"Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

I believe Abraham Lincoln said this, or something very like this......

Seems to me that there's a lot of truth to it........

What do you think?

Of course, feel free to disagree! :grouphug:

[ZombieNixon]

1. I would definitely agree.

This summer I decided there was no use being melancholy and distraught over what someone else did to me; what's the point? It's just unnecessary negativity. Nowadays, I've never felt better and things look to keep going up. :)

Edit: Nowadayas? :wtf: is a nowadayas? :shrug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Zombie!

I think you're onto something here......

We have more control over our own emotions than anyone else does.....or should!

Thanks for coming by, sweetie!

:hug:

[L A Woman]

2. I have a feeling there is one DUer I will never disagree with.

California Peggy. :-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear L A Woman!

Well.....that came out of left field!

I thank you.......:blush:

[wildhorses]

4. yep...I think it is something like this...

the power of positive thinking!!
:grouphug::hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear wildhorses.......

Yes, indeed......the power of positive thinking!

I had forgotten that's what we call it...........

Thanks, sweetie....... :loveya: :hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

7. I think it has some merit.

Sometimes life is throwing too many curveballs at you and it's hard to be happy but for the most part the happiest people that I've known in life are the people who find some happiness and joy every day.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. There sure can be curveballs, my dear Gormy Cuss.......

And I've had my share.........

I still try to find the beauty and joy every day.......

I want to be happy!

:pals:

[MissB]

8. I think to some degree that is true.

Although I can't say that everyone can handle simply changing their minds. For some people suffering from depression, just trying to be happy isn't that easy.

But for others, yeah.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. Indeed, my dear missb.......

It is a matter of degree......

Sometimes you need help to get past depression..........

And sometimes you don't.....

The trick is knowing which place you're in.........



:hug:

[Deja Q]

9. And that's why they invented valium and prozac

:D

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. Indeed, my dear Hypno.......

Drugs have their uses.......I would never say otherwise!

Intractable depression needs drugs to help..........:hug:

[ForrestGump]

13. Pretty much true, I think

Clinical depression and other maladies and disorders may change this playing field but, in general, I think that statement's true. Certainly, others can hurt us -- sometimes deeply and sometimes with scars that last a whole life long -- but there's ultimately nobody but ourselves who's responsible for our own happiness, or lack thereof. Not to say that we should bounce back immediately or certainly sweep stuff under the carpet, but much has to do with how we eventually manage our crises, disappointment, heartbreaks, and injuries at the hands of others.

I don't find positive affirmations and the like to be a whole lot of use because, despite a strong realist's streak in my nature, I tend to be generally optimistic when I zoom out to the big picture...but I for sure see (lately, for example, every day in my work partner) the extreme negative value of pessimism not only to the pessimist but to those around him or her. Enough with the negative waves, man...those things will really bring down even the most Pollyanna of optimists. Negativeity can be highly contagious, and it'll quickly bring on self-fulfilling negative prophecies. Eeyore's a real bummer, man...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear Forrest........

You've said a mouthful.......and I agree!

I know for myself, trying to be optimistic in the face of news that is a bit sad is difficult.......

I hate being negative, or pessimistic........

I'm getting some help on how to get away from those emotions.......

I want to be happy..........I deserve it, and by god, I will be again.....

Thank you for your thoughtful contribution.......:hug:

[ForrestGump]

30. You're welcome

:hug:

I don't think there's anything inherently bad about being unhappy or feeling negativity or even pessimism in response to not-so-good things going on or happening around you or in your life or the lives of others. In fact, I think it's more a concern when people barely seem to blink when things go all wrong, unless they're already on some heavy-duty drugs, because there's a difference between holding things together in times of crisis and really just kind of letting it all hit you while keeping a rictus smile affixed.

It's been my experience, anyway, that people who don't let negative things rattle them, and again I'm talking about once the immediate provocation is over (rather than simply remaining calm during bad moments), tend to have it all come back to haunt them later because, after all, they were in denial and just determined to remain sunny when perhaps they should have taken the time to feel the darkness and let it dissipate.

And, yes, you deserve every morsel of happiness you can wring from your life.

[idgiehkt]

15. Lincoln has a well documented history of depression.

I'm two weeks off of yet another someone who was depressed and couldn't get the help they needed and decided to vacate the planet, and am still watching the impact of it on his loved ones...this has to be one of my least favorite quotes.

Don't mean to be the contrarian, Lincoln was a great guy and you are one of the most gracious people on this website, Miss Peggy, but this kind of touches a nerve.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. I am so sorry to hear that.......my dear idgiehkt.........

Well, of course this touches a nerve........

Never would I want to wound you.......or anyone here.......

Just put the thread out of your field of view by making it vanish.......

You know, the little hide thread feature.....

And please accept my deepest condolences on the death of the person you cared for.......:hug:

[idgiehkt]

22. thanks

generally the only time I use the hide thread feature is when I'm wasting time arguing about something that isn't worth the time or effort, which is probably all of the arguments I've ever had online i.e to save me from myself, not someone else. Since I'm the only one that is dissenting with the quote I will say that there is a little bit of moralizing in it, i.e. if you are sad, not only are you sad, but you are flawed as well because you are doing something wrong because if you weren't you would not be sad. It has me sitting here and counting suicides and non-intentional drug overdoses. In honor of someone who was sad, here's some of his artwork. He was also a kick ass musician. He died in 2001.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

23. I appreciate your thoughts.......

And this art is so interesting, and strange....

Thank you for posting it.......

And remember......I did say feel free to disagree.........

I meant it........

BTW, I do not hold the view that you did something wrong, and therefore you are sad......

Things happen to us.....and sometimes we can deal, and sometimes not.....:hug:

I truly appreciate your speaking to me on this tonight!

[idgiehkt]

24. no, I think that was Lincoln's own struggle

trying to make sense of why he felt that way back in the day when this kind of stuff wasn't understood as well as it is now. People just shamed themselves about it. It's a startling quote coming from him.

Thanks for your responses and understanding.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

25. Of course.........

:hug:

[spacelady]

68. That is a hell of a nice work of art. Thanks for sharing. n/t

[Neshanic]

57. Very much so. Good to note. People can't "snap" out of it.

Lincoln who was also most likely what we would consider to be a switch-hitter in the sex department, also had severe bouts of depression through his life.

People can't "think" happy, when they do not know happy, content, love from another, or any other good feeling that others take for granted and seem to come with ease. My nephew has tried twice to "vacate" also, and the state of mental health care in this country is appalling.

[thefool_wa]

16. 100% True

I found happiness the day I decided that happiness was for me.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

19. I'm so glad it worked out for you, my dear thefool_wa..........

I wish it would for all of us........:hug:

[thefool_wa]

20. Me too

:hug:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

17. How true...

Recently I was hit hard emotionally, but it really is everything to do with what you decide. I made up my mind and I'm a pretty happy camper this summer. Things are looking up :D

[CaliforniaPeggy]

21. My dear lelapin........

I know your story well, sweetie.....

And you have done so very well!

I'm still working on mine........

Things are looking up indeed, for you......and that makes me very happy for you!

:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

26. I think that's pretty much true.

Every time I get down, I try to focus on all that's right with my life. In actuality, things are much more positive than negative.

Oh, I might be headed out that way again in December if my vacation time is approved. I'll let you know. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

27. My dear GOPisEvil!

I tend to agree........

Ooooh, it would be fabulous to see you again!

Do keep me/us informed! You know my guest room stands at the ready! :bounce: :bounce:

[sendero]

28. Lincoln...

... did say that and I agree with him 100%. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

33. My dear sendero.........

It does work, for some of us.......:hi:

[Control-Z]

29. I think maybe that only works for so long.

Then some people just get too sad or too tired to be happy. I'm not sure. I think hope might be the key to happiness. It is amazing what hope will do for ones spirit. Even more amazing is how little it takes to give a person hope.:hug:

edit to add: never mind - I can't explain.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

34. My dear dancingAlone!

Indeed, hope is certainly a part of happiness.....

I know it is for me!

If I don't have hope that something will work out, then it's much harder to be happy......:hug:

[pitohui]

31. i think it's a mean spirited thing to say

if lincoln really said it, shame on him


too many are victims of natural disasters, physical or sexual abuse, genetic health disorders etc. for me to be much interested in the claims that someone can bootstrap their way to happiness

i was born w. a disorder that caused my skin to flake off my body and for me to be untouchable and disgusting even to my own parents, there was no treatment, no diagnosis was ever settled on, if it had not gone away in puberty, my life would not have been worth living no matter what a happy smiley face i put on it

in any case, no one who knows the story of abe lincoln mistakes him for a cheerful or happy person so i doubt the attribution -- he clearly had some mood disorder and what victim of depression/bipolar disease can harbor the silly lie that we control our own ability to feel happy?

happiness is a chemical, those of us who are happy should have the decency not to crap on those who are not

in my case it could have been too easily the other way around, no one would have been happy to have had my childhood, no one

[CaliforniaPeggy]

36. Ah, my dear pitohui......

Of course, your story shows the true limitation of such quotes......

And I am very sorry to have contributed in any way to your own sorrow........

I wanted there to be discussion about this saying.......

And you are doing just that for all of us......

Even though this quote works for many, doesn't mean that it applies to all......

I would never want to bring you down.......Please excuse my having done so.

:hug:

[pitohui]

40. it's okay, i'm just explaining not yelling (hope i'm not yelling)

i just think it's a bad quote, who wouldn't be happy, healthy, rich, and beautiful too if we could choose?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

44. You are certainly not yelling........

We are having a most reasonable discussion, IMHO.......

All points of view are most welcome........

[Sugar Smack]

32. "Happiness" is so relative

that it's a bit simplistic to expect people to chase their fullfilment according to a template. To some, "happiness" is geting one's ego satisfied. That requires manipulation, and if one's willing to manipulate, then making up one's mind to do so is a pretty straightforward venture. To others, it may be "love". This requires effort on both parts. You have to bend to another's ways, and making up your mind to be happy may have nothing to do with it.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

37. This is absolutely right, my dear Sugar Smack........

Thank you for your thoughtful contribution tonight.......:hug:

[Wapsie B]

35. That's a very simplistic analysis to a complex problem.

If it were that easy to just say to one'self, "I'm happy," it would be great. However each one of us has to find our own way to that goal. That can be a lifelong task for some.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

38. My dear bushwentawol........

Indeed, some of us need our whole lives to figure this out....

Quotes are in and of themselves, simplistic.....

But the discussion they engender can be very complex......

This is what I was hoping for, and I have gotten it........

Thank you for coming by tonight........:hug:

[Wapsie B]

43. Thank you for being here Peggy.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

45. ......

You know I live, and love, in the Lounge, my dear bushwentawol........:hug:

[Wapsie B]

49. Yes I do my dear CalPeggy.

:hug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

39. Barring genuine physiological and mental disorders, I agree.

That is, for those whose chemicals are out of whack, this is not true.

But for anyone who is otherwise running on a chemically correct brain, it's totally true - one will only be as happy as one chooses to be.

[pitohui]

41. then it's just a fatuous tautology, isn't it?

any healthy person would choose to be happy, of course, who would choose to be unhappy?

[Rabrrrrrr]

46. No, I don't think so -

I do believe there are people who simply choose to be miserable, unhappy, unfulfilled, self-pitying, pessmistic, nothing-is-good-enough, etc., whose brain chemicals are all correctly aligned and working properly.

Now we have the question of whether I could prove this - and no, of course I cannot; not unless the people I think who are choosing to be unhappy all agree to do the necessary chemical tests.

But I know, and have known, people who are not depressed, just bitchy or pissy or otherwise unhappy because that's what they chose.

[wickerwoman]

51. There are different levels of happiness

and I know many people who trade in a longer term happiness for a short term rush. I know lots of people who think attention makes them happy so they act in ways that make them ultimately unhappy (hypochodria, bitterness, self-pity) so that they can get that short term rush of attention that they only think makes them happy.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

42. My dear Rabrrrrrr.........

Yes.....and thank you for participating tonight.....

I am always honored to have your comments in any of my threads....

I really value your intelligent viewpoint.......

Chemicals do make the difference, indeed........

And it doesn't matter how you get them.......

Ingest them, or manufacture them....either way works.....

:hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

50. I am honored that you are honnored!

it's all about the brain chemicals. And when the chemicals are in place, then it's all up to whether the person chooses to be happy, or is just a miserable and oppressive black hole absorbing all life-energy in the vicinity, which energy is then clearly and utterly wasted, since it clearly has no effect on the black hole him/herself.

[mad-mommy]

47. I don't know what I think...

what happens when you become so overloaded with negative things beyond your control? Isn't it sad to say my life sucks, but I'm ok with it? Then what is really sad, is when you become pro-active and you find out it doesn't really matter. I am one of those people who sees things in a very positive way, mostly for others, a little less on myself. Then things happen anyway. Gosh, this is a hard one for me tonight.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

59. My dear mad-mommy.........

I am sorry that your life is so overloaded........

But I think that you are taking care of yourself the best you can....

I do hope that your circumstances will improve, and soon.....:hug:

[graywarrior]

48. I'm just a happy idiot.....

[CaliforniaPeggy]

60. My dear graywarrior.......

I rather doubt it.......the idiot part, anyway!

But, hey, whatever works for you, sweetie....... :hug:

[graywarrior]

62. It's a line from a song.....

I can change from murderously morose to deliriously happy in seconds. Watch.

:mad:



:rofl:

[Dervill Crow]

52. My pastor used to say to put the action before the emotion.

Act happy and you will feel happy. Be loving and you will feel loving. Sort of like 21 days to create a good habit.

Guess I took Pastor Chuck's advice to create my own reality a little further than he had in mind, because I'm now a pagan. And a very low dose of antidepressant makes the happy self-talk more effective. So yeah, leaving aside clinical depression or bipolar disorder, I agree with the quotation. It works for me, sometimes better than others.

My dad used to say that anyone who is 100% happy is delusional, so that's never been a goal for me.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

61. Well, I tend to agree, my dear Blue in Portland.....

I have found in the past, when I was a little blue, that making someone else feel better made me feel better as well.......

I never wish to be delusional, ever!

:hi:

[FILAM23]

53. Very true

Thats why I am always upbeat
regardless of what the asshats do

[CaliforniaPeggy]

63. Glad it works for you, my dear FILAM23!

:hi:

[democracyindanger]

54. The secret to happiness is lowered expectations.

[mad-mommy]

55. oh nuts...

now I'm thinking it may be best to expect the worst, and get a nice suprise if things go right.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

64. That certainly could be part of the equation....

If you expect less, then when it doesn't arrive, you aren't hurt as much...

:hi:

[flvegan]

56. I disagree. It's attitude, not making up your mind to be one way

or another. One can make up his/her mind all they want to be happy, and it won't make it so. Usually a follow up is some random fulfillment to feed ones ego and "cause" happiness.

No, I think it's how one reacts to each and every situation, every minute, every stimulus that determines happy or unhappy. It's attitude.

But then, that's my attitude showing through.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

66. My dear flvegan........

Thank you for this......an interesting point of view indeed......

Certainly reactions have a lot to do with how you determine if you're happy or not......

:shrug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

58. Generally true.

But it's much harder to be happier during those times when crappy things are happening.

I am happy most of the time--but it's easy at the moment.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

67. It is much harder to maintain a positive point of view

when bad things are happening......

Everyone has different ways of responding to those situations....

Witness the responses in this thread!

:hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

70. It's easy to maintain a positive point of view

when you live in Santa Barbara :-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

71. Oh, I hear that!

Especially if you can afford it! :hi:

[Floogeldy]

65. I totally agree, Sweets!

Some people wallow in sadness, sorrow and self-pity. I don't understand. I am sad for them. :(

[CaliforniaPeggy]

69. My dear Floog......

Some folks do wallow......or seem to.....

I normally think they can't help it....brain chemistry, you know.....

For some others, I feel as though they get some positive reinforcement for being that way....

But I really don't know.......

:hug:

[idgiehkt]

72. I just want to give a shout out here to all the pathetic, depressed,

self-pitying, wallowing folks that have influenced me over the years like Sylvia Plath, Van Gogh, Iris Chang, Hemingway, etc. Generally great artists have to be able feel deeply to be able to give art to the world, and that includes feeling great pain as well as great happiness. I doubt Picasso was feeling like susie sunshine when he painted Guernica.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

73. That is so very true!

Great suffering can indeed produce great art..........

And in the hands of the truly gifted, it does!

Thank you for your shout out.........:hug:

[Iniquitous Bunny]

74. In a sense.

Little things in life make me feel happy and positive, but during the times I have suffered or have been under great stress, I have grieved pretty intensely. I think experiencing grief is necessary to move forward in life as long as it doesn't paralyze a person indefinitely.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

75. My dear Iniquitous Bunny...........

And now that you've pointed this out.......I see it so clearly......

Of course!

You need the contrast of light/dark in order to see and appreciate the light.........

Paralysis of the emotional kind is never good, IMHO.......

Thank you.......:hug:

[Haole Girl]

76. Yes and No

Yes, when they do have control over their happiness. And, I agree, most do.

But, I hate it when people fake happiness. Plus, there are simply times when it's not only impossible to be happy (after the unexpected death of a child, for example) but it's just not natural.

But, you do have a point. Then, again, Abraham Lincoln, whom you quoted, suffered from depression. You do know that...right?

Forgive me if I'm repeating any other posts. I'll admit, I didn't read them all.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

80. My dear KC2!

I agree with you......it is a mixture, of course.

Faking happiness is never a good idea.......probably......

And of course there are times when you simply cannot be happy......

Yes, I knew Abraham Lincoln suffered from depression.....

Sometimes we can get over our sorrow by ourselves....and sometimes we need help to do it......

The trick is knowing when.......

:hug:

[crim son]

77. My personal experience is that yes, some of the time it's possible

to get through rough times by focusing on the positive. I also know that denying one's feelings - creating a false happiness, a false peace - can lead in time to one helluva meltdown that isn't cured either by "looking on the bright side" or any other such method.

My mother, who raised four daughters all of whom are subject to depression or other mental illness - once told me that to think is to suffer, sometimes deeply. Then there is mental ilness, acute or chronic. There is still a stigma in this country as elsewhere, concerning the mentally ill. And generalizations that suggest that deep sadness is the "fault" of the sufferer irritate me to no end. It's akin to telling somebody dealing with cancer that if s/he could just eat right, sleep right and keep a smile on, that the cancer will fade away. It's a burden on the ill, and obviously untrue.

[Haole Girl]

78. Are we related?

[crim son]

79. No my dear, but I've seen your posts here and there

and I know we share an understanding. Unless your real name is Gwen, Andrea or Michelle! :hug:

[Haole Girl]

83. No, it's not...but I think you are right..

we share an understanding. :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

81. My dear crim son.......

For ordinary unhappiness, I believe that you can get yourself out of those depths, normally........

For more grievous depression, you could very well need professional help........

As I said to KC2, the trick is knowing when........

I found myself depressed recently, and when I realized that it was not responding to my normal methods of relief, I sought, and got, professional help.......

It's early in my treatment, but I know it will help.....and I will recover, and go on once again........

The stigma against any such illness is profoundly disturbing and wrong!

:hug:

[crim son]

82. I think it's like this: people are okay with a person getting help

and seeking counseling and/or medication. But when that doesn't do the trick, then the depressed person is indeed a horrible thing to behold and should be shunned. As if it's contagious.

This is my second bout of serious clinical depression. The first time I suffered for years, told by family and friends that I should "snap out of it." Eventually I got help and improved. This time, meds aren't working. For people like me, every minute of the day is spent trying to put life into a perspective that makes it bearable. A different perspective every minute, if necessary. I think the clinically depressed know more than most people about wanting and trying to be happy.

But I do hope you are feeling better soon There is a difficult time between the time you seek treatment and the time you begin to see results, as I'm sure you know. Hugs to you, Peg. :hug: :hug: You of all people shouldn't have to go through sadness when you bring others so much happiness.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

86. That is so very kind of you, my dear crim son........

I hear you about trying to get perspective that makes the sorrow bearable. I haven't got there yet, and it is hard to cope. But I did just start.....tomorrow is my second visit.

I too hope to feel better soon. And I wish the same for you! My sadness this time I pretty much brought on myself....And I have hurt two people I love into the bargain.......Not easy to forgive yourself for that.

I thank you for your profoundly kind and meaningful words to me tonight...

:hug: :hug:

[datasuspect]

84. happiness is a warm gun

bang bang
shoot shoot

[CaliforniaPeggy]

87. I don't think so, my dear datasuspect..........N/T

[buddhamama]

85. agree

happiness is a state of mind, imo; respecting yourself, appreciating what you have and not missing what you don't.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

88. My dear buddhamama.........

For those who aren't clinically depressed, I agree......:hug:

[Withywindle]

89. It's oversimplified

and I get why it's upsetting people who have struggled with depression, who have suffered horrible losses, who have been through hell - it does seem like blaming the victim.

But there's one way in which it's very true. I've struggled with depression all my life, and one of the worst things that perpetuates the cycle is the feeling that there is something wrong with you, that you don't deserve to be happy, and you never will be anyway so don't both trying.

The day you overcome that (and you'll have to do it over and over again, it's never really cured) and start actually pursuing whatever will make you happy is a truly magical day. The day you realise you DO deserve it and maybe it IS possible--it's like an annunciation from the angels.

Then the hard work really starts. But you have to decide to be happy and maintain resolve to get there and continue to believe that you're worthwhile, and it's not as simple as it sounds in this quote.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

90. My dear Withywindle!

Oh I hear this.......and how true what you say is......

I have struggled myself with not believing that I deserve to be happy....

That is such a downer!

Of course the quote is oversimplified.......that's the nature of such things.....

But it is a useful exercise to have brought it up, for this extensive discussion, don't you think?

I do know that I have been happy in the recent past, and that I will be again........

But I am dealing now with a loss that is overwhelming at the moment. I will get better...of this I am sure.

I just need time, and expert help.

I appreciate your thoughtful comments very much.........And I wish you well in your own struggle.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

95. Oh, Peggy, I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you...

...when I was deeply depressed, after my mother's death, some of the key ingredients that helped pull me through were: music, long walks on the beach, drives, and writing (including poems). When I went through grief counseling, my counselor had to continually remind me to take care of myself: eat well, exercise, and take time to "play." I got through it--and I can tell I am not half as strong as you are. Do what works for you. Please take care of yourself. The world needs you (and I know DU feels that way, too)! :hug: :loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

99. My dear KC2!

Your beautiful words have brought tears to my eyes........

Believe me when I say that I am taking care of myself..........

I want to live, and be happy....there has been enough pain in my life to last me the rest of it.....

I thank you! :loveya: :hug:

[Haole Girl]

102. Anytime!

:hug: :loveya:

[Withywindle]

113. Aw, thank you so much

I think it is DEFINITELY valuable to bring this up for discussion.

The worst part of depression is the way it seduces you to accept a state of despair as normal. I firmly support anyone and everyone who rebels against this acceptance!

It makes it hard to separate the state of depressive self-loathing from sorrow and grief (as anyone feels when circumstances dictate; loss of a loved one, etc.); despair of the kind I'm talking about...really isn't about circumstance but about brain chemistry and low self-esteem. Especially difficult to separate out when you have, say, poverty or racism or other day-to-day grind-you-down factors working against you. It's so hard sometimes to keep faith that your own happiness is worth fighting for when there are so many messages telling you it's not.

I grieve for your sorrow, and wish you all the best in your struggle too.

Fire, phoenix, :hug:

[citizen snips]

91. I disagree

n/t

[CaliforniaPeggy]

93. You are certainly entitled to your own opinion......

I know we all have walked different paths.......

And what works for one may not work at all for another........

Feel free to elaborate, but only if you want to, of course.....:hug:

[shugah]

92. sometimes it's easy to make up your mind to be happy

and sometimes everything in life conspires to make being happy easy.

but life is not always easy, and when it is dark and difficult, what is there to be happy about?

generally speaking, i'm a "happy" person, tho i think calling myself "content" would be far more accurate. i'm old enough and wise enough to recognize the ups and downs of life, recognize and accept responsibilty for the choices i've made, understand that i cannot now nor have been ever able to change or influence that which is beyond my control ... oops! suddenly i sound like a serenity prayer! i'm not!

y'know, i have so much that makes my life full, so much that can fill my heart to bursting, so many good things, so much good fortune - there is so much that is good in my life that it can bring tears to my eyes.

on the other hand ... we're living in a very f*'d up world. how exactly am i supposed to feel when i think of my sons and their future? it's looking rather bleak for them at the moment. if they don't get drafted and sent off somewhere to kill or be killed by someone they've never even met, and have no chance of being able to afford higher education (for whatever that may be worth in their future), unable to meet a girl who isn't conditioned to obsess about her physical appearance, never be able to afford a house ... etc and so forth ad nauseum ...

there is much to be happy about, much to be unhappy about. i don't see inherent evil in not being happy. i see a healthy balance in acceptance of what is and what could be. i reject any sort of simple cures - as a buddhist, i know that the most difficult path will prove to be the right one.

anyway, i think i disagree with mr. lincoln - perhaps more accurate would be "most people are as happy as they can be."

[CaliforniaPeggy]

94. I appreciate your comments so much.....

Forgive me for not replying at length!

You have said much that I perceive to be true......

Especially about control over things that are truly out of our hands!

Thank you for participating.......:hug:

[shugah]

104. yeah, that's me!

a lounge participant!

[barb162]

96. That's true

For example, there are people with disabilities who are really happy. They're glad to be alive and enjoy what they have.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

97. My dear barb162!

It certainly is true.......for some!

For others, not so much......

:hi:

[MarianJack]

98. Very True!

I'm a product of one of the most disastrously dysfunctional families ever.

As many of you know, my mom passed on a month ago, so at this point I associate with NOBODY in my immediate family. I have chosen to be happy here in Maine. My father, step mother, sister & brother choose to wallow in self pity over grudges that are decades old.

I've chosen happiness. They choose misery. I suspect they enjoy it and Neither I nor my family will be a part of it.

Nice thought provoking post. Thanks!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

100. My dear MarianJack........

I thank you for your very intelligent and provocative thoughts!

Some folks do choose to wallow......go figure!

I will not do that........:hug:

[MarianJack]

101. WOW!

I think that that's the first time you've ever "My Dear'd" me. THANX!!!!! :hi: :bounce:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

103. You're welcome, my dear MarianJack!

I don't think we have ever spoken before......:hi: :bounce:

[MarianJack]

105. I Can't Recall,...

...but we have contributed opinions in many of the same threads!

We usually are in the same chapter if not the same page.

Anyway, hellow from beautiful MAINE!

[Common Sense Party]

106. I have been trying to teach my daughter this very truth.

I can't quite get it into her 11-year-old head that SHE determines how happy she is. SHE decides how many friends she wants. SHE chooses whether she enjoys something or she doesn't.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

107. My dear Common Sense Party.........

I'm not sure this is something that can be taught...

I think that if you indicate to her, by your actions that she is worthy of being happy.......

Then she will absorb it.........

Her self-esteem will have a lot to do with whether or not she gets it!

Just my two cents......:hi:

[Common Sense Party]

108. That's been the problem so far, I think, is her self-esteem.

Why she lacks it, I have no idea. She has friends who like her, she has talent, she's smart and cute...but she still lacks self confidence.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

109. I think that daughters often get

positive feedback from their fathers.......

And this can lead to increased self-esteem!

It might sound sexist to say this, but I believe that I have read this.....

And I believe it to be true..........:hug:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

110. Hmmm....

Abraham Lincoln lived a life persistently tinged with tragedy and heartbreak. He lost his mother at a young age, he lost two of his children, he had to cope with the enormous tragedy of the Civil War and he had a wife who was consistently vilified and smeared because of her heritage and to some extent her lifestyle. He was a man who sometimes experienced deep melancholy and sadness. If this quote was a reflection of his philosophy and this philosophy helped him cope with what he experienced in his life, then it is a good thing

Perhaps some evidence that he tried to live this philosophy is reflected in his statement to his wife on the day of his murder that “we must be more cheerful in the future. Between the war and the loss of our darling Willy, we have both been very miserable”. One interpretation of this statement is that he was trying to make up his mind to be happy despite all the tragedy he had experienced, particularly in the last few years of his life

If that philosophy has helped you in your life Peggy, than that is a good thing as well and I’m glad that it has. But where you and I would probably come into disagreement is when you state that “it seems to me there’s a lot of truth in it” –or actually maybe not because you do include the statement “it seems to me” which adequately summarizes that you are judging it from your own perspective. This philosophy worked for you, it may have worked for Abraham Lincoln and it may have worked for many other people but your statement is made quite understandably from your perspective and your experiences in life and your emotional state of mind. But it is a statement made from your perspective and therefore “truth” is a relative term. It applies to you, it applies to many others but it doesn’t necessarily make the statement “true” in a general sense because each person is has his or her own perspective on the life they lead and their viewpoint is influenced by their emotional state, lifestyle factors, the conditions around them and so on. So one person’s truth may be another person’s falsehood. It doesn’t make either person more or less right because each of them has their own perspective on the issue. “Truth” is subjective

In my life I've found that there are times when this statement can be applicable and times when it isn't. Right now I'm in a stage where I feel it is not.

It's an interesting statement and there is really no right or wrong answer to its validity

:yourock:

[idgiehkt]

111. "and to some extent her lifestyle"

what does this mean? I'd love to know more about Mrs. L.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

112. This article basically has a good summary of her life

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Todd_Lincoln

I actually have a lot of admiration for Mary Todd Lincoln. She also endured great heartbreak and tragedy in her life -perhaps more so than Lincoln because she lived to see three out of her four children go to their untimely and premature deaths and also lost her husband in very tragic circumstances. In addition to that, she was subject to relentless and unfair attacks on her heritage. She may have made her mistakes but I think she was a fundamentally decent person who suffered immensely during her life

[CaliforniaPeggy]

114. My dear socialdemocrat1981!

It's an interesting statement and there is really no right or wrong answer to its validity.

And of course, I agree!

It has worked for me in the past.....but not now......

I appreciate your very thoughtful remarks! Truth is indeed subjective, especially when it comes to philosophical remarks such as my quote.....

Thank you for coming by tonight.....

:yourock: as well........