Public marriage proposals

[Courtesy Flush]

How do you feel about them? I'll taint your answers by giving my opinion first: I believe that public proposals are a very manipulative act, coercing a "yes" response, and should me met head on with an embarrasing rejection.

How do you guys feel?

[jpgray]

1. I feel the same way

Unless it's -really- a foregone conclusion that she'll say "yes" and she will love the drama, I think it's really tacky.

[idgiehkt]

3. tacky is a good word

If someone did this to me I'd want to kill them. Just so not me. I don't think the person should be rejected just 'cause they do something like that...but it's still kind of gross display that seems to kind of cheapen what I would want to be a private moment. It's kind of like if someone bought me an expensive piece of jewelry like an engagement ring instead of having a new clutch put in my car or something like that that I really needed. All those rituals around that kind of thing don't make sense to me.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. It depends on the couple. I would have been horridly embarassed,

but I guess it's up to the askee to say no. :hi:


***MrG was three sheets to the wind when he "asked to marry me"... Actually it was, "Hey, if you can get rid of this trailer, and we save up some money...I'll marry you..." What an Offer!!! :bounce: My white knight...sigh... ;)

[NashVegas]

5. A Query

How many proposals come with no prior hints or discussion, intentional or otherwise? ie, vague references to some point in the distant future, in which its assumed you'll still be together.

[ScreamingMeemie]

7. I was actually a little stunned when MrG brought it up...

He was drunk because he was nervous about bringing it up. We'd never really "talked" about it, even though we had (at that point) been dating for 4 years. For us it was kind of like an assumption. weird, eh?

[NashVegas]

25. LoL

If it had been me, I'd have been PO'd at him for asking drunk. Drunk means someone can wake up the next morning and go, "what was I *thinking*?"

[Courtesy Flush]

20. True. A proposal should not come as a surprise

You're planning a life together. "Planning" should be part of that.

Having said that, I'll admit this. My wife and I had been dating for quite a while, and the course of events seemed pretty much set, when one day we were driving somewhere and I said "Looks like we're probably going to get married". She said "Seems that way." That was not the proposal. That was our pre-proposal discussion and life planning session (in its entirety).

The good news: we celebrated our 23rd anniversary this past weekend.

[ScreamingMeemie]

10 years for me and MrG on our surprise. I'm glad it was a surprise.

I'm not big on micromanaging things. I think, again, it depends on the person. My way is not your way. Your way is not mine...and that makes neither way better. :hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

23. Oops

too much caffeine

[Zomby Woof]

30. I vehemently disagree

There is no such thing as "too much caffeine". :eyes:



:loveya:

[greatauntoftriplets]

8. Has he always been that big a romantic???

:rofl:

It's the husband that counts, not the proposal.

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. You should have been there the year he gave me a lawn mower

for my birthday! I love him! He has always taken care of me... He's just a shy, backward Southern boy. ;)

[greatauntoftriplets]

19. My father once wanted to give my mother a vacuum for Mothers Day

Fortunately, he asked us and we said absolutely NO.

[ScreamingMeemie]

21. My kids are not that helpful.

;) Every once in a while he surprises the heck out of me. A couple years ago he bought me a little emerald and diamond necklace and earrings. I think it is even more special because it is so out of character. He's bought me flowers twice in our 22 years of knowing each other.

My kids? They bought me a rug last year for Christmas. :rofl:

[greatauntoftriplets]

26. We were adults at the time...your kids may come around.

The necklace was a great surprise.

[skygazer]

48. My sweetie bought me about $300 worth of tools one year

for my birthday. He was so nervous. He figured he'd either hit a home run with the gift or made a huge mistake. Lucky for him, he knows me quite well - I was so excited and delighted! :bounce: I got a nice DeWalt cordless drill, a good toolbox filled with a set of pliers, screwdrivers, a nice hammer, some drill bits and a tape measure. Oh, and for another occasion (Mother's Day, maybe?), he bought me a nice set of jumper cables and a roadside emergency kit (with a 5 ton hydraulic jack!).

It's so nice to be with someone who takes care of you. And I take care of him, too. :loveya:

[Chan790]

4. The morons do it because they think it's sweet

that they're showing you how much they love you by doing it front of 55,000 drunken Yankees fans. Observationally, every body I've ever known to do propose publicly was either enlisted military or a Republican and usually both.

Edit: They're morons for proposing publicly, not for being enlisted military. I love our troops so much that I think we should bring them home...and send their highest superiors to replace them at the front lines. There, potential flamewar averted.

[TimeChaser]

6. Well, the only ones I've seen have been at anime cons

:shrug:

[LostinVA]

11. giggle

[TimeChaser]

14. Geeks can only marry other geeks

It's true :D

[LostinVA]

79. I know this

A male friend of mine proposed to his girlfriend in a hot air balloon... and the ring he gave her was the LOTR ring... ne Ring to Rule Them All. One Ring to Find Them, One Ring to Bring Them All, And in the Darkness Bind Them... it was like $300. She wore it as an engagement ring.

And yeah, it was inscribed in Elevish....

And yes, he seems very "normal"...

hehehehe

[AngryAmish]

9. Tacky, manipulative and self-centered

What sort of jackass would do that? A tacky, manipulative and self-centered jackass.

[LostinVA]

10. I agree -- the two couple I know who became engaged that way

Never got married.... the woman felt pressured to say yes. On e was my aunt -- her BF proposed to her at Disney World in front of about 200 strangers.

[evlbstrd]

13. I always want to yell "Run!"

A guy got turned down on a jumbo-tron at a baseball game here, and, hence, on television.

[Pale Blue Dot]

15. I think it depends.

I proposed to my fiancee in the middle of a crowded restaurant. The whole room went "awww...". However, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind as to what her answer would be, so manipulation wasn't the aim; I just wanted to publicly proclaim my love and commitment to her. It's kind of a "thing" with us.

[ScreamingMeemie]

16. Gross!!!!

;) Hey, I don't think I ever said... Congratulations!!! :hug: May you have many happy years together. You both deserve it.

[LeftyMom]

17. It's kinda lame to do it the same way as everybody else

Proposal via Jumbotron should be an automatic no unless there's some reason why proposing at the game would be most special to the person being proposed to. Restraunt proposals are rather overdone too, unless it's a significant place in the couple's history (first date or something.)

The sweetest proposal story I ever heard won a contest for best proposal- the guy took his girlfriend fishing (apparently something they both enjoyed) and one of his friends who was a scuba diver put the ring on her hook while it was in the water. Anybody who'd go to that much effort and do something so unique has almost got to be a winner.

[Courtesy Flush]

22. Won a contest

I think that sums up the public proposal mentality. It's a comptetition to out-do the other guy's show.

The fish thing was pretty good though. And they didn't make a show of it.

[Haole Girl]

18. It depends

If the person expects it, sort of, that's one thing. But, it is rather unfair to spring it on a person in front of a crowd. I was thankful my hubby didn't do that to me. But, to each his own!

[NewWaveChick1981]

24. I think proposals are private matters and should be kept that way.

If the asker wants to enlist the help of parents, friends, siblings, or whomever, that's fine if it's done the right way. To make a big public to-do about it is just pressuring the askee to say yes.

Mine was private, and hubby was nervous, but it worked out fine. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

27. Just as obnoxious as the Bridezalla Godbitches on their wedding day

everything screams "LOOK AT ME!!!!!" and nothing says "love" or "us" or "we".

[Divameow77]

28. I think it depends,

if the guy puts so much time and energy into trying to be romantic then I don't think he deserves to be called a loser and such, he tried to be sweet. That being said some public proposals are so overdone, get more creative guys. My ex-husband just kind of said "well what do you think" when we were getting teased about our upcoming trip to Vegas. If it happens again it better be something better then that :grr:

[alarimer]

29. I would die of embarrassment

I would hope that the person knew me well enough to know that I would hate that and not do it in the first place.

This goes for proposals in front of family or friends as well, not just football stadiums (stadii?)

[Iniquitous Bunny]

31. I've been twice proposed to.

Both times in restaurants. It's fine by me. I think you generally KNOW where the direction of the relationship is going. Proposals don't come out of the blue, so by the time it actually happens, you know what's going to happen.

In my current relationship, I got hints of a proposal before I was quite ready, so I gently talked about being not-quite-ready on a theoretical basis before it happened. I think it was appreciated. When it did happen and I was ready, he knew it! :D (I doubt I'd even mind something more public, but I tend to prefer long term relationships. I have rarely "dated" someone who wasn't the type of person I'd consider committing to long term- gotta love those serial monogamists,- but that's just me and I'm a little weird, so who knows :shrug:)

[blondeatlast]

32. Tacky beyond belief, IMHO.

Attention whores proposing to attention whores?

No, thank you.

[idgiehkt]

35. yeah, like the king and queen of attention whoredom themselves:

[MissMillie]

33. It'd be nice to be asked

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

34. not a fan at all.

"Gee what a great guy/gal i am doing this whole dog and pony show for the public"

[Guava Jelly]

36. Cant say anyone has proposed to me in public.

Do i need a breath mint???
:rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

40. Marry me GoPsUx!!1!1!111!!!1!!!!

There!


:7



P.S. Fair Disclosure Notice: I think I may already be betrothed to Starbucks Anarchist from a while back, and I proposed to billyskank too, but he's still making up his mind. FYI.

[Sanity Claws]

41. Get lost, Hussy! He's mine.

He even called me his queen Monday night.

[Dangerously Amused]

44. Hussy? HUSSY?!? Why, how dare you!??

The correct term is "tramp." Geez!



And anyway... well, you're just lucky, that's all.


:cry:

[Sanity Claws]

47. My dearest Tramp

I'm sorry if I reacted too strongly. Perhaps we can share him. Do you want me to ask him?

[Dangerously Amused]

55. Works for me.

I think he'd probably prefer it that way, actually.



:hi:

[Guava Jelly]

60. ok

:)
i am pretty dang liberal
Share away my good lady's

[Guava Jelly]

45. My queen I was waiting as your Humble servant but you never beckoned me.

What does her Majesty require?

[Sanity Claws]

49. Sweet Prince

The joy of your company is all I request.
On second thought, are you rich?

[Guava Jelly]

50. Ahhhh ,...I can cook

:)
And I at least can make you laugh :)

[Sanity Claws]

53. A good cook!

Let's see. How about Peking Duck? Or Moo Shoo Pork? Chinese is definitely my favorite.

[Guava Jelly]

56. A Prince must please his Queen!

I shall learn your majesty!

[Guava Jelly]

43. I Do!!

Shit!!! Now i gotta buy a ring.
And thank you D_A you sure know how to make a guy Smile!!

[Dangerously Amused]

54. Yaaay! He said yes!

:woohoo:



Can't wait 'til our big day...










Psst. The ring I want is in a gumball machine. It's whichever one comes out. Or I can make my own out of a Juicy Fruit wrapper.






:hi:

[Guava Jelly]

57. Oh the most beautiful Bride you would be D_A

We would have to do a Gene Kelly dance bit at the reception though I think.
Oh if i was only as handsome as Gene :)

[Sanity Claws]

58. Okay Tramp. I give up.

You can have him. He's just a sweet-talking two-timer. He can't even cook Moo Shoo Pork.
BTW, you really should have held out for a better ring.

[Guava Jelly]

59. Oh how quick my queen deserts me.

I have nothing left to live for ..
arrrrrrgh!
:)

[Dangerously Amused]

61. NOTHING left to live for???

Suddenly I'm chopped liver?


:cry:

[Guava Jelly]

63. Oh dearest D_A ..you are everything to live for!!!

And if you are chopped liver.
Then Chopped liver is my favorite dish!!

[Dangerously Amused]

66. Sure, you say that NOW.

Now that your queen just dumped you...


:cry:

[Dangerously Amused]

62. Eh... hold on a second here, there's some drama cookin'...

[Sanity Claws]

64. See? I told you he was a sweet-talking two-timer.

Both of us should leave him.

[Dangerously Amused]

65. He just called me chopped liver. I think.

And not even the good kind.


:cry:

[Sanity Claws]

67. You poor dear.

Let me give you a hug.:hug:
We should kick him to the curb.

[Guava Jelly]

70. first my lady leaves me then my queen leaves me .

All is lost.
:(

[Sanity Claws]

72. I, the Queen, left you first.

The Tramp left afterwards when you said "all is lost."
We're all alike to you, right?
Are you groveling yet?

[Guava Jelly]

74. yes my queen!

I am unworthy of either of you.
I shall now gouge my eyes out and wander the world as a Beggar.
:(

[Guava Jelly]

69. I would never considered you chopped liver D_A

:)
See i am so freaked out i cant type :)

[Guava Jelly]

68. Please don't leave me ladies..

I :loveya: both
Guess ol Gopsux needs to just deal with being alone :(

[Dangerously Amused]

75. Awww.

You know I couldn't really ever leave you... it's... it's just hard for me to deal with all those lovely women throwing themselves at you all the time...


:hug:

[Guava Jelly]

76. I would hope not

:hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

80. Damn right you're betrothed to me!

However, I retain the option to have multiple betrothees.

:P

[Dangerously Amused]

81. Just as long as we have an understanding, baby, it's all good.

:* :* :*

[Starbucks Anarchist]

82. Back at ya.

Now do the wifey thing and make me some dinner. :popcorn:

[Dangerously Amused]

85. Sure. As soon as you do the husband-ly thing and

...turn over your paycheck.


:evilgrin:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

86. That would require having a job.

Sorry, can't help you there for a couple of weeks! :D

[Sanity Claws]

83. Hmmm!

She took my man, my prince. You should be very careful of two-timers.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

87. I don't care if she's a two-timer.

I just want some of her time. ;)

[skygazer]

37. There is no way anything like that would get a "yes" out of me

A kick in the nuts, maybe. I don't appreciate being made the center of attention, particularly among a group of people I don't even know. And if the person proposing didn't know me well enough to know that, they have no business proposing to me.

(Of course, my SO proposes to me - privately - fairly regularly and he never gets a "yes" either. But it's the principle of the thing)

[liberalhistorian]

38. Well, I can't really say,

considering I've never actually had a proposal, even at my age.

[calico1]

39. I hate them!

For one thing, how romantic is it really to get proposed to at a stadium where all the crowd of strangers can participate? We went to a Nascar race one year at Dover Downs and there was one. I told my boyfriend if he ever did that to me I would kill him! I also agree with others that most people who do this are attention whores. "Look at me, look at me!" And if the woman is not expecting it then it's a manipulative tactic imo. And besides, what the hell do I care if a couple of strangers gets engaged in public? Is that supposed to be the highlight of my day? Keep it private!

[TimeChaser]

42. Hmmm

Maybe there's something different with a general public event and an anime/gaming con. A differnt sense of community, even if you don't really know the person. :shrug:

[reyd reid reed]

46. I agree

And once...just once would be enough...I'd like to see the respondent take the beer or soda or whatever it is that she's holding (because most of the ones I've seen have been at ball games) and dump it on the guy who's so sure of himself and her response that he'd dare to take something that should be private and publicize it.

But what do I know?

:shrug:

[Fox Mulder]

51. I feel the same way.

[tigereye]

52. mmm, kinda weird

should be more intimate, I guess.

[flamingyouth]

71. I'm a private person

My fiance is way more so. But hey, whatever works for people. :hi:

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

73. I always thought it was sweet personally

granted, what do I know? I'm a 14 year old virgin male :(.

[Courtesy Flush]

78. Learn a lesson here, son

The guys who do it always think it's sweet. Basically they're hedging their bets. They're putting pressure on the woman by putting a spotlight on her. That's not sweet IMHO.

However, there seems to be a minority of people here who like the idea, so I guess it's not a bad thing in ALL cases. You have to really know how your intended feels about these things, I guess.

In the final analysis it comes to this: A woman will never resent you for proposing privately and romantically (assuming she's willing to be proposed to in the first place), but some women (maybe yours) will be scarred by the act, and some will say yes because of the audience, and some will even go through with the marriage, just because they said yes in front of their friends.

Is that really what you want?

Let's face it. The best way to propose is with a discreet email or text message, not in front of a crowd.

[Ariana Celeste]

77. If my SO did that,

I would know he must be joking, and hilarity would ensue. Fortunately he is a private person like I am and would have never put me through that kind of embarrassment. We talked about it at home, though we pretty much "knew" from the beginning.

[LadyoftheRabbits]

84. I wouldn't have a problem with it...

if we both knew that we were going to get married anyway. :shrug: Otherwise, yeah, I would feel kind of coerced.

[NNadir]

88. I proposed to my wife in an off handed way, privately. She hated it.

She thought it sucked. We were living together at the time, and the subject came up sort of unexpectedly. (I didn't think she wanted to marry me, so I never actually thought of proposing. I thought I'd leave well enough alone and just live with her for as long as she would have me.)

Once I dropped the fact that I would be thrilled to be her husband, she didn't just say OK. She made me take her to a restaurant and publicly get down on my knees and ask her to marry her, give her my mother's ring, the whole schlemeil.

I did.

She made a big game of hemming and hawing in the restaurant and being indecisive about the whole thing.

To each his and her own. Some people kind of like that stuff.

Our marriage, by the way, is the best thing I have ever known.