Rant about shit you see in films

[billyskank]

I hate it when the film has a 'nerdy' female character, played by a drop-dead gorgeous brunette, whom nobody notices until at some point she takes off her glasses and lets her hair down, and everyone is like "oh my god!! Who knew?" Gimme a break!

Your turn. :D

[ohiosmith]

1. There are always convenient parking spaces. Manhattan,

Miami, London, Paris, Los Angels. Drive up to a building anywhere anytime and sure as shit, a space at the entrance.

[billyskank]

2. Oh, and no fucker ever locks their car

Even nowadays, when all you have to do is press a button on the key fob.

[ForrestGump]

10. Great minds think alike

And so do ours, too.

[sarge43]

18. And all the cars are clean. n/t

[AirmensMom]

132. Or wears a seatbelt.

:hi:

[liberalpress]

242. ... or pays a cabbie

[Radio_Lady]

187. People leave their houses unlocked, too. That bugs me extensively.

[azmouse]

3. Why are so many streets wet when the sun is shining?

[Hell Hath No Fury]

7. They photograph better...

I think it's stupid, but there you go. :shrug:

[Bassic]

131. It's also easier to perform car stunts on wet pavement. nt

[begin_within]

4. All phones ring with a 1960s style desk phone sound.

[begin_within]

6. When a woman runs away from someone, she ALWAYS trips and falls.

[billyskank]

21. Yes, all women have stability problems

And do any women, anywhere, ever, scream in horror/fear like they do in films?

[begin_within]

24. Never

[azmouse]

25. That happens in every 50's SciFi movie.

And have you noticed that someone in a horror movie always says "Is anyone down there?" when opening the basement door.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

5. Women who have orgasms...

without the aid of clitoral stimulation.

Yes, you read that right.

The vast majority of woman cannot have an orgasmn without some manual clitoral stimulation.

But in the movies, woman are turned into writhing, screaming orgasmatrons while some guy simply (and usually badly) humps away at her. Ah, The Power of the Mighty Penis. :eyes:

I think it has been a terrible sexual example for men (and women!) through the years.

One of the few times I can remember that not being the case was in the the film "The Big Easy" with Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin that took place in New Orleans. Dennis knew what Ellen wanted -- and needed. ;)

[billyskank]

8. And don't forget

No Guy Is Too Old To Be A Sex God.

A 35 year old woman? Don't be ridiculous. Nobody wants to have sex with a woman that old. :eyes:

[NewWaveChick1981]

80. So I've heard.

:P

[billyskank]

100. However...

:P

[ForrestGump]

14. What makes it extra special is that, usually,

both parties -- and most often at least the man -- is wearing pants throughout. Amazing.

Has to be a bit hard on the old whoopsiedaisy to have corduroy as a preventative barrier.

[NewWaveChick1981]

82. Not to mention the uncomfortable friction the woman suffers.

Nothing like fabric burn. :P

[ForrestGump]

111. You ain't seen nuthin' yet, baby

I'm just a hunka hunka burning love.





Ouch!

[NewWaveChick1981]

119. Oh, Elvis!

Or should I say Pelvis??? :P

[billyskank]

121. Hey you!

:loveya:

[ForrestGump]

123. Say whatever you wanna say, hunnay...

just lay offa my blue suede comforter.

Or on it... :evilgrin:

[LeftyMom]

30. And when they do, they do so prettily

(well, except in alt and gonzo porn, but I think we're talking about cinema) they make attractive noises, thier eyes roll back in thier heads, thier lips make a little o. Yeah fucking right- no naughty or unintelligible words, no quiveriness, no funny faces or unattractive moans. Oh, and people who love eachother always O at the same time in cinema. Effortlessly. Here in the real world that only happens rarely, unless she knows a trick or three to make it happen for him or she's faking hers.

[sarge43]

34. And sheet placement post coitus

Across his hips, then the "L" effect across her hips and boobs.

Yeah, right.

[LeftyMom]

43. If the sheets are still up near the top of the bed, they're not doing it

right. :evilgrin:

[sarge43]

50. The top sheet shouldn't be anywhere in sight.

:eyes:

[NewWaveChick1981]

84. And they're usually nice designer sheets that are not

wrinkled or otherwise defiled at all. :evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

112. And also, in the movies, women know

what are and are not designer sheets and men have absolutely no clue about such things... :P

[NewWaveChick1981]

118. Hmmmm.... then movies must be real!

:P

[ForrestGump]

124. Or women are

unreal...

[NewWaveChick1981]

83. Didn't you know they always have sex like that in Hollywood?

I mean, the rest of the world may do it one way, but I hear in California that sex is glamorous and no one ever gets mussed. :)

:rofl: :hi:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

88. That's why the boring porn comes out of California

and the good porn is coming out of NYC.

[NewWaveChick1981]

94. NYC knows how to do it right.

:hi: You are totally right. :*

[ForrestGump]

103. It's true

When I lived in L.A., my hair was perfect throughout. And I always got up from the bed with a sheet wrapped around me (and she had another sheet wrapped around her as she lay there...people in Southern California can have as many as five or six sheets on a bed, it's a fact).

[NewWaveChick1981]

120. I'm sure when you "finished" and got up, you had on your

underwear too. Right? :P

[ForrestGump]

125. Mine. Hers.

The inflatable dummy's.

Whichever one it was, I wouldn't read too much into it.


:blush:

[sarge43]

136. Something I noticed about LA sex

They've done the deed on a bed the size of a football field, but she traipses around in a sheet just big enough to cover a twin size bed. Do the best and beautiful of LA keep a pile of sheets by the game board just for that purpose?

[RetroLounge]

44. What is this mysterious clitoral stimulation?

:shrug:

RL

[ForrestGump]

46. I think they mean 'literary' stimulation

So you should be fine... :hi:

[RetroLounge]

49. Ah, never mind...

:hi:

RL

[sendero]

74. Apply rotation...

...... to her sugar plum. If needed :)

[mikeytherat]

128. I done spent three hours and I ain't got a crumb...

mikey_the_rat

[NewWaveChick1981]

79. Ummmm....

I can show you if you like. ;)

:*

[RetroLounge]

87. mmm

please do...

:loveya:

RL

[NewWaveChick1981]

95. Anytime...

;) :evilgrin:

[billyskank]

163. You're just always waiting to turn any thread into a sex thread

aren't you? You're like the sex thread fairy. :P

[NewWaveChick1981]

164. I don't turn EVERY thread into sex threads...

Just most of them. :P Can't help it---it's embedded in my personality.

The Sex Thread Fairy..... :D I'm assuming the STF is a good fairy?

:loveya:

[billyskank]

165. Very good

:loveya:

[NewWaveChick1981]

215. The Sex Thread Fairy thanks you.

:* :loveya:

[begin_within]

There is always a soundtrack glitch at the most important line in the film

[Mad_Dem_X]

175. I remember seeing "Agnes of God" with a friend...

and right at the climactic scene, the sound cut out! Man, people were pissed. The projectionist had to stop the film, fix the problem, and then rewind to the beginning of the scene and show it again. Talk about ruining a moment!

[ForrestGump]

9. Sorta the Clark Kent Effect. I hate how people in films never

lock their car doors. They never used to, anyway...maybe now, with car alarms and auto-locks, you see it more (can't say, offhand). I always remember the titular character in Bullit locking the door on his Mustang, because that was about the only film in the history of American cinema that featured such a gesture.

I'm also always disturbed by the fact that most movie characters, when out for dinner, don't actually eat. They either leave 80% of the meal on their plates or just take one mouthful and then leave, often without paying. No wonder anorexia's such a plague in Hollyweird.

And chracters in horror movies never look behind the door. Just as characters in all sorts of movies that involve suspenseful moments walk around with flashlights blazing right in front of the centerline of their bodies or, often, shining up in their face (sure, it's the 'key' in such scenes, but it's hardly realistic..."now, why am I losing my night vision?").

[billyskank]

17. OMG Clark Kent

Like nobody EVER goes, hey dude, you know you look JUST like Superman!! :eyes:

[Spirochete]

42. And what did he do with his clothes?

He'd tear off his clothes, go do Supermanish stuff, then reappear 5 miles away with his Clark Kent suit on. :wtf:

[ForrestGump]

47. I always figured he had a little pouch or pocket that was covered by

his cape -- I may have gained that impression from a comic when I was a kid -- but, really, it's not just the suit and all the clothes (suits are bulky) but shoes, too, and no way is he going to slip a pair of shoes in there without it showing. Basically, he'd need to have a suitcase chained to his ankle any time he flew anywhere.

[Frank Cannon]

147. The comics used to say he compresses his clothes...

into a pouch beneath his cape, located behind the yellow "S" shield, I believe (which didn't appear in the latest movie).

[mikeytherat]

129. And Clark Kent is always a "wimp" - a 6'4", 235 pound "wimp"

Me? I'd never mess with Clark Kent!!

mikey_the_rat

[ProfessorGAC]

162. Good Catch, Mikey!

Guy's the size of a linebacker, and he's a wimp? Nice one!
The Professor

[mikeytherat]

181. In one of the first Superman movies, Chris Reeve gets bullied by some guys

in a diner/bar. Actually gets his ass kicked. I do think he was "Kryptonited" at the time or something, but you'd have to be some kind of stupid to intentionally start something with someone that big and (very obviously) strong.

I'm right about "Superman" size (6'3"/220) and very few people intentionally start things with me. I'm not some notorious badass or anything, but idiots and drunks seem to go after more "Jimmy Olsen-sized" targets than me.

mikey_the_rat

[unpossibles]

192. I always thought that until

I got contacts and actually have had more than one person not recognize me.

still silly though.

[woo me with science]

182. Speaking of dinner scenes,

I'm not sure I have seen this in movies, but in TV shows I always notice when there is a dinner scene and the entire family is seated on one side of the table so nobody's back is to the camera.

[ForrestGump]

183. Yeah! On TV, anyway.

Table scenes and dinner scenes are notoriously difficult for a director to block out, so film directors often get creative with camera placement and motion in an attempt to make it work right and have the table more naturally populated as it would be in real life (often, what seems most natural in real life just doesn't look natural on the screen...and, no, I'm not just talking about implants).

EDIT: to clarify (left out half my post, initially)

[calico1]

11. A few things:

Nobody locks their door. Car doors, house doors...everything is unlocked.

Cars are always clean.

People wake up in the morning and every hair is in place. Women also have perfect makeup.

When people go and get a bag of groceries they always have a loaf of French bread and carrots.

People who are no older than 25 are VP's and law partners of some huge company.

[ForrestGump]

29. Yes...most people have what Gary Larsen aptly pointed out as

'morning face,' upon awakening.

Sorta like this:



Usually takes a little while to begin to look like yourself again (and never, in the case of Richard Nixon).

[dolo amber]

135. The French bread thing drives me mad

Never is it just a bunch of plastic bags with Rice Crispies and soda and (god forbid) a loaf of Wonder bread. :mad:

[liberalpress]

245. ... nad unless it's important... Crime scene, etc.

... the houses are always annoyingly immaculate.

[begin_within]

12. They always hang up the phone without saying "goodbye." It's just,

"I'll be right over." and they hang up while staring seriously at the wall, without even looking down at the phone they are hanging up.

[ForrestGump]

31. Arrrrggggh! I HATE that! Hate it! Hate it!

How rude! They just hang up, without a word.

And what's really funny is when, as I've caught in at least a couple of movies, the plot makes it clear that they don't yet know where the other person is when they hang up after saying "I'll be right there." Good thing they have copies of the script and drivers who know the way.

[Frank Cannon]

148. I was going to say that. People NEVER say goodbye...

when they hang up the phone. I always imagine the other person on the line saying, "Hello? Hello? Are you there?"

[sarge43]

208. "I always imagine the other person on the saying,

'Hello? Hello? Are you there?'"

I imagine the other person saying "Well, screw you, you ill mannered jerk. Why the hell should I pick up that package for you."

[terrya]

13. "Directed by Michael Bay"

I hate it when I see that in a film. Hate it.

[driver8]

90. I agree with that one. n/t

[Mutley]

15. What, that never happens to you, billyskank?

:D

[billyskank]

19. Never once yet!

:hug: :hi:

[Mutley]

20. Odd, it happens to me all the time.

:hug:

:hi:

[billyskank]

23. Sounds like the lesbian thing is coming on nicely

:rofl:




:P

[Mutley]

36. All I need now is a girlfriend.

:7

[billyskank]

101. I don't think you'd have trouble finding one

around here! :rofl:

:hug:

[begin_within]

16. When someone is sneaking around, inevitably a cat jumps out and runs

across the scene - breaking the silence and giving he audience a jolt.

[begin_within]

22. Every drama MUST HAVE a subplot involving the Holocaust. There's a Nazi in

almost every "serious" movie that comes out of Hollywood. Why why WHY?

[ForrestGump]

33. I dispute that: Mel Gibson is NOT

in almost every "serious" movie that comes out of Hollywood... :P

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

40. Loathe as I am to quote Ricky Gervais' "Extras"

this is quite a funny exchange:

Andy: I'm an actor as well. If there's a line going in this film, I'd love to be part of this, because I'd just like to say you doing this is so commendable. You know, using your profile to keep the message alive about the Holocaust.

Kate Winslet: My God I'm not doing it for that. I mean, I don't think we need another film about the Holocaust, do we? It's like, how many have there been? No, we get it, it was grim, move on. No, I'm doing this because I've notice that if you do a film about the Holocaust, guaranteed an Oscar. I've been nominated four times. Never won. The whole world is going, "why hasn't Winslet won one?"

Andy: Definit--yeah.

Kate Winslet: That's it. That's why I'm doing it. Schindler's bloody List. The Pianist. Oscars coming out of their ass.

[tjdee]

70. Thank you! I'm so goddamn sick of Nazis!

I posted this once in the "pick a fight" thread or something, and no one picked a fight with me. That's because we all agree!

It's got to stop, with the Nazis. They were all the same evil blond guy. I get it! Uncle!

I'm also sick of slavery movies, but it's been a while. We're due for another one soon I think.

[Dukkha]

26. not movies, but trailer cliches

a child singing in a nursery rhyme pattern.
fast cutting to single words flashing on the screen between clips
the final crashing scene after the movie title in the end
a silent moment before a villain, monster, car comes flying into scene
comedys have ALL the A material jokes in the trailer

[billyskank]

27. Too many films, once you've seen the trailer

you might as well not bother with the film. You've already seen all the good bits.

[Merrick]

28. Conspicuous product placements

The most egregious offender in recent memory for me has to be 'Minority Report'. Not only is the film saturated with the placements, but the story is supposed to be set like sixty years in the future, and yet all the brands, store names and logos are exactly as they looked in 2004. Just one of the many plot holes that riddled that movie though, so it might have been lost on some.

[driver8]

91. I work at Warner Bros. and I have seen films with different

versions based on product placement. For example, one film had the characters eating at Pizza Hut while another version of the same film had them eating at Taco Bell.

[ForrestGump]

104. What? No Cracker Barrel version?

:o

[ForrestGump]

105. I like how Tom Cruise's motorcycle in "Top Gun" has absolutely no

decals of manufacturer's labels on it, even though it's very obviously that year's top gun in the sportbike category, the 900cc Kawasaki Ninja. I mean, how much more obvious could it be that the producers wanted to put our hero aboard such a studly bike but that Kawasaki didn't want to spring for the product-placement fee?

[unpossibles]

195. that bugged me too

especially knowing how logos get rebranded all the time.

I miss movies like Repo Man where they just drank a can of BEER.

:)

[ContraBass Black]

226. My Problem with Minority Report

D.C. with sky scrapers, a Lexus factory, and aerial highways in Southwest, and almost no black people? Bull. Plus, that futurized Metro looked nothing like the current Metro and a lot like the subways everywhere else.

[Merrick]

32. The bad guy is never dead when you('re supposed to) think he is

after lying still and presumably dead for some time subsequent to getting creamed with a shovel, run over by a car, shot about seventeen times and elecotrocuted by some downed power lines, he (or she) always suddenly jumps up or otherwise lashes out in one last attempt to kill the good guy before finally being tossed off a mountain or some shit.

[ForrestGump]

38. Yes

The Rasputin Effect.

That's how I want to go.

[driver8]

92. Also, when the bad guy is lying there and the hero finally has

the gun, he never walks over and finishes him off. That would be the first thing I would do.

Some madman has been trying to kill you through out the movie?

Shoot him between the eyes when you get a chance.

[ForrestGump]

107. Exactly

And they hardly ever pick up the bad guy's weapons, too.

Actually, I recently rewatched Murder at 1600 and there's a scene in there where Wesley Snipes, pinned down by a professional assassin, has to choose between two identical handguns, one of which he knows is empty, so he grabs one (inevitably, the empty one). Dude -- grab both! Fire 'em both at the same time, dammit! :eyes:

[calico1]

35. Ever notice that in movie sequels or

TV mini series how oddly different people age than in real life? Somebody has a baby. Five years goes by. Now the baby is in college! Either that or they only age two years.

Or somebody ages from 20 to 80 but they look almost the same except now they have white hair.

Also if you watch especially movies made in the 60's and 70's that were supposed to be about something that happened in the 30's, notice that the hairstyles, makeup, etc. is 60's or 70's style. Its like the movie makers didn't even bother to try. That always annoyed me, even when I was a kid.

[begin_within]

37. Trailers with voiceover by Danny LaFontaine, saying, "In A World Where...

[Phillycat]

159. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I fucking HATE that guy! And that phrase! nt

[Mad_Dem_X]

177. Ha, ha!

I never knew his name.

[begin_within]

190. Actually I had it wrong, it's Don Lafontaine. He has done over 4,000

trailers so far and has become a multi-millionaire from it, at $5,000 for 15 minutes work.

[ContraBass Black]

227. Thank you/

You've nailed it.

[sarge43]

39. People living in apartments

where you know they can't afford to bribe the super, let alone pop for the rent.

And, unless they're trash, the place is spotlessly clean and neat, almost like a movie set.

[Frank Cannon]

149. And in NYC, the apartments are HUGE

Almost always giant lofts with at least a couple thousand square feet. This, despite the fact that the lead character is only a marginally employed actor/dancer/intern.

[sarge43]

188. And often filled with priceless antiques n/t

[antigone382]

41. Fifty cops coming to arrest the main character...

and shooting while he/she flees. I can see where an individual cop might break the rules and shoot at a fleeing suspect, but NEVER a huge crowd of cops like that.

And a related one: the disgraced cop who is taken off the case/out of the squad, keeps working on it anyway, and amazingly enough doesn't get in trouble at the end for defying a direct order, breaking protocols, etc...because gee, they caught the bad guy (who in real life couldn't be charged anyway because of all the warrantless searches, police brutality, and assorted Constitutional infractions and general no-no's committed by the "hero").

[sgxnk]

114. there are plenty of situations where

shooting at a fleeing suspect is authorized

i say this as a person who has been in shootouts myself (but never shot at a fleeing suspect)

[antigone382]

214. Sure, but c'mon--an entire police force against one unarmed guy/gal?

[billyskank]

137. Indeed, your average Hollywood detective actually can't solve a case

until he has been relieved of duty.

And during the course of the investigation, it will be necessary to visit at least one strip club. :rofl:

[unpossibles]

198. "And during the course of the investigation, it will be necessary to visit

... at least one strip club."

well, I should hope so. Maybe the army needs more strippers in their movies to help recruitment....

[ForrestGump]

203. I think the question about the usefulness of slow-motion has just been

answered.

I mean, those scenes of Salma Hayek in Frida and of Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places, alone.... :D

[skygazer]

45. Women always wear dresses

Every woman I know wears jeans or slacks 90% of the time - not in movies.

The bartender is always right there when you sit down to order a drink.

People hand the phone to someone else and the person on the other end somehow knows when to start talking.

No one says goodbye on the phone - they just hang up.

Cars ALWAYS start - even the biggest piece of shit that just dropped into the bay and got towed out starts - except when the person is trying to escape something. Then forget it. Car's dead.

No one interrupts.

[Merrick]

48. How getting punched square in the face doesn't seem to hurt anyone

obviously the boxing movies like Rocky and Raging Bull, where none of the boxers have ever even approached fathoming the concept of erecting a defense against the torrent of ruthless blows their opponent is raining down on their head...

a couple real conspicuous examples I can recall: Training Day, and Friday. These guys just fucking tee-off on each other back and forth and shrug it off like they'd just been slapped by their little sister. it's really pretty silly.

Maybe that's why so many guys are so surprised when they get into a fight and wake up in the hospital after one shot.

[sarge43]

55. Subset of that one

Beheadings. At best a tiny spray of blood. Ah directors, thanks to pressure blood will gush from severed carotid arteries up to three feet and there are eight quarts of blood in the adult human body. That's why straw was piled ankle deep around the block and the headman wore leather. Beheadings were/are a messy business.

[Merrick]

51. Europeans all speak English, but with an English accent

In American films that take place in Europe. Since they're not about to subtitle everything, they'll just have everyone in Germany, France, etc. speak English... but give them British accents to represent their European-ness.

[Bill McBlueState]

71. were you thinking of Underworld?

I sure am, now that you mention that.

Set in Hungary? Ok, let's have all the actors be British.

[Critters2]

72. And Jesus always has an English accent

except when he speaks Aramaic.

[amitten]

99. And bad guys always have an English accent. n/t

[sarge43]

138. Well, Jeffrey Hunter's "I Was a Teenage Jesus"

didn't have one, but then, he didn't have pit hair either.

[LynneSin]

206. Jesus also tends to be of American/European desent

even though he was born in a middle eastern country with parents from that region

[Guava Jelly]

52. Alter ego's What dipshit couldnt tell Clark Kent was superman

Diana Prince was Wonder Woman or Bruce Wayne was Batman...
Oh and what the fuck is in the secret compartment of underdogs Ring..Cocaine?

[Arkham House]

53. Man and woman running away from danger...

...and the man always takes woman's hand and they run off hand-in-hand, no matter how clumsy and slow it makes them... Jesus--why doesn't the woman simply smack the SOB's hand away and *run like hell*???

[sarge43]

56. People can't run, at least at full speed, without both arms

swinging - counterbalancing.

[NMMNG]

54. In horror movies when some woman is being chased,

she always runs upstairs instead of out one of the 2-? doors on the main level.

[blondeatlast]

57. Women running like hell in FOUR INCH HEELS, with nary a sprain to come.

I wear 4 inch heels, but if I'm ever facing a risky situation (like a crooked cop/etc.), I think I'll wear the Naturalizers, TYVM.

Of course she trips but gets away anyway with the help of the ever handy appearance by the hero/cop/etc.

[Sugar Smack]

58. The typical "Lifetime" movie phone conversation: "GET OUT OF THE

HOUSE" boyfriend says to woman who's being stalked, "THE STALKER IS IN YOUR HOUSE"

Woman:"I don't understand. What do you mean?"

Boyfriend:"Leave now! He's going to kill you"

Woman:"The stalker is here?"

Boyfriend, "Hurry! Hang up and get out!"

Woman:"What are you trying to tell me?"

etcetera. Ooh! That rant felt good.

[blondeatlast]

60. Yeppers; that's a good (awful) one!

:rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

65. That's the most livid-making scene in any number of those movies!

We- you & I- know what we'd do. We'd sense panic from the get-go and probably take it seriously. GAH! Grab the keys and run!

:rofl:

[grannylib]

59. Gratuituous rape scenes. Nothing pisses me off more than having

something like that filmed in what seems to be grossly-overblown detail, almost as if the filmmaker were getting off on it.
I remember seeing some film, can't remember now what the hell it was, and it was so...not graphic, really, but it just seemed to contain way more than it needed to, in terms of time on screen and all. It was important to the story line/plot or whatever, but 30 seconds of suggestion would have done it. No need for 3-4 minutes worth of film...it's a heinous crime, rapists are vicious criminals, we GET that, we don't need to have that shit shown in almost 'reverent detail' for us to hate the character.
It just burns me up.

[blondeatlast]

61. Slow motion. Has it EVER made sense?

I get that it can be artful, but talk about overused...

[begin_within]

63. The only time it has ever made sense was for scientific applications and

car crash tests, so that car manufacturers could analyze what happens to the car in staged crashes.

[Lautremont]

224. Two words: Sam Peckinpah.

Or is that three words? Four? Anyway, The Wild Bunch rocks hard, and it's full of slow motion used just right.

[Courtesy Flush]

146. I disagree on that one

When you see amateur video of an event, you often can't tell what happened unless you watch it a second time. Things that happen quickly don't register well with viewers. Sometimes slomo is needed for clarification.

But then, maybe a really good film maker could make it work full speed. Me not know shit.

[begin_within]

62. The idea that cats will tolerate just about any noise or action. In the

movie "An Unfinished Life," two house cats watch a gunfight happening just yards away from them, then when it's over, just sit there and meow for milk. In reality, those cats would have vanished at the first gunshot and not reappeared for several hours.

[ForrestGump]

108. Could be that they're cats

from a rough neighborhood. :D

[begin_within]

Or card-carrying NRA members

[sarge43]

202. Or vets ala Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski)

"I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT ..."

[blondeatlast]

64. Not a film, it's a commercial, but it drives me crazy...

The Nissan ad where the woman passenger is about to apply lipstick but decides to wait until her companion shifts up.

Then she applies it "perfectly," even though it is so effing obvious she was already wearing the same damn shade.

:banghead:

[calico1]

66. People running usually to escape

something or someone. They run in between cars in heavy traffic but never get hit.

Or the guy in the car yelling "hey what the hell is the matter with you?!" or something to that effect.

[Taverner]

67. Middle class people with huge apartments in Manhattan

Even the Upper Class doesn't get the huge digs they do in the movies

[begin_within]

68. When the sound of the next scene starts before the current scene ends.

This seemed to be popular in the 1970s, where they might show, for example, 2 people walking along the beach, away from the camera, and as they get smaller and smaller, you hear a bellowing man's voice making some important point, and only when they finally cut the picture to the next scene do you see that it is a lawyer arguing a case in court. There must be a name for the technique of starting the sound of a scene before the picture of it, but whatever it is, it's dumb.

[ForrestGump]

109. That's a 'J-cut' or 'audio lead'

It's a type of split edit (the same sound is dubbed on two sources so it overlaps the visual cut). If the voices faded in and out it would be an audio crossfade.

[begin_within]

193. Thanks

[begin_within]

69. My #1 complaint: the "drunken cameraman" technique

The style of filming with constant camera movement, used in almost every episode of "NYPD Blue" and most celebrity news shows where they catch celebrities on their way into or out of some event, and the camera dips and sways around them as if the cameraman is drunk. We actually walked out of the Sean Penn movie "About a Boy" for this reason - it gave me motion sickness! I won't watch movies that use this filming technique.

[LeftyMom]

75. I can't stand movies where the fight scenes are like that

especially when combined with MTV-style ADD editing. I can't tell what the hell is gong on and I get sick to my stomach if I try to focus on the action. I could barely watch LOTR: Return of the King because of that.

[sendero]

73. Really..

... looking at a woman is like looking at a car. I can tell what it will look like with a detail job, or the right clothes. Any guy can :)

[calico1]

76. A situation which always drives me nuts is

when they are trying to save somebody. For example, someone is on a ledge or a small bridge that is about to collapse. Or an elevator shaft. They try to rescue the person and the person (usually a woman) is all hysterical.

"No, no, no! I'm going to fall!"

"Come on, you've got to let go now! Take my hand! Take my hand! Come on! You can do it!"

"No, no, no!!! I can't!

Good grief. I always want to slap the person.

[JackDragna]

77. I have a list a mile long.

1. Children in movies designed for adults. They're always wise beyond their years, emotionally stable and infallible in a way none of the adults are. I generally turn off movies for adults that give any major screen time to kids. You can sure the director is going to idolize the kids as much as possible.

2. Overblown special effects. This is one of the things, as much as I like the movie, I blame "Star Wars" for injecting into American cinema. People think because the technology exists, one should always use the most state-of-the-art effects as much as possible. Take the newer Star Wars movies, for example. Most of the aliens were CGI and seemed about as real as military intelligence. In the first three films, the aliens may have looked like puppets at times, but they had a real sense of physicality to them.

3. Fart/poo/piss jokes. We've seen a million variations on this, Hollywood. It's just not goddam funny anymore. I don't know if you feel like you owe the Wayans brothers a lifetime of A-budget movies, but it's just goddam dumb.

4. Obvious product placement. I'm not at the movies to watch a commercial. "Talladega Nights" must be like a giant wet dream for any company with the cash to put adverts in the movie: after all, it's about a sport where there's adverts all over the place!

5. Movies that don't know when to end. Nobody can write an ending to a movie anymore. The writers assume we care about every detail of the main character's lives after the conflict is resolved. We don't. It adds nothing to the movie thematically. It's nice the hero and the girl he saves end up living in a house with a white picket fence, but I could really give a tit whether they're going to be bringing potato salad to their kid's Boy Scout meeting eight years later. Nobody cares.

[u4ic]

78. Dorky/potbellied/stupid or otherwise

unattractive male characters with gorgeous model looking girlfriends/wives. Or they get 'the girl'. (and the good looking males are assholes)

The reverse never happens (except for Sugarbaby).

Women 50+ who have nothing better to do than try and wreck their sons/daughters wedding/marriage/family. :eyes:

[HughBeaumont]

130. That's what pisses ME off the most.

You see it in films, TV sitcoms and commercials: Portly, jowly, balding Joe Sportsbars who look like a shit sandwich or Artie Lange (same thing) are paired with women light years out of their league and attractiveness scale. Not only that, but the partnership is usually unequal - the woman is always active or cleaning while he sits on his fat ass, eats a pizza and watches football. Did the Average Joes of the world take over cinema and project their dick-joke fantasy world onto all of us? That sure as hell isn't how reality works. AT all.

[raccoon]

237. Maybe he has lots of money?

:rofl:

Yeah, I'm sick of that one too.

[Neoma]

81. I hate the shit demon in dogma.

}(

[NewWaveChick1981]

85. I just love how everyone who has a crappy job can afford

a luxury house or condo and an expensive car. Case in point: Mike Myers in "So I Married An Axe Murderer" is a pseudo-Beat poet whose father is a butcher. He has the greatest condo IN SAN FRANCISCO---home of some of the most expensive real estate in North America. And I'm sure being an unpublished coffeehouse poet has made his character a millionaire. :eyes: That's just soooo realistic....NOT!!!

[driver8]

93. How about the place that Harriet had? She worked in a freakin'

butcher shop and had one of the most amazing apartments that I have ever seen.

[NewWaveChick1981]

96. I know! Yeah, that's soooo believable...

:eyes:

:hi:

[driver8]

115. Heed! Paper! Now!

Move that gargantuan cranium...if you can!

That movie kills me. :hi:

[NewWaveChick1981]

116. I know! It's hilarious! But some of the setup is just

not believable. :)

[fudge stripe cookays]

169. "It's a veertual planetoid!"

"It's like an orange on a tuuuthpick!"

[driver8]

172. "He'll be crying himself to sleep on his over sized pillow." n/t

[fudge stripe cookays]

186. "Ach the Colonel!

With his wee beady eyes!"

"He puts a chemical in his cheeken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass!"

[NewWaveChick1981]

218. Stop! You're killing me!

:rofl: :rofl: God, there's some funny stuff in there....

[fudge stripe cookays]

234. Have I mentioned that I LOVE that movie?

"Harret! Harry-et....Hardhearted Harbinger of Haggis..."

[NewWaveChick1981]

217. ROFL!

:rofl: :hi:

[NewWaveChick1981]

216. "He'll be cryin' himself to sleep on his huge pilla tonight..."

:rofl: :hi:

[quiet.american]

86. "Is he....?"

1. Just say it, "Is he dead?" They ALWAYS stop before saying the word, "dead." WHAT is that about?

2. "I'm at 555-" Why bother to make everything as true to life as possible, and then enter the extremely fake "555" pre-fix? Yes, I know there's a rule about putting real numbers on the screen, and there should be, but somebody needs to come up with creative ways to work around this creaker.

3. The cop's longtime girlfriend or wife always resents that he's married to his job, even though they've been together forever. She invariably walks out and takes the kids, leaving him in an empty, lonely home eating out of a just-opened Dinty Moore stew can. And this usually happens just after the master criminal has slipped through his fingers and he's been put on suspension by his lieutenant/captain.

4. In the movies, men always make long romantic speeches and say "I love you," to the woman first. Pure fiction. :)

5. When characters in movies get fired, they never seem worried about where the next rent check is coming from. And somehow, they always have enough money in the bank at the time to pay the rent and take a Caribbean vacation, buy new clothes, go out for dinner, etc.

6. Speaking of which, somebody else mentioned it -- unemployed/marginally employed characters can always afford an apartment which would cost at least $1700 a month anywhere in the States, and probably closer to $2500 a month, and it's no prob.

7. No matter how humble the character, they always have perfect teeth and manicured nails.

8. The voice of the one guy who does all the voice-overs for trailers, and the copywriting of the apparently one guy who does all the trailers, has grated on my nerves for years. "In a world...where up was down... and wrong was right... the rules...are about to change...." Cut to fast edits, yadda, yadda, yadda.

9. One last thing: when a guy's girlfriend catches him in a compromising position with another woman and dashes off, with him running after her and shouting, "Wait! Tiffany! It's not what you think!," the guy is always in the clear. In real life, it's usually exactly what she thinks and worse.

[begin_within]

97. About #8 on your list...

The king of voiceover in trailers is Don LaFontaine, who basically is the father of the genre. There are others, but he's the king of them. He has the deep, gravelly voice that says, "In a world where..." and I once saw a short segment about him on some TV show. He has his own limo with his name painted in calligraphic style on the side. He drives around Hollywood, and arrives at a movie studio, where the script is prepared for him, usually just a few sentences. He records several takes of it, spends about 15 minutes there, and collects $5,000 for his trouble. Then he's off to another studio to record another one. He's done more than 4,000 trailers so far.

http://www.donlafontaine.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_LaFontaine

[quiet.american]

98. -- And don't I know it! :)

He's done more than 4,000 trailers so far.

Uh-huh, I can tell! -- thanks for the info. :)

[electricmonk]

102. #3 annoys me the most

Doesn't happen in just cop movies, though it's most common there. Lawyers while deep in the case of their career will have to deal with their spouse leaving as will an athlete or performer while they train/get ready for their big break/once in a lifetime shot.

[quiet.american]

143. Very true. n/t

[ForrestGump]

110. Cool points!

1. "Is he...........dead?"

The reason for this one is that, inevitably, "is he" is at the bottom of page 72 in the script and "dead?" starts page 73. So it really comes down to how the actors learn their lines.

William Shatner's scripts have just....a few words...on...each....page.



2. "I'm at 555-"

This was a joke in The Last Action Hero, an Ah-nuld movie (I love it...didn't do well at the box office) that lampoons many movie clichés, especially in the '80s action genre.



3. The cop's longtime girlfriend or wife always resents that he's married to his job, even though they've been together forever. She invariably walks out and takes the kids, leaving him in an empty, lonely home eating out of a just-opened Dinty Moore stew can. And this usually happens just after the master criminal has slipped through his fingers and he's been put on suspension by his lieutenant/captain.

Because life can really suck, and synchronicty often means that the suckiest bits often line up, temporally. This is the only true-to-life overused movie construct out there. :D



4. Long romantic speeches

I do that. :D

Well, sorta. I mean...I have.



5. When characters in movies get fired...

Maybe they go insane and lose all sense of responsibility...hey, my life is over and I'm one severance check away from homelessness -- I'm going to St Barts!

And I'm never coming back.

Also, in such movies, people hardly ever need visas or work permits to stay in paradise forever.



6. Expensive apartments

Yeah, like police officers who have Malibu beach pads (and I'm not talking about Mel's trailer in Lethal Weapon)



7. No matter how humble the character, they always have perfect teeth and manicured nails.

British films notwithstanding, of course...


:hide:



8. The voice of the one guy who does all the voice-overs...

I knew it had to be one dude! Pretty amazing, really. Especially in a world where...etc, etc...




9. "Tiffany! It's not what you think!"

Life should, obviously, be more like the movies. Though it'd be really easy to dial the wrong number with all those 555 numbers floating around

[quiet.american]

134. Cool responses! :) n/t

[TheMightyFavog]

127. There's a reason #2 is done...

2. "I'm at 555-" Why bother to make everything as true to life as possible, and then enter the extremely fake "555" pre-fix? Yes, I know there's a rule about putting real numbers on the screen, and there should be, but somebody needs to come up with creative ways to work around this creaker.

This is done to keep idiots out there from dialing the number they see on the screen in real life. Look what happened with the 867-5309 song or the phone number of God in Bruce Almighty a lot of people ended up having to have thier phone numbers switched.

[quiet.american]

133. Yes, I did realize that. :)

I made note of that in my post -- but there's got to be a way to work around that. For instance instead of filming the character saying "I'm at 555-," why not do something like...

JOHN: I'm at --

CUT TO:
JENNY

She scribbles on a piece of paper.

JENNY: Yeah --

CUT TO:
JOHN

JOHN: -- 62.

[sarge43]

139. Re number 3

There's always a department shrink, usually a woman, usually with her own thick file of issues, who tell the Chief, "He's on the edge. He could go off at any time, yada, yada, yada." Chief waves her off. Well, he has to or there wouldn't be a dumb ass movie.

Number 7: Don't forget the salon haircut.

[quiet.american]

141. How could I forget the beautiful, but unstable police psychologist? :)

Oh, yes, and the salon haircut with $1500 worth of subtle highlights and streaking on someone who's supposed to be a part-time counterperson at a coffee house.

And that actually brings me to another rant to do with film hair -- I get sick of seeing actors wear the same exact haircut and color in every movie they do. They're supposed to be completely different characters in completely different worlds, and yet, in each movie, they show up with exactly the same look. I know this ties into the Hollywood dogma that if people are going to plunk down their money to see Julia Roberts, they want to see Julia Roberts looking exactly like Julia Roberts, but for the love of Mike, variety is the spice of life.

[sarge43]

153. Well, there's a whole subset rant on H'wood hair

My current favorite du jour, that mega-bowzer Pearl Harbor:

Bay, you overpriced idiot, nurses, civilian or military, don't wear their hair fetchingly down around their shoulders. It's potentially dangerous, for one thing. A nutso patient can grab it, scalping or breaking the neck of said nurse.

And one more frackin' time, H'wood: At no time since 1901 (the year the Army Nurse Corps was established) has any American servicewoman worn her hair shoulder length while on duty - ever. If one ever tried, the Articles of War or UCMJ fell upon her with a big splat.

[WernhamHogg]

233. Don't be silly

Not ALL phone numbers in the movies and on TV start with the pre-fix "555". In case you haven't noticed, SOME of them start with "KL5"!

;) :hi:

[quiet.american]

236. Lol! -- cheers. :) n/t

[Writer]

89. This entire thread essentially sums up the problem with today's film...

industry. Just a thought :)

[Oeditpus Rex]

106. Cars crash into stuff

and go flyin' over it.

In slow motion.



:wtf:

[calico1]

117. And cars that crash in movies or

go over cliffs ALWAYS explode in flames!

[billyskank]

122. Or explode

because all cars explode after crashing.

Admittedly, Hollywood do that less often nowadays than they used to.

[ForrestGump]

113. For the big stunt, like a truck flying off a bridge or a huge explosion,

you see the same action repeated from start to finish several times, because the director and editor decided they loved every angle they got on this big and expensive gag and thought that we should see all of them.

I don't think this is as common now in film as it used to be, but -- and it is surprising how your mind can just reconcile this and pretend it's one continuous action -- I always thought it was kinda funny that the gas tanker was whole and then exploded in a fiery ball and then was whole again and then exploded in a fiery ball and then was whole again and then exploded in a fiery ball...etc...

[Cannikin]

126. Not enough naked blue women who can turn into anybody

[Orrex]

140. I find that that's true in life as well as in film

It's a great shame, really.

[myrna minx]

142. All you need to do to get a job as a waitress/cook/receptionist

is to take the "help wanted" sign out of the window.

The music video montage of a woman changing into different outfits (one super slutty for laughs, one far too big) for her Big Date!1!!

I am soooo sick of whole scenes that involve cell phone calls. That is very lazy film making.

[Courtesy Flush]

144. Nobody says goodbye on the phone. They just hang up

[raccoon]

145. A young man who delivers business papers on a bike,

after an epidemic wipes out nearly everybody, fires a gun at a chain (to break it) once or twice, then the chain is broken and the crazy man at the end of the chain is on the loose. (28 DAYS LATER)

Come on!

[sarge43]

150. Speaking of breaking metal

The Mask of Zorro: Don Diego in the slam, organizing his breakout. Gets his hands on some gun powder, places it on the ankle cuff, fires it and voila cuff splits. Ah Jimmy, if the explosion can break iron, imagine what it'll do to your ankle bone.

[Frank Cannon]

151. My favorite: Grabbed-by-the-Lapels Paralysis

You see it in every single cop show/movie ever made.

Apparently, when you grab someone by their jacket/coat and push them up against the wall, their arms and legs become completely useless. The person just hangs there and can't kick/punch/grab or fight back in any way. I'm sure neurologists are studying this strange phenomenon.

[quiet.american]

157. Yes -- lol. n/t

[woo me with science]

185. LOL good one! nt

[formerrepuke]

152. Opening credits that last waaaaaay into the action of the film...

"producer"... "executive producer".. "co-executive producers"..etc,etc.
What I like most about films from the 50s and earlier: the title credit sequences are usually compact, do not interfere with the picture itself, and are often entertaining in themselves.

[sarge43]

154. Perfectly skewered in Bambi Meets Godzilla

"Marv Newland produced by John and Mary Newland" (or whatever his parent's names were)

[ShaniqaPie]

155. A good hard slap to...

to bring someone to their senses.

S.

[ShaniqaPie]

156. Leading male actor forces...

forces himself on leading female actor. She resists initially, but then she's all into it and it's like she wants it.

S.

[raccoon]

167. Similar to that one, and this goes back decades,

Male actor kisses female. At first she tried to push him away, then in mid-kiss, she has a change of heart (or whatever) and puts her arms around him.

[ShaniqaPie]

158. Cool Teenage Kid Who...

Who drives a 1955 Chevy Bel-Air. In a movie set in the 1990s. So baby-boomer. Maybe the teenage kid's cool grandfather has one in the garage that he tows to cars shows. I was so thankful the "Rain Man" killed those 50's cars (a 50s-something Buick, IIRC) by it being "Dad's car".

S.

[billyskank]

160. Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[ShaniqaPie]

209. Thanks Billy

:toast:

[billyskank]

161. People being knocked out cold by a single punch to the face

Also, the sound it makes sounds suspiciously like a hand clap. (Every Which Way But Loose is a big offender in regard of unrealistic punching noises).

[SaveElmer]

166. Bad guys firing machine guns...

Can't seem to hit anything...but the good guy can shoot a mole off someone's nose from 2 miles away!!!

[ccjlld]

168. The way characters talk

in any movie or television show.

The name of the people having the conversation is constantly reinforced by saying the name at least 5 times in each converstion.

Movie Conversation between 2 people:

John, did I tell you that I saw Mary today?
Why no, Susan, you didn't. How was Mary doing?
Well, John, you know how sick Mary has been.
Yes, I do Susan. Is Mary feeling better?
Mary is finally better John, I'm so happy!


Same conversation between 2 real people:

Hey, did I tell you I saw Mary today?
No, how is she?
You know she's been sick?
Yea, is she feeling better?
She's feeling a lot better, and I'm really happy.

[myrna minx]

170. Bonus points if they use the first and last name!

John Steele, did I tell you that I saw Mary Jones today?
Why no, Susan Butterworth, you didn't. How was Mary Jones doing?
Well, John Steele, you know how sick Mary Jones has been.
Yes, I do Susan Butterworth. Is Mary Jones feeling better?
Mary Jones is finally better John Steele, I'm so happy!


:hi:

[calico1]

171. Everytime two guys fight

its almost always in a restaurant or warehouse or somewhere where there is a lot of furniture that gets broken!

Oh, and in fights people usually break bottles over other people's heads!

[Phillycat]

174. Subset of this one: always getting thrown out a restaurant window

Or else thrown through an aquarium. The glass shatters as soon as it's touched. Call me crazy, but I don't think they would use glass that delicate in a huge restaurant window.

[calico1]

176. Its break away glass. If you smashed

a person through real glass they would get hurt a lot more. Of course in the movies, they get up and keep fighting even though you smash them with bottles, tables, lamps, throw them through windows. ...
:rofl:

[MadHound]

173. Let's see, shit in films

Well the first thing that comes to mind would be Pink Flamingos, you know the film with Devine, that one ka-ka scene. Yeah that was some shit there.

[Hand]

178. Any group of three or more WW II German soldiers...

... always has a fully equipped machine gun with them (usually a water-cooled Maxim, weight:100+ lb.). Also an inexhaustible supply of ammunition... :rofl:

Less than three? Never rifles, always submachine guns, along with the aforementioned inexhaustible ammo supply.

Hard to imagine how they managed to lose the war, except apparently they couldn't hit more than one man in ten no matter how much of that inexhaustible ammo supply they burned up. :rofl:

[LynneSin]

204. Because despite all that armory that can't hit shit

That's what I'm guessing. I mean, they're the bad guys so they pretty much have no sense of target hitting.

[LynneSin]

179. Why does it always have to be raining when there are funerals

I mean, are we only allowed to bury the dead during torrential downpours? Geez, what does one do with the bodies if there happens to be a drought?

[LibDemAlways]

231. And everyone at all funerals is dressed to the

nines in expensive, impeccable black clothing with matching accessories, and the widow is always fresh from the hair salon. And no one is ever cremated. There's always a fancy graveside service. And the person conducting the service is always a generic Christian clergyMAN.

[HughBeaumont]

180. "I'm getting too old for this shit!"

Can writers SERIOUSLY retire this phrase please?

[calico1]

184. Everybody's always got a gun

in their desk drawer or nightstand.

[ForrestGump]

196. A quick glance at the drawers next to my bed confirms that

the only non-clothing items within said drawers is a wallet of CD-Rs that I have sticking out of my underwear drawer (just a temporary convenience). I suppose I could always fling them at my enemies, like shuriken.

Of course, there's always the belt-fed minigun I keep under my bed...

[ProfessorGAC]

189. Cars Blow Up From A Bullet

Every single time, too! You'd think they were made of C4 and wired together with primacord.

The Simpsons have a recurring bit where nearly everything that crashes blows up and burst into flames. I laugh everytime they do that, because i know the joke!
The Professor

[ForrestGump]

191. To be fair,

they are all Ford Pintos...

[ProfessorGAC]

194. I Had A Pinto For 5 Years

It only blew up twice!
The Professor

[ForrestGump]

201. Cool! I had a wife for over 15 years

She blew up every day!

*rimshot*

*oops...missed*

[begin_within]

197. If there's a television set playing in a scene, whatever is playing on the

TV set is far more interesting than the scene itself.

[u4ic]

199. 'Good' guys vs 'bad' guys

Indeed, drama needs tension to be sure, but I think it's kindergarten writing for everything to be so black and white. This applies to more than just Terminator style movies, or westerns...

[billyskank]

235. That's not just Hollywood, though

Far too many people in the US seem to view real life like this too. :(

[ForrestGump]

200. When our protaganists turn on the radio or TV, it's always perfectly cued

for a news item that's either directly relevant to their situation or about them. And then they turn it off.

Of course, there's the movie musical variant on this, in which one of the leads turns on the radio to have a backing track come on that they then sing to, but musicals are a whole other story when it comes to implausibilities. And, frankly, I think life would be a lot better if, every now and then, we took a break to perform a big production number -- complete with dancing extras -- that explains what's going on in our lives. Who cares where the music is coming from?

My favorite story along those lines came from Elvis when he was making his 1964 movie, Roustabout, that featured a song titled "Wheels On My Heels" that he sang as he rode along on his motorcycle. He told the director, or whoever, that he wanted the version used that had backing vocals. The dude said "but, Elvis, you're on a motorcycle...where are the vocalists going to be?" "Same damn place as the band," spake the King. :D

[Phillycat]

205. And the news item isn't even over when they snap it off!

What if the newscaster went on to say, "And the severed head was found in an elevator shaft"?? That might be relevant, Mr Impatient!

[ForrestGump]

207. Exactly!

Could have been followed by "April Fools!," in which case -- boy! -- are they going to feel silly!

[calico1]

210. Yes. And if they turn on a music

station and a song they like is playing it ALWAYS starts at the beginning just when the radio is turned on!

[billyskank]

211. And there's never a DJ talking over the first 30 seconds of the song

:nuke:

[ContraBass Black]

229. I heard that there's a Candid Camera episode in which a broadway

company bursts into song while mingling in foot traffic on a crowded street. I'd love to see it.

[TOhioLiberal]

212. One movie that ticked me off...

...was War of the Worlds (Tom 'I'm completely nutso' Cruise's version). Obviously, when you go to a movie you're watching fiction, and I understand that you cannot kill off the male lead, but seriously!

1. When the aliens show up and start vaporizing people, TC is running down the street, people to the left and people to the right getting blasted. A couple of really near misses to make you think that TC is in danger. Whoop-de-doo.

2. TC gets the only car that is not totally burned out by the EMP effect.

3. TC gets to ex-wifey's house, a plane crashes in the front yard/rest of the neighborhood. Let me repeat that--CRASHES IN FRONT YARD--car is completely untouched by this event.

At this point I could no longer watch the movie.

[ShaniqaPie]

213. Love scenes

Long love scene.They embrace. Kiss. Kiss. Long kiss. They start rubbing each other adn their bodies start moving meningfully. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss her on the neck. Kiss.

This is especialy uncomfortable on rented movies when everyone in the room knows each other, and everyone is squirming and trying to avoid eye contact and thinking it's a good time to run to the fridge.

S.

[blondeatlast]

219. Good point--and it's soooo unrealistic!

"I have to go to the bathroom--AGAIN."

:rofl:

[Evoman]

220. People with accents in films that aren't dubbed.

It makes no sense. Either subtitle it, or dubb completely like in Japanese films. You wouldn't hear the people in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon speaking with chinese accents. An example of this phenomena is in Zorro..the people in Mexico should be either speaking Spanish (with subtitles) or English with no accents. Why would people in Mexico speak English, with bad accents, if they could all speak Spanish and understand each other. K-whatever Widowmaker, with Harrison Ford, makes the same mistake. Why would a bunch of russians, on a russian ship, speak English? Either have them speak English without the accents, or subtitle it. Do they need to speak in accents so we will remember that it is a russian ship?

It doesn't bother me if the actors they use ACTUALLY have an accent (i.e Antonio Banderas), but otherwise...

[calico1]

221. ROFL!

That is sooo true. I have often thought that myself. "Hey, they are all Mexicans in this scene. Why are they speaking English to each other with accents?

I have also noticed that in most movies about ancient times the Romans and Greeks have British accents. Seems like a Brit accent is more acceptable to portray someone from ancient times than say, a Brooklyn or Southern accent. I always found that interesting and odd.

[ContraBass Black]

230. Elizabethan Englishmen should sound like isolated Southern

American country people. That's the closest modern approximation to the mouthiness of the speech.

[raccoon]

239. How's that again?

"mouthiness"?

[Frank Cannon]

225. ROTFL. I never thought about that.

But you're absolutely right. That's hilarious.

[raccoon]

238. Maybe they're practicing their English?

:rofl:

"Why would people in Mexico speak English, with bad accents,"

[Hissyspit]

222. Child molesters always have male pattern baldness.

Actually that's probably more of a TV thing, but it's stereotyping anywhere.

[distantearlywarning]

223. Totally incompetent female characters who let their lovers down in a fight

You always see this in horror films, sometimes in drama or sci-fi. You have a male and a female character who are dating or involved. Male character gets in a fight to the death with the bad guy. He's getting the crap pounded out of him, and what does his dumb girlfriend do? Stand in the corner and scream at the top of her lungs. Yeah, way to be useful, idiot. :eyes: I always want to take these characters and shake them and say, "You know that bad guy is going to rape you after he finishes beating the crap out of your boyfriend, right? Even if you don't care about his welfare, you might want to think about doing something for yourself!"

Gah. If some villain were beating up my husband, I'd find the nearest rock, sneak up behind the jerk, and bash his brains in while he was distracted. At the very least I would run away. I would NEVER stand there and screech my fool head off waiting for the bad guy to find me and do awful things to me.

Best case in point: Highlander - the stupid girl stands next to the castle wall and has a hysterical fit while the Kurgan beats the everliving shit out of what's-his-face. The Kurgan is probably hung like a horse, likes pretty little blond things, and has a mean streak 10 miles wide, so she really, REALLY doesn't want hubby to lose that fight. But she's totally incapable of doing anything whatsoever to help him or herself. It's really fucking annoying. I hate that crap in movies.

[ghostsofgiants]

228. Courtesy of the great Mitch Clem...

[LibDemAlways]

232. A small detail but one that grates....Every time someone

has a present to open, the top just pops right off a box, and the contents are revealed. No one ever has to cut a ribbon or tear into the packaging to get at what's inside. Just stupid.

[Mad_Dem_X]

247. OMG, I hate that!

You rarely see someone tearing into a present, like in real life.

[Love Bug]

240. 1. When lovers wake up in the morning and start kissing

C'mon, EVERYONE has morning breath except people in movies! Also, the same lovers start kissing and move on to doing "the deed" without either of them having to get up and pee first?

2. The male lead is twice/3x the age of the female love interest. Yeah, we know movies are made by middle-aged guys living out their fantasies, but geeze....

3. All the dysfunctional male lead needs is the "love of a good woman" to turn him around and make him good relationship material. (see "As Good As It Gets") I think this "I can fix him" fantasy is one of the main reasons why some women end up with dysfunctional partners -- we're fed this crap in movies, TV and romance novels and think it works in real life. Well, it doesn't.

4. Rape as entertainment. Sorry, I'm done giving my money to film makers who think rape is something I want to see in a movie. It isn't.

5. What was that movie with John Travolta where he was investigating the murder of the daughter of a military officer? "The General's Daughter"? What REALLY PISSED ME OFF about that movie is when they left the poor victim, who was left naked and spread-eagled on the ground UNCOVERED FOR HOURS while the investigators moved around the crime scene gathering evidence. I don't think that would have happened in real life. They treated her like a piece of meat and I think that was done deliberately to titillate the audience. Disgusting.

[blondeatlast]

241. #5--YES. I was lucky I was watching it at home because that enraged me so.

Even my cool as a cucumber husband was pissed about that.

It was pure voyeurism, IMHO, and we turned the damn thing off because of it (it wasn't a good movie anyway, IMHO).

I think you are dead-on about #3 as well; I have friends who buy into that myth because of the movies.

[blondeatlast]

243. Baby-doll nighties as standard college dorm wear;

as well as the nightly pillowfight.

I recall wearing t-shirts and men's boxers when it was warm and flannel pajamas when cold;
I also recall studying long into the night after getting home from work.

Maybe MY particular dorm was unique? :sarcasm:

I personally know of one young man who is absolutely convinced of this because it's in the movies (he's a recent immigrant).

[SmokingJacket]

244. No matter what year it's supposed to be, women have modern makeup.

That always pisses me off. Only very rarely, in a really good movie, do the women look like they are actually IN the year they're supposed to be in!

[LibDemAlways]

248. Modern hairstyles are a problem, too.

Just saw Pirates 2 and Keira Knightly looked like she just left some salon on Rodeo Drive. Worst example ever though was Mary McDonnell in Dances With Wolves. She was supposed to be a caucasion woman living among the Lakota Sioux but had a lovely shag-do. Costner, too, looked ridiculous with his $100.00 haircut.

[Nailzberg]

246. Characters run atop cars in gridlocked traffic or parking lots

And the worst part is the pursuer always follows by getting right up on those cars, too.

Who in their right mind would ever do this?