Gay Adoption

[querelle]

My best friend and his partner of three years have just been approved for an adoption. I personally think that they are not ready for this. Their ages are 38 and 41. The problem? They are both kind of selfish and enjoy all of the things that childless people do alot. International travel, dining out at least four times a week, coming and going when they please, etc. I fear it will put a terrible strain on their life-style and ultimately their relationship. Where will that leave the child? I have spoken to my friend about this, but he became very defensive and insisted that they could handle it. I fear that they only want a child as as a "must have" accessory.

Comments?

Q

[Rhiannon12866]

1. And what did they say? Why are they choosing to do this now?

Like you, I sure hope that they have thought this out. I have a gay friend whose partner was inseminated and she adopted the little girl. This child is also hers and she's totally committed to this. You have to be. She will be the cornerstone of their lives for another 20 years, and more. I agree with you. I would suggest that most people think twice before even adopting a pet... I wish them luck.:-(

[mad-mommy]

2. Is anyone...

Is anyone really prepared for a baby, single, straight, or gay? The most important thing in raising a child is to love them, and to show them a loving relationship if there is a wife/husband, partner involved. In other words, if your relationship is not good, and you have the choice, it may not be a good a idea to start a family. I know our lives have changed dramatically. Yes, you can't do all the things you use to do, but those things are replaced by other things, which can be just as fulfilling. As far as leaving the child, do you mean child care when they travel? Why wouldn't they take the child with them? Since losing my mother, I find it difficult to find someone to watch my kids just for Dr. appts, but I work it out one way or the other. You learn to adapt.

[liontamer]

3. do you expect them to sit around at home, and go to puppet shows before

they have a kid? When the child comes they'll have to adjust. Since they're adults and not say 14 yos, it's likely they've thought this through. children are always a strain, but people manage.

[AirmensMom]

4. Would you be concerned

if they were a hetero couple who just found out they were pregnant?

I'm sure we never would have been approved for an adoption when we had our kids. We were so young and immature. They've been approved ... they must be doing something right. I say it's time to celebrate with them.

:hi:

[querelle]

5. Yes I Would Be Concerned

If they were str8. Recently in Canada gay adoption became legal and these guys just want to be one of the first in line to take advantage of the latest "trend". I have nothing against gay adoption, but these guys are not ready for it. They have no clue about what they are in for.

Q

[AirmensMom]

6. OK.

I guess my point was that people have babies all the time without their friends worrying about it. It was more a comment about adoption vs. having their own. That's the only reason I mentioned straight.

But still, I can tell you that no one knows what they're getting into. They will have to make some changes, but I'm sure they will adapt. And some of that selfishness might just go away when they have a little one to consider. I've seen it happen. The bottom line is that it's their decision and you're not going to change their minds, even if you do end up being right.

[querelle]

9. Thank You Airmens Mom

People do have babies all of the time and adapt accordingly. I hope my friends can do this for the child's sake. I do know one thing for sure. I will be called on to do alot of babysitting as I just live around the corner from them!

Q

[AirmensMom]

11. Did you say babysitting?

:bounce: I used to LOVE babysitting my grandson ... and I sure wish he didn't live so darned far away because I want to babysit him again! :bounce: Aw, shucks, just have them send the little tike over here. :loveya:

[querelle]

13. Their Child

Is going to be a little girl from China. I take it you know all about abandoned female children in that country. It's very sad. Chinese orphanages are filled with little girls that need homes. My friend and his partner are adopting one of these children. A cute little girl from China.

Q

[AirmensMom]

16. That's wonderful!

:applause:

Yes, I know about those little girls. What a shame that girls are treated so badly. I had a Chinese friend many years ago who told me that they frequently kill the baby girls. I don't know if that's still true, but it sure is terrible. :cry:

I'm sure your friends will fall in love with her and won't mind making adjustments to accommodate her.

[Chan790]

8. Be that as it may

I don't think anybody is ready for kids, even when they think they are. Nobody has a clue what they're in for. Christ, my mother called the hospital on my third day of life and tried to give me away.

You adapt...you make it work, and if you're not ready, your kid will damned sure make you ready. Sure, it might (probably will) put a strain on their relationship, but the important thing is whether they'll love the kid. If they love the kid, they'll make it work, no matter what comes. If they were the sort of people who are going to grow bored of a kid and walk away from the commitment in 6 months or a year, they'd never have made it this far in the process without being flagged.

[Midlodemocrat]

7. I would bet you that they will be fine.

NONE of us are prepared for the impact a child has on our lives. But, you overcome it because you love that little bundle so much.

If you had told me that the only movies I would see for the better part of a decade would be Disney flicks, I would have said you were off your flippin rocker.

Kids have a way of changing you. For the better.

Best to your friends.

[xchrom]

10. who's ready for kids?

and they'll soon find out about ''lifestyle''.

it'll be good for them -- makes me smile to think what they are in for.

[flvegan]

12. Applause to the agency that's adopting to them.

Being ready for a child is a total farce, I think. You can get ready for a puppy or a cat, but not a kid (in my opinion). I think that it's awesome that this agency is adopting to an openly gay couple. That rocks.

Hey, if they're serious enough about each other, then I think they're like any other couple of 3 years duration.

Congrats to them (though I do understand your concern)!

[querelle]

14. There Are No Adoption Agencies In Canada

It's all done through the government. Anyone can adopt, gay or straight, as long as you can provide proof of a stable home life. It's not like that in the rest of the world?

Maybe I'm naive.........

Q

[flvegan]

15. No shit?

Wow. From what I've heard from my want-to-adopt gay friends, one has to practically beg the Godfather on his daughters wedding day to get one approved/put through.

Of course, this is Florida. I really should learn to expect less, sometimes.

[Fleshdancer]

17. People have had kids for worse reasons

To be fair, almost all people enjoy childless activities prior to having a child and living a more independent life is the luxury many have when they aren't caring for a child.

From where you're sitting, you see them traveling less and eating in more. What they probably see is the chance to unconditionally love and support a growing human being for the first time in their lives. When you want kids, this doesn't sound like a hard decision to make. They are already familiar with the life they have and it sounds like they've decided that it's worth changing completely. That's just how it's done with planned parenthood.