I wonder if my dad is letting himself die?

[Deja Q]

Mum says he never smiles, is always frustrated and upset, and he's gained a lot of weight due to bad eating choices. On top of the existing medical conditions he's got...

And the saddest part was, thanks to personal experience, it sounds a helluvalot like depression to me. But I do not know. And other relatives, distant in space but close in blood, ask me about him and his health. Now I have something I can mention. But do I tell them, like how I didn't tell a coworker about information that infers she may not have a job for much longer?

[graywarrior]

1. Sounds like depression.

[Suich]

2. Any chance you can talk to your Dad

and get him to see a doctor? My niece got tired of watching her Dad drink too much, eat really bad foods, etc. she finally sat down and talked to him about it. Don't know if he changed, but she felt a lot better.

[crim son]

3. That's a good thought.

The message may not be received with pleasure, but it will let Dad know somebody cares and understands. That can work wonders. I talked my grandmother into getting help after Grampa died. She thanked me later, and now calls me when she's down. I feel blessed.

[Suich]

5. My niece would have felt guilty the rest of her life

if she hadn't said anything. :)

[Deja Q]

6. Mum has not been able to 'break through'.

And I know they love each other dearly.

he does go to the doctor as needed; but I think he's masking the depression, if that is the case (and it could be, I've had ample time to research the last few days), from others.

But I do have an idea... one I hope mum does not take personally; she has noted he liked to get attention and she often feels left out... a way to surprise them both, to make them smile and feel better, without spending too much money because mum always gets on my case (and rightly so).

And I just thought of a way.

Thank you.

[graywarrior]

4. Might need a loving intervention.

[pitohui]

7. you should talk to him if it's bothering you and yr mom but

be aware that a side effect of some medications may be that he slows down and gains weight, so he may not be able to do much about these symptoms at this time

but there is no harm in raising the issue, if you're on the wrong track, then he can clear the air, and if you are not on the right track, it is worth exploring what action he can take to treat his depression

i'm frustrated w. my track record, i have a friend who was clearly to my eyes suffering from depression for almost five years and really immobilized by it...all our tactful hints got him to do was to sulk more and announce that his wife was the crazy one and somehow he actually got her to start taking anti depressants (wtf?) so sometimes a frank discussion (or a lot of frank discussion) don't do diddly

we have to know the limits of our own powers, do the best you can but don't blame yourself if your dad makes his own choices

as a postscript my friend, oddly, snapped out of his depression w. hurricane katrina because suddenly he was called upon to Do Something Useful, we always hear that retirement stresses and depresses men, and i guess my friend was a good example of that -- apparently what we took as proof of his success (his early retirement) caused him to feel useless and the storm and his bankruptcy have given him a new lease on life, it is truly odd and NOT how most people necessarily react to stress