Why have I poured myself a drink at 12:34 p.m.?

[crim son]

Let me tell you: the buyer for the house fell through; my "husband" says he sees us stuck together in this house for at least three more months MINIMUM; I keep trying to wean myself off all the antidepressants and shit so I can focus on my classes but every time I do I go crazy; I have asthma for no apparent reason; and finally, last and most dreadful, I have discovered that sometime in the last couple of months I have developed CELLULITE on my thighs. WTF? My Love leaves me, my separation from my husband is interminably stalled, I'm unemployed and now, apparently, I am AGING at an unprecedented rate. Just when I need to be my best, I'm becoming my worst.

:toast: my friends. Here's a hope that none of you ever find yourself as truly fucked (yet not!) as I am.

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. Cellulite can be adorable!

:hug:

Seriously though, mark a date 6 months from now on the calendar. Then, when you get there, look back and say,"Damn! Am I glad that's over."

I'm so sorry things are tough for you right now. :( :hug:

[crim son]

2. I was doing laundry this a.m. and watching Dr. Phil (ugh)

while folding. The headliner was a woman who, after three children, had developed really scary cellulite on her legs. Her husband found it so horrible that he couldn't look at it. My thought: I don't give a shit what my husband thinks. But what about my future? Am I destined to be alone because all this shit is starting to catch up with me? Geez. Kick a woman while she's down, why dontcha?

Thanks though, MrsGrumpy. Just a truly shitty day among many bad. Will pass.

[ScreamingMeemie]

23. You are not destined to be alone.

Even if it looks dark right now. :hug: That poor woman. Looks only last so long...and then we must stand on our own character. And I happen to like yours.

[crim son]

5. Wow, and congrats on your milestone!

True dedication to the cause! :pals:

[ScreamingMeemie]

22. ...or lack of a life...

Take your pick. :)

[crim son]

26. I remember being calm and relatively contented.

I wish very much that it would come back. But that's impossible. Enjoy. I know you've had some difficult times lately. It'll get better, dear one.

[malta blue]

3. You know...it is cocktail hour somewhere

Your asthma may be stress related - I developed it while going through my divorce.

Peace - have one for me too!:toast:

[crim son]

7. I've just finished that one. The next is for you, malta blue.

Crap, I haven't done this in a few months.

[ForrestGump]

4. What is on your thighs

is nothing compared with what is in your heart. It sounds trite, and it can be, but it's also true that it gets better from here. The Good Old Days are yet to come, and nothing you mention is irreversible...

:hug:

[crim son]

8. That gives me hope. The cellulite doesn't run in the family...

it's a result of losing the will to move, ya know? But at 43, how reversible is it? Sigh. One can't avoid aging, though I'd done so well thus far...

[ForrestGump]

15. There's nothing magical about cellulite

Although some (usually those trying to sell some bogus fix for it) will say different, cellulite is just regular fatty tissue. So, yes, it can go away. And, no, I, for one, wouldn't run screaming from a woman for such a superficial reason so, if you're at all worried about your allure diminishing, please don't worry -- anyone who'd be put off by what you describe as rapid aging (and we are always our own harshest critics, unless we're outright narcissists or otherwise deluded) is not someone you need around, anyway.

Here's another thing that sounds trite, but is abso-f***ing-lutely true: aging is in the mind. It really is. Your body may show signs of the years, inevitably at some point, but truly 'old' people are old in their mind first, and they may be so as young as 20 or 30 years old. Timeless youth is largely, regardless of how you look after your physical body, a mental and spiritual thing. I am sure you have plenty of examples in your own life that prove the truth of this....septugenarians who remain youthful and 40-year-olds who're creaking along as if at the end of their lives.

Nobody can own your mind but you and, ultimately, when all is said and done they can't change it, either. Keep on trucking, please, and don't let it get you down -- I say this in full recognition of how easy it is to say versus how uneasy it can be to do, because in many ways I have been in and recovering from very similar sets of circumstances the past few years. Your situation's unique, but some of us have been close enough to it and I'll witness to you day and night, if I have to, that it really does get better....if you let it and if you help it. Whatever you do, don't go getting truly old on us... :D

[crim son]

18. Wow, Forrest. Thanks for that.

Maybe I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't like to see what life events have done to me physically. In my mind, like many, I am very young and always trying to learn and grow.

I don't doubt that you've been through your own transformations. It's funny: I used to anticipate the transitions in life. Sometimes they are spiritual; sometimes intellectual and now (shit) physical plus all of the above. I suppose it's part of the process of becoming a full human being. Frankly though, when I consider the bitter end of the process - say, my grandmother at 96 1/2, I wonder if it's all worth it. Who am I to question however?

:hug:

[ForrestGump]

21. Go ahead and question, but don't forget to live

Not that you would -- it sounds to me like you'll be fine because, like you say, in your mind you are young and always learning and open to growth and transformation. That puts you ahead of a lot of people, people who seem to figure they've learned all they need to and that the rest is just retiring and dying.

Growing pains fade, but the growth stays.

:hug:

[skygazer]

6. I found myself there in 1997

The year started with me spending a week in a nuthouse; it ended with me in surgery for cervical cancer. In between, I lost my best friend, my home, my job and my 15 year old daughter got pregnant.

In January of 2001, I had my 40th birthday. I spent it on the rim of the Grand Canyon and it was the best birthday I ever had. I had changed my life, I had a job I enjoyed (and still have), I was financially independent (though not rich, by a long shot) and I was happy. I hadn't taken an anti-depressant since December of '98 and I still have not.

Have yourself a drink, crim son, but please believe that this too shall pass and that there IS sunshine ahead. :hug:

[crim son]

9. skygazer, it's strange. It's been almost six weeks since

everything in my life imploded. And though I've been in denial and doing some strange stuff to try to get through it, I thought I'd be further along now than I am. I feel like I'm suddenly going backward... whether it's realizing some truth I hadn't acknowledged before or WTF. I don't know. Calling today for a new counselor. Did you do that? NOT ASKING FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, mods. Just curious. -L

[skygazer]

14. Check your pm

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[crim son]

19. Thanks sweetie. n/t

[crim son]

10. I'm sorry: I don't think I acknowledged your story.

I do understand, believe me. If my "husband" gave a shit, I'd have been at Acadia too. Although I'm grateful, in retrospect, that I wasn't, because it would have repercussions as far as my kids go. So far, they are holding on. :hug: I'm glad you are doing better. I wish I could feel more optimistic.

[Joe Fields]

11. So, why did you wait so long to pour one?

[crim son]

12. Because I've been trying to be positive, look on the bright side,

turned to prayer, tarot, tree spirits, faith in myself, hope! - my children, housework, exercise, piano, cooking, gardening, shopping, eating, packing, television, movies and DU... you name it. None of these diversions is working to take away the feeling that I am doomed. Hence: a drink or two.

[crim son]

13. Oh, and reading. Biography of Marquis de Sade.

He really was a nasty man. Not much of a pick-me-up.

[Broken_Hero]

16. congrats...:)

pour me a drink, I sure can use it, for other reasons though...whew.

[crim son]

17. Two.... perhaps three, may be my limit this afternoon.

What I'm after is numbness. I think I've achieved it. Are you okay?

[Broken_Hero]

25. yep, peachy...:)

Just sorta tired...:)

[crim son]

27. Ah, well that's my goal. Sleep.

Perchance not to dream...

[Broken_Hero]

29. yeah...:)

I revile in my dreams though...most of them aren't bad...

[crim son]

30. I'm thinking you mean "revel"

or else your dreams must be painful! Or stressful, at least.

[Broken_Hero]

31. you, you are right, see

I am tired...:silly:

[crim son]

33. Yup. You are forgiven.

I am a generous soul, that way... LOL.

[Broken_Hero]

34. thank you...:)

:toast: :)

[jobycom]

20. Ahem.

Some of us already are! A flat tire, and I might have to file for bankruptcy.

:rofl: Somehow, it just amuses me. I keep wanting to change my life, it may change itself for me at any time!

Have a drink on me, crim son.

[crim son]

24. Hey, joby, you alread know that in a former incarnation

I can relate to you!

Bamkruptcy. My father (a repuke) always warned that there was nothing worse! He said "Turn to your family." Easy to say, when the family actually has the resources to help, no?

Life can sometimes stagnate. Believe me, the answer is not to fall in love with somebody unavailable and then divorce your spouse because you realize you realize your relationship has been a lie for sixteen years! Yes, I know you probably weren't going there. One drink for you, jobycom: :toast:

[jobycom]

37. Well, I did

fall in love with someone unavailable, and I did (or am) divorcing my spouse after finally accepting that my relationship was a lie for 20 years. I just didn't make the second the cause of the first. It inspired me, in some ways, to realize I could fall in love still, and even better, that someone would actually like me back. But I refused to get involved in the new relationship, aside from feeling what I did. And leaving my spouse was done because I knew it had to be done, and had known for a long time. I made the two decisions separately, and analyze them separately. So I know I made the best choices. Well, except if I had to do it again, I wouldn't turn the "unavailable" woman! I just wouldn't plan my life around her.

If that makes any sense. It does to me, sometimes. :)

As for the bankruptcy, I won't go that route, it's just an expression. But I'm not looking at financial solvency for many, many years. Though I've got a few ideas that might speed it up...

[crim son]

28. Getting tired... of course that is the master plan...n/t

[crim son]

32. What I find remarkable about drinking in the afternoon

is that I feel so totally wasted so fast (have you noticed? Laugh) while in the evening I can have seven and be confident that I am totally comprehensible. No wonder I find myself with such losers, eh?

[skygazer]

35. I've noticed that

It is strange. Nice way of priming myself for a nap, though. Mmmmmmm..... naps.......

[crim son]

36. Yes, it's all about the nap.

Originally I thought about0 spending the afternoon banging my head against the wall, but that really upsets the kids... Naw. Kidding.