For us uppity women

[MissHoneychurch]

A Brief Conversation

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question
"What kind of man are you looking for?"
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do
you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."
She began to expound... "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position
to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my
own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am
in the position to ask,
"What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money.
I need something
more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.
She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally
because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a
simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection
spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed
with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving
for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am
looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through
as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for
someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.
I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I
have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
God made woman to be a helpmate for man.
I can't help a man if he can't help himself." When she finished her spill,
she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You're asking a
lot."
She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

[billyskank]

1. She won't find him

Because he doesn't exist.

If one takes the same consumerist approach to a prospective partner that one would to buying a car, or a house, then one will always be disappointed.

[MissHoneychurch]

2. I know there isn't such a man out there

but we try to get as close to perfect as possible. And for each of us perfection is something else.

[billyskank]

4. Then that's okay for you

I just find this kind of thinking really depressing. Having a checklist...must be this, must be that. Must not be this, this is mandatory, this is also required...

No consideration of love and affection in there, I notice. It's all "what can you do for me?" Love is "what I can do for you."

I am sure this is why people are so unhappy nowadays.

[MissHoneychurch]

7. It is not like I make a check list

but I do have certain expectations. Because of my last relationships where I gave everything and my bfs took everything I am not willing to put up with certain behavior anymore.

[billyskank]

8. I'm sorry to hear that

[MissHoneychurch]

9. Thanks

it is in the past. But still, I am worth something and I want to be treated that way.

[xmas74]

13. Interesting.

My pastor spoke about this a few weeks ago. She was referring to the high divorce rate among Protestants (turns out conservatives have the highes, then mainline, then liberal. Lowest divorce rate of all faiths is from athiests).

She said that the problem is that people are looking for perfection, sometimes for God, in their partner and instead of working out the problems they just give up.

She was fair and said that not all problems can be fixed and some shouldn't even be touched. And she said that if there was abuse of any sort going on that it obviously does not apply to fixing a problem. But she said that in this day of instant gratification that some see relationships as fast food-enough to fill the void until they realize that the restaurant down the street tastes better.

I don't strive for perfection. A friend once told me that all men are assholes-just find the one that you can deal with the best. Maybe she's right-she's been married for 25 years now and they are still quite in love.

[billyskank]

15. I would only quibble with one thing your friend said

all people are assholes. It's not a trait confined to men. ;)

Everybody is trying to exploit everybody else. That is a simple fact. Relationships are unbalanced when one person is much better at exploiting than the other - then the give and take all goes one way. But if there is nothing but exploitation, then there is no love.

Unfortunately we have taken this to an extreme. We have been taught to shop for partners just like we shop for anything else. When I read the original post, it sounded more like a business proposal than anything else.

[xmas74]

17. I would agree with the "all people are assholes".

But you know how it goes-get a group of women together and the talk goes back to men.

We asked her what her secret was for staying together and this was her advice. She said that her husband would probably say something similar about women.

And it has been taken to an extreme. I've been out of high school 13 years now. I know of two women that have married more than five times during this time, from graduation to today. There's something wrong with the way we are viewing relationships today.

[MissHoneychurch]

16. I don't want a perfect man

as I am far from perfect myself. And I am willing to give everything to my relationship. I just don't want to be the only one who is giving. In most of my relationships it was that way. And I am too old to do that any longer. With my bf at the moment it is different. He seems to be "perfect" for me.

[xmas74]

18. I know you don't want perfect.

But there is an epidemic of it out there with some.

Odd that I'd quote my pastor but she said to not sell yourself short and settle but don't strive for perfection either.

And your bf right now sounds wonderful!

[MissHoneychurch]

19. Well, your pastor is right

Too many people just don't fight anymore for a relationship. No relationship is happy from start till the end. Like everything in life you have to make compromises. I think our grandparents and parents still knew that. Of course not all the marriages back then were happy and my parents are divorced as well. But still. Nowaday if something breaks you throw it away instead of fixing it. It is the easy way out.

[xmas74]

20. That's what she said.

She said that people confuse love with romantic notions that learn at an early age. She said that when she was dating her husband love was romantic dates and flowers. When they were newlyweds it was love notes in each others lunchboxes. When they had their children it was holding her hand during labor and tears of joy shed over their births. And last year she knew that he still loved her when she was asked to move to this congregation. They drove down here together, looked around the town and he said he knew he could move his practice to a location that was an easier drive.

She said that when he told her that they could do this, even though he was successful where he was, she knew that he still loved her.

[WCGreen]

25. I coulda been a contender.......

[MissHoneychurch]

3. dupe

[Omphaloskepsis]

5. I could use a good backrub.

And a girl that will read what others type on the internet. Shit, type my response and I might send you flowers. Hey, I'm drunk.. And I typed my response.. /* puts the CC away */

Maybe next time Zoe..

[Starbucks Anarchist]

6. Yeah, that's gonna happen.

:rofl:

[In_The_Wind]

10. Excuse me, Darlin'

Mr. Perfect doesn't exist.

[MissHoneychurch]

11. As I answered billyskank already

I know that. But I still can demand respect and I know finally what I am worth. And I am not going underneath a certain standard anymore. Been there and it was not a good experience.

[In_The_Wind]

12. There is no reason for you to settle for less.

I know you're not being unreasonable. What happened?

[MissHoneychurch]

14. Just that in my last two relationships

I gave everything and didn't get anything back. I was used. The one ex I lend a lot of money and never saw a dime of it again. I went with him to visit his family in Monroe, LA. He treated me a way it was unbelievable. For example. I payed for the whole trip but he kept the money. I lend the car, he drove it. I still can't believe I let that happen to me. After I broke up with him I made the mistake to get back together with him. One of the biggest mistakes in my life.

[In_The_Wind]

21. Breaking up the first time is hard enough to do but doing it a second time

is even worse :banghead: but sometimes it's the only thing our hearts will allow us to do. I've had a few boyfriends who have ask me to try it again with them. In the past I've always refused because there were valid reasons for the break-up. It's very difficult to go forward while you're still in-love with yesterday.

[MissHoneychurch]

22. It was the best decision

that I walked away from that man. He was possessive and a control freak.

[In_The_Wind]

23. Which means that he was insecure and had issues about himself.

Sometimes the only right thing to do is walk away.
I'll share one of my favorite Wynonna songs with you ~


Time to walk away
You've run out of things to say
Everything ends up the same old story
You don't know where love went
But nothing's making sense
You both know you can't fake it anymore

Don't look back he'll see you cryin'
Don't look back on love that's dyin'
Make believe your heart is made of stone
Don't look back into his eyes
You've already said goodbye
It's over now; you've got to let him go

He's the one you love
But sometimes love is not enough
It's too complicated to explain
No you never will forget
But you'll get over it
Someday just sweet memories will remain

So don't look back; don't break your will
Don't look back at him until
You're far enough to let your feelings show
Don't look back into those eyes
You've gone back so many times
It's over now you've got to let him go
There's a time for everything including leavin'
There's a time the heart admits defeat
And starts its grieving

[Book Lover]

24. That is *right*

You *are* worth it. (though I have to confess I don't think I'm understanding your words about being submissive - do you mean those times when one or the other partner just has to take the lead because of foot-dragging by the other?)

[frogmarch]

26. What?

(quote)

I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.
I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

What's with all this "submissive" crap? True uppity women are not submissive to anyone, men included, regardless of how much we might respect them.