My boyfriend wants out of our relationship

[Amaya]

I've been dating this man for over a year now. Half of the relationship was long long distance (he was in Europe).
He moved back about 3 months ago and now he doesn't know if he can handle the family thing.
He says, he's scared he'll disappoint me.
I have children from a previous marriage. Of course he knew all of this and he didn't seem to mind before.
He's good with the kids and they become close to him. That breaks my heart.

I gave everything to this man and tried so hard.
He told me, he loved me and that he really wanted this.
Hell, he took a job here in the States so we'd be closer. Now, he changes his mind??=

I feel like I've been hit by a ton of bricks.

:(

(just needed to vent) thanks.

[LadyoftheRabbits]

1. I am so sorry...

I recently had the same thing happen, and it's agony, but it wasn't for nearly as long as your relationship. :hug: I'm sending good vibes your way...

[Redstone]

2. Oh, m'dear, I'm damn sorry. By the way, when a man says "I'm afraid

I'll disappoint you," he's punking out (and lying).

That's just a ratbag excuse for whatever the reeal reason is. I don't know if it helps you feel better for me to say this, but it's the truth.

You deserve much, MUCH better treatment than that.

Redstone

[Sugar Smack]

8. I second that. It is truly his loss,

and Amaya is a very beautiful person with real quality to her character. She doesn't deserve the rug pulled out from under her like that.

:hi: :hug: :pals: Amaya!!!

[MoseyWalker]

3. move on

there will be someone who will come along who is loving to you and your kids.

Don't waste the tears on this person.

Love and life will find you and make you happy.

[yvr girl]

4. I'm so sorry

I'm sure he was aware of the kids before, but now that he's closer, they're more of a reality. Maybe he's just not ready for the responsibility. :hug:

[AirmensMom]

5. I'm sorry, Amaya.

:hug:

[greatauntoftriplets]

6. I agree with what Redstone said, and for this reason....

My 26-year-old nephew's SO (who is 38) had three kids. Said nephew is so great with those kids that it'd be damn near as devastating to them if he left than when their father did. The kids are in a bit of upheaval right now, because as a part of the divorce settlement, the house they have known for years must be sold and the $$$ divided between mother and father. So they will live somewhere (though still in the same area because of schools and friends), but without the enormous one-acre yard that they so love.

I mean, if this kid (from my perspective) can do it, so can other men.

[Courtesy Flush]

7. Of course he'll disappoint you

Show me a relationship where no one disappointed each other. It's what people do best. That's a really bad reason to back out.

I have a wonderful cousin whose husband left her after a few years of marriage, claiming that it just wasn't the same as when they were newlyweds. Maybe this would have been your fate if he'd have stayed longer. Maybe it's better to lose him now, rather than later.

I'm rambling. Blame the scotch.

Sorry this happened to you. Hope things work out for you and the kids.

[ZombieNixon]

9. If he's going to back out at this stage, he doesn't deserve you anyway.

:hug:

[Redstone]

10. Here, this ought to cheer you up:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=5512829&mesg_id=5512829

Redstone

[sarge43]

11. Better to know now, Amaya than, say, two or three years into a

marriage.

As tough as this is right now, he may be doing you a favor.

[sendero]

12. The universe..

.. is closing this door so it can open a better one.

[Guava Jelly]

13. Sorry Amaya

I had been hit by a ton of a bricks almost a year ago.
It's painful But it does get better.
I have seen your pictures on here and though I do not know you .You are a very attractive lady.
And i can tell you for sure that it is his Loss!
Take care and be around friends..
:hug:

[RiffRandell]

14. Wow. I'm so sorry.

[graywarrior]

15. Fuck 'em. You're too good for him.

[RagingInMiami]

16. I think there is something he is not telling you

It's not like you suddenly surprised him with the fact that you have kids. He had plenty of time to think this over in Europe.

Are there external pressures? Like parents who would rather not have him get involved with a woman with kids? Does he suddenly think now that he is in the US, he can go out and find another American girl?

Whatever his reasons, you and your kids deserve a man who is going to be real, not some fly-by-night dude.

So if he is having second thoughts for whatever reason, it's better you know now, no matter how painful it is. Sorry you have to go through that.

[Aristus]

17. I'm sorry, Amaya.

:hug:

[bigwillq]

18. I think it's for the best.

Obviously for whatever reasons, he is unsure of what he wants right now. If he doesn't know what he wants for himself, he could never commit fully to the relationship.
He needs time to figure out what he wants right now.

I think it's for the best that you to go your separate ways. I know it's going to be hard but you're a strong girl and you will get through this.


So sorry. Shit like this sucks but we will survive.

:hug: :hi:

[johnnie]

19. I'm sorry to hear that Amaya

In my time here I have only seen you as a beautiful person inside and out. I think it is his loss. Take care.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

20. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

PM.

[Pale Blue Dot]

21. Want me to kick his ass? Let me kick his ass.

You just say the word and his ass is grass.

[Evoman]

22. What I am about to say may make you hate me.

I am your boyfriend...well, no..not reall. But I've done exactly what he did. My ex-girlfriend did not have children mind you. Heres the story:

We went out for a year and a half. Half that time we spend long distance. The month we broke up, she had just moved into town for a co-op term. She hates the city I live in, but she took a pretty crappy co-op job here, just so she could be with me. I broke up with her a month later. I probably gave her the same type of excuses..oh, I'm not what you need. I don't want a family, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, she was a nice person and I really liked her, but I found that I wasn't attracted to her anymore. She just didn't do it for me, and she was a homebody, while I liked to do stuff. So I broke up with her. She took it hard..I felt bad, two weeks later we were back together. So two weeks after that, I broke it off again...fairly harshly.

I don't know why people fall out of love or attraction. I told her I loved her and I didn't mean it. I felt like an asshole, but those words you can't take back. Just accept it..there is nothing you can do, and your better off living your life without him. My ex finally found somebody, and I hear she is happy. I hooked up with someone a month later...I'm still with her 3 years later and I love her dearly.

Things like this happen...its happened to me as well, and I've been responsible for heart ache too. Its part of the game of life.

[jonnyblitz]

23. damn

sorry to hear this, especially since I am partly to blame that you even met him. :( :hug:

[Zomby Woof]

24. I am so sorry Amaya

:hug:

I do not like to see your good heart in pain... what a terrible development...

Please know I am keeping healing thoughts for you.

[u4ic]

25. I'm so sorry, Amaya

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

26. I'm sorry.

:hug:

[Kat45]

27. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Amaya.

He's probably not scared he'll disappoint you; he's probably just scared, period. The worst thing about it is probably that your kids got close to him; that's a tough one. But I know you, and I know you'll bounce back. Lots of guys are attracted to you; one of them will turn out to be a good one. It finally happened for me; I met a good one four months ago; we're taking it slow, and so far, it's going well. :hi: :hug:

[SKKY]

28. Why do we always do this?

Why will a man create a stupid, obviously false, potentially more hurtful reason for breaking
up with someone instead of using the truth and a little sincerity. In what mind is, "I'm afraid I'll
disappoint you." better than, "Listen, I've been thinking a lot about this, and it's just not
what I want anymore. I hope you can understand that."? We are a spineless creature sometimes....
I'm sorry you're hurt by this...