*moral/ethical dilemma* or.... maybe not ?

[wildhorses]

backstory: Six weeks ago I joined a match service for a 72 hour free trial period. I met a nice guy and we have had at least one date per week-end since. That's FIVE week-ends in a row...count 'em FIVE. He is a nice guy and calls me at least once a day and sometimes twice:wow:
We have a lot in common values, experiences, backgrounds and so forth. I like him.:hug:

dilemma: Three other guys have responded to my profile. I can not respond unless I join and pay a month's fee up front. Should I let go and be happy with the way this relationship is progressing or should I pay up and respond to these other replies? :dilemma:

what would you do? :shrug:

[seemunkee]

1. How would you feel

If guy #1 went on dates with 3 other women to see if he liked them more.
Sounds like things are going well with him so why possibly throw it all away unless you don't see a real future with him.

[wildhorses]

2. define real future...

and what is HIS definintion of real future?? I am comfortable with him but, is it "love"? should it even be "love" at this point?

[seemunkee]

6. Do you want to see him next week?

I guess I was asking if you feel like trying to make something work with him or do you want to move on.

[wildhorses]

7. yeah, I want to see him next week...

is it really so simple??...It has been a while for me and, things seem complicated when outside looking in...

[seemunkee]

9. The grass can always be greener

It can also be full of weeds. Stay with what sounds like the good thing you have going on, if in the end it doesn't work out then go back to point A and start again.

[wildhorses]

12. I am thinking you are right but,

Holy Shit:scared:

[ComerPerro]

3. good call

[wildhorses]

4. it is getting passed the point of no return...

and perhaps I am just :scared:

[ComerPerro]

5. that could be

[wildhorses]

8. is that it?

is that all the words of wisdom you have to offer?:wow:



I'm fucking scared over here...*quaking in my boots*

[ComerPerro]

10. sadly, that's all I got. But I have to ask, what are you afraid of?

[wildhorses]

13. my track record sucks

and I am a chicken shit...

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

29. Well stop being a chicken shit.

No risk = no reward.

[wildhorses]

35. point taken

:patriot:

[billyskank]

38. And no more beer today!

:P

[wildhorses]

41. beer mug...empty

:patriot::cry::P

[billyskank]

11. It'll be okay

Don't worry :hug:

[wildhorses]

14. thank you billyskank

:hug: but, how can you tell? You guys have some kind of radar or something?

[billyskank]

16. No, no radar

I'm just trying to chill you out. You take a risk every time you go with someone. The only way to avoid being hurt is to stay home alone. Few of us want to do that.

[wildhorses]

19. thanks.....so...

maybe I can lean on you guys for some courage:P

[billyskank]

20. 'S what we're here for

:hug:

[miss_american_pie]

15. Don't sabotage the relationship

before it has a chance to start. :hug:

[wildhorses]

17. okay. I guess. does this mean I am going steady?

:wtf: It has been a LONG time

[miss_american_pie]

18. Oh don't ask me

Been married so long I sure wouldn't know. ;)

[wildhorses]

21. ok...let me ask you ...

at what point did you "forsake" all others? was it love at first sight for you?

[miss_american_pie]

22. Oh lord no

We were acquaintances, then friends, then started dating. A long time ago. Dated on and off for years, and were engaged for a couple before we got married.

[wildhorses]

25. so, at what point have I given up contacting these other guys?

when did I commit to this guy exclusively? Have I already past the point of rescue? Would it have been ok to have contacted these other guys after the first date? After the second date, the third.

Have this guy and I reached some kind of understanding even though nothing "verbal" or "official" has taken place?

[miss_american_pie]

26. Only you can answer that

and it has nothing to do with numbers or dates or any outside standards...

how do you feel about him? what do you want?

[wildhorses]

30. I like him. I feel comfortable with him but, when I think:::

this might be THE one....OMG how can this be??? I would have NEVER picked him as THE one...you know if I had been consciously thinking about ...this has just kinda snuck up on me...I then I realized that OMG this guy is sincere and quite possibly serious. He has only been divorced for a year and this was a 22 year marriage:wow:

[miss_american_pie]

34. I don't believe in "the one"

I think relationships are what we make them

[wildhorses]

36. then why were you so long in marrying?

can you make a relationship with anyone? regardless of age, sex...no factors apply?

I agree with you that is why I am trying to define this relationship..

[miss_american_pie]

37. We were kids

I met him when I was 14.

[wildhorses]

42. you are really lucky....and even though you don't believe in

THE one,,,it sounds like you met him:P

[miss_american_pie]

46. Thank you

:)

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

31. You should ask him, not us.

But a good measuring stick is whether or not either of you would be pissed/hurt/offended if the other broke things off with because they want to be exclusive with someone else. If either of you would be hurt by that, or even if you suspect that might be the case, act as if you are exclusive until you get direct evidence to the contrary.

[wildhorses]

39. okay, I think that is good advice....

I am thinking that this man is excluding all others so therefore I will too unless I get direct evidence to the contrary...


this might be the beginning of a long trip...

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

44. I sure hope it is!

It sounds like it's gonna be a fun one! :toast: Congrats Wild!!

[Dangerously Amused]

23. I think

...that you should stay with this guy and see where it goes. It sounds like that's what you want to do anyway. But I also think that you should go back to the site, say "thank you but I've started seeing someone" to the others as politely as you can, and then take your profile down so that other men don't start writing to you in vain. I think, yeah, it's not okay to solicit responses, have some poor guy get interested and take the time to write something thoughtful, and then leave him hanging.


Just my two cents. Good luck with the new beau!


:hi:

[wildhorses]

27. my profile is down and has been for five weeks now

,,,,thanks for responding and asking a relevant question and giving me the chance to qualify my previous statements. These responses have been "sitting" there for 5 weeks now:wow: It is probably too late to be polite at this point...definitely pushing it...hence the reason for my little poll:hi:

[Dangerously Amused]

33. Ahhh. Gotcha.

Well yeah, then you can probably let it go. That's the tough thing about personals, you can go straight from "too little" interest to "too much to handle," and it's never, ever a smooth transition.


Again, good luck.


:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

24. My dear wildhorses..........

Sounds to me as though you have a winnah!

Stick with him, and see where the road takes you.....

We've got your back, sweetie...........:hug:

:loveya: :hug:

[wildhorses]

28. thanks CalPeg, I know I can always count on you

and all my homies here on DU
:hug::loveya::hug:










how is your trip? are you already home?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

45. My trip is good!

And I'm still on it! I go home Wednesday night.........:loveya: :hug:

[Kixel]

32. Here's the deal...

There is nothing wrong with you going out with other guys if you haven't had "the talk" yet. It's part of dating...

...here's the but...most likely the other guys are going to suck. Playing the odds seems like a good idea, but in reality it's hard to find someone you click with. It's probably not worth paying to hook up with them.

I may be turning cynical, but I really would just go with the good thing. The grass really usually isn't greener.

If you do want to try it, though, you are not a bad person. My roommate faced the same dilemma and I gave her the same advice. She went out with the other guys and realized they weren't all that great...she's still dating guy number one and it's been almost a year.

[wildhorses]

40. thankyou. this also sounds like good advice to me.

We have NOT had "the talk" yet. I am thinking that if go ahead and "rule out" these other guys then I can honestly "choose" this guy otherwise I may always wonder...what if....and that nagging little question is not fair to him or me....

[RetroLounge]

43. Stay with him and look at it as another adventure

that life has provided you. See where it takes you...

You'll know when it's love...

When I Love

When I love
I feel that I am the king of time
I possess the earth and everything on it
and ride into the sun upon my horse.

When I love
I become liquid light
invisible to the eye
and the poems in my notebooks
become fields of mimosa and poppy.

When I love
the water gushes from my fingers
grass grows on my tongue
when I love
I become time outside all time.

When I love a woman
all the trees
run barefoot toward me...

Nizar Qabbani


RL

[wildhorses]

47. ahhh yes...this feeling I recall

I will let you know when I get this feeling
course I will be the QUEEN of all time
when I love a man:P


thanks RL:hug: