Squirrels are EVIL

[LostinVA]

I already knew that, put...

I live in a pretty rural area, and our yard is wooded. The furbabies like to watch the deer, birds, and tree-rats. So.... the tree-rats are annoying, but their latest thing?????

I filled the "squirrel-proof" bird feeder (hahahahhahahahahhaha) with cracked corn, put it back on the "squirrel-proof" pole (stop it! I'm killing me!!!).... an hour later, the SO screams, "The squirrels!!!!!" A bunch of the furry demons were on top of the birdhouse leaning over eating the corn... I opened the door and walked toward them, and they flipped me off and ignored me. Then, one of them chewed through the WIRE holding the birdhouse up and it broke and feel to the ground.... breaking it. The nice sturdy National Geographic feeder my Mom gave me for Xmas.

OMG.

DAMN BEATRIX POTTER TO HELL! This is all HER fault! If not for Squirrel Nutkin...

[MissB]

1. They sit in the chickens' feed dish

and eat. As much as they want. Now and then my new kitty gets a glance at them. I think he'll be a good hunter.

Earlier this summer they were dancing on the roof of my bedroom at dusk. Bastards.

[LostinVA]

3. Last Winter, flying squirrels got under my crawl space

Chewed through the FLOOR and got into the walls between a bathroom and the office... they ran around all night long. The next day, the pest control guy trapped them. When he told me I had flying squirrels in my walls, I was all, "Like Rocky and Bullwinkle???"

Thank gods they didn't chew the wires.

I didn't even know VA had flying squirrels... HATE THEM!!!

[Patiod]

2. They chewed our screen and got into our kitchen

(this was in the days before a cat lived with us)

I finally splurged on a "squirrel-proof" screen, and they chewed through that.

I turned a burner on, and smelled urine. Urine? Urine? Oh $@#@!!! SQUIRREL urine - the damned thing had peed on my stove!!!! EEEwwww!!!

They sit at the window now and taunt the cat, but they don't come in any more.

[LostinVA]

4. OMG. That's way worse... and, calling anything "squirrel proof"

should be a felony...

[unsavedtrash]

5. they also like to chew through the cable lines running behind the house.

Comcast didn't believe us that the damn things were chewing up the lines until one of the service men here to check the cable problems saw the damn thing eating away. They put in new lines all over the street but they are at it again.

[LostinVA]

9. They did that to a coworker of mine

After the third time, they started charging her.

[mainegreen]

6. I saw a NPR show on how clever squirrels are.

They set up all sorts of crazy traps, tricks and obstacles between the squirrel and the food. The squirrel figured out a way past it every single time. It was neat to watch. They didn't just do trial and error. The squirrels sat their looking at their environment until *click* they shot into action without a misstep. Clever little buggers indeed!

[Rabrrrrrr]

21. I think I saw that one!

i remember watching a show about squirrels, and they had set up a very elaborate obstacle course involving having to run on a wire at just the right speed to rotate through it twice or three times or something while it spun and deflected downward, but before the squirrel's weight brought it down too low to get to the next obstacle, and then there was one obstacle that required one squirrel to hold it while another could run over it, and some other things that required teamwork, precise timing, certain speeds and weights, and what not. And, yes, by God, after a day or two, the squirrels figured it out.

That show also showed how "squirrel proof" on anything, except perhaps a 900 million volt non-enclosed bug zapper, is always a lie.

[AirmensMom]

7. Time to get some yard cats.

Go to your local shelter and get a couple spayed females. They're great hunters. :bounce:

[LostinVA]

8. They would get hit around here

They threw acorns at my car last Fall. I SAW them doing it. I went out and yelled and they watched me. As soon as I went inside, they started doing it again.

And, sometimes they are lounging on the porch when I get home and WON"T MOVE away from the door until I throw stones right at them. Then, they run away and sit there chattering at me. Ugh.

One of them is a sociopath, and tries to kill the other squirrels all the time. I am so not making it up.

[MissB]

12. Smart squirrels.

They were aiming for your car because they figured that the car would break open the acorn.

[LostinVA]

14. That's what I figured....

[AirmensMom]

13. That wouldn't stop a determined lioness.

I'm going to collect a few myself to keep the rodents and snakes down when we move into the new house. :D

[zanne]

23. Squirrels are too quick for them.

I have indoor/outdoor cats, two of whom are avid hunters. One of them, once, managed to catch the end of a squirrel's tail and pull like crazy while the squirrel dug in and pushed like crazy. (It was terrible/funny to watch). The squirrel won. The cat came in the house with a little tuft of squirrel fur between her teeth.

[Jamastiene]

10. Ahem...

Ahem...

Solution: Save a plastic dish from a microwavable tv dinner and fill it with sunflower seeds. Set it to the side somewhere where rain won't get in it and keep it filled with sunflower seeds. The squirrels will love that.

Request: Maybe...open the mind a little and perhaps enjoy the squirrels too.

If you didn't hate squirrels so much, I would maybe bother to do a few screen grabs of my video of the white sqirrels I used to feed, but considering...you...think...squirrels...are...EVIL....never mind.

[LostinVA]

11. I think squirrels physically are cute and adorable

And the ones around here are chubby, plushy, and bushy-tailed -- but they are all evil geniuses inside. I think they all need Prozac.

[Jamastiene]

19. I'm on Zoloft, so maybe that's why I get along just fine with them.

Instead of birds of a feather flock together, it's squirrels of a nut, ahem, I can't go there...well, anyhow, I'll never deny I am nuts. :evilgrin:

They ARE very smart, aren't they? It's impossible to outsmart one. I even tried one of those el cheapo 2 liter bottle screw on feeders and the supposed squirrel proof elizabethan collar to keep them away from the bird food. They jumped from a tree right onto the feeder avoiding the collar altogether and shook their little fists at me. Then one I later named Cyclops bit through the twine I had used to hang the 2 liter bottle dealio ( hung it on a horizontal pole rubbed down with oil and the pole stuck out about 6 feet.) After biting through the twine, Cyclops got down and beat the bottle on the ground until it broke a little, then slipped one of her teeth into the slit and ripped the bottle open.

And if that wasn't enough, she did this in front of 6 cats. The pole was attached to an outdoor playground I had built so I could go outside and play with my cats. The playpen was 8 feet tall overhead and wrapped around the outbuilding that I had planned on turning into a music studio. I no longer live there, unfortunately.

Cyclops later brought her babies up and took them to the feeder in the front yard while she went around to the back yard to eat in the window box. I eventually hand fed her a walnut. She came in the bathroom with me to get it. She would sit at the bathroom window on the window box and look at my cats while she ate.

That's why I surrendered and fed them all they wanted. Thanks to my props to the squirrels, I had the opportunity to see 32 mourning doves walking around in my yard. They started feeding at my place, because I built a feeder for the squirrels close to the ground. Later, the mourning doves paired off and "sunned" together. Talk about the "awwwwwww" factor. That was an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10.

[LostinVA]

20. That's cute!

And yeah, squirrels are smart. It's way I call them evil geniuses.

[Jamastiene]

22. Cyclops sure was a genius.

She was a eastern gray squirrel. She had one brown spot, slightly lighter in color than the rest of her fur, right in between her eyes. She would follow me around in the yard. I don't know what happened to her, but she was almost like an outside pet to me for, maybe, 8 years.

I used to double dig my garden in late winter. She would sit and eat less than 6 feet from me while I did this. When I started planting, I set aside a pile of sunflower seeds for her to eat, so she wouldn't eat my seeds. She took the seeds and buried them all over the yard and buried some in my garden. She would cover them and pat them with her little paws. Later they grew into decent sized sunflowers. Then the goldfinches came and hung upside down and ate the seeds right out of the heads. Those are some beautiful birds when they have their spring colors. Cyclops chewed one sunflower down and took the head and beat it on a rock and ate. I could have sworn I saw her grinning as she did that. I sure miss her.

[LostinVA]

25. Quit making me almost like squirrels!!!

*sniff*

[Jamastiene]

26. Muhahahhahaa.

I have joined zee Squirrel Nut Brigade. I vill charm you wiss my newly acquired invisible charming squirrel powers. You will love squirrels. You will feed zee squirrels. You vill enjoy them. Trust me. Muhahahhaahaha!!! :evilgrin:

[LostinVA]

28. That's just 'cause they isn't anything better to do in Rockingham

Except talk about Bucky Covington...

[Jamastiene]

31. I never got into him.

Rockingham is a boring place. That is true. Bucky, meh, I can take him or leave him, but I'd prefer to leave him. He sings like most of the singers here, pretty boring to me. They all sound alike and look alike to me.

[LostinVA]

32. It was so weird to hear that accent on TV -- and Pickler's

[Jamastiene]

34. Bucky's accent is really really thick.

God, I hope mine is not that thick. According to most people who know me, it is not. Thankfully. There is a such thing as a bad southern accent and Bucky, poor fellow, has the bad version.

[LostinVA]

45. I could understand every word he said

I lived in NC for 17 years -- Greensboro mainly -- and dated alot of people from alot of small towns around NC. Some of my friends were like, "Huh?" This area of VA doesn't have a real Southern accent.

But, the Buckster's accent is thicker than glue.

One of my exes talked just like Kellie Pickler.

[querelle]

15. Ever Try A Squirrel Catapult?

See it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdJELse_h90

I personally like the squirrels and keep a bag of unshelled peanuts just inside the patio doors all year round. Never had a problem with them being aggressive or destructive though. Last year, I gave one of them an unshelled pecan and he tried to get that thing open for over an hour before he finally gave up. I laughed so much. Doesn't take much to amuse me I guess.......

Q

[LostinVA]

16. The ones around here are the cheekiest I've ever seen

The only thing they're afraid of are the hawks that fly by every now and then.

[underpants]

18. My stepfather used to squirrel fish

he drilled a hole in an acorn and ran fishing line through it and would sit inside our old house and cast out onto the deck. The funny part was watching the squirrel brace itself on the edge of the deck and actually PULL. One did break the line.

[Avalux]

17. It's impossible; my Dad has tried to outsmart squirrels for years

He's made some crazy contraptions. The most successful was a birdfeeder on a pole that had a plastic circular barrier at the base - (probably a good 24 in. circumference so the squirrels couldn't reach from the pole to the edge of the barrier to climb up. Then he greased the pole with vaseline almost every day. Still though, I think one or two found a way around it. :hi:

[Jamastiene]

27. If there is a tree within 10 feet of a feeder,

no pole will stop them. I've seen them make death defying leaps and land right where they planned to land. Amazing.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. After a tough day of squirreling around...

[LostinVA]

29. hahahahaha

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. Here's another you'll like...

[LostinVA]

46. hehehe

[Onlooker]

30. Maybe you'll like this squirrel

(Actually, also just posted this in another thread. Must be a dead squirrel day.)

[LostinVA]

33. I don't want them dead -- just sent away...

[tjwmason]

35. Too damn right - at least the greys are.

We're actually realising what a problem the grey-squirrels are. They're not native to the British Isles, but are damn Yankee Imperialists.

They're forcing the smaller native red further north by eating all of its food, and giving it diseases. Then they do all sorts of damage to trees and other wildlife. Occasionally there is a discussion about the b******s on the news, and to get a balanced view they find some squirrel fan whose sole point is "they're cute".

:nuke:

[LostinVA]

47. See??? Beatrix Potter -- you Brits fault for that!

How did grey squirrels get to England?

[tjwmason]

54. Squirrel Nutkin was a red

which are infinitely more benign.

A small number of greys were brought over, probably because they were "cute" or some similar nonsense - then they started to take over.

[Blue_In_AK]

36. Who me?

[LostinVA]

48. Acccckkkkkk

[Mutley]

38. The squirrels in my neighborhood throw stuff at my head

when I'm walking my dog. Ouch.

[xchrom]

39. i gave up and just started feeding them.

[NewWaveChick1981]

40. I need to send my dog Vicki your way.

She fucking HATES squirrels and just wants to do them in. :rofl: She's the Squirrel Hutner Extraordinaire... and she's damn proud of it!

[fudge stripe cookays]

41. Get a Yankee Flipper!

http://www.yankeeflipper.com/droll/index.cfm

These are weighted so that nothing heavier than a bird can get on it. If a squirrel gets on it, it starts spinning and flips them off.

reprehensor and I were in a little wildlife/bookstore in Mineola a couple years ago, and they were playing the video (it has cute little sound effects added). We laughed so hard both of us were in tears. I about pissed myself it was so funny.

Might help you. Even if it doesn't work you'll get lots of laughs from it!
fsc :hi:

PS-- On edit, the video on the website is much harder to see how it works, and is much choppier. The full length viddy is higher-quality, and makes it look much more effective.

[LostinVA]

49. OOOOOH!

[Canadian Socialist]

42. Many years ago, in a land far far way...

well, okay my backyard... I have squirrels. When my cats (gone now) were young and frisky, they used to chase the squirrels. The squirrels joined forces and fought a gallant fight... with crab apples. From my tree. If only those squirrels could pitch for the Toronto Blue Jays, they'd be in the running for the pennant. Anyway, there was one squirrel who had half a tail (don't know why - probably one of my cats caught him there, or maybe it froze off in the winter). I would go out to the back steps in morning, with my cup of coffee, just enjoying the day before off to work. He would come up to the steps, sit beside me, and then look at me. I would ask him, very politely, did he want some nuts? He would look away. I would get up (he never moved), go into the house, get some almonds or whatever I had with regards to nuts, walk back out, sit down, and offer him said nuts. He would very delicately take them, eat, then look at me once more, and take off. Every morning for months.

Now, don't get me started about chipmunks!

[LostinVA]

50. I totally adore chipmunks -- cutest things EVER

[Elidor]

43. Squirrels broke into my parents house and held them hostage!

They put my mother on the phone and made me listen to her pitiful screams, then had her pass on their demands: a case of Pepsi, 10 pounds of peanuts, and a case of strawberry jam. Then they chewed all the furniture into piles of stuffing, peed all over the kitchen and beat hell out of my poor old stepdad! By the time I got there, they were just clearing out, and I tried to catch one of them, but he pistol-whipped me and threatened to make me his bitch!

:cry:

[LostinVA]

51. I bet this is true...

[fudge stripe cookays]

52. .

:rofl:

Funniest. Post. Ever.

[Merrick]

44. I had a squirrel landlord once

that fucker would never give anyone a break on the rent, even this old lady with diabetes who he threw out on the street for being three days late after her SSI check got lost in the mail. Also, whenever something needed fixing he'd always be off foraging.

[LibertyLover]

53. They used to nest over the winter in the A/C unit

my parents had at our house in New Jersey. It was gas operated so a pilot light was on all the time and warm. They would strip the wires of insulation for their nest. But eventually they would bite into the wire and POOF! would go the nest and squirrels. The problem was that it also shorted out the A/C - so every spring we would have to have the A/C repaired. About the third year of this, the repairman finally told us that they hated getting our call because they knew they were going to have to remove fried squirrel from the machine. The unit only lasted 5 years before it was no longer repairable - the company that made it went out of business after we had had it 3 years and the parts we had been able to obtain from Canada were no longer available. So we went to window units, removed the A/C unit and installed a barbeque.

Now we just let the 2 greyhounds and the 2 whippets out to chase the buggers away. A couple of the slower ones ended up as squirrel tartar for our greyhound bitch. Believe me, she enjoyed them.