Lesbian and gay DUer's: at what age did you come out?

[David__77]

I came out in eight grade at age 14. I always find it interesting how people realize their orientation in different ways and at different times. My partner came out when he was 19.

[soleft]

1. 39

[beyurslf]

2. 17 to a few people. 18 to most everyone. By 19 I was out to

everyone.

I knew I was gay at about 14 though. Never even had a girlfriend after about 7th grade.

[jono]

10. Sounds like me.

On some level I knew by age 10. But I accepted myself and came out to a few friends at 17. By 18 I had come out to my family and by 19 I was out to anyone who would listen. My parents figured it out (but wouldn't admit it) after I stopped bringing home GFs in 7th grade, too!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. Age 15

sitting at my dinner table when my gf's mom screamed it in the middle of the street :D

[Padraig18]

4. 16, to my family.

18 to everyone else. :)

[terrya]

5. I came out at 22. With a horrible reaction from my family.

This was in 1978. My parents had no information about homosexuality...beyond what they heard about it growing up ("perverts who are sick and who preys on children", that kind of thing).

So, when I came out, it was a very emotional time in our house. At one point, my mom wanted (and we ALL agreed) to go to family counselling (to "straighten me out"). That was a waste of time.

Mom and I have talked about it since. The family is ok about it now. Mom said that the family just didn't know how to deal with it.

[thom1102]

6. 26...

That was when I first unconcerned with who knew I was gay. I grappled with it from about 13 on.

[jonnyblitz]

7. I came out at age 19 and joined the Navy at age 20.

I wasn't old enough to go into the gay bars so I joined the navy and probably met just as many gay guys there!! :evilgrin: (that isnt really why I enlisted of course...)

[TrogL]

8. It ain't that simple

My being gay was one of the worst kept secrets I've heard of, considering I was one of the last people to find out.

Pretty much everybody else had it figured out by the time I was age 10, but I never got around to formally announcing it (especially to myself) until I was close to 30. In high school I was calling myself "androgynous", a term I picked up from Heinlein's "Stranger in a strange land".

One big hint was my mother exclaiming in exasperation (probably after yet another attempt at matchmaking where I simply didn't 'get it') - "You just don't like girls - do you?"

[Bertha Venation]

9. 1st lover @ 18--ran back in screaming. To myself @ 23. To the world @ 30.

And I haven't been back in since. No regrets.

[Bertha Venation]

11. am I the only one surprised to see who's gay?

Maybe gaydar doesn't work on line. :shrug:

[La_Serpiente]

13. LOl

[Padraig18]

14. hehehe!

I didn't know about YOU, Bertha, so mine isn't fine-tuned, either. :)

[jonnyblitz]

18. this is the thread where you find out then!

:hi: I often wonder how many gay DUers we have.The thought crossed my mind once of starting an "all gay and lesbian DUers check in here" thread but changed my mind. Perhaps there has been a thread of that nature in the past and I either wasn't a DUer at the time or I just missed it. It would be fun to know how many though.

[terrya]

23. It's always sort of amazing to me....

How many of us there are.

I went to the March on Washington in 1993. And I was just awed...to see the Mall completely crowded with gay and lesbian people. It was very cool.

[meegbear]

27. Hey JB ...

:hi:

do what I did, bookmark it.

[meegbear]

22. I throw false negatives ....

being so butch, it just happens ;-).

[Bertha Venation]

30. see, even w/ your av & handle, I never got it.

"Bear."

Duh!

Bertha catches up. Film at eleven.

[meegbear]

31. LOL ...

everytime I see a handle with some form of bear in it, I wonder if they are.

[jonnyblitz]

37. I wonder also. when I first saw yours with "woof" in the sig line

it didnt take rocket science after that...

[Padraig18]

33. LOL!

Pass the popcorn, shweetie! :P

[jonnyblitz]

34. I can vouch for your butchness meeg

Its the hair that does it...:hug:

[patdem]

56. That's funny, because I being straight...at least I think I am at 53

have not even looked at who the posters are...but at their experiences. I find it amazing, sad, and enlightening about who is gay, when they discovered it, the families reactions and how they felt. I have always been interested.

[murielm99]

57. Amen, patdem...

I am a proud parent of a Lesbian daughter. She came out to her father and me at age 19. She told her siblings at 18.

She dated boys in high school, and through her freshman year in college. But even at 17, when she was winning every academic and music honor under the sun, she was low on self-esteem. She said she was so worried about being gay that she contemplated suicide.

My own kid! I could not even make it easy for my own kid. We have to do better as a society, and as individuals. How sad and unenlightened we are.

[La_Serpiente]

12. For me, it was one of the biggest secrets

I haven't came out to my family yet. I'm 19, and I think it will take a lot of preparing. However, my close circle of friends know.

I've been thinking about joining the Navy, so I am hoping we get a Democrat in there to get rid of Don't Ask Don't Tell.

I think my father would be concerned. My mom? I don't know how she would take it. However, there are only boys in the family, and I am the only gay one probably.

[Padraig18]

16. 19? Gay? Uniform?

Hmmm.... :evilgrin:

[La_Serpiente]

21. lol...funny

they would probably put me in their Arab or Korean language programs since my skills are high in learning new languages.

[Padraig18]

25. Interesting...

... so are mine. :)

[Bertha Venation]

17. You're 19?! I pegged you as much older.

I read maturity in your posts.

:hug: to help your decisions.

hmm.... wonder if I should post the lyrics to my favorite "gay" Christmas carol....

[La_Serpiente]

24. why thank you

:-)

[meegbear]

43. Me too ...

Keep up the good work!!

[Padraig18]

45. Are you also cute, as well as intelligent, Tony wants to know?

:)

[La_Serpiente]

50. tisk tisk

naughty naught :-)

[Padraig18]

52. Hehehe!

Well, he's curious that way. :P

[jonnyblitz]

26. I lasted 10 years in the navy without ever getting caught.

It got rather sketchy a few times though. When other gay guys/gals would get caught or turn themselves in they would be pressured to name names (what does this sound like?)so often times you would have to decide if you wanted to hide from the other gay folk too. Its very hard but doable. Don't Ask Don't Tell is irrelevent. They still basically ask from what I understand.

[thom1102]

47. I made it 5, then came out...

I almost got caught:

Someone I tricked with was murdered, and my name and number were in his wallet when he was found. (We think that he was a victim of Andrew Cunanan) The San Diego PD came looking for me to ask me about what happened. The cop was accompanied by a NIS investigator. Having the common sense to be truthful in that situation, I told them everything they wanted to know, and they wanted to know EVERYTHING! So I am sitting there thinking that my Navy career is over, when the cop says "Well, you aren't a suspect, or a victim, so your statement will be held confidential," and the NIS guy says "I am here just to look out for your interests. I am not here conducting a lifestyle investigation." I left with a big smile on my face. They ended up taking me off my boat for 90 days while they did an investigation into the incident, but the NIS guy wasn't talking, the guy was dead, and I wasn't talking... so they had nothing, and they let me go back to my boat.

It was scary.

[jonnyblitz]

51. holy crap.

I am glad I never had any experiences like that. I had forgotten about Andrew Cunanen. San Diego is where I enlisted and went to boot camp btw. A fun place to be gay and in the navy that is for sure. :hi:

[thom1102]

53. Absolutely! Lots of fun!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

61. No shit there's a great gay community in San Diego

[David__77]

15. Wow, thanks! And a note about "coming out."

I came out in a different, more current time than many others. It was different to come out in the 60's or 70's obviously, when even "liberal" thought regarding homosexuality as a tragic condition. I know it's not a black and white issue, even today in many parts of the country and in many family situations. It's regrettable.

I'm so glad that today's gay and lesbian youth are coming out and doing so earlier and without any apologies! That's the spirit we need.

[David__77]

19. I wonder what percentage of regular posters are gay?

20%? more? it's interesting. Glad to see it. I know my local Stonewall Democrats group is a great center of political talent.

[jonnyblitz]

32. I wonder if any freepers are gay.

I would NOT be surprised if some were. I have met so many gay right wingers in chat rooms you wouldnt believe it.

[Padraig18]

36. I'd believe it!

We have a surprising number of conservatives in our LGBT group at school.

[Bertha Venation]

44. B-1 Bob Dornan's former long-time aide is.

I used to know him casually. Nice guy. Sang at Christmas party at his house a few years ago. Chorus had to warm up in his bedroom. Two 3-ft-high stacks of books at his bedside, most titles I saw were RW. His current book was Dutch.

'Course, he's not FREEP material. Far, far too smart. Still, one wonders how one can be a gay Republican, with their current national platform.

[meegbear]

20. 17 to a couple friends ...

more as time has gone by. I'm 38 and the people who I haven't officially come out to is my immediate family. But I got a feeling they know and if they just come out ad ask, I'll tell 'em.

[Bronco69]

28. I knew I was "different" when I was about 6, but I didn't

know there was a name for it. I came out to almost everyone at 18 and I still don't talk about it with my family.

[indigo32]

29. to myself? 24 family 30

Late bloomer I guess...though they had of course figured it out already LOL

[Rowdyboy]

35. First homosexual experience at 19

which is really when I knew (though I still denied it for several years (even being engaged). Met my sweetie when I was 35 (he was 39 and just officially coming out). We've been together for nearly 15 years.

And yes, these threads always surprise me. I never failed to be surprised by at least one person!

[adriennel]

38. not yet

;)

[Padraig18]

39. Don't let anyone rush you.

It's your decision, and only YOU know when the right time is. :hug:

[jonnyblitz]

41. Padraig is right. others might tell you otherwise

but only YOU know your situation and, for some people, it can be downright dangerous if the time/situation isnt right.

[Bertha Venation]

46. welcome do DU and Padraig's right

Come out when the time is right for YOU. No one else.

:hi:

[radfringe]

40. unofficially at age 15

when I first realized it and put a name to it

then spent the next 6 years trying to figure it out and at 21 I crashed down the closet door when my brother told me he was gay, and I said me too

edited for typos

[arwalden]

42. To Myself: 17... To My Best Friend: 18... To My Parents: 21

So I'm sure that someone is asking how is it possible to "come out" to yourself. Well... up until the time I was 17, I kind of figured it was just a "phase" that I'd eventually "grow out of".

I didn't.

-- Allen

[David__77]

49. I think if someone's gay, they know about coming out to oneself.

It's the first step. I remember my first thing was writing in some notes to myself that I thought a guy at junior high was cute and I thought I might be bisexual. My mother found it and "confronted" me about it, which, interestingly, probably sped the process up a bit.

[thom1102]

55. Yeah, I was TOTALLY convinced that Denial was merely a river...

in Egypt. Completely agree!

[freestyle]

48. 21, after a period of hetero ...umm... research

Of course you constantly "come out" as you meet new people throughout your life. What is tough is trying to give family members as much time to come to terms with your reality as it took you.

[Dookus]

54. 18....

my freshman year of college. I'd known I was gay for my whole life, it seemed.

[Sentath]

58. Who says I'm Out?!

No really its a major part of my history.

To myself? Hard to say. I kinda always knew that girls were for friends and guys were for courting. But I suppose that figuring out just what that meant took place sometime around 21? 22? ('91-'93?) Basically, I had grown up so sheltered from myself by being shy and round (and worse, bright) that it took going to college away from home And getting on the infant internet (prodigy) for me to 'get it'.

So one morning I woke up and realised that my religion said I was going to hell for breathing.

You can imagine what this did for my academic career. ( :

My parents got involved either later that year or early the next when it came to the point that I either had to talk to them and get some professional talking (counseling) or die. I decided that telling them might be the lesser of two evils and at least this way they'd know what happened.

It makes interesting changes to one's POV to consciously choose to live.

And So, with all this and some more history besides, Mom asked me, this last July, "Have you ever found a girl you'd think about settling down with?"

there are none so blind as those who will not see

I currently live in OK and am 'officially' out to 2 of my 21 coworkers, tho anyone else who cares to think probably knows, i don't bother to hide it too much anymore

*bleh*
Bad topic

[soleft]

59. I win. I'm the oldest

[Bill of Rights]

60. Fell in love with a girl friend at college

at age 18. Came out to my parents at age 27.

[Outvoicer]

62. 21

... is when I came out.

17 was my first gay experience.

It was the Deep South in the mid 1980s and it took a bit of soul searching and thinking things through before I got the courage to come out.

It was better than the other alternative I was considering. Brrrr.

[tedoll78]

63. Well..

I've known since I was 10. I was in all-boys' Catholic school in New Orleans, and I'd be crucified had I come out then. So I buried myself in school work as an excuse for no girlfriend.

I came out to friends before I turned 19. They were surprised. One told me that I was joking, so I dragged-in the bf and kissed him in front of my friend. "Okay, okay.. I believe you!" It ended-up beind a non-issue with 99% of my friends.

I came out to my sister on December 18, 1997. She kept repeating, "No you're not, no you're not." So I took out a picture out of my wallet; it was of my and my bf kissing in a photo booth. The next words out of her mouth? "Don't you DARE go out and get HIV on me." I could tell that it was more of her being worried for me than her being hateful. She came to terms with it over the following year. Teary phone calls or emails in the middle of the night, coffee talks.. that kinda thing. We hated each other in high school, but now we're uber-close. I'm ecstatic about that.

Mom and Dad still haven't been told. I have reason to think that they suspect. No girlfriends through high school, being outspoken whenever gayness would come-up, etc. I think Mom will be fine with it. Dad's a different situation. He's made some Hitler-esque statements about lining-up gays and shooting them, which truly horrifies my much more liberal-leaning Mom. I'm scared to death to tell them (I can feel my pulse quicken whenever I think about it), but it'll have to happen some day soon.. *sigh*

[donco6]

64. I was 31

And just out of a fundamentalist church.