I'm your # 1 FAN!! Who (Besides me) is stalking you on D U...thread

[Guava Jelly]

(this is meant as a humorous thread no real stalkers please)
:popcorn:
:rofl:

[SeattleGirl]

1. OMG! You're not going to hobble anyone, are you????

:scared:

[Guava Jelly]

2. Nope... no Cathy Bates Here

SeattleGirl
:)
"dirtybird"

[SeattleGirl]

3. Dirtybird????

:rofl:

[Guava Jelly]

5. :)

Annie Wilkes: YOU! YOU DIRTY BIRD, HOW COULD YOU!
Paul Sheldon: What?
Annie Wilkes: She can't be dead, MISERY CHASTAIN CANNOT BE DEAD!
Paul Sheldon: Annie, sometimes during childbirth, women don't survive. But Miseries SPIRIT is still alive, we shouldn't forget that.
Annie Wilkes: I DON'T WANT HER SPIRIT! I WANT HER, AND YOU MURDERED HER!
Paul Sheldon: No I didn't.
Annie Wilkes: WHO DID?
Paul Sheldon: She just died, slipped away!
Annie Wilkes: SLIPPED AWAY! NO, YOU MURDERED MY MISERY!

[SeattleGirl]

7. I love that movie.

Kathy Bates is so freakin' spooky in it!

[Guava Jelly]

8. She won an oscar if i remember for it

And she deserved it!

[SeattleGirl]

10. Absolutely.

Did you ever see her in Primary Colors? A much smaller part, but again, she was fabulous.

[Guava Jelly]

12. I havent seen that yet

But I bet she was great in it!

[SeattleGirl]

15. Oh, she most definitely was!

So was John Travolta. Had Clinton pretty much dead on.

[Sugar Smack]

40. He was a murderer and a COCKADOODIE BRAT.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Loved that movie.

[Guava Jelly]

62. Sugar Smack...Have you been AVOIDING ME!!???

(slips into creepy stalker mode)
:rofl:
:hi:

[MissHoneychurch]

4. You mean ...

you stalk others as well??? Not only me???

[Guava Jelly]

6. Well the witness protection program

hides you to well to stalk
Miss H

[MissHoneychurch]

9. That is just an excuse

because you aren't satisfied with only me

[Guava Jelly]

11. Well you just cant Avoid Me Miss H

We had something special!!! :loveya:
I..I loved you.But just because i kept hanging out on your front porch and peaking in your windows.
You had to get the police involved :rofl:

[MissHoneychurch]

13. Oh that was you

who climbed the tree!!! Why didn't you just ring the bell and walked the steps up? Climbing the tree was so dangerous, I had to call the police

[Guava Jelly]

14. You mean All i had to do was knock??

Crap i'm no good at subjects of romance.
(as i peek through your window)So why are you wearing undies that say tuesday on them right now..Its thursday.. :hide:

[MissHoneychurch]

16. My Thursday undies are dirty

and I have to wear something, don't I? :shrug:

[Guava Jelly]

17. If you insist

:evilgrin:
And just what happens on thursday?? Who is this gentlemen i have to bump off lol :)

[MissHoneychurch]

18. Who says

it was a gentleman?? :evilgrin:

:rofl:

[Guava Jelly]

19. Now i am really gonna peak through your window

:rofl:

[MissHoneychurch]

20. Ya know

we won't keep you from joining :rofl:

[Guava Jelly]

21. I am gonna need cold a shower Stat!

I'll bring the wine and the 70's adult movie music.
woo hoo finally a manag'e a three

[NMMNG]

22. Nobody I know of

:shrug:

[Guava Jelly]

23. Oh so there you are!!

I am your new #1 FAN!!!
:rofl:
good morning :)

[NMMNG]

25. Good morning

:hi:

[Guava Jelly]

27. How are we today

Just read your tag line..
He's friggen nuts that guy is!

[NMMNG]

28. Tired and ready for bed

Luckily I'll be getting off in about 1/2 hour and going home.


Yes, Robertson is effing whacked. Once I read that quote I just had to put it in my sigline. :rofl:

[Guava Jelly]

30. Sleep well

Stalk to you later..I mean talk :rofl:

[NMMNG]

31. Thanks

I think I'll put a piece of furniture in front of the bedroom door--just for peace of mind. ;-)

[Random_Australian]

24. The Evil Gnomes. They are on my shoulder! AAAGH GET THEM OFF!

I'm bieng menaced by elves!

[Guava Jelly]

26. Did you say Elvis is stalking you?

Maybe i need more coffee :rofl:

[Random_Australian]

29. ÁÁÄÁÄGH! Yöü hävé ïnvókëd thë ËLVÍS ÉLVËS!

Oh no! They taunt me!

And on another note, you are NOT AN EMACIATED COMMUNIST WAIF.

So there!

Edit: Mispelled ÉLVËS as ÉLVÉS.

[Bassic]

32. Ain't no onw stalkin me!

I'm reasonably sure!

[malta blue]

33. No one would ever stalk me....I'm invisible.

:rofl:

[hfojvt]

50. ICU

RU visible because U can B seen, or can UB seen because UR visible?

[qnr]

34. No idea, but I wish they'd stop throwing that celery at me, it's getting

annoying.

[NewWaveChick1981]

35. I had a stalker once, but it wasn't on DU.

It was when I was a freakn' grocery store cashier back in college. :scared: The guy asked one of my coworkers what my last name was, and like an IDIOT, they gave it to him. :grr: I didn't find out until I told my boss what was going on, and she called the staff together to talk about security and safety. One of the baggers said, "That must have been the guy who asked me what your last name was." I said, "You didn't give it to him, did you?" He said, "Yeah. He seemed really nice." WTF? :wtf: This guy (unknown to me at the time) followed me around campus and knew exactly where my classes were. He got my number out of the phone book and called one night. He said, "I saw you on campus today." I nearly dropped the phone. I had two male roommates at the time (purely platonic), and one was home. He was sitting in the den right by the phone, and he saw the color drain from my face. I said, "So what's your name?" He said, "John. I know all about you. I'm in love with you." I said, "So where did you see me on campus?" In the meantime, I wrote my roommate a scribbled note that said, "Go next door and call the police. I'm being stalked." He looked alarmed and ran next door. The guy proceeded to tell me EXACTLY where I went, right down to the pee break I took in the Student Union. :scared: I said, "You shouldn't be doing that. It's really sneaky." I wanted to get as much info out of this guy as I could to see exactly what he had been up to. However, when my roommate got back, he grabbed the phone and said, "This is her boyfriend. You'd better leave her alone." I don't know what the guy said, because roomie wouldn't tell me, but it was pretty ugly. He said, "That's OK. The cops know where you are." The guy hung up. A few minutes later, two cops showed up at my door, and they took down all the information. I was shaking and scared but they had all the info. They also stationed a cop outside the apt. building for a few nights just in case.

I looked over my shoulder everywhere I went for the next couple of weeks. About that time, I saw a newspaper article stating that a guy named John Risk had been arrested for harrassment of a student. The girl worked with the cops and set up a sting at her apartment, and they caught him red-handed. His picture was in the paper too, and I nearly fainted. John Risk was a regular customer at that grocery store. I took the paper to work right after that and asked the bagger if that was the guy. He said, "Yeah! He seemed so nice." :( Yeah, right... :grr: The guy owned a restaurant on the main drag in town. I called the cops who helped me before, and I told them this was most likely the guy who was stalking me. They never had enough evidence to arrest him for stalking me, but he was tried and convicted for the other case.

Rest assured I won't be stalking any DUers, and I hope to hell they're not stalking me. :hi: That rommmate and I later dated after he moved out, and I married him in 1992. He's a big guy who's ready to kick ass... :yoiks:

I know this is a fun thread, and I don't mean to bring anyone down. It's just that stalking is a sensitive subject for me, even 22 years later. :( :hi:

[Guava Jelly]

36. I stalk you still nwc

:)

[NewWaveChick1981]

37. LOL! It's OK if you want to stalk me.

:hi: :* Just no creeps, OK?

[Guava Jelly]

38. cool

well if you weren't so dang stalk able :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

43. ...

:* Just keep the creeps away from me, and the job is all yours. :hi:

[ForrestGump]

44. Is it okay if I just sorta stalk HIM so that I don't have to do all the

work that a well-run stalking of you would require?

Actually, I'm sorry you had to go through that episode at all, with that Risk wacko. Sounds scary as hell -- sounds like something that should be confined to the realm of movies, and not anyone's real life. I'm glad that he not only was not able to carry anything further with you but got nailed by the authorities. :hug:

When I first met my wife her (psycho, cocaine-immersed crazy New Orleans chef) boyfriend used to follow us around and spy on us, including managing to watch us in a jacuzzi, but nothing ever came of it despite some overt threats. Still, it was a bit disconcerting, not least because he was a cocaine-addled gun nut on top of everything else. Off the Internet, at least, I've never experienced anything close to what you describe, wherein I became the object of someone's warped desire (and I'm guessing that, many times, the allure of a stalker's target is actually somewhat peripheral to just them having to play out their pathology), except for short-term (few days, usually) versions with women here in Vegas as a result of my current way of making a living. I was once hunted by a man who meant to kill me, but that's a bit different... :o

But, yeah, I'll just be following GoPsUx around for a while... :D

[NewWaveChick1981]

52. Please keep your eye on him, FG...

I want to make sure he's repelling creeps all the time! :P

[ForrestGump]

58. All right. We'll stay right here, outside your living room window,

watching each other. :D

[Guava Jelly]

48. I'm on it!!

I will be your creep repellent !!

[NewWaveChick1981]

51. Yay! I get protected from creeps!

:hi: Thanks!

[ForrestGump]

53. Hey

Stop looking at me like that.

I'm just standing here. I ain't doin' nothin'...

[ScreamingMeemie]

39. Not on DU, but my ex stalks me whenever he finds me, until

MrG frightens him away. I'm lucky that he's pretty harmless and now has been warned... but stalking isn't really humorous to me. :hi:

[ForrestGump]

45. Okay, Forrest...

quit humming "Every Breath You Take"... :o

Bozo ex...I hope he never needs to be chased away again. At least you've got Elvis on the job. :D

:hug:

[ProfessorGAC]

41. You Are A Liar!

I have no fans! Therefore you must be lying about being my #1 fan! :evilgrin:
The Professor

[graywarrior]

42. George Bush is stalking me.

Every time I turn on the tv lately, there he is....in a suit....talking to me....trying to convince me he cares. I wish he'd just leave me alone.

Other than him, no one here stalks me...that I know of, as I am oblivious to anything outside my own self absorbed kingdom.

[deutsey]

46. I stalked myself for a while but grew incredibly bored.

:evilgrin:

[Dangerously Amused]

47. I prefer law-abiding stalkers, myself.

[Guava Jelly]

56. As do we All

:)
great toon btw.

[reyd reid reed]

57. Well, of course

If a stalker doesn't follow the rules and say 'please' and 'thank you' he's drummed out of the stalker's union and has to be a peeping tom. And where's the fun in that?

[Dangerously Amused]

65. RRR baby! How you been?

I don't see you around much anymore. I MISS YOU!


:cry:

[reyd reid reed]

69. How'd I miss this earlier?

I've been around, just a little more...restrained, lately.

I've been wondering where you'd gotten yourself to. Up to something no good, I hope.

:evilgrin:

[reyd reid reed]

49. No one's ever stalked me...

I feel so left out and depra...deprived.

:cry:

[Guava Jelly]

54. I'm right behind you

Say nice ___ you have triple R ..you want fries w/that shake.
:rofl:

[reyd reid reed]

59. A fill-in-the-blank stalker, huh?

:rofl:

[Guava Jelly]

60. Well i may stalk my good lady

But i try to be polite about it :)

[reyd reid reed]

61. How gallant...

Just...don't be too polite, that takes half the fun out of it.

:evilgrin:

[Guava Jelly]

63. yes my dear la...wait you said don't be polite..

(Must resist crassness..Danger of thread lock)
:rofl:

[reyd reid reed]

67. Must. Resist.

My ass.

:evilgrin:

[Guava Jelly]

68. I could never resist your ass

:hide:

[Dora]

55. I tried stalking Matcom.

But I bored myself and gave it up.

[SOteric]

64. If anyone on DU is stalking me, they're doing a very bad job of it.

Assuming, of course, that the desired result is to have the stalkee at least a teeny bit aware of the stalking.

[ForrestGump]

66. Sorry

I've been busy.

But the thought is still there...

[Arugula Latte]

70. Or, as the Freeps say: "Who is STOCKING you?!!11!1??!

im SERIES!!11!11