So where does a single guy who hates the bar/club scene meet women?

[Herman Munster]

Any ideas? After working 9-10 hours a day, I have my fill of people. I just want to go home and decompress. The bar/club scene also never really interested me. In my experience, mostly a bunch of shallow people obsessed with how they look looking to get laid and not really anything serious.

[RagingInMiami]

1. Depends where are you located

[Deja Q]

2. Try these:

1. Supermarket. Ideally in the produce department.
2. Book store. Check out her volumes!
3. Mechanic's. Good place to see some headlights and bumpers.
4, Church. If you don't mind being told you're not good enough by a pastor who later has to resign because he did something really dumb...

[Chan790]

3. Well...I had a friend that swore by Walmart but

you'd never catch me in a Walmart. Kids here (the middle of nowhere in CT) congregate at the gas station. How lame is that?

[Ghost in the Machine]

4. find a good Blues club or coffee house...

or there's always the grocery store. :evilgrin: Yes, I've met a few women there in my time. You get to do some great "girl watching" and get some things you need in the process. The first thing you do, when you see a lady who appeals to you, you try to get a look at her finger to see if she's wearing a ring. Just out of respect, I'd never hit on a married woman. You're on your own from here, buddy LOL!.... oh, and if you decide to "accidently" bump into her... don't slam into her with the cart! :rofl:

[Haole Girl]

7. Tip for all men: Women don't like being "accidentally" bumped

into! And, when we grocery shop, we are there to pick out produce, not men! Hello! Didn't we have this discussion already. *sigh*

[RetroLounge]

9. Uhm, maybe not you, but I've met woman

in the grocery store...

RL

[Haole Girl]

11. It just feels like stalking to me...more than a random thing...

..and, it's so annoying when you just want to get some food! I now ask hubby to grocery shop, because I can't stand the "accidentally-bumping-into" crap!

[RetroLounge]

16. I've never "bumped" someone, that would be downright rude.

but eye contact and a smile has led to meeting them...

RL

[Haole Girl]

17. Nice to hear

[leftofthedial]

27. where DO you go to pick out men?

[Nicole]

36. Speak for yourself sister!

I like eying more than the produce at the grocery store. :rofl:

[Sanity Claws]

50. Check out what's in her cart

The presence of bananas, cukes, zucchini, and butternut squash may indicate she's horny. She could be just hungry.

[Haole Girl]

5. I met very interesting people when I took a

photography class when I was younger. You gotta "put yourself out there," as cliche as it sounds! Do you belong to a church with a like-minded group? Or, do you have old friends you could go out with in a group? Have fun!

[Courtesy Flush]

71. Art classes are good

Really any kind of class that would appeal to women. At the very least, you'll learn something new.

[idgiehkt]

6. I would say maybe online, maybe DU

People seem to really get involved with each other here...it spooks me a little because I just got majorly burned by some internet stuff a few months ago, but it seems a lot of people here are friends. There is another area I used to participate in a website on and those folks get pretty tight too in real life after a while going to competitions together and stuff. I don't know what is wrong with doing it that way cause online if you meet over a common interest at least that's one thing you have in common. I hate doing the 'meeting people' thing, I just don't do it, because I'm really picky and it's really hard to find progressive people (at least down here) and if they say something like "what's so bad about Bush" then I've just wasted my time, so to speak...I like to get that stuff out of the way before I bother combing the tangles out of my hair for somebody, lol. I'm also afraid I'll fall for someone based on a visual and start rationalizing stuff that I really can't live with in the end.

You can really get to know other people alot quicker in chat rooms, which can be both bad and good. For me that's a little too much intimacy too fast, because you really don't know who is on the other side of the screen. They have professional groups in a lot of towns that are kind of dating/networking things; one in my town was called 'the affiliates'...I don't know if you are into something like that or not.

[Dangerously Amused]

8. Let's see...

Besides what's already been listed...


The gym.

A Coffee shop.

Your local Dem group/campaign/protest.

The park. (If you've been thinking about getting a dog, here is another good reason. Or borrow someone else's. Works like a charm.) And, of course,


The internets.

[johnnie]

10. There is a place where they walk up and down the street

It would end up being cheaper than an actual relationship..lol.

Kidding. I am keeping a watch on this thread too. I would like to know myself.

[dorktv]

12. My best friend whines about that to me all the time. However

he does work as many hours as you and he has a woman interested in him that he refuses to date.

So my suggestion to you is: take a "where women are" class. Art, poetry or the like. You learn something and meet women!

If you have sisters: ask them to set you up with friends. Blind dates are annoying but they may work out.

Same deal with any female friends you have.

You also could look at the women in your life that are single. Are you overlooking someone simply because she is a friend?

And church, churches have lots of single women.

[JVS]

13. Sex-addicts anonymous

Also AA can be a great source for finding new drinking buddies, if you have the nerve for it.

[Kajsa]

19. Arghhhh!

:spank:

[JVS]

20. Hey, I like my SO's horny and my drinking buddies blotto, what can I say?

[Kajsa]

25. LOL!

Help!:7

[datasuspect]

69. roger roger on the 12 step scene

yep.

[Ptah]

14. First thing, trade in that old car for something with some zing:

:shrug:

[Kajsa]

21. Isn't that car driving into oncoming traffic?

The car on the left?

:shrug:

[JVS]

22. Oh dear God, an illegal pass! What shall we tell the children!

[Kajsa]

23. You're a charactor, JVS!

You know that, don't you?

:P

[JVS]

24. yup

[Ptah]

31. He has permission to disobey the rules.

He's a man on a moral mission!

[Kajsa]

44. LOL!

:7

[ForrestGump]

15. You could dress up

like Elvis and come to Las Vegas. :D

Other than that, I can't really offer much because I'm in a similar boat...seems to me like just going about your daily life (work, even, depending on what you do, especially if you're exposed -- no nudgenudgewinkwink intended -- to customers or other public) might be the only real way to go. I know, for sure, that the supermarket can be a hotbed of connective potential, as can the fabric store. :-)

Good luck with the eternal quest.

[Broken_Hero]

18. The library...

just kidding...:) I have no idea really...I used the bar/club scene for years, and that didnt' get me anywhere...so I gave up on it, and the woman whom i later married, came out of left field, while I was back at college, and smacked me in the face, and we got married...:) Thing was, I wasn't even looking, I was all ready content with the knowledge that I would be single forever, and that any compainship that I would garner, I would probably have to pay for...I'm glad that didn't happend though!...:)

[CJCRANE]

26. You need a place

where you meet the same people regularly and can get to know them without any pressure - like an evening class or political/protest group.

Or get a job where you work with lots of women.

On edit: or join a religious group if that's your thing, that's usually an easy way to meet like-mined people. Plus it's usually something you can do at the weekend.

[pink-o]

28. As a single woman

Who works a high-contact, physical job with ungodly hours, I know exactly how you feel. Really, what you want is to skip over all the awkwardness and newness of a relationship and express right into the comfort zone. When you work really hard and actually enjoy your own company, you want a relationship that doesn't end up being even more work. And you can't be afraid to go for untraditional women--those who're older and more secure, or those who are independent. I have a friend who really would benefit with a self-sufficient woman, but always falls for the needy ones because he can't think outside the box. Consequently, he wonders why his relationships fall apart.

The best place to find a partner who won't demand too much of you is on internet match sites where you state your need outright. That way, no one too needy would even respond.

[NMDemDist2]

29. your local Democratic office

truly, where else you gonna find a gal who shares your politics?

[Lisa]

68. true -- progressive politics seem to have a high female:male ratio

I've noticed that more than half of my own group are women ... with a pretty significant number who are both straight and single.

I met the one guy who's asked me out on a date so far this summer, when he was running for city council a while back.


Another possibility is the arts community. If there's a local movie or theater festival, volunteering to paint scenery, take tickets, etc., can introduce you to a lot of people.

Both types of organizations are generally so desperate for volunteers that they welcome them with open arms. Not to say there aren't going to be cliques, or prima donna types, but anyone who sticks with this sort of thing is generally going to have a sense of humor about it, plus be the type who's willing to stick around rather than ignoring you if you lose your job and can't afford to take them out to fancy dinners.

Getting thrown into a project (or an election campaign) can also help you decide who's more intense, and who's easygoing (depending on which part of the spectrum appeals to you).

[KayLaw]

30. Friends

Just get involved in activities, churches, groups, sports, whatever . . . anything that appeals to you. Just be yourself and make it clear to friends that you are single and open.

[MissMillie]

32. you're like me....

I like to be home. There is little chance of meeting Mr. Right in my living room.

[begin_within]

33. six letters:

C H U R C H

[mdmc]

34. church

and everywhere else.

[Scout]

35. try the laundromat

you're both captive for a couple hours, maybe someone interesting will want to chant, or help you fold your towels...

[Blue_Tires]

37. i'd like some suggestions as well

[mtowngman]

38. How come so many people are saying church?

I've been married a while and I haven't been in church for a while, but I didn't know it became the modern day equivalent of a lonely hearts club. I would personally go for the shallow ones obsessed with getting laid. Serious relationships are way overrated, IMHO.

[ForrestGump]

39. I've been to some New-Agey/New-Thought type of churches

(like this pretty cool one, I think it's a branch of either Unity or Religious Science but with cool gospel music, in Culver City, CA) that were like a bachelor's wet dream. :o

When I went there it was with my wife. I was behaving myself, but it was not lost upon me that I was in the middle of a babe-o-rama of legendary proportions. I've thought about going back now that it's all over, but it's a bit of a commute from here... :D

So, yeah, I can see how church can be a good place for good persons of either sex to meet someone who, hopefully, is at least somewhat likely to have some attitudes in common.

[mtowngman]

40. O.K. It's just the notion of going to church

with the intention of trying to hook up with someone that seems insincere to me. Maybe it's just me being an old recovering catholic.

[ForrestGump]

42. I see what you mean

Though the atmosphere in the kind of churches I'm talking about is little different...actually, very liberal, I guess.

Really, I'm not sure I'd go solely to 'hook up,' in reality -- I'm not a churchgoer, by nature, and would probably safely be categorized as agnostic (though the cool thing about some of these churches is that agnostic works, too) -- but I think I'd feel all right about keeping it as an option...if it happens with someone compatible, it happens, but I've never been the kind to push such things at the best of times (often to my detriment).

[mtowngman]

45. hey I just read your profile comment

Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare-thee-well

On my short list of greatest lines.

[ForrestGump]

48. Until the lovely and talented Ms buddhamama reminded me of it, I'd

forgotten that was on my profile. :D

But, yeah, it's a good line, whatever it means.

[JVS]

57. It bugs me too. I also dislike couples who sit cuddled in church

Is it so much to ask that you not be entwined with your SO as you sit through the sermon.
Show some respect in the house of God you degenerates!

[Kat45]

47. Ironically, I met a f*buddy at church!

Never would have expected that one! :rofl:

[ForrestGump]

49. Holy f***!

:o

You naughty churchgoers...

[Bossy Monkey]

41. What are your interests? Get involved in groups in your areas of interest

I met my girlfriend through a writers' group I had been with for years. If you go out and join groups active in areas that interest you, by definition you'll meet people with similar interests. Whether you'll wind up meeting somebody you want to be in a relationship is another question, but you'll probably have a good time anyway.

[KeepItReal]

43. Yoga class...I kid you not.

Went to a class with a gal I used to date. Nothing but women, save for yours truly, the instructor and one other male student. That was a workout in more ways than one!

You can also try volunteering. Find a nice activity that you wouldn't mind doing locally. You never know who's gonna share your interest in helping someone or something other than yourself.

'Luck!!

[Kat45]

46. Internet dating sites.

I recently met someone who I'm now seeing, and my cousin met a man who she's now living with.

[Rabrrrrrr]

51. Quagmire does well at conjugal visit day at the women's prison.

[datasuspect]

70. if you live in columbia or some central american countries

a male can go to the women's prison on visiting day to meet potential mates.

just bring some foodstuff/makeup/HBA type gifts.

[bikebloke]

52. Move

I recently moved to a new flat and I think one of my new neighbors is interested. Though I'm not sure I am.

[Wapsie B]

53. Anywhere there's people.

I don't mean to sound like a smartass but it all starts inside of you. You've got to believe in yourself as being worthy. Trust me,I've pissed and moaned about the very same thing here. Attraction isn't so much as how you look as what you do and how you act although the lounge can be a bad place to test that.

[spindrifter]

54. Dog parks

This is definitely a place where you can meet people, talk with them in a relatively anonymous fashion till you are ready to put more info out there and then suggest going for coffee or whatever.
Coffee shops. I've met some great people who share my interests at my favorite coffee shop. If you have a routine, you will be able to do the pick up line if you are interested in another "regular."
Definitely think about the volunteer work--most people there are looking for more than envelopes to stuff, so to speak.

[taterguy]

58. I agree with dog parks

That's where I met my wife.

[ForrestGump]

63. What if you're not really a dog person? Would a

cathouse do?

[Ellen Forradalom]

55. Any place but a bar.

Book club, running club , church , surfing, laundromat, grocery store, library, bookshop, coffeeshop, dog park, subway, bus, election canvassing, writer's circle, quilting society, volleyball night, IRC...or even DU.

[JI7]

56. Volunteer for something , attend a convention , take classes etc

which focuses on something you enjoy.

volunteer to do things from political campainging to helping clean up the environment. you can take classes. attend a book discussion group.

many things. these will also help to meet someone with common interests and something you know you can talk to them about rather than worrying about some stupid pick up lines .

[Radical Activist]

59. This is very difficult in my town. Lately, my new pick up spot

is the local university library. I'm not a student but a lot of non-students go there for research. I hang out and look for grad students in the political science, history and environmental studies sections. I meet just my type. Intellectual young women who share a common interest. I've gotten three phone numbers this way. heh ;)

[Burma Jones]

60. Community Theatre did it for me........

[Kixel]

61. Everywhere...

You can't say "this is the perfect place to meet someone." It's all about your attitude and your willingness to open up to new people. I know it sounds cheesy, but you can meet people where ever you go if you have the right attitude. Any conversation can lead to something.

I'm seeing someone I met at a political training. It's nice-he's got the values and beliefs I look for in someone I want to spend time with. It's easier to break the ice around people you agree with. Doing volunteer work of any kind is a great way to meet someone with like interests as well. Also, people are willing to talk and tend to be more welcoming in those kind of situations. If you are a religious person, get involved in the service aspect of your church.

The bonus point is even if you don't meet someone you feel better about yourself. In turn, that will increase your self confidence making it more likely for you to find someone. Make sure you feel good about who you are and relationships find you. Also, don't be afraid to take risks.

[ForrestGump]

65. Bingo. I really like this answer

Not that I am really qualified to hand out such advice (I meet oodles of women who make it clear they want me, that I recognize places me in what should be an enviable position, but then I usually irretrievably drop the ball because I don't know what to do with them at that point...and, yes, I'm working on fixing that and have already made progress thanks to advice and support right here on DU) but this rings 100% true. Just being yourself is the first step, one that seems a challenge to many -- and, no, that's not a condemnation, because we're being told by everything from the mass media to our 'friends' that the last thing we should do when on the prowl for a partner (for the night or for the longer term) is to be ourselves. Hell, I have been told just that, repeatedly, by someone very close to me, and I ignored her advice because although I'm not experienced in such things I am also not an idiot and my prime self-directive is that I need to always be myself. For better or for worse... :-)

If I match up with a woman under a false flag -- and here the fact I'm impersonating a cultural icon for a living is irrelevant, because that is superficial and does not preclude me being myself publically even within that persona -- how can I go on from there with her? Perhaps if she was a one-night-stand, but I suspect that's as far from what you really want as it is from what I want.

It's true: you never know where or when you will meet the woman of your dreams or, at least, a woman with whom you can enjoy a meaningful shared relationship for a while, if not longer. If I think of my own limited history of such, there's not a whole lot of a pattern as to the circumstances surrounding me meeting the women who have so far been in my life. If I count the near misses -- again, an embarrassing abundance of times when I almost certainly could have picked up a relationship 'offer' but failed to through either being terminally oblivious or just hopelessly uncertain as to how to go about it (and afraid I was presuming too much even in the presence of fairly unequivocal signals) -- the settings of potential romantic unions in my life are as varied as are the destinations on my to-do lists. And if you ask your friends they might also yield a scattering of places where they met their significant one(s).

I really like this answer above. And the point that even if getting involved in the activities mentioned, or others, does not result on you meeting compatible women it does still have other benefits and those, in turn, may incidentally help you meet that special someone(s). Wherever you are, there you go -- that saying's often used to refer to people who think they can escape their problems by going somewhere else, but it also works in a more positive sense: if you're a good person, your attititude is adjusted nicely, and you're being true to that self, then you're ready to meet the right person any place, any time.

May the Force be with you...

[Kixel]

66. Glad to hear!

Dating is hard, and the biggest thing to remember is you have to love yourself before you can love anyone. It sounds cheesy and cliche, but it's true! Knowing who you are and embracing it makes you way more attractive to anyone. Also, when you are perusing your interests you are probably going to be at the top of your game. You should be in the zone to make a move.

It sounds like you need to focus on taking risks. It's scary but rewarding. Obviously it wasn't meant to be with the people you mentioned in your post-but don't be afraid to take a chance with a new person. Rejection sucks, but the risk is well worth it. Being yourself is huge. The more you let yourself be who you are the more all of your personal connections are.

I guess I am a firm believer in what is meant to be will be. Live your life to it's fullest and enjoy everyone who comes into it-even if they aren't the one. Sometimes the people who are completely wrong for you are the most fun! Let your true self shine through and you'll be amazed at what could happen.

Okay...done being cheesy! Good luck!

[northzax]

62. three options for you

1: join a weekend sports league.
2: take a pottery class (did you see ghost? chicks dig that shit)
3: frequent a massage parlour (come on, might as well get something out of it)

[mtnsnake]

64. If you hate the bar scene but like the outdoors, join a hiking club

in your area. Hikers comprise some amazing ladies of all ages. They're usually environmentally conscious, too, which is nice. When I say hikers, I'm talking anything from hiking mountains to walking the desert or shore, and anything from small day hikes of an hour or two to longer more sustained hikes. My wife and I hike the mountains in the Adirondacks, and we always meet lots of interesting people when we're out, single or married.

[Courtesy Flush]

72. Better still, hashers.

Hashers are kind of like a hiking club, but they don't take themselves seriously, and there's usually beer involved.

Google "HHH" for info. There are chapters everywhere.

No. I'm not a hasher. I just learned about it, and thought it was interesting.

[DainBramaged]

67. Supermarket, don't forget to smile a lot and ask for help