Need HELP! I Own The DUMBEST Dog In The F*CKING WORLD!

[matcom]

first, the IDIOT in question:



now, we bought VERY EXPENSIVE LEATHER furniture 2 weeks ago. Remi has a BAD HABIT of sleeping on the BACK of our (old) sofa while we are gone (NOT when we are here). soooo, in order to prevent him from ruining the back upright (did I mention LEATHER) cushions, I purchased the following:



The description reads:

Instantly activated by the touch of a paw, this battery-operated training device emits startling 85 decibel beeps that get pets off the furniture fast. Made of easy-to-clean black nylon exterior over foam rubber and Styrofoam. Measures 12 inches wide by 59 inches long by 2 1/2 inches high. Requires 1 9 volt alkaline battery(not included).

Yes, I installed the battery :eyes:

Anyhoo, I put the pad up on the back of the couch this morning before leaving for work. All is well right? RIGHT??????111

Mrs Matcom comes home this afternoon and when she gets out of the car she can HEAR THE DAMNED SIREN GOING OFF FROM OUTSIDE!!

Stupid, fucking, MORAN pug must have spent ALL DAMNED DAY sleeping on this pad that is SCREAMING back at him! She opens the door and he jumps down off the couch and the siren stops immediately! :grr:

This thing is LOUD and MORAN-PUG wasn't phased a BIT! :argh:

HELP!! am thinking of installing barbed-wire tomorrow and placing doggie treats ON THE DAMNED WIRE!

any thoughts?

[skygazer]

1. Two thoughts

1. Your dog is deaf.

2. Get a crate and put him in it when no one's home.

[matcom]

2. answers:

1) hearing is PERFECT

2) not ABOUT to start that now. fully house-trained, hasn't been crated since a pup

[spindrifter]

31. If you can get them, collect a bunch of

soda cans, wash them out, stack them in pyramids where the Moran-pug would stand to leap up on the couch. If he tries it, the theory is that they fall down, making a bunch of noise. Maybe that won't help if he is truly deaf, but it might scare him. And he'll have lots of coke cans to scamper around.
We were supposed to try this to keep Daisy, the counter surfer, from doing her thing, but I never have collected enough cans.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

3. I'm sorry, but...

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

That is one crazy dog. I have friends who have two Labs who are either really smart or really dumb (I'm betting the latter), since they have a bad habit of running through the invisible fence, despite the fact that it shocks them into oblivion. :eyes:

:D

[SofaKingLiberal]

4. .

:rofl:

[kiraboo]

5. That dog isn't dumb, it's deaf!

Or just plain stubborn. Very cute beast, though.

We have a dromedary-back leather couch. When we got our kitten, he took to tearing up, down and all around the thing using - of cours - his claws to hang on. The thing is completely riddled with holes now.

[matcom]

6. our cats won't touch the couch

they HATE IT! won't even sleep on it (thank GAWD)

[ohiosmith]

7. The M18 Claymore can be extremely effective in situations such as

the one you describe.

[Bunny]

8. I have a Pug too.

She is the Duchess of Dumbfuckistan.

[bertha katzenengel]

9. they make similar "off" pads that deliver a minor electric shock . . .

good luck, matcom.

[matcom]

10. link please?

and there should be nothing 'minor' about the shock i want to give him :D

[bertha katzenengel]

12. they are called "Scat Mats"

http://www.drsfostersmith.com/Product/Prod_Display.cfm?pcatid=3452&N=2001+113043

Again, good luck!

[zonkers]

35. Re: shock pads. Once your dog gets a taste, you dont have to plug them

in any more. You just leave the pads on the couch and your dog THINKS its plugged in. Of course, your dog will never want to lay on the couch if you give him his own doggy couch.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

70. That is SO not true.

My parent's dog has that, and she STILL demands to sit on the human couch instead. Why? Because we're there and it smells like us.

[zonkers]

72. Thankfully my dogs a dummy.

[pokerfan]

13. Ix Nay on the shock pad!

From the sound of it, your "Einstein" would lay on it all day and you'd come home to find him twiching, hairless in a puddle of his own making.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[matcom]

14. "Remi" after a day of sleeping on the shock pad

:rofl:

[ceile]

22. Is that from "Creep Show"? n/t

[RebelOne]

49. No, that's an actual dog.

I have seen it on TV before. It's called the world's ugliest dog. I think he died recently.

[bertha katzenengel]

63. :blink:

:scared:
:rofl:

[jmowreader]

24. Someone's going to invent an actually-effective dog shocker

The only problem is, it will run on 480v industrial power that you ain't got.

Take even the stupidest dog, whack him with a couple amps worth of 480v, and he'll know not to do that next time.

[xmas74]

11. Tape inflated balloons to the pad

and tape them everywhere, close together. Either the noise will scare him or the constant snapping of the popping balloons will.

BTW-I own the dumbest dog in the world. Yours comes in at a rather close second.

[flvegan]

15. Could you

lay the cushions down, then cover them with a blanket of some kind while you're gone? I can't imagine that 8-12 pounds of pug will "destroy" a well-made sofa.

Otherwise, get some baby gates, and keep him in the kitchen.

Funny story, though.

[matcom]

16. 8-12 pounds?????

try 20!!

and no, they are sewn to the back of the couch.

[flvegan]

18. 20? Big fella.

They have scat pad types that are like velcro. The dog hates the way it feels. Let me see if I can find a link...

[txwhitedove]

17. Did you yell at him??? He looks all worried, poor sweet dog.

Ok, my daughter has a really nice lightweight metal 'kiddie' gate between the kitchen and living area. When she's out, dogs are confined to kitchen/breakfast area where they have plenty of room, with food/water, pillows, and nice tile floor. No muss, no fuss, very inexpensive and a lot less hassle than a screaming pad thingy.

[flvegan]

19. Wouldn't you look worried if you were matcom's dog?

I mean, c'mon.

[mzteris]

25. rofl......

yeah, matcom makes *me* nervous and I've only seen him in cyberspace......... (not to mention I'm probably old enough to be his mom. :) )

[usedtobesick]

20. if you would stop blowing smoke in his face

he wouldn't be high all the time and would care the alarm was going off. How many of us would have fell asleep on the screaming mat for hours because we were too stoned to care... course if he wasn't stoned he know how ugly he was and would jump out of the truck or something. There is a reason it is called "pug ugly" :shrug:

[ceile]

21. ROFLMAO

I needed that!! :rofl:
I have a bad day, and now I feel so much better!
Is the dog deaf?

[Midlodemocrat]

23. Send him to me.

I will treat him and Chessie the wunderdog with the adulation they deserve.

[GOPisEvil]

26. I'd say the novelty of him standing on his hind legs to pee has worn off.

Eh? :D

[otherlander]

27. That's not dumb...that's dedication!

Viva la resistance! "I shall not heed thy screaming machines! You shall not pass!"

[jobycom]

28. We friggin' NEED your dog in OUR PARTY!!!

That's beautiful! I can't stop laughing. That's not a dumb dog, that's pure genius.

I have a dog who's half chow, half mutt. Very smart. She used to get out of the fence so I installed an electric fence around it. She still got out. So I kept trying to ground the fence better, clear brush away, etc. One day I'm in the back yard and she trots over to the wire and LEANS against it, and just watches me. I go from amusement that she's about to be zapped to frustration as I realize the fence isn't zapping her. So I reach down and grab the fence. Shocks the damn snot out of me!!

My dog laughed--and I mean, she laughed. She did this little short bark that had to be a laugh. Then she stood up and trotted away.

Never solved the problem. Finally just moved.

Moral is, you're on your own, but you ain't gonna win.

[Pithlet]

29. He looks just like my dear, recently departed Winston.

Wintson was a sweet, gentle soul, and was so, so dumb. He would have done the same thing.

[Skittles]

30. I like that dog

oh yeah :thumbsup:

[Pierre.Suave]

32. HAHA

I love this thread, I think it needs a recommendation.

[Benfea]

33. If your dog is so dumb, how did he outsmart you? -NT

[ironflange]

34. Pugs aren't famous for their intelligence

But they're so friggin' lovable. I had a pug next door when I was a kid, early '70s, his name was Snorky (remember the Banana Splits?) He was a sweethearted dog, but the owners said that he looked like that from chasing parked cars.

[radfringe]

36. we have the ones that

give out a shock. Variable settings - highest setting is no worse than a static-electric shock

after a couple of months we no need to keep it activated, just put it on the couch and they stay away from it

the noise to a dog is just noise.

[KitchenWitch]

37. That'll teach you to dis on capri pants!

:P

[xchrom]

38. lol -- forgive me -- but you and that dog seem a perfect match!

of course matcom would have a dog that would do that.

[matcom]

39. i say we tombstone him

:P

[xchrom]

40. lol -- or make a big pot of pug ass stew!

i always threatened that with my dogs.

they never believed me -- but one day! bwahahahahaha!

[caty]

41. Try lining up throw pillows or stuffed animals on the back of the

couch. Also, try to make him a comfy bed that has an old sweater or jacket of yours that will have your scent on it. One of my past dogs liked to lay in a cat cradle that hooked to a window sill. He spent hours there watching the neighborhood.

[LaurenG]

42. Get him a helmet and take him to work with you.

He's actually adorable. Look at that sweet, innocent little face. Awww

[matcom]

43. Innocent? INNOCENT???????1111

he is evil. EEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIILLLLLLL! :D

[Mrs.Matcom]

50. He is my baby!!!

You will be gone before he is!!!! :grr:

No you are not buying anymore shit to put on the back of the couch!!! The pads we have might work better if the couch was up against a wall, but they just slide right off. I’m sure doo dah will be fine in the office. I’m going to take the batteries out when I get home and store the pads. Will probably need them at a later date for a new puppy training device. Like when I get my grey hound!!! :D :*

[matcom]

51. oh NO YOU DON'T!

there will be NO MORE puppy training in MY house lady!

*putting my foot down*

:hide:

[Midlodemocrat]

53. You Tell Him, Mrs.Matcom!!!!

Lord of Hellfire, indeed. You get that greyhound, honey. You deserve it for putting up with him.


:bounce:

[matcom]

54. shut up!

you women-folk are starting to overstep your BOUNDS :grr:

:hide:

[Midlodemocrat]

55. We already have, you dolt. And you should be afraid.

Very afraid. We're coming for you, next. Right after GOPisEvil.

[matcom]

56. GOP will keep you skirts in line

where you should be

[LynneSin]

44. You know it's not the pet - it's usually the owner

I'm just saying

:hide:

[Midlodemocrat]

45. Exactly, LynneSin. It isn't right to dis the pet when the owner

is so obviously an incompetent moran.


:hide:

[matcom]

46. you're right

like how there is shit all over your carpets yet you always INSIST that your cats aren't the ones to blame.

:think:

:D

[LynneSin]

47. There's no shit on the carpets

Abbott had a piddling issue and we worked with him and he no longer piddles in places he shouldn't

Cats are trainable

:D

[MissMillie]

48. Is there any way to keep him out of that room

say, like w/ a child gate at the doors..?

[matcom]

52. i gated him in the office this morning

*sigh*

looks like that is the new norm

[MadHound]

57. LOL

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Sorry, but I just find that funny as hell. No, your dog may not be the brightest in the world, but he sure is stubborn, and in these sorts of dog vs human conflicts, stubborn often counts for more.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[meegbear]

58. Take the battery out and put it back on the couch ...

he'll lay on top of it and the couch will be OK.

[matcom]

59. nope. its that his weight will ruin the cushion over time

it's not that he scratches or punctures anything. his 20 pounds over time destroyed the old couch. he is locked out of that room from now on

[meegbear]

60. Gotcha ...

then have him stuffed and mounted in an action pose and put him by the TV.

[Midlodemocrat]

61. Meegbear with the definitive solution!

:thumbsup:

With Remi out of the way, Mrs.Matcom can get her greyhound!!!!!!

:bounce:

[matcom]

62. i LIKE that!

but "action" pose? the only action that comes outta him is peeing and snoring! :rofl:

[Flaxbee]

64. might be loud, but not a frequency he can hear....

a lot of sounds that bother humans don't affect animals (dogs) and vice-versa...

:shrug:

[LSK]

65. face reality and ditch the expensive couch

[Roon]

66. Get one of these

http://www.hdw-inc.com/scatmat.htm

[KurtNYC]

67. Substitute another "forbidden" place for him to lounge

The dog may like the couch because it smells like you. He has separation anxiety and he goes and lays where he can feel nearer to your presence. Sound is actually pretty low on a dog's sensory heirarchy -- smell is the top and often eclipses other sensory input when a dog is focused on smell.

He may also like the height aspect of the couch. Height is power and he may feel more comfortable getting as high as he can (no pun intended) while you are gone.

I would try substituting another place for him to lounge during the day. It should be off the floor (perhaps higher than the new couch would make it more attractive) and it should smell like you. Something like an armchair with a view of the window might work. Just drop some article of your laundry there and let him sit there. Simultaneously, you may want to flip the couch cushions up or do something else to make the couch unattractive to him while he develops a new habit.

[Midlodemocrat]

71. Separation anxiety? From matcom? Hell, I think the poor thing would run,

not walk to get away.


:rofl:

[ALago1]

68. This thread is awesome

Thanks for the morning entertainment!

Quite frankly, I'm surprised nobody has earnestly jumped on you for calling the pooch dumb and subjecting him to a loud siren...

[dolo amber]

69. It is the birthright of the pug to sleep on the back of the sofa

You and your leather be damned. :P

[shugh514]

73. Dumb dogs are a fallacy

they're just too smart to be trained.:)

[I Have A Dream]

74. Sounds to me as though he didn't connect the sound with...

the fact that he was lying on the back of the couch. Maybe it would happen over time.

[hyphenate]

75. It's warm enough

Put up a doghouse out back (make it big enough to accommodate yourself--just to be safe, ya'know!) and leave him out all day. It'll be different come late fall, but he should be quite happy there for the summer. And if it gets too hot, he can go into his doghouse to cool down.

[underpants]

76. Let us review WHOM had the Pavlovian reaction here shall we?

:bounce:

:yoiks:

[matcom]

78. ..

:spray:

[riona]

77. Who did you say won this skirmish?

:rofl:

[Mrs.Matcom]

79. Remi won...

I took the batteries out and put the pads in the closet.

:7

[matcom]

80. bullshit

we are locking him in the office now. MATCOM WINS! :D