Secrets to being a post whore, part 1:

[Deja Q]

Having noted I racked up (teehehehehe, rack) 5000 posts in only three months, I wanted to share what it takes for a person to quickly build up their post count:

1. Find lots of things to whine about.
2. Find lots of things to laugh about. (or try to)
3. Find lots of people to vent at.
4. Read up on what lots of people have to say and add in your input.
5. Have no social life of any sort, whatsoever. For some people, this is easier than it is for others.
6. Society ditched "individuality" and "independence" in the 1980s when somebody realized it's much easier to make a profit when you reach the Lowest Common Denominator. Be sure to ostracize anybody who shows signs of conformity.
7. Smurfs are about 3 apples tall. Or to give a direct answer, 12". Gargamel must've had a big mouth...
8. Don't drink before posting. I have a tolerance. Others may not. You don't want to wake up ~4 hours later, see what you've posted, and go "Oh my golden goossse, why can't I edit this message!"
9. Be argumentative rather than in agreeance. Much easier to add up posts to your tick counter.
10. Always post "thank you" messages to everybody, individually, when you're complimented. It's sleazy, but it works. I try not to do it, but I have done it on occasion... and who doesn't? So do it! It feels good to do, and you know it! :evilgrin:
11. Julian Glover is the most underrated actor of all time...
12. Be sure to log into DU in every non-working hour.
13. Be sure to eat regularly.
14. Be sure to be regular. We don't need a bunch of stuffed up huffies about.
15. When they say "Take a break from your computer every hour", it's a lie just to keep you from tickling your keyboard that doesn't exactly care who touches it in the first place.
16. No Freeper can rack up big post counts. So don't be one. :P
17. Stick that tongue smilie back in your mouth! :o
18. Okey dokey! :silly:
19. Never, and I repeat - NEVER use smilies. It's a waste of typing and can contribute to sarcasm, humor, anger, and/or cancer in laboratory mice.
20. Sorry, I couldn't think of a 20th and I hate to go out on an odd number. Glad I'm 34 too! :rofl:
21: Look at the following smilie. Is it what you think it is?

:bounce:
:smilie:

Hmmm, thought not! :7