The worst thing about household staff is that they get sick.

[Rabrrrrrr]

"Oooh, Mr. Rabrrrrrr, I don't feel well, I don't think I can work today..."

Yeah, well, fucking boo hoo - the billiard room doesn't clean itself, you know?

:grr:

Now the cleaning is gonna be a wing behind for the rest of the week, and that throws everything off. The vacuumers can't vacuum until the room is cleaned; the chambermaids can't change the linens until the room's been vacuumed; the beverage staff can't refresh the water and tea pitchers and bring in clean glasses until the linens have been changed; and the stationers aren't supposed to replenish the desk supplies until the beverage staff have been in.

Now everything's behind because one of the staff has TB or strep or a broken arm or something, I don't remember.

[LSK]

1. quit bitching and mow the damn lawn already

:D

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Ha! I have three groundskeepers out today with some kind of

food poisoning or cancer or diabetes or something, I can't remember.

[skygazer]

3. You just can't get good help anymore

Used to be they worked through everything and were happy with a half day off every other week. But no, now they have to get sick days, and weekends and holidays and overtime pay and frigging benefits....

Where the hell is the justice?

[datasuspect]

5. two words

place settings. bloody hell, these cavepeople haven't the slightest clue what even the most inbred of royalty learn by age 5.

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. Ain't that the truth. A few weeks ago, my head waiter was out,

and I was having a regular dinner with a normal 25-piece place setting. And even with a diagram, the substitute still fucked up the placing of the fish knives and oyster knives, and he put Sherry glasses in place of the Port glasses.

I mean, seriously.

[greatauntoftriplets]

8. Totally spoils my appetite when that happens.

:cry:

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. And twenty years ago, that never would have happened.

Either the head waiter would have bucked up and come in - though eh would have had the decency not to touch anything if he was sick, he would direct the staff on how to properly set things up. God, I miss Pietr. But actually, with him, he had trained the rest of the staff properly, just in case he was out of commission or on holiday.

Workers nowadays, even if they know what to do, just aren't proactive and hardworking enough to make sure that the whole team knows what to do, and they're always too ready to "punch out" as soon as their "shift" is over, as though it's based on time, and not work done. Really disappointing.

[datasuspect]

10. back after the war

we had a gentleman by the name of roland foxwater, a former lancashire grenadier, so although his breeding wasn't up to snuff, he did come very well recommended from the earl of swansea and brigadier general sir arthur charles biggles.

i made him a captain of sorts.

crack discipline round the estate with that man. he would soundly thrash his charges with the slightest provocation. it was uplifting to say the least.

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. Oh, how I miss the old English Butler that started under my parents.

Sadly, he retired many years ago, and even British Butlers aren't as good - none of them want to thrash any more, the younger ones think it's a job and not a lifestyle; and they don't have the same sense of teamwork and that their job is to make me and my estate look good, and to keep all the bullshit behind the scenes, not in front of the Ambassador of Chile and his wife, or the King of Norway, or Henry Kravis, for instance.

[datasuspect]

17. i have found EXCELLENT candidates who formerly

had provided service to Her Majesty the Queen.

http://www.royal.gov.uk/output/page315.asp

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. I've found those guys to be a little too rigid.

They keep the fear in the staff at all times, which I don't like.

I prefer more randomly delivered, and therefore more stressful to the staff, bouts of fear and discipline. Old Mr. Cobblesworth, my parent's head butler, had it down pat - friendly and wickedly fun at one moment with the staff, getting a lot of work out of them, and an absolutely enraged sherry-fueled Waterford-throwing monster 12 hours later, getting a lot of work out of the staff, while my parents stood by and watched and just said to the staff, "If you don't like it, then go, because he is staying". He was fucking brilliant.

[datasuspect]

20. bloody hell you old devil

you mustn't mix too frequently with them what what.

although a brief visit to the scullery maids can be quite invigorating on a brisk night.

[greatauntoftriplets]

12. Everything falls apart my butler, Maitland, takes a few days vacation...

every other year. Otherwise, he keeps the staff pretty well in line, but then he has been with me since I was a teenager.

Really, I must do something about my personal maid soon (she doesn't come under Maitland's purview), but that of Mrs. Danvers, the housekeeper. That girl is too damn flighty for her own good, is bad with my hair and I think she is walking out with one of the footmen. Of course, I never allow social contact amongst those belowstairs. I shudder to think of what might be happening in the servants' passageways.

[datasuspect]

15. old rutherford

my dear father's valet, was with us until very late in his life.

i weeped when that man slipped the surly bonds of this earth. he taught me so many things when i was a lad.

[greatauntoftriplets]

21. Maitland is a jewel, as well, given that he is now 89.

He puts in a full day and is training the knife boy ever so nicely. Now, if only that shiftless personal maid could only supervise the laundry women to iron my clothing as nicely as Maitland does my daily newspaper....

[datasuspect]

23. well said,

perhaps you should put the old bugger out to pasture a bit what what.

[datasuspect]

4. it really is hard to find good domestic help

i've had trouble with multiple ingrates. theft seems to be a character trait of many of these ruffians. nonetheless, carruthers, my most solid footman, has given me 25 years of impeccable service. the man is a keeper.

but on the other hand, the rabble nowadays, well, i can't really say without offending the myriad vulgar who might read my words and see themselves reflected within.

[Haole Girl]

6. Who are you anyway?

Sandra Bullocks character from the movie Crash?

[democracyindanger]

11. Robots.

You're still using human help? You nouveau riche are so quaint.

[datasuspect]

13. you cannot bring a robot to tears when

you read shakespeare's sonnets to it whilst completely pissed on good port sherry and dressed in a woman's underclothes and garter belt.

[greatauntoftriplets]

16. Nouveau riche????

My 190-room pile has been in the family for nearly four months now!

[datasuspect]

18. indeed

our titles and land holdings were bestowed upon my family under the rule of the House of Wessex when Edward the Martyr was sovereign.

[greatauntoftriplets]

24. Mine are old Irish titles and holdings....

that date back to Brian Boru and probably St. Patrick, although that's difficult to prove, but we know that saints weren't always "saintly" back then. Of course, given that we tossed out the royalty some years back, I never use the title these days except to impress those who displease me. Since I am a progressive in an egalitarian society, I do my bit.

I think I will avail myself of the Rolls and chauffeur tomorrow to go about my business. Leavenworth has been complaining that he doesn't get to drive that beauty much anymore since I insist on driving myself in the Jag. I'll sip Veuve Clicquot in the backseat while he takes me around. :)

[datasuspect]

25. we keep to ourselves around the estate

i couldn't imagine mixing with the unwashed. in fact, i have not had any significant social contact with the public since 1975 when i cloistered myself.

[greatauntoftriplets]

27. Always an excellent idea when in the country.

Right now, I am at my city property, located on the outskirts in a leafy suburb. Naturally, I automatically snub those who are unwashed.

Now where the hell is my personal sommelier when my wine glass is almost empty?

GASTON!!!

[datasuspect]

28. dear god man!, you mustn't live like a savage!

we have london properties, but they have been largely shuttered since my brother, the earl of dunstable, was tragically killed in an equestrian accident.

[greatauntoftriplets]

32. It is a necessity when I have business to attend to in the city.

One's solicitors, bankers, stockbrokers, financial planners, estate planners, etc., claim to be "too busy" to take themselves to the countryside when I demand their presence to answer a question that they claim to be is "unimportant"! Maybe it is unimportant to them!

And then there are the shops in the city where the assistants turn themselves inside out with pleasure to serve me.

So sorry to hear about your brother, the Earl of Dunstable. Did you yourself put the horse down or let one of your stablemen do it?

[datasuspect]

34. i couldn't bear it

i had to holiday in the south for quite a few years.

but the horse was disposed of and placed in the family plot. his bloodline went back to 1032. magnus, the old demon. a great beast and very majestic.

i must refer you to my firm in london. they can give you sound advice in financial matters. they have a royal warrant and have had their shingle out since 1543.

[greatauntoftriplets]

36. Is your firm in London willing to travel to the west of Ireland...

when I want to ask what is the value of my portfolio?

Can you imagine that my firms are so lazy as to expect me to take an answer over the phone?

[datasuspect]

37. i can telephone my man directly

to make an enquiry of your affairs at your place of residence in the country, should you desire, it would be my pleasure.

we mustn't let that old internecine conflict stand in our way what what.

[greatauntoftriplets]

41. Of course we can't let that old conflict stand in our way...

it was generations ago! We are neither Hatfields nor McCoys. I do appreciate your efforts on behalf of my affairs. Business affairs, I mean.

[datasuspect]

42. well it is the united kingdom of great britain and northern ireland

but that former bloodshed taints not my perception.

[greatauntoftriplets]

45. How generous of you...

I, of course, am in the Republic of Ireland, though many of my accounts are (quite naturally) in London.

The Troubles were an unfortunate time for all. At least, I am a citizen rather than a subject.

[datasuspect]

46. and there is great consolation in having your authority

secured by god.

[greatauntoftriplets]

47. Yes, there is, I suppose....

As I said, though, I never use my title so apparently I have adapted a tiny bit to the modern world. Although it does come in handy on those occasions when I want to intimidate.

[datasuspect]

48. we are an inbred lot

madness runs in my family.

sometimes i dress like mary queen of scots and have a mock beheading in the old dungeon.

[greatauntoftriplets]

49. Oh, that sounds like great fun!

Do you dress the mock beheadee up like Elizabeth I in a sort of turnabout?

[datasuspect]

50. yes, we are all dressed in period clothing

it is great fun.

one of the reasons i don't go into town.

[greatauntoftriplets]

51. Yes, Londoners do tend to look askance...

at men dressed like Mary Queen of Scots. Punks with Mohawks pass muster, but not dead royalty.

:eyes:

Yes, no wonder you never go to town.

[Rabrrrrrr]

40. You don't have your own financial staff?

My chief financier lives on estate, as does my chief medical examiner, haberdasher, and bespoke tailor, who is of the line that broke off and formed the inferior "saville row" style.

[greatauntoftriplets]

43. No, I prefer to outsource those services.

With a staff of 386 as it is, it is difficult enough at Christmastime to remember all their names and what they do when I hand out their munificent bonus checks of $50.

[datasuspect]

44. the good lady spends her time in her city lodgings

i presume she has offices there.

but i could never abide by my staff refusing my requests.

[matcom]

22. BILLIARD ROOM?

your fucking Safari Trophy Room has dust balls the size of TIGERS! :grr:

how the HELL do you expect me to admire your collection of stuffed & mounted African cock-roach heads when i'm sneezing up a storm! x(

[Arugula Latte]

26. They must be kept in check, mustn't they?

Traditionally, Boxing Day is the day after X-mas when the landed gentry box up some goodies for their household staff. This year, why don't you stiff the bastards? That'll teach them, the unwashed ingrates.

[mad-mommy]

29. are you hiring, i need a job?

[datasuspect]

30. please direct your enquiries

to the

exchequer of the estate of lord dunstable

should we require further information, we will contact you.

your references can provide you with the proper contact information if you are in fact socially qualified.

[Rabrrrrrr]

33. If you were of the proper circle, you would know.

Clearly, you are unqualified, both skill-wise and socially-wise, for employment at my House.

[datasuspect]

35. my dear sir, i respect the forthrightness of your words

i at least try to give the rabble some kind of hope.

but i needn't mention this cuss could ever set foot on my well manicured lawn.

[Rabrrrrrr]

39. I wouldn't even allow him to chip the carbon off the cooking fireplace

in the guest boathouse.

[Nikia]

31. I remember one of my Mexican coworker's rant

When was married to a U.S. citizen and felt herself above most of the other Mexicans who also worked at the company. She complained that she was so tired going to work and being a wife and mother.
She said something like this one day:
"When I grew up, my family had maids. They would work for very little money because they were poor and we were helping them out by giving them a job. Many families could afford to have maids to do everything for them. Here maids expect to be paid almost as much as you. People are so greedy here."

[mad-mommy]

38. wow...nice person