Do you know anyone who Stutters?

[maveric]

Just wondering if you know anyone and how their lives are? Do they live full, fulfilling lives? Or are they victims of ridicule, ostracized and subjected to discrimination and "glass ceilings"? Or is it just me?

I'm a stutterer and am having a hell of a time getting the jobs/promotions I'm qualified for, as well as the stigma that attaches itself to my quest for a social life and a relationship.(Job interviews are a true adventure)
My ex stated that she "put up with me" for as long as she could and needed to have a normal mode of conversation in her life. My last GF dumped me because she "Felt sorry for you being a stutterer, because people dint like to associate with people like you, and I'm doing you a favor by being with you, but cant be your GF anymore because I want to be with someone normal..."

I'm just curious if you know anyone who has beaten the stigma of dysfluency and has a normal life.

Maybe I'll contact these such people and ask them how they do it.

Its sure lonely here.

[ThomCat]

1. No. I used to stutter for a few years when I was a kid.

But I haven't stuttered since then.

People like to judge how intelligent you are based on how you speak. That's got to be tough. I can also see people getting frustrated in social situations. I wish I had a good answer for you, or even some advice.
:hug:

You do a great job communicating in writing.

[maveric]

3. Not as well as I would like to.

I let it get the best of me while in school. I avoided many things like oral reports and was terrified by words and social interaction. I cant tell you how many times I "cut" classes when those situations were present.
I let it defeat me back then and am paying the price for my cowardice.

Sometime I just want t find an island somewhere.

[ThomCat]

6. Don't go there alone.

A bunch of us would love to take an island vacation with you. :)

I'm not really making light of this. I understand that loneliness and depression can be severe things to deal with. I'm a disabled guy with chronic pain. I know what it's like to be isolated and alone.

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. I used to

Still do a bit when I'm nervous or feeling intimidated.

I got over the worst of it by learning to laugh at it.

[tjwmason]

4. Used to have a friend who stuttered.

I knew him when he was going through university and beginning his career.

He was working in a lab-based scientific position - I suspect that that was an easier place for him than one which is very hard-edged and focused on presentation.

I have to say, from my perspective, that at times I found it difficult not to step-in and finish his words - it was obvious to me what he meant - but I knew that that was the wrong thing.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

5. A cousin of mine.

He also has an Indian accent, so it's an odd combination.

His condition isn't that serious, and he makes a good living, so it apparently hasn't hurt him.

[u4ic]

7. I'm sorry you've dealt with

such insensitive people, maveric. :hug:

It really sounds to me like those two women were nasty shits who were dissatisfied with other things, but chose to target your most vulnerable spot instead. That sometimes happens at the end of relationships, and your spot is a very vulnerable one indeed.

I understand that people with challenges or disabilities can feel very down on themselves for not being 'normal'. I don't know if you're one of them, but remember, you are more than your voice. :hug:

[EvolveOrConvolve]

8. I interviewed a guy who stuttered

He was one of the funniest people I've ever met. I told him he should have been a comedian. His attitude was great, too, but he didn't get the job (way way underqualified). If I'd had another position available within his qualifications, he would have had a job offer on the spot. His email address was something like [e-mail]. Very cool guy.

I think it's all about attitude. If you act paranoid about your stuttering being a problem, then other people will read that in your body language. Remember, speech is only a small part of communication, and confidence is mostly a non-verbal signal.

Good luck to you!

[mdmc]

9. rfk jr has another speaking disorder

my buddy mark stutters. he gets by,,,

[maveric]

14. I used to "get by". But now with advancing age...

and a tough job and dating market I find myself depressed, isolated and ostracized by pretty much everyone I encounter. My kids look at me differently too. They are embarrassed by me as did my ex-wife of 18 years and every GF I've had since.

Now I dont stutter all the time. There was a job I had some years back when I was a bookkeeper for a construction co. 75% of my job consisted of phone collections and I was always fluent on the phone with customers. But then I get these "spells', where I anm almost incapacitated, frozen with fear and embarrassed beyond comprehension.

My last GF, who I fell head over heels in love with, went back with a previous boyfriend, much younger than she, who stole $7000.00 from her, molested her daughter, and would routinely slip "roofies' into her drinks to have his way with her and photograph her in compromising positions. All because she could have a "normal" conversations with him. And being with me "lowered" her socialially.

I have been turned down on several promotions in my work life due to my dysfluency. Laughed at for even putting my hat in the ring for those promotion, that I was qualified for.

Maybe I'm felling sorry for myself. Which is something that I always avoided doing, seeing myself as a "normal" human being with the same dreams, needs and desires as anyone else.
Now I see myself as this tragic leper-like being.

Sorry if this is coming off as a pity party. It was not my intent. Just wondering if others who stutter go through the same shit that I have to every day.

[crispini]

15. Yes, you've got to nip this in the bud.

It sounds like people around you are pretty shallow, but it also sounds like you are starting to affect your view of yourself.

It may sound trite, but this is something that you were meant to learn from. Try to appreciate and enjoy your stuttering.... see if you can find something interesting about it. Observe it, make it yours, understand it, and embrace it. It may never go away, but you may find yourself changing yourself positively because of it.

:hug:

[LibraLiz1973]

21. My 2 cents.

DON'T PANIC- PARTY!! You need to thank your lucky stars that the girlfriend left. I'm not kidding- anyone who would go back to a man who MOLESTED their child is sick. Adding in the fact that he stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from her doesn't bode well either. Sounds to me like SHE has low self esteem.. and chose to blame it all on you. She needed to blame her decision to return to such a monster on someone... Unfortunately, she chose you. I can't even believe what a b*tch she is. You have to be a pretty low person to pick someone apart like that and make them feel bad because your going back to your molesting ex boyfriend. Seriously- be glad she's out and DO NOT LOOK BACK.

You ARE a normal person. Don't bash yourself. What you believe about yourself comes true. Think positive. It's a proven fact that negative begets negative. I highly doubt your children are embarrassed by you because you stutter. You are looking at things through a distorted lens. Your children are probably of that age where they are embarrassed because your older. All kids do that- I can think of no parent who has not had the opportunity to say "My kid(s) don't think I'm very cool". lol


Things get blown up into huge issues when our defenses are down. Get up and move on- forget the ex girlfriend!! You dodged a big bullet. Who you need to feel sorry for is her child...... How would YOU feel if your mother went back to the man that molested you? I'm thinking pretty worthless. Frankly, the woman isn't worthy of you. You have enough depth to probe yourself and ask questions.... she's just kidding herself.

[mdmc]

25. My buddy Mark can sing without stuttering, and he can imitate

people and never stutter.

For a while in high school, he would often "imitate" other people, thus never stutter.

Mark is a real good looking guy, and he is real nice. Girls found his stuttering...not offensive...

I can think of things far worse then stuttering, but I'm sure that you won't feel uplifted.

You don't stutter on line bro. Find some liberal chick here on du, then meet once you have developed a repore. Use this internet to your advantage.

Peace to you.

[maveric]

27. I do that too.

I slid by, by being a funny guy. Doing impressions and all, fluently. But I was a clown. And at age 50 that only gets you so far and people dont take me seriously.

Half of my problem is depression. I dont know if depression triggers the stuttering or vice-versa.
People who stutter can live full prosperous lives with deep meaningful relationships. I just feel like I'm too dumb to work it out.

[mdmc]

31. you seem pretty wise, i just don't know what there is to work out

Your not a northern exposure fan are you? There was a minor character on the show that could fly, but only if he did not talk. It was his choice - talk or fly. There really wasn't "anything to work out".

The trigger goes both ways. Depression can frustrate speech. Stuttering can cause depression.

Perhaps an exercise might help. Visualize words as stones, holding you down. Don't pick them up. Don't use them. Don't talk. When you do talk, think of the sentence being spoken as stones being tossed out. Use them wisely. If the words don't / won't come out, it is because the stones are too heavy. Since you can't "lift" them, don't.

Bro, you need to watch a rfk jr. speech. There is nothing more powerful... and painful...

Lastly, all problems can be resolved. One way to resolve a problem is to reflect on the behavior (stuttering) that needs to change. I don't know shit about stuttering, but there are professionals out there that do. Part of the solution is observation of the behavior.

some things to think about-
can you talk in front of some people without any trouble?
is there a place, time, or atmosphere that makes talking harder or easier?
what does the ability to communicate mean to you? Would you trade your mobility for articulation? How can you get the most out of your voice?
And work on the depression separately. It is another problem. I would never talk again if it ridded me of depression.

[kiraboo]

32. I can't imagine that a good woman would have an issue

with your stutter. I had a huge crush on a fellow who used to work at a college where I was a purchasing agent. The stutter was no obstacle, but the fact that he was gay, was.

[mdmc]

36. true

yo

[Maine-ah]

10. my boss is over 50, and stutters.

lives a normal life, been married 2x's, has a couple of kids my age, and a 12 year old kid with the second wife.

he's an asshole, but that has nothing to do with his stuttering. Owns his own biz, has a giant house on the water, and a boat. Well known in the community for his business, and for being an asshole. I guess you could say he lives a normal life.



It sounds to me that most of the women you have had to deal with are pretty shallow people. As for jobs/promotions, I do believe that would be considered discrimination if you are just as qualified as the guy they promoted or hired.

[trof]

11. Buddy of mine does when he gets excited/stressed.

A fellow airline pilot.
Sometimes, in the simulator, dealing with an emergency, it gets VERY realistic.
Once in a while his stutter would kick in.
Trying to read an emergency checklist.
Why did we think it was funny?
I'm guilty of that.
He would laugh too.
Possibly a defense mechanism.

Isn't there therapy or something?
I've heard some stutterers can sing lyrics without a sign of a stutter.
Sorry, man.
:-(

[trof]

12. WOW! Look at the ads on this thread.

Cool.
I think?

[trof]

13. Well shit. They were all about curing stuttering.

Now they've changed.
How's that work?

[Fox Mulder]

16. Real Help for Stuttering

93% Gain Fluency in this intensive 12 day
stuttering therapy program
www.stuttering.org

...

[maveric]

18. Thank you. I'll look into this program.

I was in a program like this one some 20 years ago to no real results. But I'm older now and may reap some benefits from it.

As a kid my parents dragged me off to the best speech therapists in Boston, at a great expense to them. They didnt work and this pissed off my parents. They pretty much wrote me off as hopeless. So I had to work around it for years, often lowering myself to non-speaking jobs that were unfullfilling and demeaning, now that I look back at it.

Thank you DU for the suggestions and links. I just find myself in a very dark and hopelss place right now.

[tigereye]

45. I had a colleague who attended a very similar program

I think it was at a University...I'll try to find a link. Her stuttering was pretty severe, and attending the program made a big difference in her life and career.

I think this might have been the one....

http://www.stutterssc.org/therapy.htm

apologies if the link is the same as one noted above...

[LibraLiz1973]

17. I know a few

I know a woman who is in her mid 40's- she has a really pronounced stutter and she is an executive for a fortune 500 company.

I have a cousin who stutters- he is 16 and is doing fine. His father had a stutter that went away with therapy but for whatever reason my cousins did not.

I have had many children in my classroom through the years who stutter. Some get speech therapy and it goes away~ others get therapy and it makes not too much difference.

Anyone who would treat someone differently is sick. How do you treat someone like crap because they are any different physically than you? Insanity.

[maveric]

19. Then my situation may be deeper.

Seeing that I allow it to drag me down.

[LibraLiz1973]

22. Anxiety?

I have anxiety disorder and some of the things you are describing sound like anxiety/depression. (Not the part about the stuttering, but the other things) Is it possible you are having anxiety attacks about this stuff?

[maveric]

23. Anxiety, Aspergers Disease, Depression, Low Self Esteem...

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

[Inspired]

20. Sometimes I do

when I am nervous I tend to stutter. I have a normal life, a good job, etc. I have found that if I take deep breaths and slow down my speech it helps. When I do stutter I just smile and acknowledge it.

You sound like a normal person to me. Many people stutter. Your ex's sound like bitches to me.

[Momgonepostal]

24. Our family doctor stutters

He's an MD, and is part of a large, successful practice, so I don't a see any kind of glass-ceiling in his life. He's also married and has children, so apparently his personal life hasn't suffered terribly either.

Your GF sounds like an electric bitch.

Is there a support group for stutterers out there? I think you would benefit from their encouragement.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

26. I knew a guy in college who stuttered.

He was very smart, and had a good singing voice. Interestingly, he never stuttered at all when he sang. This was years ago, and I lost track of him; don't know what he ended up doing.

[Roon]

28. From what I understand

You use a different part of your brain to sing, so the stuttering doesn't affect you at all! There's a country western singer who stutters. Someone will post his name soon I'm sure....

[maveric]

29. Mel Tillis.

A man I admire.

[Roon]

30. Yep,that's him! eom

[RebelOne]

40. I knew a singer who also stuttered,

but not when he sang.

[Major Hogwash]

33. I used to stutter.

But, I learned to control my breathing pattern and slowed down when I started speaking.

[bonito]

34. Words only go so far anyhow

If I had to get by on the man made spoken word, I'd be like a walking zombie, and there are many,
I say f f f fuck the zombies. Peace

[Arazi]

35. The CFO of Morton Salt stuttered

Badly. But he was a whiz at computers and math - categories that were indispensable and didn't require him to be particularly adept at communicating since his kick-ass reports did it for him.

He has a beautiful wife, several children and a happy life. He is a great friend of mine who I love like a brother.

Make sure you don't enter a career that is going to frustrate you endlessly (like advertising that requires you to be very verbal).

Good luck. You can overcome this and go on to success. Confidence is key. Acknowledge the stuttering but emphasize your strengths.

[Rhiannon12866]

37. My cousin stutters. And I did my senior paper, in college, on stuttering.

My cousin seems to have done pretty well in overcoming it, but I recognize the change in his speech patterns, when he's under stress. And I had a friend, while in college, who stuttered to the point of really having difficulties making himself understood. But he also did well, despite his speech problems.:-)

And stuttering is a very common thing. And it's common, when under stress, for anyone. Some admiral started stuttering, just the other day, when being questioned on the news. What I read was that behavior therapy seems to work the best in overcoming stuttering. I'll look up more about this, since it's been awhile, but you are not alone out there, I promise.:-)

Rhiannon:hug:

On edit: Check out this website, but I'm not done. And this second one doesn't look bad, as well. Both offer support and services. As I said, from what I know, behavior therapy is most effective in helping with stuttering. And you're in good company, I promise. :)

http://www.stutteringhelp.org/

http://www.nsastutter.org/content/index.php?catid=5

[npincus]

38. Geez, you dated some BITCHES

(Hope you don't mind me saying that). How mean.

I hope you find support from others with your experience.

:hi:

[Mutley]

39. I used to have a very mild stutter when I was a kid.

Only when I was feeling very intimidated. Still comes out sometimes. The only thing that really helps is to stop and breathe for a minute.

[swag]

41. I know a successful civil engineer who stutters.

He communicates very effectively in spite of his stutter, and also happens to be one of the nicest and smartest guys I know. He's got a great wife and some kids who love him to death.

He works on a number of big transportation projects for the state, and riding around in a car with him is fun because he and my wife (also an engineer) will just rather offhandedly say things like, "Oh, I designed this cloverleaf," or "I did this striping plan." They have made their marks in a big way all over the state.

Hang in there. Sorry you're feeling lonely, but you're not alone.

[Magrittes Pipe]

42. What's the difference between a stutter and a stammer.

:shrug:

[Beware the Beast Man]

43. If I may inspire you- this man is a stutterer:

[NewWaveChick1981]

44. OMG, people can be so heartless and cruel!

:hug: Just because you stutter does NOT make you a dummy or "socially unacceptable." :grr: I cannot understand why people can be so mean to each other.

Plenty of highly intelligent people, you included, have been stutterers. I just saw a rerun of MASH last week where Charles helped a soldier who stuttered, and it's worth watching again if you are interested. It was meant to educate people about a completely misunderstood condition.

My brother has stuttered most of his life, and he has overcome most of it. However, if he gets agitated or excited, it comes out in his speech. He's not stupid or worthless. :)

:hug: I know it's been awful for you. :hug:

[Beer Snob-50]

46. My 14 year old sons best friend is a stutterer.

He does get some riducle for it, but it gets stopped very quickly by others (my son will say something sometimes, not often enough however). He is in my boy scout troop and he tries like heck to be a normal part of the troop my giving his two cents worth all the time, and we patiently wait for him to finish his thoughts (normally they are well worth the wait!)

[Burma Jones]

47. The Guy that owns the Karate Studio my kids attend

He stutters. I've found that it's least noticeable when he's teaching and most noticeable when he's selling/marketing. That's one reason I like and trust the guy. He also runs a great school for the kiddies as well as Adults, plus he's a good spotter when I lift weights......

I'm distressed to hear you catch shit over your dysfluency, my 8 year old son has been in speech therapy since he was two, not for stuttering, but for Aspergers and I see almost daily what happens when people don't speak in a more typical mode. I wish you well....

[Blue-Jay]

48. I stutter a little bit when I get really excited.

Fortunately, I rarely get very excited, so nobody has ever noticed.