Brain Cramps

[Best_man23]

Received this via e-mail, thought it would be good for a few laughs.

Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994
Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
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" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another" --George Bush, US President
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theism, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Kipper Elderberry
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark SO. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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...Feeling smarter yet?

[underpants]

1. "So the guy said do you want this pizza cut into 6 slices or 8?....

I said better make it 6, I don't think I can eat 8"-Yogi Berra

Yogi-isms aren't really brain cramps it was just the first thing I could think of. Honestly though, how much clear air DO we need?

[quispquake]

2. Great list!

The Mariah Carey one permanently altered my reality...

pp23

[RandomKoolzip]

3. That Mariah Carey quote is false. She never said that.

Snopes.com will debunk that myth....I've seen this quote in a number of places, and nobody seems to realize it's a fake! Again, Snopes.com will tell you what's what. Not that I like Mariah or anything....

[Ilsa]

4. Brooke Shields

is a very intelligent woman. I have a hard time believing she said her quote, but I guess anyone can screw up.