I start teaching again next week...I need dumb, dry, and clean jokes....

[Fountain79]

Example....What do you call four matadors in quick sand? cuatro sinko...

[jobycom]

1. I'm sure you've heard of the Brazillian joke....

I assume it can be modified to be politically neutral.

[Fountain79]

2. yeah...I work with middel school kids...

I avoid politics in the sense of candidates if I can.

[yewberry]

3. Okay

Me: Knock, knock!
You: Who's there?
Me: Interrupting Cow!
You: Interrupting C--
Me: Moo!


So many kids' joke sites...
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/

http://www.azkidsnet.com/JSknockjoke.htm

http://www.ahajokes.com/kids_jokes.html

[Fountain79]

4. I already know that one...the kids love it...n/t

[sakabatou]

5. Ah, but have you heard of the interrupting giraffe?

[Fountain79]

6. ????

Do tell....

[sakabatou]

8. .

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting giraffe.
Interrupting giraffe who?
(dead silence)

[cobalt1999]

23. for the tardy kid

Knock - Knock
Who's there
Can't be Billy cause he's always late!

[Suich]

7. Try this site:

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/

Have fun!

:hi:

[saltpoint]

9. Maybe this one:

Each night after work a physician stops in to his neighborhood bar before going home and orders a daiquiri with walnuts. He happened to be very fond of his walnut daiquiris.

The bartender came to expect the physician about the same time each day and eventually would have the walnut daiquiri ready for him when he walked in.

One day, ten minutes before the physician was due at the bar, the bartender realized he didn't have any walnuts in the back, so in a quick decision, he chopped up some hickory nuts and used them as a substitute.

The physician came in a few minutes later and was given the drink.

"Hey!" the physician said, "This isn't a walnut daiquiri."

"You're right," admitted the the bartender. "That's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

============

[Fountain79]

10. Hmm....

I might just hold that one back....I try to avoid alcohol if possible....but it's funny!

[saltpoint]

12. Yep. Sorry about that. I know a whole lot more funny ones but

they're not exactly school material.

[Fountain79]

15. I'll save it for a first date. n/t

[saltpoint]

17. Sounds like a plan.

Good luck on your classes this year, Fountain 79.

You're on the front lines of the world's second oldest profession (and the only one that really changes things.)

More power to ya.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

27. Pfft! As a just former middle schooler, we know a lot more than y'all

give us credit for :evilgrin:. I can't think of any 'adult' jokes that would go over our heads :)

[Floogeldy]

11. Why did the chicken cross the road?

[saltpoint]

13. to show possums how it's done?

[Floogeldy]

14. Heh heh.

Good answer, Old Crusoe. ;)

[saltpoint]

16. Floogeldy, it's a real lift to see you tonight on DU.

I hope all's well your way, good person.

[Floogeldy]

18. Thank you, friend.

May the blessings of goodness, peace and health be upon you, Old Crusoe.

I pay homage to your profile comment, and second it:

"Give me Mario Cuomo. RFK. Birch Bayh. Ramsey Clark. Julian Bond. Bill Moyers. Barbara Boxer. Dennis Kucinich. Bella Abzug. George McGovern. Thomas Eagleton. Jan Schneider. Joe Hogsett. Bill Bradley. Al Gore. Alexis Herman. Dale Bumpers. And not least, the winners of the 2004 election--John Kerry and John Edwards."

:)

[saltpoint]

19. A cold beer for both of us, then!

:toast:

No, wait. Let's make it TWO cold beers for both us.

:toast:

[leftofthedial]

20. why'd the cowboy buy a dachshund?

he heard someone say, "get along little dogie."

[taterguy]

21. I had a job at a newspaper but I got fired . . .

I was working the religion desk and use the word "alleged" too often.

I actually heard an econ prof tell that joke. 3 of the students laughed. The other 278 wrote it down in their notebooks and wondered if it would be on a future exam.

[Richardo]

22. I always liked this one...

Ever notice that when geese are flying in formation, one side of the "V" is always longer than the other?

Know why that is?

There are more geese on that side. :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

24. I need to put you in touch with my dad. He's the king of

dumb, stupid, corny jokes that are very clean. :eyes: I love him, but I just wanna smack him when he starts telling those jokes! :rofl:

I try to blot them out of my brain, so I can't help you here. Sorry. :(

[av8rdave]

25. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

Oh wait...guess you can't really use that one in class.

[yellowdogintexas]

26. Why is my hand like a Lemon Pie?

Because, it's got meringue on it.

[KFC]

28. What did the dog say when he sat on a corn cob?

Ruff Ruff.

[SOteric]

29. Did you hear all the Minute Maid workers got laid off?

Yeah, they just couldn't concentrate.

[Blue-Jay]

30. Two firemen were buttfucking in a smoked-filled room..

The Fire Chief walked in and said "Hey! What the bloody hell is going on here?!?!"

One of the guys stuttered, "Um! Smoke inhalation! He was suffering from smoke inhalation, Chief!"

The chief replied, "WHAT!?!? Didn't you try mouth-to-mouth?"

"Of course I did! How do you think THIS shit got started?"

[SOteric]

31. Did you hear, - the workers at the U.S. mint are on strike?!

They want to make less money.

[rustydog]

32. Oppernockity the piano tuner?

This person looks in the yellow pages for a piano tuner, sees Oppernockity and calls the number.
Mr. oppornockity comes out tunes the piano and leaves.

a month later the man calls back because the piano does not sound right.
the piano tuner declines saying: "Oppornockity tunes only once."

[grannylib]

33. When geese fly in formation, that formation is called an 'echelon.' If

you watch them, you will notice that it's in the shape of the letter "V" and one arm of the "V" is always longer than the other. Do you know why?


There are more geese in that one.

[Richardo]

37. #22

:cry: No one pays attention to me.

I like the 'eschelon' intro, though. :)

[Evoman]

34. What do you call a group of chess enthusiasts bragging in a hotel lobby??

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

[Blue-Jay]

35. "Foy-yay"!

[Lars39]

36. elephant jokes

http://www.elephantjokes.co.uk/

[izzybeans]

38. Well the aristocrats is out.

I've got nothing left.