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Edited on Mon Jul-31-06 09:26 PM by CanuckAmok
You know what really bugs me?
Canada.
Sitting all the way up here like we own the rights to "smug".
There are so many things wrong with Canuckistan, I don't know where to begin.
First of all, Canada has this "free" medical care. You know what "free" really means? It means that the cost is shouldered by, you guessed it, the Taxpayers.
Most of whom aren't even sick.
How does this make sense? Look at it from this angle: If you're healthy, you're working, and you're paying taxes. If you;re sick home from work, you're not paying any taxes at all! And if you're so sick you're in the hospital, well, buster, you're exploiting this whole "free" sysem for your own personal special-interest group.
There are an awful lot of Orientals in Canada, too. What's up with that? You know that in some neighborhoods some of the signs are in Oriental? I know where these people come from: the Orient. But that are they doing here, and why can't the learn to speak Canadian? The Indians learned how to speak Canadian, and they practically look like Orientals, except they aren't driving Mercedes.
Speaking of the Indians, I know some of you bleeding-hearts are going to chime-in and say that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to hunt the Indians to near-extinction. But hear me out...
Have you SEEN these people's lawns? Maybe you haven't, so I'll give you a tip: If you ever want a broken swing-set, a 1978 Trans Am with three wheels, or an eviscerated washing machine, try any front lawn in any Indian reservation.
Hey, Chief Standing-Water, next time you sell Manhattan for a few beads and mirrors, maybe you should insist on getting a "rake" thrown in as part of the bargain.
And what's with these Reservations, anyway? Basically, you get a big piece of land just for being an Indian! Can you believe this? And it's choice land, too, not like a crappy lot in the city. Usually it's a nice big piece of oceanfront, far away from any civilization and amenities. Usually there's no police or hospitals, but they seem to look after their own, alright, what with no rent to pay and all the jerky they can smoke. I know one thing for sure, if the government in its wisdom was to give me a big, fat parcel of land, I'd build a really nice house, not one of these crappy cinder-block bungalows they have up there. Maybe the next time that great socialist Martha Stewart gets jail time, she can serve it up at a "Rez" and make a difference. PS Martha, bring curtains...any curtains.
Speaking of jail time, Canada has an alarmingly low percentage of its population behind bars. Are you actually going to believe that's a result of there being less crime? Have you ever watched a hockey game? These people are VIOLENT! I'm thinking that many, many more of them should be locked-up. At least as many per capita as in the USA.
While on the subject of law enforcement, do you have any idea how difficult it is to buy a gun, up here? It's nearly impossible. If you do all the paperwork and wait a few weeks while the government "checks" your "record", you can get a shotgun or a long semi-auto small calibre rifle, or pretty much anything bolt-action, but a handgun? Forget it. Uzi? Nuh-uh! So what are you supposed to do when you're mad... slap someone?
There's a solution, though. If you're really cheesed-off at someone you can make them watch some Canadian TV. First of all, Canada makes its own TV shows and news. That amazed me, too, but it's true. They buy as much Amarican TV as they can, though, because Canadian TV stinks! Unless you like figure-skating or game-shows about current events where the "jackpot" is $200. If that's the case, you can fill your boots.
If you look at a population map of Canada, you will see that about 95% of the population are located along the US Border. Why? so they can catch the network affilliates in Washington, Montana, Michigan, New York and Maine. Of course, most Canadians who get American TV only watch PBS, but what do you expect? They're not used to commercials.
Many of the Canadian TV shows don't have commercials. You would think that's good, but it is not always so. For one thing, when the Canadian TV station broadcasts a good American show without commercials, it finishes early. And instead of starting the next show right away, they do one of two things:
1) they have a news capsule. For a people who are so gung-ho on not being American, Canadians sure watch a lot of international news. What's the big deal, Canada?!
2) they show "Hinterland Who's Who", which is a short film series on any number of animals that live in Canada. Here's an example: "Measuring only 12 to 15 cm from bill-tip to tail-tip, the Black-capped Chickadee (Poecile atricapilla) is greenish-grey above with a white underside shading to light brownish buff along its flanks. Its long, dark-grey tail looks like a handle. A black cap, well drawn over sparkling eyes, covers its head from cone-like bill to nape, or back of the neck. Pure white cheek patches and a triangular black throat patch complete its most conspicuous markings. Because chickadees inhabit such a wide variety of climates and habitats, birds from different populations may vary somewhat in size and plumage.".
You know what? Nobody cares. If you want to see a Black-capped Chickadee or a North American Bison or a "Marten", just go and buy one. Nobody wants to sit through ten minutes of this junk just because the Canadian TV station won't run a "Full House" re-run until 5:30!!
The danger of a Canadian TV show without commercials is also that it means the boredom and invariably leftist stupidity is uninterrupted for a whole hour.
Now, "Canadian events". You say "what an odd combination of words!", and you are so right. Not much ever happens in Canada, and when it does, it's a HUGE DEAL.
Canadians keep talking about the "Great Halifax Explosion of 1917". Okay, Canadians, get over yourselves. First of all, nobody even knows where Halifax is. If it was even rebuilt, that's news to about 99% of the world's population. Secondly, that was like nearly a hundred years ago. All those people who were killed? They'd all be dead by now anyway. TRy calling 1-800-WAAAAAH. American cities explode all the time, and you never hear them bitching about it.
There was also this thing called "The October Crisis". Once again, it was YEARS ago, and nobody cares. Apparently it had something to do with the Canadian Army (HA!) being called out to keep one of the provinces (Quebec) from separating. Hey, dummies, it's attached!
So the Canadian Army (Rick, Dave and Tom) were woken up for nothing.
They had an ice storm a few years ago, also in Quebec, that killed a bunch of people and knocked out the power to most of the country. It also affected New York City's power, but who's fault was that? A certain president who's initials are Bill Clinton. Anyway, yeah, ice storm.
Okay... IT'S CANADA! If you didn't expect an ice storm when you moved here, what did you expect? A palm-tree epidemic? Canada is mostly frozen in ice, people. What wer eyou expecting to fall from the sky, fluffernutters?
Another thing about the ice storm... it was in Quebec, and even though they still want to leave Canada**, they were really grateful to have old Rick, Dave and Tom aka the Canadian Army bail them out of that one.
**It's pretty obvious to me that Quebec people haven't really thought about where they would go if they weren't part of Canada. They speak French, so that only leaves France, which is too far away, or Louisiana, which is also pretty far, and has its own issues at the moment, thanks again to Mister Clinton.
Speaking of the so-called "Canadian Army", there are two things about it that really burn my toast. The first thing is that they are hooked-up with the United Nations, who as we know are just a bunch of crybabies in blue hats. The second thing is that the "Canadian Army" trains for border defence and civil service only! It's as if they are the National Guard. Now, having a National Guard is a good thing, but only when you have a regular army doing all the stuff you wouldn't trust to the Guard. So, what happens when Canadian soldiers (both of 'em) go to assist President Bush in his War on Terrorism? They get killed! Of course they do. Duh! If they were being sent to Kabul to get kitties out of trees or help the Afghanis dig out of an ice storm, they'd be set. But they have to deal with the IEDs and stuff like that, just like American Troops, and they're getting clobbered. There are more Canadian rifles being dropped in the world than French ones, and that's quite a lot, I'll tell you!
It's not the ineptitude that bothers me so much. It's the complaining. First the Canadian government sends its troops to Afghanistan and has to listen to a vast majority of the Canadian public whie about how they don't what that, and then they have to listen to the Canadian public whine some more when the troops are sent home in bags. I mean, what do you want, Canadian public? You can't have it both ways!
I tell you, if I were the Canadian government, I would be plugging my ears most of the time. I think the United States has proven once and for all that a government can't get any work done if it has to drop everything and listen to the "will of the people" every five minutes.
Anyway, there are almost no Black people in Canada. And, in theory, they could have had them all, because the Underground Railroad from the Slave States terminated in Canada. Where did all the Blacks go once the coast was clear? Apparently Buffalo New York. And who do we have to blame for that little reversal of fortune? Do I have to spell it out?
Fine, I will: B.I.L.L. C.L.I.N.T.O.N.
Canada's taxpayers, suckers that they are, are also on the hook for at least three symphony orchestras and five ballet companies. What the heck? How many Canadians are there that they could employ so may slackers in the Arts? Clearly, these "performers" are being paid to just practice, practice, practice for some grand performance which may never come. That has "FDR" written all over it, and we all know how that ended; Polio City.
In fact the City of Winnipeg exists only as a staging ground for these orchestras and ballet companies. When you think about it, that does make sense, as there's really no other reason for Winnipeg to be anywhere, let alone in the middle of God-forsaken nowhere as it is.
Incidentally, did you notice when you read the description of the Black-capped Chickadee (if the process of resding it didn't kill you from boredom) that there was a reference to the bird measuring "12 to 15 cm..."? That's part of the Metric System, which, beyond being very confusung, is an abomiation before God.
The metric system is based on tens. Not on twelves, and drams and fluid ounces and solid ounces and knots like the much more easy-to-use American system. And you know who invented the "fabulous" metric system? Who else by the French.
Of course the French had time to invent a whole new system of measuring things; they certainly weren't frittering their time away defending their borders or fulfilling their commitments to NATO.
And when did the French invent the metric system? Sometime in the 1700s, or if you ask them, at 6150.6 o'clock on January 91st, 17269.5.
There's a few more things that bug me, but I'm running out of time. I'll try to encapsulate as best I can:
The national animal is a beaver. Beavers are practically rats.
They sell hard drugs like Claritin and 222s over the counter.
Birth-control pills and abortions are legal and free. Why both? Something's not working in this matter.
They put gravy and cheese curds on their Freedom fries (which they still call "French fries").
Their dollar is a coin, not a bill.
Anybody can get married to anybody else, for any reason at all.
Jim Carrey comes from Canada.
The telephone was invented in Canada, and they won't shaddap about it.
Their iced tea is pre-sweetened.
Poor people get priority in an emergency ward if they are more seriously injured than someone who earns more. How, I ask you, are they ever going to deal with the growing poor population if they keep that up? Sounds as if someone hasn't really thought things through.
Two simple and unsettling words: Ketchup chips.
So, in conclusion, Canada really ticks me off.
And I'm not so hot on Spain, either.
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