Music to torture teenagers in detention

[dback]

I'm making a list of CD's with which to warn my high school classes on the first day of school, so they know what will await them for 3 hours of Saturday morning detention should they misbehave.

So far:

Barry Manilow
Andy Williams
Wayne Newton

Other thoughts?

[ForrestGump]

1. An endless loop of Richard Harris' 1968 original of "MacArthur Park"

No..wait...that'd be how to torture me.

And I think the original recording was an endless loop.

[Common Sense Party]

81. While we're at it, how about "Itchykoo Park" by the Small Faces?

I can't stand to hear that song ONCE, much less repeatedly.

[AirmensMom]

2. Soundtracks from old musicals.

Take your pick.

[nosillies]

5. That is always what I used when I worked in schools.

I ran a computer lab, and would sometimes play that in the afternoons to get kids to leave. Gilbert and Sullivan really made them madder than ALW.

That said, if the theater kids ever get thrown in detention, you'll make their day.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. Haha...I spent a decent amount of time in detention.

I'm still a theatre kid. I wouldn't have minded at all.

[stanwyck]

44. reminds me of Mom

and her soundtracks of "The Sound of Music" and "My Fair Lady".

[deadparrot]

49. I would have loved that.

:woohoo:

</theatregeek>

[AirmensMom]

54. I would have, too.

But my grown kids can't stand musicals. I figured it was a generation gap or something. :shrug:

[Joe Fields]

3. That should do it!

[MrScorpio]

4. Celine Dion

The same three songs all the time

[xmas74]

6. Hell, cut it down to one.

Just make an endless loop of the theme from Titanic. That would be enough to guarantee that I would never misbehave in class.

[seemunkee]

7. Opera

[Deep13]

8. They have to sit there for three hours on a Saturday.

Ain't that enough? Jesus, on a Saturday! Sieg heil, y'all.

[Bridget Burke]

9. It's Polka Time!

Unless they actually know how to DANCE the polka. In which case, they'll have fun. http://brave.com/bo/

[1gobluedem]

William Shatner

And the Macarena.

[Ariana Celeste]

28. Shatner would have just cracked me up

The Macarena however.... :scared:

[Solon]

68. To keep with the theme, why not Leonard Nimoy?

That Hobbit song would have drove me NUTS!

[1gobluedem]

73. You crack up when you first hear it

Endless repetitions, however.

How about the Brady Bunch album? Or Jim Nabors?

[xmas74]

10. My personal vote:

an endless loop of the Dr Demento classic "They're Coming to Take You Away".

After a few rounds of that you'd drive them all insane.

[Deep13]

41. Insanity will make them behave in school.

Worked for me. (cue Woody Woodpecker laugh)

[Initech]

11. How about just holding a microphone up to a speaker?

No matter what you play, there's always going to be that one weird student who has the adult contemporary station playing on an endless loop.

[NewWaveChick1981]

13. Classical music and opera.

That should make 'em really crazy! :crazy:

[MiniMandaRuth]

15. As a teenager who loves to listen to loud punk rock...

....


I am actually quite fond of both opera and classical music. :blush:

[RedStateShame]

14. Lou Reed: Metal Machine Music

Show them no mercy.

[martymar64]

57. I've heard that album!

It was Lou's Contractual Obligation album. Man did it suck!

[Hand]

16. Whitney Houston, "I Will Always Love You" at full volume!

Of course, arterial bleeding from the ears might mess up the floor a bit... :evilgrin:

[pagerbear]

45. Nope--original Dolly Parton version!

Unless, of course, you live in a part of the country where Dolly is worshiped.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

71. I saw her sing that as a duet with Melissa Etheridge on CMT.

It was awesome.

I like Dolly Parton though and always have. I have bizarre and varied musical tastes. I also listen to Marilyn Manson and Tupac. :shrug:

[Fountain79]

17. I love Northern Mexican music....

but most anglos would dislike it and to be honest it begins to get old after a while.

Intocable
Los Tigres del Norte
El del Norte

-They'll hate you.

[LeftyMom]

18. Kenny G

:scared:

[Fountain79]

19. Isn't that against the Geneva Conventions? n/t

[LeftyMom]

21. I don't think anybody'd object to calling high schoolers enemy combatants

:evilgrin:

[datasuspect]

24. better than that: ZAMFIR

or yanni

[GoneOffShore]

37. ARRRRRGGH!

Not the Yanni.

[martymar64]

58. Slim Whitman

Yodelling will make them crazy toot sweet.

[datasuspect]

66. red sovine

this one is a tearjerker:

I was on the outskirts of a little southern town
Tryin' to reach my destination
Before the sun went down
The old CB was blarin' away on channel 1-9
When there came
A little boy's voice on the radio line
And he said
Breaker 1-9
Is anyone there
Come on back truckers
And talk to Teddy Bear
Well I keyed the mike and said
You got it
Teddy Bear
And a little boy's voice came back on the air
Preciate the break
Who we got on that end
I told him my handle
And then he began
Now I'm not supposed to bother you fellows out there
Mom says you're busy
And for me to stay off the air
But you see
I get lonely and it helps to talk
'Cause that's about all I can do
I'm crippled
And I can't walk
I came back and told him to fire up that mike
And I'd talk to him
As long as he liked
This was my dad's radio
The little boy said
But I guess it's mine and mom's now
'Cause my daddy's dead
Dad had a wreck about a month ago
He was trying to get home in a blindin' snow
Mom has to work now
To make ends meet
And I'm not much help
With my two crippled feet
She says not to worry
That we'll make it alright
But I hear her crying
Sometimes late at night
You know there's one thing
I want more than anything else to see
Aw, I know you guys are too busy to bother with me
But you see
My dad used to take me for rides
When he was home
But.... I guess that's all over now
Since my daddy's gone
Not one breaker came on the old CB
As that little crippled boy
Talked with me
I tried hard to swallow
A lump
That just wouldn't stay down
As I thought about my boy
Back in Greenville Town
Dad was going to take mom and me with him
Later on this year
Why l remember him saying
Someday this old truck will be yours Teddy Bear
But I know I'll never get to ride an 18-wheeler again
But this old base will keep me in touch
With all my trucker friends
Teddy Bear's gonna back on out now
And leave you alone
'Cause it's about time for
Mom to come home
But you give me a shout when you're passin' through
And I'll sure be happy to come back to you
Well I came back and I said
Uh...Before you go 10-10
What's your home 20
Little CB friend
Well he gave me his address
And I didn't once hesitate
'Cause this hot load of freight
Was just gonna have to wait
I turned that truck around on a dime
And headed straight for Jackson Street, 229
And as I rounded the corner
Oh I got one heck of a shock
l8 wheelers were lined up for three city blocks
Why I guess every driver for miles around
Had caught Teddy Bear's call
And that little crippled boy was having a ball
For as fast as one driver would carry him in
Another would carry him to his truck
And take off again
Well you better believe
I took my turn at riding Teddy Bear
And then I carried him back in
And put him down in his chair
And buddy if I never live to see happiness again
I want you to know
I saw it that day
In the face of that little man
We took up a collection for him
Before his mama got home
And each driver said goodbye
And then they all were gone
He shook my hand with a mile-long grin
And said
So long trucker
I'll catch ya again
Well I hit the Interstate
With tears in my eyes
I turned on the radio
And I got another surprise
Breaker 1-9
Came a voice on the air
Just one word of thanks
From Mama Teddy Bear
We wish each and every one
A special prayer for you
Cause, You just made my little boy's
Dream come true
I'll sign off now
Before I start to cry
May God ride with ya
10-4
And goodbye

[martymar64]

95. I remember that one!

Trucker songs - the first real rap tunes.

10-4 Rubber Duck!

[Magrittes Pipe]

20. Alone again

Naturally

[RedStateShame]

26. C'mon now, they're unruly teens, not serial killers

Jesus, that song is miserable, with one of the highest body counts of any pop song.

[datasuspect]

22. recorded broadcasts of fibber mcgee and molly complete with

period commercials.

[Wetzelbill]

23. the music from the ending montage in Requiem for a Dream

that is some sad stuff.

[LeftyMom]

25. Old recordings of square dance callers.

If they really piss you off, actually make them square dance.

[southpaw]

27. Rick Astley

"Never Gonna Give You Up"

over...

and over...

and over...

[kmla]

29. Milli Vanilli.

Michael Bolton.
John Tesh.
Billy Ray Cyrus.
Don Johnson or Bruce Willis CD (hard to find, but pretty vile).
Laura Branigan.

Howzat?

[KamaAina]

76. Did somebody say "Laura Branigan"?

:hide:

:popcorn:

[BlueJazz]

79. Oh Man...I trashed Laura once, in a post, and had Death Threats...

from nearly everyone in the lounge.

One person called me a impotent, piece of human garbage, son of a fucking Bitch, disgusting
filthy, shit eating mother fucker.

I told them I still thought "Gloria" Sucks...

[jrandom421]

30. Here's a few

Kenny G.
Yanni
Enya
George Winston

Any Mozart
Any Tchaikovsky
Any Handel
Any Hayden
Any Pachebel

[KurtNYC]

31. Sing Along with Barney

Boy George's "Do you Really want to hurt me" in a loop
The Best of Yoko Ono
Tammy Faye Baker - "We're blest(sic)"

[Burma Jones]

32. Oom Pah Band Music

Polkas
Raffi's "Banana Phone"
Up With People
Slim Whitman

[Xithras]

33. Ricky Martin, Erin Carter, New Kids on the Block,

Imagine "The Right Stuff" played in a loop for an hour straight.

Oh oh oh OH oh oh, oh oh OH oh. Oh oh OH oh oh, the right stuff...



There's also Vanilla Ice, Bobby McFerrin, or anything by Stevie Wonder.

[LeftyMom]

34. The soundtrack from the animated version of Return of the King nt

[Fleshdancer]

35. Let the EAAAAGGGLLLEESSS SOOOAAAARRRR!!!!!

John Ashcroft all the way baby. ;)

[GoneOffShore]

36. I think you're going too mainstream

Manilow and Williams are at least good performers and competent muscians.

How about some throat singing? Or bagpipe music.

[dback]

48. Because I have to listen to it, too.

I can handle Williams, Manilow and Newton, because my mom and grandmother liked them (as well as Kenny G.), so they're kind of guilty pleasures. I also don't object to opera, though it's not my thing, and Enya would be fine.

Whitney Houston and some of these other suggestions would make ME claw my eyes out. :)

[MrSlayer]

38. Michael Bolton.

That would have me trying to puncture my eardrums with a pencil. Absolutely dreadful.

[smokey nj]

39. Debbie Boone's You Light up My Life.......

and Feelings is a must.

[jus_the_facts]

55. Pat Boone does Heavy Metal....

:puke:



1. You've Got Another Thing Comin'
(Downing/Halford/Tipton)
2. Smoke on the Water
(Blackmore/Gillan/Glover/Lord/Paice)
3. It's a Long Way to the Top
(If You Wanna Rock 'N Roll) (Scott/Young/Young)
4. Panama (Roth/VanHalen/VanHalen)
5. No More Mr. Nice Guy (Bruce/Cooper)
6. Love Hurts (Bryant)
7. Enter Sandman (Hammett/Hetfield/Ulrich)
8. Holy Diver (Dio)
9. Paradise City (Guns N Roses)
10. The Wind Cries Mary (Hendrix)
11. Crazy Train (Daisley/Osbourne/Rhoads)
12. Stairway to Heaven (Page/Plant)



In 1997, Boone released In a Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy, a collection of heavy metal covers revamped to fit his style. To promote the album, he appeared at the American Music Awards in black leather, shocking audiences and losing his respectability among his largest constituency, conservative Christians. He was then fired from Gospel America, a TV show on the Trinity Broadcasting Network. About a year later, the controversy died down and many fans accepted his explanation of the leather outfit being a "parody of himself". He was re-hired by TBN and Gospel America was brought back.


Boone lives in Los Angeles, California, with his wife Shirley. They are influential and respected members of The Church on the Way in Los Angeles's San Fernando Valley. His one-time neighbor was Ozzy Osbourne and his family. Boone's cover of Ozzie's song "Crazy Train" became the theme song for The Osbournes. (It appears on The Osbournes Soundrack.) Ozzy said that Boone "never complained once" about living next door to his less-than-traditional family. :crazy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_Boone

[CatholicEdHead]

67. I second this one

I have this album.

Of course any Pat Boone album will work but the hard rockers will be off their rockers listening to this.

[Haole Girl]

40. Enya

That should do it!

:rofl:

[Momgonepostal]

42. How about "Feelings" by Marv Alpert(?)

Anything with lots of accordians.

Depending on your demographics, some extra twangy country might be good.

[myrna minx]

Polka with a little yodeling thrown in for good measure.

Slim Whitman and Jim Neighbors.

[myrna minx]

43. Polka with a little yodeling thrown in for good measure.

Slim Whitman and Jim Neighbors.

[Katina]

46. John Tesch or Michael Bouble{sp?}

then you can add
old Pat Boone and Doris Day.

[pagerbear]

47. "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round"

...and other kiddie favorites.

[Taverner]

50. Just go to a Karaoke bar

And record the worst songs sung in the worst way

Give the students a 5 minute sample

[Ava]

51. Yanni and Enya

oh the horror!

[jmowreader]

52. "Afternoon Delight" ninety-nine times

Didn't you see "PCU"?

[Ava]

53. anchorman has made teens like that song

they'd sing along with it instead of hating it.

[jmowreader]

91. So what you're saying is that your generation is already lost

Ava, that song was new when I was a teen, and we all thought it sucked.

How could anyone LIKE that song? It's quite possibly the blandest song ever recorded. This song is so bad my mom--who's got a whole record cabinet full of bland music--thinks it's boring. Trust me on this: My mom wore out THREE copies of Elvis's "Blue Hawaii" album; she is an expert on boring music.

And yes, I know what it's about...but it's possible to write a song about that without having it come out sounding like they should play it in a grocery store. No...wait...Muzak (the biggest provider of music to grocery stores) won't play that song, it's that bad.

[Sequoia]

56. Pat Boone

William Shatner (Sorry there Kirk ole boy, but you can't sing)

[derby378]

59. John Cage?

[Broken_Hero]

60. Hanson

translated into tagalog...when i was working my cafeteria job at a hospital...all my coworkers were philipino, and they would buy current music, but it would be dubbed over in tagalog, and listening to Umm Bop, via the tagalog translation was enough to make me shove spoons into my eyeballs...

other music they got, was Celine Dion in tagalog...and they all loved dance/club music, like the venga boyz....

[Lareina1970]

61. Olivia Newton - John?

*Screams* I'm not a teenager, but that would bug me.

[RandomKoolzip]

62. Jefferson Airplane.

Really hippie-dippy stuff seems to drive the under-25s I know berserk. Try some Joan Baez and Tim Buckley, too.

[tinfoil tiaras]

70. i lurve Jefferson Airplane though

:D

But Jefferson Starship and just plain Starship i can live without....:wtf:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

74. I'm 23 and most of my friends love that stuff, even in HS.

We weren't in the hippie clique either. :shrug:

[zanne]

63. The Andrews Sisters nt

[zanne]

64. Dogs barking "Jingle Bells" nt

[Dem2theMax]

84. You beat me to it, by hours. LOL. That would drive me right up the wall!

;)

[Crabby Appleton]

65. Tiny Tim

[NashVegas]

69. The Carpenters

..

[tinfoil tiaras]

72. Michael Buble

don't know if that's already been suggested, but yeah, him and Norah Jones. That would drive me insane. Any type of jazz. Or really old timey Country-Western (none of this contemporary country bullshit-the kids like that). Cue the dueling banjos!! :D

[Elidor]

75. Soundtrack from West Side Story

Just be sure you leave a dictionary open to the word "irony" on your desk.

[ScreamingMeemie]

77. The HeeHaw Gospel Quartet.

MrG actually bought this from Time Life a few years ago.

https://www.timelife.com/checkout/micro.jsp?pageId=843&page=hhmicro

[jpak]

78. The Cackle Sisters - Yodelling Queens

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4775844

beyond words...

[LibDemAlways]

80. One song guaranteed to make them shape up

immediately so as never to be stuck in detention again:

County group Alabama's early 80's hit "Dixieland Delight" played on an endless loop. They'll be begging for mercy and promising to improve after the first two plays.

[politicat]

82. It's a Small World and Perry Como

Of course, it depends on the kids. Most theater geeks like show tunes, and retro is in.

[radwriter0555]

83. The Best of the Carpenters.

Anything by the Archies.

[Writer]

85. Has anyone mentioned music from The Lawrence Welk Show?

That would make any kitty want to claw its way out of its cage.

[Duer 157099]

86. John Denver. Barbra Streisand.

[enigmatic]

87. There's only one answer

[Wetzelbill]

90. YOU are a machine

....

a metal machine, perhaps? :)

[orleans]

88. this

[gr8dane_daddy]

89. Is it possible to find any of the "Up With People" stuff?

Or see if you can get old episodes of the Lawrence Welk and Hee Haw shows.

[sarge43]

92. Lawrence Welk n/t

[HughBeaumont]

93. The Shaggs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggs

Wish THEM on your worst enema . .

[noonwitch]

94. My Grandma's yodelling records and Hee Haw soundtrack

It doesn't get much worse than that.

Luckily, she usually listened to Sam Cooke and Frank Sinatra when we were around.

[quiet.american]

96. Any kind of jazz.

I've found mentioning jazz usually elicits a deer-in-the-headlights/blank stare of dread from teenagers.