who wait tables, I supported myself doing graphic arts (typesetting, page layout, business identities, catalogs, brochures, flyers, etc.), and I still do a little of that for fun, stuff for myself and friends, because I enjoy it. So. Okay, anyway. When I look at the post I am writing, I find that my avatar (which I love) is visually distracting because, unlike most avatars, he is in black and white and therefore competes with the type: black type on a white page, depending on the font, creates a certain "weight" to the writing, which is too close to the "weight" of the black and white design element (avatar), therefore they "compete" for one's visual attention; my avatar is also not in a square or circle or other typical "bullet" form, which can compensate for the "weight"problem, so his irregular shape also competes with the type. Result: too much visual distraction. Options: Change avatars to one which does not compete (no friggin' WAY am I going to lose my Gene!), OR... create more white space between the avatar and the type, which will separate them into two separate "design" elements and keep them from competing with each other/being visually distracting.


See? I TOLD you it was silly!

[billyskank]

43. You are just a bundle of fun, you know that?

:hug: :* :loveya: :yourock:

[Dangerously Amused]

44. Or a bundle of eccentricity. :D

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[billyskank]

45. So, my next question -

why do you end all your posts with three newlines? Is it for the symmetry? :hug:

[Dangerously Amused]

46. OMG!! YES it IS!!!

For the symmetry and also because... OMG, I am thee biggest design geek EV-AR... the ending words compete with the sig line, because the sig line consists of words in color. Wouldn't be a problem if it was a picture in color, but it's *words* in color.


:eyes:


:blush:


:yoiks:

[billyskank]

47. I am in love

:loveya:

[Dangerously Amused]

49. Me too!

:loveya:


:hug:


:*

[Puglover]

64. Oh for crying out loud you two.......

:pals:

I just LOVE that pic.

[swimboy]

57. Not silly at all.

at least in this instance.

:loveya:

[thefool_wa]

35. Neither really

I am more of a "whatever" kind of guy. Physical contact with another man neither repulses nor arouses me. I am perfectly comfortable hugging another man (regardless of orientation) or providing consolation if need be (not sexual consolation, emotional :))

Though, in reference to incidental contact (knees at ball game, hand accidentally brushing someone else, etc) - I am actually on the opposite side of the coin where I fear that the person on the other end might experience the negative feelings you describe or take some kind of implication from it.

I do have one gay friend who can be a little too touchy-feely for my tastes, but its kinda just the way he is so it doesn't really bother me.

[Kickoutthejams23]

38. Hugs okay back rub not so much.....

Yeah I have been hit on by gay guys and I find it more humorous and awkward then anything else. (I am in reality more embarrassed for them I mean how desperate are you. jeez) I have no trouble hugging my friends (In a manly Goodfellas kind of way of course) but years ago at a party I had a guy give me a neck rub and I had assumed it was a woman I was with so when I realized it was him I instinctively elbowed him in the nose. (He was fine, out of the hospital the next day and made a full recovery) Needless to say my reaction still surprises me to this day.

[Evoman]

39. Depends on the guy, naturally.

My family, no prob. Some of my friends, no prob...during my cousins funeral, for example, one of my guy friends gave me a hug, and I broke down (I hadn't cried once until then). Strangers, or people I don't know...I get uncomfortable. Not with women, though....I'm latin, and in my culture, we always kiss the women or hug them to say hi, even ones we don't know. But the machismo thing must have rubbed off on me a little, because its just a handshake with guys.

[matcom]

40. i know you want to fondle me Bob

it's ok. you don't have to post a thread about. hold tight and hang on baby! :D

[enigmatic]

41. no

Never enters my mind..

[tjwmason]

48. I'm not a straight man

But nobody is allowed in my personal space without permission.

Totally disregarding the potential of attempted seduction - even a hand on the shoulder is too much unless I want the person there.

[billyskank]

50. Funny really

why anybody would think that a gay guy would want to be touched any more than a het would? :shrug:

[tjwmason]

51. Because being gay means that one wants

to have sex with every single man alive (and probably some dead ones too)...or so I've heard implied :eyes:

[swimboy]

59. Well, that being the case . . .

:evilgrin:














Oh, the eyes :evilfrownagain:

[swimboy]

58. I'm going to be skittish, then.

but will try to comply without behaving. :evilfrown:

[HEyHEY]

52. Nope

I actually like it. Because it's comforting.

[ForrestGump]

56. Come on, come on, come on, come on

Touch me, baby
Can't you see
That I am not afraid

:D

[mvd]

53. It's fine if it's just in a friendly manner

No one should do anything sexual - men or women - unless you are in a relationship.

[madinmaryland]

60. Yes, but its really anyone, man or woman, that makes me unconfortable.

I need my space, and just don't like other people touching me.

:shrug:

[martymar64]

61. Yes and no

I was sexualy abused by a guy when I was 8 y.o. so I've had some issues with this topic. If it is a friend or someone I know touching me, I have no problems with it. Strangers(men)touching me does creep me out in a big way. I don't consider myself homophobic, I think the creeped out feeling I get is purely a reflex based on bad childhood memories. I've made progress though, it used to be I couldn't even deal with friends touching me.
Sorry, I can't discuss this anymore. Just bringing up those memories gets me upset.

[jobycom]

62. No, not really.

I get bothered by anyone who displays too much familiarity without an invitation, whether male or female. I've got a bit of the old "British distance" in me, I guess. But I'm no more bothered by a man's knee touching mine than a woman's (unless there's something sexual with the woman, I mean).

[dback]

63. Why do straight guy hugs always end with the double-back-pat?

It's like a secret code: "NOT GAY!" And there's like a 2-second rule in play, it can't extend beyond that.