Who is your Stupidest Relative??

[The Sushi Bandit]

We all got one. You know the one who believes the moon mission was a hoax or that Jesus will protect them from a Lion attack.



Let us know.. who is the Stupidest!!


He voted for Bush

[MrScorpio]

1. I just saw a video of a lion attack yesterday

It wasn't pretty

[grannylib]

2. All the rePiglican ones...and there are more than I care to admit.

My brother, his kids, his wife, and one sister-in-law and one brother-in-law on my hubby's side.
And they're not all stupid: that's only one of the three reasons sheeple vote rePiglican.
They're all voting based on greed or fear.

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

3. I put Step-Brother under other

I guess that's where it goes.

I assume this poll is about non-republican ones, because if that's the case this poll would get stagnate.

Anyways some classics stupidness from my step-brother usually involving money.

In regards to the whereabouts on his Step-Fathers father his grandfather, My step-brother says "we need to track him down, he owes for the last 10 years of birthdays and christmas he didn't get me any gifts!"

After his very first car given to him by an aunt it breaks down after 5 months he tells me "I invested money into that car, Now I'm at a loss" I say "I thought you got that for free, did you have to repair something?" he replies "No I had to buy gas I'm out 300 dollars because of that!"

He wanted a VCR so instead of having the patients to save 80 dollars to buy one. He instead goes to one of those rent to own places, puts a down payment of $10 and then signs a contract where he has to pay $15 a week for 6 months and gets a vcr. Do the math $10 down plus $15 a week for 26 weeks is $400.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

4. Probably my uncle who threatened to sue me and have me arrested.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. now what did you do miss?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

22. Well, he had been a shit to the family for a few years...

Actually, he had always been the normal one on my mom's side and then he basically just snapped (along with his wife). When my grandfather had to be put into a nursing home, he sued my grandmother for custody of my grandfather (he thought that he had money, but he really had nothing...joke's on him). He won my grandfather, but my grandmother still had to pay for everything (he'd send her bills for $3, food, etc). Before this both of my grandparents had lived in my mom's house.

Anyway...
My mom & stepdad were in Hawaii at the time. My grandmother had just gotten out of the hospital that morning and my uncle had been calling her up and being really verbally abusive to my grandmother all day. I don't even like my grandmother that much, but she just got out of the hospital with heart problems that morning, so shit, cut her some slack. My step-grandfather (my real dad's stepdad) was over along with my Aunt (crazy uncle's sister). Eventually, they decided that they weren't going to talk to him on the phone anymore and it was agreed that I'd field his phone calls.

FU=Fuckhead Uncle (anything he says will be screams)
Call #1:
Me: Hello.
*phone slams down in my ear*
Me: Okay, I guess he didn't want to talk to me.

Call #2 (10 seconds later)
Me: Hello.
FU: I WANT TO TALK TO MY MOTHER OR MY SISTER RIGHT NOW!
Me: No. They don't want to talk to you anymore tonight.
FU: I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY WANT! I WANT TO TALK TO MY MOTHER OR SISTER RIGHT NOW!
Me: Sorry, asshole, but they don't want to talk to you.
*I hang up*

Call #3 (10 seconds later)
Me: Hello.
FU: WHO IS THIS?
Me: Jaclyn.
FU: JACLYN, I WANT YOU TO PUT WHOEVER JUST CALLED ME AN ASSHOLE ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!
Me: Yeah, that was me, asshole.
FU: YOU'RE CALLING ME AN ASSHOLE?! YOU'RE CALLING ME AN ASSHOLE?! YOU'RE JUST A STUPID LITTLE DYKE!
Me: What did you call me?
FU: I CALLED YOU STUPID. YOU DIDN'T FINISH COLLEGE, SO YOU'RE STUPID.
Me: Actually, I was referring to you calling me a dyke. Anyway, you went to med school and became a psychiatrist and you're crazy, so obviously school means absolutely nothing.
FU: YEAH, WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! YOU'RE JUST A STUPID LITTLE DYKE! PUT MY MOTHER OR MY SISTER ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!
Me: No. They don't want to talk to you.
FU: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!! YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM ON THE PHONE BECAUSE I WANT TO TALK TO THEM!
Me: No, I don't, especially since there's no one here to make me put them on the phone.
(FU goes on to say a bunch of horrible things about my dead father, who was an awesome guy)
Me: You know what? You're actually the luckiest man alive.
FU: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M LUCKY? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
Me: You're lucky because if my father was alive you'd be a dead man (he really would have been) for the hell you've been putting the family through.
FU: OH SO YOU'RE THREATENING TO KILL ME? YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME? YOU'RE JUST A STUPID LITTLE DYKE BUT YOU CAN'T HURT ME!
Me: No, what I said was, if my deceased father was still alive, then he would have killed you. Personally, I don't even feel you're worth the time or the gas money.
FU: YOU STUPID LITTLE DYKE! YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER! YOU CAN'T PULL THIS SHIT WITH ME
Me: Goodbye.

Anyway, all the family members that were present for it, felt that I handled it quite well and I didn't yell at him at all during his tirade. My dad's stepdad was really proud of how I stuck up for my dad.

So then...he calls up my mother in Hawaii and leaves her a voicemail saying that he's going to sue me for threatening his life & family. That he considers me dangerous because I'm a black belt so my hands are registered lethal weapons (um...no. Black belts do not register their hands as weapons). Not only are my hands lethal weapons, but she allows me to have all sorts of weapons in the house and that makes me a danger. My mom still has the voicemail saved because it's so hilarious. Later on, he also insisted I was sending harassing phone calls to his office and that he was having it investigated so he could throw me in jail. Turns out it was one of his crazy patients. He never followed through on suing me (what the hell would he get from me anyway?) The scary thing is...his specialty is anger management. Clearly a man to go to for anger management help.

The ongoing joke in my house for awhile was that I was going to go down there, swing through the skylight with my sword strapped to my back, nunchucks at my hip and ninja stars down my thigh, but I decided to sleep in instead.

My grandfather died a few months ago. My uncle obviously didn't inherit any money (and he had already stolen and sold my grandfather's antique swords, which I was supposed to inherit). We haven't heard from him since.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. ohh christ...it sounds both amusing and highly aggravating

though can we start calling you "little dyke?"

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

24. Only with love.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

25. as you say little dyke

[mikeytherat]

27. "Personally, I don't even feel you're worth the time or the gas money."

:rofl:

mikey_the_rat

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

30. The scary thing is...him & his wife are the only democrats on my mom's

side.

Anyway, he's totally not worth the time & gas money. He lives like three hours away and I drive a Grand Cherokee. Have you seen the gas prices? Fuck that.

[gkdmaths]

5. Me Myself and I

According to the rest of my extended family, I happen to be the stupidest relative.

However, I am the only one that holds more that a single undergraduate degree and I am the only one NOT a republican.

So I guess you have to factor in the fact that Im surrounded by complete dipshits.

o_0

PS I like the guy who voted for Bush, he looks like my uncle.

[reyd reid reed]

6. That'd have to be me...

Well...maybe. I have pulled some stupid stunts in my time, though.

[BreweryYardRat]

7. My mother.

Going senile, and has guzzled the Kool-Aid big time.

[Broken_Hero]

8. inlaws for sure...

my father in law is always up in arms about gay marriage, and my mother in law is in love with any televangelist...but they are good people, usually...:)

[RebelOne]

9. My sister.

She said that she and her husband voted for Bush because they are Republicans.

[China_cat]

10. Other, my nephew

His wife told him it wouldn't cost them anything to have a baby...he believed her.

[AirmensMom]

11. My aunt.

She voted for bush in 2000 b/c she couldn't get used to a first lady named Tipper. :wtf: I think she gets the :dunce: prize.

[malta blue]

12. My brother

for being the biggest *#)*%& on the planet.

On edit: and he voted for Bush

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. My crazy conspiracy-based uncle

Generous to a fault, he'd offer his arm to a hungry person if he had to - but he has a lot of weird conspiracy theories (and he's a Mason, so one would think he'd be a little more careful spreading conspiracy theories) and they'll come out of nowhere - and they tend to be theories that I've never heard anywhere else. That is, not the popular ones, just shit he makes up, and he'll drop them in a middle of conversation and make everyone go "uh....... yeah".

It'll be bizarro stuff like, "Social security? There's no Social Security. Carter sold social security to Syria in 1982, under Reagan's direction, and that's where the money's been coming from. That's why we don't fight Syria. Same with Israel. Why do you think your shoes come from China?"

:wtf:

And he just tosses those bon mots out in total seriousness, not as jokes.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. thats hillarious

[Rabrrrrrr]

21. He's really funny that way. He'll tie things together that have no point

in being tied together, and deliver the theory as though it is a well-established fact that is completely unchallengable, but clearly and totally ludicrous. Sadly, though, he doesn't do it as a joke.

"No, Jimmy Hoffa wasn't killed by the Mafia. He was killed by Lou Gehrig, but if I told you why, and who covered it up, the CIA would burn my house down."

These aren't things he's said, but that's what they're like.

[Fox Mulder]

14. My grandma is pretty stupid...

or, I should say she does a lot of stupid things.

[Katina]

15. my oldest brother

he has almost died twice from the affects of alcoholism. Twice he had "dried out" and now, the asshole is drinking again.

[TommyO]

16. Cousin, he and his son

signed the anti-gay marriage petition in Florida - thank you Know Thy Neighbor Florida: http://www.christchurchofpeace.org/ktnf/

[AlCzervik]

17. oh this an easy one, i just got back from massachusetts visiting

the family, without a doubt my sister in law wins the prize.

[graywarrior]

19. It's a toss up in this clan.

Any one of them qualify.

[tinfoil tiaras]

26. My aunt is friggen insane

She used to be in pageants in high school and college (I think she was first runner up in the Miss W (Mississippi University for Women) pageant sometime in the late 70s) and so she's obsessed with appearance. She makes us all get dressed up to go to friggen Wal Mart ("Because I might see someone I know there"). Also, she's a first grade teacher, but she HATES children. Especially little children like the first graders she deals with. I went w/ her to her class one time and she was SO fake around the kids but when they went to lunch or whatever, she would be like "I've been doing this for too long, I hate my job so much". So, naturally, i ask her why she won't get certified to teach older grades ("Because I'm too old and too tired").

I didn't want to say my Conservative uncle was dumb/stupid, because he really isn't. He reads alot and is quite smart (hm, i guess there can be such thing as a smart non-liberal..:P ).

[The Sushi Bandit]

28. My Aunt

She is insane about getting married.

My mother says that the "Official" count is 7 times and I know that she lived with a few but dumped them cause they would not marry her.

She would say that she was in a contest with Liz Taylor on how many men they could marry in a lifetime. She is in her 70's now and is getting married again and honeymooning in Poland! most of her marriages would last under a year. I guess she was in love with getting married but couldn't stand being married.

She got a life insurance settlement from an ex-husband who died after the divorce. She blew all the money on her daughters wedding and had nothing to show for it afterwards because they got divorced soon after (it runs in her gene pool?)

She was obsessed as a child.. I was told the story that she would play "Bride" and marry the telephone pole in front of the house. She would even kiss it! She also believed that if you found used gum on the street that if you "kissed it up to god" that it would become OK to chew!

She also changed religions when it suited her. She became a Mormon cause they would help he get a free place to live in Utah!

[scarlet_owl]

29. I have a racist cousin.

I haven't seen her in fifteen years, thank goodness.

[The Sushi Bandit]

31. Keep it that way!

You dont need that negative energy

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

32. And I have a racist MIL

We were watching the Brazil-France match (gah) and some French defender, who was black, was complaining about an unfavorable call with the referee*. My MIL shouted at the TV, "Shut up, APE!" It hurt my ears to hear that, especially as she's extra nice to me. But nice or not, I spoke my mind about that.

*Why do ALL soccer players do that? It's useless! The referee is NOT coing to change his mind.

[NewWaveChick1981]

33. My uncle and aunt.

He's my mother's brother. He's got a big-time drinking problem, and my aunt is a primadonna bitch. My aunt reminds me of Ruby Romaine from Tracey Ullmann's HBO show. :P My uncle still thinks he's hot shit, but he's pushing 70 and is no prize---all the years of alcohol abuse have set in. My aunt thinks he's been faithful to her all these years, but I have news for her---he was a traveling consultant FOR A REASON. He liked chasing women, and he still does to my knowledge.

Their house burned down about ten years ago because he supposedly fixed the dryer vent outside the house, and all he did was narrow the passageway. A lint blockage ensued, and when my aunt was doing laundry one afternoon, she smelled smoke and had to grab the dog and bolt out of the house. All she was wearing was a bra and panties. :P The fire dept. determined it was faulty home repairs that caused the problem. They had to argue with their insurance company for months before they finally settled.

I wonder if the insurance policy had a stupidity clause? :rofl:

[Deja Q]

34. My father's wife's husband's son...

:P

[u4ic]

35. An uncle

who has as many tin foil hats as Imelda Marcos had shoes...:crazy:

[driver8]

36. I have a cousin who doesn't have the sense to come in out of

the rain. When it comes to common sense, she has none.

However, she did just get her RN license...how the hell that happened I'll never know.

[idgiehkt]

37. I can't honestly call any of them stupid.

Not one. But they are ALL conservatives, and that just gripes me. I wish it was sutpidity, but it's something deeper, like mental programming

[spacelady]

38. My stupidest relatives are dead. That's something I cannot avoid myself.

[The Sushi Bandit]

39. Nor I!!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

41. Speak for yourselves

I plan to live forever. So far so good.

[MoseyWalker]

40. It truly is me

I have 3 sibs with a dozen advanced degrees between them, one who is a psychotic freak living with mom, and then there's me.

Uh. Would somebody please turn the light off?