Can you turn down being a bridesmaid?

[idgiehkt]

I just got asked to do this and I really don't want to. What is the rule about this? I've never been asked before.

The problem is, it's my sister that asked me. We aren't close. We've had some really rocky times; in fact it got so bad one day a few years ago that I lost it and cold-cocked her. I guess I should be thrilled she would ask me. But really she has people she's alot closer to than me...I just hate these southern baptist weddings my family has where there is a preacher and you have to listen to him go on and on about how the wife should submit to the husband and the husband has to 'stand up a be a man' (a direct quote from one of my brother's weddings). It took all I had not to get up and walk out of both my brothers' weddings. There are about 27 reasons I don't want to do this. I guess this is one of those 'what would you do' questions.

[texanwitch]

1. Yes you can, just so no.

I did, not close to my sister either.

[idgiehkt]

3. thanks, good to know

I'm not the only one, thanks.

[Kire]

2. My first reaction was that you would regret it forever.

But it's your choice. I don't know your relationship.

[pitohui]

34. kire, you will NEVER regret it

take it from this older lady, you will always be happy you didn't get into the bridesmaid scam

[Midlodemocrat]

38. Yup. You're right on, Kire.

[Sugar Smack]

4. You are not cut of the "Bridesmaid cloth". Say "NO" and it will

save your sanity and improve your relationship. I swear, please trust me on this one. Whatever was rocky before will become irreperable, and I'm not saying that cause I'm a sunny optimist. Bow out gracefully. "Ohmygod, I'd LOVE to but, ______, I'm so sorry!" It will save you tons of grief.

:pals: :hug:

[undeterred]

5. Yes.

[IsIt1984Yet]

6. Will you be attending the wedding at all?

I don't know, maybe it's a chance for healing a relationship. If you're going to sit through the bullshit spewed, why not do it standing beside your family? I mean... she wants you to or she wouldn't have asked, right? Could she possible be reaching out?

I guess I'm lucky like that; I love my sister dearly and I am honored to be her maid-of-honor this fall :bounce:.

[idgiehkt]

8. yes, I will go.

but this bridemaid deal, I just don't know about.

[IsIt1984Yet]

10. Do you think she could be reaching out...

or do you think she "HAS" to ask you?

[idgiehkt]

14. no, she doesn't have to ask me, not at all

but I don't think she's reaching out either. I think she's getting laid and high on that so she's in the mood to be nice. This is a new guy, they've only been seeing each other a month or so.

[IsIt1984Yet]

24. That's too bad.

A month, huh? I made that mistake and have been paying the price for many years as a result.

I imagine that you must also grapple with the idea that being "involved" at the bridesmaid would lead to bigger issues?

Best of luck with your decision, do what's best for all. :hug:

[China_cat]

41. Nah...she saw a chance to finally totally humiliate

her sister by making her actually buy one of those butt ugly bridesmaid dresses and wear it in public.

[Chan790]

7. Well...

Yes, you can. However, I suspect that this is a conciliatory gesture, an olive branch, if you will, on your sister's part. If she's making an effort to reach out to repair your relationship, slapping away that effort is probably going to:

a.) really hurt her.
b.) be more trouble than it's worth.

[Redneck Socialist]

9. I'd say suck it up and say yes,

but I have no idea what your relationship is really like so my opinion is pretty worthless. :shrug: Sorry.

[idgiehkt]

13. I must be

just the most unsentimental bitch on the planet, cause I don't see what the big deal about all this stuff is. What is there to 'suck up' and why? What am I supposed to feel about this compelling me to do it? There's just nothing there. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

[Kire]

28. self delete

[Scout1071]

11. I've tried. You can't. Just suck it up and make the most of it.

Sorry to be a downer, but I've been a bridesmaid around 6 times. I've tried politely to say that I didn't want to do it, but in the end I did...and glad for it.

If someone thinks enough of you to ask, you should honor that request, suck it up and do it with a smile. It will probably mean the world to your sister.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. I got out of being a bridesmaid at my mom's wedding.

My mother described the dress as sleek and simple. We went to go get fitted and I found out her interpretation of "sleek & simple" is "ruffles & sequins." Couple that with them not having my size in stock (2 petite), I looked at myself in the huge dress and freaked out. Basically, I cited gender issues, although it was really dress issues. I ended up wearing a really hot black cocktail dress & stillettos. The rest of my sisters suffered in their 20lbs of fabric in August and I was comfy.

[idgiehkt]

15. If I said that worry about the dress wasn't part of it

I would so being lying, lol.

There's just so many issues...thanks for sharing that.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

18. Yeah, picture a jeans & t-shirt type person suddenly seeing themselves

wearing a ruffled, sequined dress that's two sizes too big and designed for someone a foot taller than them. My mom does have some sort of bizarre sequin obsession though. I blame the Bee Gees.

[Nicole]

16. You can turn it down but...

I wouldn't. The fact that she asked you, instead of the people she's closer to, seems like she wants to improve the relationship between the two of you.

Since you're going to hear the preacher anyway, you might as well do it as one of your sister's honored attendants instead of just a wedding guest.

Ask yourself if any of your 27 reasons are worth jeopardizing your relationship with your sister & possibly alienating other family members as well.

[idgiehkt]

22. naw, it's no big deal

they know I'm a freak, lol. It won't make any difference either way to any one but me. Sis and I don't have a relationship...it was a nice gesture of her to ask, though.

Thanks for the feedback, looks like it's different strokes for different folks from the responses. I do adore her fiance', though, he seems like a peach. I hope he is, cause she is moving in with him after just a month. If he turns out to be a Ted Bundy-type, she'll be stuck.

[yellowdogintexas]

17. do you see her often? do you live near by? If this is an out of

town thing and you are going to have to rearrange half your life to be there for the rehearsal, pre wedding stuff, etc that bridesmaids are supposed to participate in, and buy a dress, shoes, etc. maybe you could beg off on expense and impossible scheduling, then attend the wedding and enjoy it more ..

now if all your brothers and any other sisters are also going to be in the wedding, she may just truly want all her siblings in the wedding. hard to say.

but guess what? you can vent here!!!!

also..why not counter offer with keeping the guest book, or cutting the cake or something like that.

[politicat]

19. Ask her what her colors are going to be.

Then make the decision. If you can get a dress that you would wear elsewhere out of the deal, then it might be worth doing. But if she's going to put you in a lime-green and orange plaid empire waist with spaghetti straps number... say thanks, but no thanks.

And it's okay to tell her that you think her best friend or whomever should stand up with her. Let her know that you're afraid that whoever will be hurt if she doesn't ask that person.

[NNadir]

20. It would be easy for me. I'm a man.

[sbj405]

21. She may be happy that you would decline

She may just be asking you since you are her sister. I'd figure out a way to give her an out. Something like "so and so must be upset she isn't a bridesmaid. I know how close you are. I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to include her instead of me."

[idgiehkt]

23. wow, good point.

let's hope so.

[Hobarticus]

25. If your heart's not in it, no...

My wife let herself get roped into a friend's wedding. Problem is, she doesn't think the couple should be getting married, and she's dreading it. Whatever the reason, you shouldn't force yourself to do something that you don't want. Life's too short.

[Redstone]

26. It would be REAL easy for me. I don't look good in a dress.

Redstone

[Jamastiene]

27. I'd say you have every right to politely say no.

I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to.

[spacelady]

29. It's just one day, if it's not a serious hardship, be there for

your sister and help her have a great wedding day.

[pitohui]

35. the cost is a hardship for most people

that much money for a dress that makes you look shitty

trust me, you are not as important as you think you are, even if you don't even bother to show your face at all, she will have a great wedding day if she is meant to have a great wedding day

it ain't about you

we wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of us if we realized how seldom they did!

[ScreamingMeemie]

30. Ask yourself seriously if you would have any regrets if you didn't

stand up for her. My uncle didn't stand up in my dad's and regretted it. Me? I'd do it just to appease the bride. But if you were my sister and I somehow knew or found out you felt this way I wouldn't want you to stand up. I guess the thing is the day is about her and her husband, not you. So, go from there.

:hi:

[Solon]

31. I want to be a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding, but she won't let me...

She said they'll never find a dress in my size and I'm stuck being a Groomsman instead. :D

Actually she told me to guess what I was going to be in the wedding, my first response was Usher, mainly because in all my various cousins' weddings, I have been an Usher. This will be the FIRST wedding in which I'm going to be something DIFFERENT for once. So I said if I can't be an Usher, I'll be a Bridesmaid, for some reason, she wasn't amused. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

32. She's probably asking you out of a sense of assholish obligation,

or in order to "trick" you. More than likely, it's just assholish bullshit Southern Baptist fuckwittery.

But really, who cares?

If you don't want to do it, and obviously you don't, then tell her "No, I don't want to do it - you clearly have friends who are much better choices to be your maid of honor".

If she bitches about it and goes all Godbitch Diva Bride-to-Be-UberBitch on you, then it just proves what a useless, emptyheaded, vain and contemptuous **** she is, and proves how right you are to not accept it. If she is relieved that you said "no", then all is good.

Either way, you win.

[pitohui]

33. YES and please do so

i have never accepted being a bridesmaid, it is asking you to pay significant costs for somebody else's really boring party

i eloped, others should do the same

every time you say "no" to this crap, you save yourself $5,000 -- and you strike a blow for sensible people everywhere

just say hell no to being a bridesmaid, life is too short

admit it's easy for me, as a high functioning autistic, they can always fall back on "well, what did you expect from her anyway?" and no one ever gets mad, if they think you are nermel the friendly kitten, it might be a little tricky

[idgiehkt]

37. speaking of nermal

she lost him. Another stupid thing she's done. We had him for years, then he lived at my grandmother's but she kept tripping on him, and then my grandmother had to give him to my sister, who left him outside on his very first night, and we never saw him again. We had that cat for over a decade. $%@#$%!. I hadn't thought about than in a long time.

But I digress.

[Midlodemocrat]

39. Oh, that's ridiculous.

There are no 'cookie cutter' weddings. What is good for one person is not good for another.

[CanuckAmok]

36. Enlist.

It's your only way out.

[Dulcinea]

40. Do they do wedding readings at your church?

I'm not familiar with Baptist protocol, but at Catholic weddings they have people selcted by the happy couple to do readings, usually the one from First Corinthians ("the greatest of these is love.")

Offer to do a reading instead of being a bridesmaid. That way you're part of the wedding & won't have to buy the ugly dress.

I *had* to be included in my sister's wedding a few years ago, & I wish I had taken that route. It was a miserable experience. All the other bridesmaids were part of her little clique; I was just the geeky sister that simply must be part of the wedding or it would look bad. I had to shell out over $100 for a dress that went to Goodwill. I was completely ignored by everyone, ended up getting very drunk, leaving early, & no one even noticed.

[donheld]

42. Yes I can

It's really very easy for me. :hide: