I don't need CNN or FOX when I have RAPTURE READY FORUMS!!!!

[LynneSin]

http://www.rr-bb.com/forumdisplay.php?f=21

Basically it's an entire forum devoted to anything bizarrely bad going on in the world. I wonder if anyone mentions about the 2500+ dead soldiers in Iraq or the thousands of iraqi civilians we have killed.

And btw, I am a Christian without a doubt. For those of you having a good goof on the Rapture who perhaps are not Christian, please realize that this so-called Rapture is NOT a belief held by most educated Christians. Most of us view it as some form of wacko-religious misinterpretations take from a few scriptures, Chick Tracks and the Left Behind series.

[RebelOne]

1. I love to go there for a good laugh.

These people are so drinking the Kool-Aid.

[mikeytherat]

20. DRINKING the Kool-Aid?

These people are mainlining the Kool-Aid!

mikey_the_rat

[catbert836]

2. Have you seen this site?

http://www.fstdt.com

Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

The users of this site collect the most outlandish postings by fundies all over cyberspace. I go there for every once in a while to make sure I'm still sane.

[LynneSin]

4. OMG someone did a Bible Rap to Sir Mix Alot!!

Baby Got Book"
Lyrics by Dan Smith; Copyright 2004

Intro
Oh my goodness, Becky, look at her Bible
It is so big
She looks like one of those preacher guys girlfriends
But...you know...Who understands those preacher boys
They only talk to her because she looks like Mother Teresa, ok?
I mean her Bible...it's just so big
I can't believe it's so huge
Uggh! It gross!
Look, she's just so...righteous

Verse 1
I like big Bibles and I can not lie
You Christian brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with a KJV
And a book mark in Proverbs
You get stoked
Got her name engraved
So you know that girl is saved
It looks like one of those large ones
With plenty o' space in the margins
Oh baby, I wanna read witcha
Cause your Bible's got pictures
My minister tried to console me
But that Book you got makes ("M-m-me so holy")
Ooh, momma-mia
You say you want koinonia
Well, bless me, bless me
And teach me about John Wesley

I saw her prayingWhile I was DJing
She got grace...pretty face
She ain't goin' down to the bad place

I'm tired of heathen guys
Sayin' they like pocket-size
Ask the average Christian to take a look
She's gotta pack much Book

So...Fellas (Yeah), fellas (Yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the Book (Oh yeah!)
Well, read it (Read it!), read it (Read it!), read that Holy Book
Baby got Book

Chorus
(NIV with a ribbon bookmark)
Baby got Book
(NIV with a ribbon bookmark)

Verse 2
I like 'em leather and bound
It's 50 pounds
I just can't understand
How it is, some weenie
Wants the Bible on CD
She wanna get you saved
Amen! Double up! A-men!

I ain't talkin' about a paraphrase
Cuz Paul wouldn't use those anyways
like 'em real thick and red-letteredYou can't find nothin' better
Southpaw's in love
Bibles that big are unheard of

So I'm sittin' here thinkin' "What if...
I find me a girl that shows midriff?"
You can have those bimbos
I'll keep those chick that do devos
A word to the Christian sistas
I can't resist yaI'll do God's time witcha
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna pray
Til the break of day
Baby, got it goin' on
Like the wife in Pro-verbs 31

We just might get engaged
When we finish reading this page
Cuz it's worn and it's torn
And I know this girl's reborn

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna save people from Hades (yeah) Then read it...'til the pages fall out
Even white preachers got to shout
Baby got Book

(Thompson Chain with big red letters)
Baby got Book

Yeah baby
When it comes to a good book
Stephen King's resume just can't compare
39 + 27 = 66 books
And if you're Catholic...there's even more

So your girlfriend quotes Bill Hybels
But does she got a big Bible?
Cuz that little things she's got won't start a revival
My Bible study don't want none,Unless you got Book, Hon

...You can read Clancy or Grisham
But please don't loose this Book

Some brothers wanna play that hard hard role
And tell you that Book's too old
So they toss it and burn it
And I pull up quick to just learn it
So your girl likes paperback? Well I ain't down with that
Cuz my girlfriend's hot her Bible's rockin'
And she's got good doctrine
To the atheist chicks who try to dis
You ain't it Miss Priss
Give me a Christian, I'm insistin'
And I'll greet her with some holy kissin'
Some pervert tried to chase But he didn't make it past first base
She's quick to resist temptation
And she loves a new translation
So ladies who were lost and found
If you want the triple-six thrown down
Dial 1-800-reads-a-lot
And teach me about those Psalms
Baby got Book

(NIV with a ribbon bookmark)
Baby got Book
(Thompson Chain with big red letters)

[catbert836]

8. Yeah, I saw that...

Here's a more bizarre, and probably more serious, claim from FSTDT regarding the sin of Ham:

Elsewhere it has been argued with success that Noah maintained the largest repository of animal DNA ever assembled in his "Ark". Researchers have concluded that Noah's greatest contribution was not the ark that he built with alien assistance but the monumental task of cloning every animal from the DNA samples which he saved and protected on the ark.

Interestingly, research has come to light in recent years that relates this cloning operation to the story of Ham and the uncovering of Noah's nakedness after Noah became drunk. Alternate theories abound. However students of scripture, archaeology, and crypto-history alike are coming to some definite conclusions about just what really happened to Noah and Ham after the flood.

Scholars working from papyrus and copper scrolls found at Qumran, Masada, and Megiddo had been able to piece together a basic account of just exactly what happened.

Noah was not cultivating grapes to get drunk. Noah was operating a sophisticated scientific operation designed to reconstitute animals from the DNA samples he posessed. Ham was a necessary participant. Through an ingenious scientific process lost to history. Ham would seed the DNA into Noah's body. Noah acted as an incubator for the animal zygotes until they reached a certain level of development. At that point they would be transferred to the uterus of a cow or antelope.

At any one time, a hundred or more zygotes were living free in Noah's abdomen. It was Ham's job to "impregnate" Noah with the cloned embryos as each batch was ready. What was unknown to Noah however was that Ham had saved DNA from a dubious source prior to the flood.

Prior to the flood, Ham had been in a homosexual relationship with a member of the Nephilim, the giants in the land for which God sent the flood in the first place. The Nephilim were fallen from heaven along with their leader Satan. Ham combined the DNA from himself and this Nephilim and produced a clone. This clone he introduced into the body of Noah. This is the sin of Ham.

[NMMNG]

40. That is one of the most bizarre things I've ever read

That's not "fundies say the darndest things", that's "fundies say the most effed up things". :yoiks:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. Here's the music video for "Baby Got Book":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqHBIwMRZ1s

[Initech]

17. Wow, words escape me on this one.

:wow:

[LynneSin]

21. Watch the video (scroll up)

it gets WORSE!!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. This is DUMBEST shit I've ever heard:

"

They looked at what humans needed for life. I don't know what the big deal is about the laws of physics. Can't the laws of physics be different in another planet if there is one? I agree with many of the points the movie brought out though, like needed liquid water, the right amount of sun, things like that. If there is another planet out there, they probably have the same Holy Bible we do and everything. Really cool."

lily00, Christian Forums <2006-Aug-01>

[Pierre.Suave]

23. HOLY CRAP!!!!

From your site linked above:

"Ultimately does consciousness exist in all feedback at every level of nature? I say yes.......I mean everything is made up of atoms. Ultimately atomic particles are made of wisdom, and wisdom is the product of thought – and thought is the result of consciousness. God is truly in everything! His thought is everywhere…and ultimately, thought is the originator of everything that’s around us -- including us....and thought ultimately responds from feedback. Feedback can be physical, mental, or spiritual....and ultimately God is in harmony with Himself."

WHAT HAS THAT GUY BEEN SMOKING?

Then there is this, can you feel teh love, tolerance and peace?

"Well I for one do HATE Queers, they are scum, Low Life predators,they should be treated like ALL predators and Eliminated.
Does THAT answer you whinny little Comment.And POWER exsits with the Person that Will use it, not some purse carrying Sissy Boy.
Get the Message."


"YOU WANT PROOF THAT JESUS EXISTS? HOW ABOUT THE FACT HE HASN'T KILLED YOU FOR ALL THE FUCKED UP THINGS YOU SAY AND FOR BEING A LIBERAL COCKSUCKER"


I am going to guess this poor girl was homeschooled...



"They looked at what humans needed for life. I don't know what the big deal is about the laws of physics. Can't the laws of physics be different in another planet if there is one? I agree with many of the points the movie brought out though, like needed liquid water, the right amount of sun, things like that. If there is another planet out there, they probably have the same Holy Bible we do and everything. Really cool."

[LSK]

26. .

"As CHRISTIANS, we need to FIGHT against these HEATHEN BUSINESSES that remain open on SUNDAY! We need to BOYCOTT WALMART, TARGET, GROCERY STORES, GAS STATIONS (Except for MARATHON!!! THEY ARE A GOOD CHRISTIAN GAS STATION!)."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[LynneSin]

28. Marathon a fundie gas station

good I'll remember to boycott them

[LSK]

29. the one by me always has the highest prices anyways

So I already boycott them.

[NMMNG]

41. Heathen businesses that remain open on Sunday?

Like churches? :shrug:

[ikri]

31. I'm lost for words on this one

"The constructal theory of global optimization under local constraints explains in a simple manner the shapes that arise in nature.

I will use my own words to explain my speculation.

droom = Main highway of evolution.
joon = Exit out of the main highway of evolution, for a involutionary direction.
aodeen= Droom and joons altoghether, shape and direction of life in time.
gooje = First form of life perfectly unique.
kool = Combination of goojes.
lasco = Population of same gooje.
greu = Massive gooje potential.

An Aodeen according to "constructal theory" will take a shape and form just like any other creative meaning of the nature: A lightning, a Delta's river, blood vessels, the perfect shape of an egg, the cracks of a land without water, a marathon, statistics etc.

Example: A Lightning will start from a certain point in the sky. One main ramification will follow its way further than all the other ramifications. Sometimes this ramification will strike on land.

The very same way Aodeen started from a certain point in time. Droom
followed its way up to humanity leaving behind Joons and creating new Joons.
Goojes took the direction of Droom and Joons. What we find in Droom today is at most all the Goojes when life was created . It's probable to find the same Gooje in different Joons of the past.

Example. The reason why the skin colour and the nose of 50 cent are more "alike" with a gorilla's than G.W.Bush's skin colour and nose compared with a gorilla is because

- kool X1 took The Droom , then exit the Joon to Gorilla
- kool X2 took The Droom , then exit the Joon to Gorilla2
- kool X3 took The Droom , then exit the Joon to Gorilla3
- kool X4 took The Droom , continued the Droom to 50 Cent
- No other kool X took the Droom to G.W. Bush

Humanity is massive carrier of Goje. Even though G.W Bush does not have Kool X , he has Kool Y found in the chimpanzee. 50 Cent doesn't have Kool Y but what makes Humanity so special to be in Droom is the Greu."

:wtf:

[LynneSin]

32. I think my head just exploded on that one

[izzybeans]

3. You should watch the T.V. in my hometown. We've got at least four

rapture ready channels. So ready in fact the left Behind movie(s) were playing on two seperate channels the other night. I watched them. It was the best comedy on that night. (I got rid of cable so no Comedy Central).

Growing Pains guy is hilarious.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

5. These people are completely freaking insane.

They wouldn't know what real Christianity was if it bit them in the ass.
Duckie

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

6. You know what's going to be great?

When their asses get raptured off the planet and we don't have to deal with their crap anymore. Can you imagine the kick-ass global block party we're going to have?

P.S. I have dibs on James Dobson's Lexus.

[LynneSin]

7. Can I have this woman's wig collection?

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

10. Only if I can have the false eyelashes...

I'm making some wicker gift baskets for the holidays.

[Dukkha]

11. it's just so embarrassing

I can't believe grown adults think and act like that. It takes an extreme amount of gullible naivety to live your life with so much stupidity. If I were a Nigerian Banker I'd be eagerly wanting all their email addresses. KACHING!

[RumpusCat]

13. Did you see their sticky? Insight into their minds

They have a sticky at the top of their forum that says:
"All of us as believers watching these end times unfold realize and understand sexual immorality is a real problem that is not going away, so we shouldn't need threads here reminding us of every aspect of it, especially graphic ones."

Um... are they saying that rapture-ready fundies have a penchant for posting graphic sexual immorality threads? :rofl: Repress much??

[LynneSin]

14. Whoa, I want to see their sexuallyl graphic threads

I mean, not like we can have sex threads here or anything

[deadparrot]

15. It really is addicting, isn't it?

I can surf over there for an hour at a time and just stare.

[Benfea]

16. The RR crowd is a regular feature at FSTDT

Unfortunately, the web server at "Fundies Say the Darndest Things" seems to be down at the moment. >.<

[RebelOne]

18. I'm an atheist and I like going there to see what the wackos are saying.

[DrDan]

19. from their guidelines - I guess this should not be a surprise . . . .

"anyone with statistical data about sex crimes and/or sexual immorality in our society should feel free to report on any new information that may better clarify the extent to which it has increased or become more acceptable."

[Deep13]

22. Well, sure...

...I is easy to twist someones good-faith beliefs. These Fundy leaders know the rhetorical tricks and how to manipulate logic to make anything sound plausible. It is the same that the Rs do with patriotism.

[Pierre.Suave]

24. you got to love them...

http://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?p=3439376#post3439376


read that reply.

[LSK]

25. that site needs a "babes" forum

:hide:

[bridgit]

27. hokie smoke, bullwinkle, "Jupiter develops 2nd red spot"...

[citizen snips]

30. I am ready

so I can take all their stuff when they are Raptured.

[Dukkha]

33. we should start stealing all their stuff now

and if they try to resist point out that it's a show of lack of faith on their part. A true believer would surrender their goods now.

[citizen snips]

34. Good Point

:thumbsup:

[sakabatou]

35. from FSTDT

"No one goes to bed hungry that is trusting in God to provide for them."
"You are the pig that Jesus said not to cast pearls before. I never ever want to feel like a filthy kike. You go a head and sleep with the spawn of satan. I perfer not to. I am not stupid or ignorant . You are. I am NOT a nazi, daughter of satan."
"Sorry y'all, but Global Warming is a theory, a poor theory at that. It is like evolution, just a theory made by those professing to be wise. There is no difference today than 50 years, or even 100-200 years ago. The earth goes through cycles of heat and cold...always has...will until the Lord returns.

Global Warming is just another tentacle of Mystery Babylon...the urgent need for man to save himself and this planet. It is rebellion against God's Word. When the first tower of Babel was made it was done so after the flood. The people said they needed to build it in order not to be scattered abroad on the earth. The Hebrew for scattered can also mean "carried away by flood". God told them to multiply and seed the earth. They rebelled and decided to save themselves from any future judgment.

Today's cry of Global Warming and the need to do something about it is just the same old idea from Babylon. Don't buy into it, it's a sham and an unproven theory. At its core it antichrist because it goes against what God has declared what will happen to this planet and man cannot stop it."

[Initech]

36. Get a load of this guy:

"The good news is that the basic tenets of real religion (as opposed to I-slam or other forms of devil worship) are imprinted on most people biologically, which is the only reason that slammite societies (or "secular humanist" societies like Canada or Britain) function at at all. But if even ten percent of the billion people who follow the teachings of the false prophet Mohammed (MHBH) or the false god allah take those teachings seriously, there's a big problem.""

:spray:

[sakabatou]

37. Jesus would be real proud of him

[NYdemocrat089]

38. Those people are so obsessed with saving themselves that the fail to even

follow the basic teachings of their own religion. I looked around those forums, all I saw were posts attacking anyone who felt that Israel was wrong. They were attacking the US for providing aid to Lebanon and supporting Israel's attacks. I believe it was Jesus (who many of them can't wait to meet) who said "blessed are the peacemakers," and I believe God himself who said we shouldn't kill one another.

[NMMNG]

39. My, but they are an interesting bunch

From their Gay activist cop in Florida threatens Christians! thread:


And so the official persecution begins...dear Lord help us all!


Apparently persecution is only OK when THEY are doing it. :eyes:




And on the Dress code for quake aid workers (muslim sensibilities) the fundies show their amazing ability to be sensitive to other peoples' religions:


Wont be long before they gotta bow down and become a muslim just to give aid

these totalitarian twisted people are so insane


Coming from the sort who wants to make being gay illegal, keep women subservient to men and make fundamentalist Christianity the only acceptable religion in America you have some nerve calling others "totalitarian".



Well, if they don't like the way we dress, we don't have to come and help them.


It's just as well. You guys tend to have strings attached to your "help"--like forcing people to convert in order to receive aid.








:crazy: