Parenting lesson I learned from my kid

[LuckyTheDog]

Lately, my four-year-old son has been kind of "pushing the boundaries" so to speak. When he gets upset, he tries calling me names, yelling, even hitting. Does the same with my wife. Initially, my attempts to correct this behavior (which does not occur every day, but, often enough) were getting nowhere. Everything I did really tended just to escalate the situation.

But I've discovered that what works is not lecturing, or yelling. What works is just taking control and ending the conflict. Recently, I just looked at him very seriously and said: "Lewis, you go to your room right now, close the door and don't come back till you are ready to be nice. I don't care what you do in there, but just go."

He knew I meant business and did just that. Within five minutes, I heard him say "Daddy... I'm... ready to be nice." And he was! In fact, his whole mood had turned around. He was suddenly in a good mood and was sweet and charming for the rest of the afternoon.

I've done this a few time since and it really works with him. What I figured out was that ... yes, kids really do want you to set boundaries. They really do want you to be the parent. It really does make them feel safe.

Of course, what really makes this work is that I also have to let things go -- and turn my mood around, too. I tell him I'm glad he is ready to be nice and give him a hug and say "I love you" -- and then we both feel better. (It's actually pretty easy to forgive him when he is being so sweet and pitiful.)

The last time this happened, he insisted on drawing me a picture and doing other "favors" for me. It wasn’t out of fear. I think he just wanted to show that he wasn’t mad – and make sure that I felt better and wasn’t still mad. It was very, very cute.

[mykpart]

1. You are very wise.

Giving him a place to go where he could do what he wants was very good. And sometimes just interrupting the behavior helps to stop it. When my children were small, I sometimes was still angry when they were ready to be good. I would allow them to come out of their room, but I told them I was still mad and didn't want to hug them yet. Then later I would also say, "I'm not angry any more," and we would hug and make up. Sounds like you are a very good parent.

[BrklynLiberal]

2. Lucky boy having such loving and understanding parents.

[LuckyTheDog]

5. Aw, shucks (nt)

[Ellen Forradalom]

3. It's worked like a charm for me too

with our kid, now seven.

[radwriter0555]

4. What? You mean whacking him on the butt or up side the head isn't the

answer? Just plain logic and speaking calmly solved an emotional crisis for a 4 year old?

How terribly liberal of you... handling family behavior in a calm, rational and mature manner.

I approve; well done!