It looks like a great opportunity in my life has vanished.

[Writer]

I am posting this at some risk... I have held this story close because I don't know who is on DU, but I need to share this. If anyone has any constructive suggestions, I would appreciate them.

I was prepared this summer to start a book based on my Master's research with my thesis advisor. Over the year I prepared my thesis, he routinely told me that it should be a book. The day of my defense, which went very well, he pulled me aside afterward and said that he wanted to start on a book proposal right away. The summer came and we touched base again. Routinely, however, my attempts to contact him (by email) were rarely returned, and not until I sent a follow up email sometimes days to a week later. I became frustrated, but thought he was busy, so I tried to remain patient. Finally, I sent him some work, per his instruction, which once more was unanswered or attended to. I took my unpaid time to prepare that work. I finally wrote him a note, and as diplomatically as possible, asked if there was a way we could expedite communication. He became somewhat defensive and rude and lectured me on patience. It ended amicably, but I was angry about how he responded to me. I left it alone.

Until later that week I received another email from him. He wanted to meet on a Saturday, and not only that, he wanted to chat one-on-one while on a short mountain hike with me. I am married and, over the years I've known him, have sensed feelings from him. I thought it was a bit inappropriate and, after two months of poor communication, rather overbearing. I said I could meet with him, but couldn't do a hike, and that my husband would be in town with me. He wrote back and completely cancelled the meeting citing a fairly lame excuse. He said he wanted to meet early the next week but didn't suggest a time to meet. I wrote him asking when, but he never wrote back. I refused to write him again. It's now almost two weeks since our last exchange and I have heard nothing from him. Now it's August. He said he wanted the entire proposal complete by early fall. I don't see that happening.

I don't know what's happening. I feel hurt, used, and betrayed. It's hard for me not to believe that he set up the entire book idea in order to take me to bed. I really don't know. I very much wish this person could have been a mentor and friend, but it looks like there is neither.

[Jack_Dawson]

1. Sounds like he had ulterior motives

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[Elidor]

2. If your book is saleable, it is so regardless of his involvement

I'm sorry someone you looked to for guidance let you down. But that doesn't detract from your work.

[supernova]

3. Ugh. Please find another advisor

What a slimeball!

Also, I got while reading your story, not only the let's boogie game, but possibly that he might steal your book ideas. The not returning your phone calls or messages bit. That's plain unprofessional. Patience my ass.

edit: I agree that if you have a great book idea, it won't suffer from you distancing yourself from him.

[Writer]

4. If he were to steal my ideas he would get into serious academic...

trouble. That is one worry that I don't have. The rest, however, is shocking and upsetting to me.

[supernova]

6. Um, well, I'm not trying to undermine your

confidence in the system but you never know. It is possible to work with people who don't have your best interests at heart. Please be careful.

[Writer]

7. I understand, but my completed thesis is copyrighted under my name.

He would need to borrow a lot of data from my thesis in order to write any book. If he were to do that, he would risk a copyright infringement suit and when he's next up for tenure, a great risk to that. He's also incredibly lazy.

[Guava Jelly]

5. I wouldn't say it vanished. It just may take a little longer

Never give up hope.
:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. My dear Writer..........

Everyone here has given you some excellent advice......

And I think they are absolutely correct!

I have really got nothing to add to their comments......

All I have is this.....:hug:

[Writer]

9. CalPeg, you already have given a good deal of support...

the extra hug, though, is quite welcome. Thank you!!! :)

[jpgray]

10. Sounds like the movie producer who says "Yes you're gonna be a star!"

Too many people want to believe they deserve to be famous where they really deserve to wallow in mediocre obscurity. :D

[Monk06]

11. The email invitation too go hiking and the long list of unanswered

emails are clearly an indication of sexual
harassment. I would take your case to the
dean along with all your email records and
ask that he be removed as your adviser and
insist that you be adjudicated by a faculty
committee including the head of your department.

That will put the fear of God into him and anyone
in the faculty who would side with him.

You are quite correct he is trying to get into your
pants.

I was in a school where I had the confidence of
the head of the department. He foolishly admitted
to me that every semester he would strike up an
affair with a female student.

One year he picked the wrong women. She said no and
her marks went into the basement. She sued and he
was forced quietly into retirement.

Accord no mercy. These assholes have destroyed a lot
of promising careers.

[Writer]

12. I am no longer a student at the university.

I already have graduated. Furthermore, I am planning on PhD work, and may return to this university. In that case, I do think a few serious discussions are at hand, but a sexual harassment claim may be too much. He assigned me A's for my thesis work, although that was immediately before his email offer for the hike.

I have been involved in a sexual harassment issue in the corporate environment, and I must emphatically say, that is a decision that never should be lightly considered. If this man is a narcissist or some type of sexual predator, however, I would know what to do. However, I am in a position where he cannot affect me now. I need to work with this situation as it develops.

[Monk06]

25. Sorry I thought your thesis hadn't been passed by the graduate faculty....

The only other advice I could offer would depend
on who you have in mind for your PhD advisor.

I had a similar experience myself, not sexual
harassment but advisor neglect. I finally decided
that my advisor was telling me in his indirect way
that I didn't need close supervision.

So I just worked independently and submitted my thesis.
Worked out pretty well.

[sendero]

13. This kind of thing happens..

.... and your instincts are probably right.

Assholes like this, who can't get laid without twisting someone's arm, really suck and give all men a bad name. I've heard similar stories from other women, they always make me ill.

I hope his dick falls off.

[Fleshdancer]

14. he sounds pretty manipulative

he ignores you, then he scolds you, then he expects you to suddenly drop everything for him, then he cancels when the meeting doesn't meet his terms.

Yep. Sounds like the dance of the asshole. Not worth your time.

[Writer]

15. I have dealt with narcissists before...

I have a suspicion I'm dealing with another one.

[Fleshdancer]

16. he sounds controlling too

people like that give me the creeps. :(

In the meantime, have you considered writing the book without his assistance?

[Writer]

17. I would need some instruction as how to sell it/ person to shop it...

it may, however, become a dissertation, so I'm not 100% certain yet. It is a VERY interesting, saleable topic, though... so I'm tempted to just go ahead with it... but who to consult? The other two who served on my thesis committee had high compliments, so maybe them?

[Fleshdancer]

18. that would be a great place to start

you could also ask the other two if they have any recommendations if they aren't able to consult. It's worth a shot.

[Writer]

19. They are going to wonder why I'm not working with my advisor, though...

maybe I could be honest. But I would prefer to be more subtle. The simple fact that I would ask them, and not him, would generate some talk, I think.

[Fleshdancer]

20. "unfortunate scheduling conflicts"

That's the excuse I would use in this situation.

[reyd reid reed]

26. There's a TON of information out there on how to package and market it...

Don't let something like that stop you. Do your homework. You can do this. You CAN, you hear me?

[Dora]

Is he an expert on publishing?

Just curious. I work at a university press, and I might be able to answer some questions for you. PM me if you want.

[LSK]

40. how do you even know he can do that?

He could be lying about his ability to do that.

[Writer]

44. He has published several times over...

mostly academic/trade, but it's there in black and white.

[bridgit]

21. Yes it is true, we are expected to cow-tow to a certain degree...

But only to a certain degree. Especially, perhaps, within some Masters, or academic program of some kind...perhaps. But my sense is not to the willy-nilly whims of they that feel only they are guarding some little tin box filled with wonders somewhere.

Realizing time to be likely of the essence; are you able to scout another 'thesis adviser'? hubby comes from an academic family and refers to this as "professorial disdain". Too many such...people, dangling the futures, commodities & careers of hard working others in front of them like so much bait.

Having worked & gone to school in LA I am here to confirm your 'bed theory'. My suggestion is to begin to, while it may seem jaded, be able to recognize 'them' as the occasional mark...treat them as such; or for what they are (it can still be conveyed to them kindly)...or find another.

Peace & continued creative writing in your future :thumbsup:

[rug]

22. Why do you need him to write your book?

[Writer]

24. See post #17...

:)

[reyd reid reed]

23. I'm sorry that this has been so rough

And that this guy seems to have turned into a monster rather than a mentor. But why do you say that the opportunity has vanished? Do the proposal. Get it ready and ship it. Don't let some smarmy wanna-be Casanova stand in your way. It's YOUR work, YOUR book...go for it.

And...in the meantime...

:hug:

[pitohui]

27. well yeah sounds like he took advantage of unrealistic expectations

almost certainly your master's thesis is not a publishable book and if it was, the person to take it to would be a literary agent not some old horndog trying to maintain contact w. you now that you have graduated

[Writer]

28. Oh no, it requires a bit of work to rework it into something non-academic.

But that doesn't mean we were not planning on doing that work. It's only a matter of effort. I was the only one exerting any effort, however.

[pitohui]

37. he wasn't exerting any effort because there wasn't gonna be a book

you're missing the point

he didn't do any work because there was never gonna be a book, he sees an attractive woman graduate, she is now legal for him to hit on, and he comes out w. this fairly standard and tacky way to maintain contact -- he dangles the book idea

it's naive to think he ever intended to do any work on the book, it was just a pick-up line

he isn't exactly the first guy to ever do this

perhaps if you weren't married, he could have just forthrightly asked you for a date, but since you are, he has to think of another way to bring you two together and create a feeling of team bonding

[Writer]

51. First, I detest that you accuse me of being naive.

This isn't the first time that I've been down this road, either.

Second, if that's the case, he's been planning it for a year, because that's the length of time he's been harping on this. Almost to the point of annoyance. My reaction was simply that I was glad the writing worked as a thesis, and if there was more to be made of it, then all the better. I even wrote him that at one point. I didn't know if he was sincere or not, but I went along with it in case it was to work out. My feelings are not the fault of my being naive, but are the result of his actions.

[Midlodemocrat]

29. How do you know it is not a publishable book?

And, that's not how it works in academia. Your advisor has to help you rework it before it can go to a publisher.

[pitohui]

35. my spidey sense and my experience in publishing

i will freely admit i have no experience in academic publishing but i think it's pretty crystal clear that the would-be book was simply a carrot held out so a horny advisor could get laid

there was never gonna be any book, and that's why he never did any work on it, it was merely a pitifully obvious pretext which zillions of advisors have held out to naive students over the years

she is married, she is better off to forget the whole scam, clearly she can't work w. this "advisor" again knowing what the realities are

if the book concept has some merit and can be worked up without the horndog, that's the route to go -- otherwise it is better to drop the whole thing

personally i would seriously consider going elsewhere for the doctorate also, however, i do know that sometimes you get locked into v. specific programs -- another reason why horndog predators in academia can be so bold

i learned years ago that unless the book offer came from a publisher (or nowadays, from an agent -- since a genuine agent is simply a necessity to be considered) with contract in hand, it is just idle chitchat, saying "oh we can get you a book contract" or "you should write a book" is cheap when it isn't your money at stake, so it's only meaningful when someone who can offer money (publisher, agent) is saying it

[Writer]

43. I should toss in, to clear the air...

that the other members of my committee thought it was book worthy. One, shockingly, said it was one of the best theses he had read.

[NewWaveChick1981]

30. I spent 20 years in academe, and I have seen that kind of thing

all too often. I spent 20 years in college/university financial aid, and we usually knew what was happening in the faculty arena. I had a student approach me at a medium-size university where I worked and asked me for help in dealing with a professor (I was a financial aid counselor, but people came to me for help with other issues too). I got her to the university counseling office, and she came back to me after it was all over with and thanked me---she filed sexual harrassment charges against said professor.

One thing I would suggest if you suspect sexual harrassment of any sort is to document everything. Write it all down in a safe place and know where it is at all times. You may not need it, but if you do, you will have it ready. If you don't know exact dates, use the "on or about" language.

I hope it does not turn out badly, but as you know, the potential is there. I just want you to protect yourself. :hug:

[SteppingRazor]

31. Screw him. Write the book yourself...

even if it doesn't get published -- and even if you don't finish it -- it's worth it just to try. I've started on a couple projects, never quite finished anything, and I'm a lot happier than if I hadn't tried at all. And if the spirit moves, I can always return to the work and bang out a few more pages till its done.

[Writer]

32. This is not a fiction book...

I do need some assistance in retooling it for public consumption. No easy task.

[SteppingRazor]

34. I understand it's not fiction, but...

whatever the the subject of the work may be, I'm certain you can find an expert in the field to work with you on this. Believe me, folks in academia are always willing to help with publish work -- releasing scholarly works is a major step toward getting tenure, after all.

[pitohui]

36. i wouldn't be so certain

book doctors do not come cheap unless you already have a contract with a publisher

again, maybe it's different in academia, but i would be amazed if most academics would be willing to "work" w. somebody on their book w.out some significant consideration in recognition and/or pay

you said -- whatever the the subject of the work may be, I'm certain you can find an expert in the field to work with you on this.

most professional writers spend a significant time of their waking hours avoiding people who want you to read, proofread, or even re-write their work for free

i'm not sure how you can be "certain" of your statement, it certainly goes aga. everything in my experience

[Juffo Wup]

33. If this were impacting your actual graduate work

then I would tell you to start dragging out ethics violations and harassment.

Otherwise, unless it's job-related, you have very little chance of proving quid-pro-quo harassment unless he does something monumentally stupid. You might try bringing this up to his department head, ESPECIALLY if he's not tenured.

[Dora]

38. I offered upthread, but will post here too.

I may be able to offer you advice or info about academic publishing and the university press market. PM me if you're interested.

Sounds like your advisor was a shitheel. But congratulations to you on the book-worthy master's thesis; it's a lot of work.

[Rabrrrrrr]

39. "If you have sex with me I'll help publish your book!"

Tell him to fuck off.

makes me wonder if he has a long string of women (and maybe men) he's "helped" get published this way; of if he's hoping that you can be the beginning of a long chain...

Anyway, you don't need him.

[Writer]

42. He's an older man...

about 60. He's also not from the US and I have a feeling he thinks his accent (and intellect) automatically wins over the ladies. I am VERY certain he has been with other graduate students (women), although I do believe that's the lay of the land in academia.

I am a tall woman who my father describes as modelesque-looking (apologies if that doesn't seem modest.) I think a lot. Quite a bit, actually, which is another aspect of me. I simply don't look the part I play. This isn't the first time I have been in this position with men in power. There is nothing I can do about how I appear to others... other than minding my boundaries. Yet some older men treat me as a little pet, or something that needs protection and assistance.

I understand well what my rights are here and what I should do to protect myself. I have a wonderful husband and core of friends who also provide me support. I simply wish that had been a real opportunity.

[brindons]

41. whoops

People are jerks. This free lesson didn't really cost you a dime - a lot of people are "shocked, upset, angered, etc" when they're betrayed - but it costs them their life savings, a kidney, a spouse, etc.

Good luck with the book though! Don't give up!

:)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

45. My dear brindons........

Welcome to DU!

I hope you have fun in our crazy, addictive little village!

:hi:

[Deep13]

46. Sounds like a first class asshole.

Sounds like all the courtesy was expected to be on your end. Some of these professors think they are God on earth. A sociopathic personality would lead you on in an effort to jump your bones. IF that is the case (I really have no way to know) then he probably has other fish on other lines.

If the book is marketable, then move on it. Make sure you document that this is your idea and not his. "Document" means paper, preferably certified mail, and not telephone or e-mail. Memorialize the conversations you already had. Maybe that is why he was irritated with your note (didn't want anything documented.)

[Writer]

50. I can't tell if he went too far and he's too mortified to contact me again

or if he's simply a jackass narcissist who thought I'd jump in bed with him and doesn't feel he owes me any explanation whatsoever.

[RevCheesehead]

47. If you want to pursue the book, then ask another faculty member for help.

If they ask questions, diplomatically say that he wasn't available, and focus on the work you've done.

If he's as lazy and slimy as it sounds, the faculty already know this. And if your idea has merit, you should be able to find someone who is eager to work with you. Focus on the "work with you" part as something you need. If they can't help you, perhaps they know of someone who would be willing to help out (perhaps for a small fee).

The sexual harassment stuff is too subtle to be reported. I fear that if you do report it, it could backfire (unless there's already a track record on that guy).

I went through something similar with a prof who was too touchy-feely. The best I could do was to write a letter to the dean of the college. The next year, he went overboard, and did some other stuff that got him in real trouble. The dean told me that the letters that I (and others) sent were extremely helpful. They had heard rumors for years, but nobody was willing to come forward, or to put their concerns on paper. He told me that the letter gave them something to work with.

Best of luck to you, and I hope you can find some solutions.

[Writer]

48. I am seriously considering approaching another committee member...

to get a little publishing help. However, I am looking toward possibly doing PhD work at this university and I wonder if there may be even a thin possibility for a recommendation from the very person who served as my thesis chair - this professor. This university's program tends to be close-knit and somewhat political so I am looking for a way that, despite how hurrendous his behavior has been, to avoid stepping on his toes.

There is no sexual harassment claim and I really don't intend to raise one. He literally went from a year or more of being controlled and respectful to what I thought was overt and inappropriate. Perhaps he was waiting for me to graduate and no longer be a student? Had he not considered that I might return to the university?

It's been two weeks and I am still in shock.

[RevCheesehead]

49. You are wise not to burn bridges.

Do you want to do doctoral work at the same institution? If your book is as exciting as it sounds it might be, there may be many other schools that would fall all over themselves for you. Don't sell yourself short! :)

[Writer]

52. I am applying to several...

but geography limits me somewhat :)