This meeting of the DUDQ is hereby called to order!

[Patsy Stone]

Auditions

for the

DU Summer Stock Players'

production of the old classic:

Help!!! I've Lost the Plot!

:cry::scared::cry::spank::spank:

A manic tale of belief, doubt and mischief culminating in the spectacular mob riot/human sacrifice scene theatergoers have come to love...

[emulatorloo]

1. nominating, just because! EOM

[Gman]

2. THis does not mention Jason Leopold or Will Pitt

please do not K&R.

[emulatorloo]

4. Kicking for your post!

I already nominated or I would do that too.

In addition, it the thread does not state whether Patsy's melodrama lasts 24 hours or 24 business hours!

[ClassWarrior]

3. To indict or not to indict - that is the QUESTION!!

~bowing profusely~

Thank-you... thank-you... thank-you...

(:hi: Pats dahling...)

NGU.

[Patsy Stone]

6. Was just sending a PM!

Clinky!

Whether it is nobler in the mind to say you heard it first on DU?

[ClassWarrior]

10. Out damn wine spot!!

Clinkies back!

:toast:

NGU.

[RevCheesehead]

7. Cheezy-doodle!

My favorite DUDQ star!!! :applause:

[ClassWarrior]

12. Rev Darling!

My one-clergy fan club... :loveya:

NGU.

[RevCheesehead]

5. I heard that Leopold was a member of the Mexican lacrosse team.

Is this true? It must be, I read it in the Lounge!

[Patsy Stone]

11. Not Jamaican Bobsled?

I swore I read that on the internets somewhere. :hi:

[northamericancitizen]

8. Did I ever tell you that I love your DU name? So K & R

[Patsy Stone]

9. Cheers, darling!

Do you have a scene prepared? :)

[ClassWarrior]

16. ~snicker, giggle~

NGU.

[Spazito]

13. Ahem, cough, cough.....I am now ready for my audition..

Out, damned spot; out, I say. One, two,—why, then ’tis time to do’t. Hell is murky. Fie, my lord, fie, a soldier and afeard? What need we fear who knows it when none can call our power to account? Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?

[Patsy Stone]

18. Thanks

Can you please scat now?

Dubble-dee-de dweee what if he's not indicted this week-eeee-ded deedld babb-dum? Like that? :hi:

[Spazito]

28. Damn, worked hard at my scattin, hit the Post button and...

lost all my hard skiddle-do-de work cause they moved your thread, lol. It's a conspiracy I tell ya, they don't want any scat here!

[Patsy Stone]

35. Mama don't allow

no scattin' in here, apparently. :rofl:

[crispini]

14. Swoooooooooooooooooooooooon!

:cry:

[Patsy Stone]

15. Nice opener!

Clinky!

[crispini]

24. Absinthe!

And the WRONG GUY just called me, so I definitely need more to drink! :toast: Swoon! :toast:

[RevCheesehead]

17. Are we doooooooooooooooomed yet?

Or only if Will Pitt says so? :evilgrin:

[ClassWarrior]

19. Will Pitt!! Will Pitt!! Skinner's kingdom for Will Pitt!!

Acting!! Thank you!!

NGU.

[RevCheesehead]

21. Double, Double, toil and trouble....

Where's KitchenWitch when you need her? :D

[Generic Other]

20. I'll have the peanutbuster parfait with extra syrup

Wait, you did say Dairy Queen, didn't you? Oh. Never mind.

[RevCheesehead]

23. Damn, those are so good!

Wait, you're confusing me. :puzzled smiley:

[Patsy Stone]

26. We aims to please

But, while you eat, consider whether it's right for me to have taken something as true and had to sit and have it quashed mercilessly by naysayers and those nattering nabobs of negativism! (Sighs ruefully) Just wait! Just wait... They'll get theirs...

Scene!

Thanks, thanks a lot... Thanks...

[ClassWarrior]

32. Bravo!! Bravo!! Encore!!!

:applause:

NGU.

[bleever]

39. I declare them to be: "Effete slobs!"

Acting!

Thank you!

(Bows deeply, peeks at camera.)

[ClassWarrior]

30. C'mon! Get yer Queens straight. Ya got yer Drama Queen, and...

...ya got yer Dairy Queen, and ya got yer Jeff Gannon/Guckert.

NGU.

[north houston dem]

22. oh boy!

:popcorn:

[RevCheesehead]

25. Don't look now....

but we've just been moved to off-off-Broadway. x(

[Patsy Stone]

29. I know!

I think it's because of the recommendations. :) That's a shame.

[ClassWarrior]

34. Victims of rave reviews?? That's a new one...

Maybe it's because I promised away Skinner's kingdom.

:shrug:

NGU.

[Patsy Stone]

36. Nah

But you did say "Pitt". :rofl:

[Garbo 2004]

27. LOL, it's been a while. Simply fabulous idea, Pats. Don't mind me,

I'll just be sitting in the corner chanting.

Oh dear, I've lost my mantra. Damn.

I'll need anoher drink. Then maybe I can out some confidential sources while expounding on my integrity.

(Oh no, I DID not say that. This site's been hacked. Clearly.)

[Patsy Stone]

31. LOL

Pull up a chair. Sadly we've been relocated. Pity.

[ClassWarrior]

33. So the Zen Buddist walks up to the hot dog vendor and says...

..."Make me one with everything!"

Ba-da-bing!!

NGU.

[ClassWarrior]

37. So he hands the vendor a twenty to pay for the hot dog...

...and the vendor pockets it.

The Buddist's eyes narrow, and he asks, "Where's my change?"

The vendor looks up casually and says, "Change?... Ah, but change must come from within."

Buh-dum-bum.

NGU.

[Patsy Stone]

41. These are the jokes, folks!

:rofl:

ed: because that should have been spelled right the first time, dammit!

[ClassWarrior]

43. You've been a lovely rock garden!!

I'll be here all week. Please tip your mods on the way out...

NGU.

[Patsy Stone]

44. SFX: Crickets

Microphone hits the floor. A slightly annoying feedback is heard and fades out.

FADE TO BLACK.

[bleever]

38. I no longer feel that DU is a safe place to discuss my cannibalism.

This is supposedly a place where liberals and progressives can discuss their beliefs.

But if I say, I believe I'd like to eat Johnson's leg, people jump all over me as if "would" is the same as "will".

And if I lick his leg and he freaks out, people jump all over me, just for asking the question, "What does Johnson's leg taste like?" Can't I even ask a question?

And if I bite it, and he screams, the Johnsonbots swarm all over me, saying, "Stop that!" just because I dared to ask for confirmation about how Johnson's leg tastes.

God forbid I actually sink my teeth into his leg, and shake my head vigorously back and forth to tear off a chunk. The true believers will come out in mass and rain their ideological vitriol on me, without even bothering to ask what Johnson's leg REALLY TASTES LIKE.

I thought this was a place where freedom was really respected. Guess I was wrong. So sad.


Anybody got a toothpick?

[Patsy Stone]

40. Cheers!

Making the world safe for cannibals... One leg at a time.

[ClassWarrior]

42. bleevvv... Dad's gonna clobber you if you eat another guy.

:hi:

NGU.

[bleever]

45. This is the kind of personal attack that I'm talking about.

I'm eating Dad. Onaccounta he's been fattened up by Mom's mac and cheese, and chipped beef on toast, and tuna casserole.

Eddie finally got it through my thick skull, Wally. It's eat, or be eaten.

But gee...I gotta say, I really miss Mom. Is that goofy Wally?

[Patsy Stone]

46. ...

"I'm eating dad."

ROFLMAO!

[RevCheesehead]

47. If you ate his wooden leg,

you wouldn't need a toothpick. :evilgrin:

[bleever]

49. Dopiest. Post. Ever.

Eddie says, if Dad's leg is softwood, I'll need a hardwood toothpick.

And if Dad's leg is made of ash, I'll need oak.

And if Dad's leg is oak, the toothpick has to be maple.

Why do you insist on being positive?

[RevCheesehead]

52. Honestly, Bleever....

You just don't know anything about how to talk to a girl. :eyes:

[bleever]

53. Um...I mean...that's a SWELL idea...

Gee...you wouldn't wanna...I mean...Do you think you might like to...what I mean is...Aw shoot: would you eat my Dad with me? I mean, it might be kinda splintery and all but, gee, if we do it together, it might not be so bad, right?

And, you've got some pretty keen ideas. I mean, for bein' a girl, and all.

[RevCheesehead]

54. Thanks, Bleever - I like you, too.

:)

But eating your dad? What if your mom found out? And isn't that kind of like, well, incestuous? Or oedipal?

[bleever]

55. Aw, you don't hafta worry about Mom;

she's just a skeleton with pearls and heels laying next to a vacuum now.

You know: one of those "family values" things. We had to eat her to keep the family together.

:hi:

[crispini]

56. bwahahahahaha!

I'm suffocatin' over here! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[DoBotherMe]

69. Tears here! LOL!

:rofl::spray:

[Kurovski]

72. Heh Heh. Bleever said " johnson"

Heh.

[Kerrytravelers]

48. A dramatic reading of Herrick's "To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time."

First, I must get into character.


In an effort to court the reich-wingers who believe in eternal virginity...

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying;
And the same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And, while ye may, go marry;
For, having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

Robert Herrick


***takes a deep bow***

Thank you, my fans, thank you and I love you for loving me.

[Patsy Stone]

50. Brava!!!

You're hired! Cheers!

[Kerrytravelers]

58. You like me. You really really like me!

[merh]

51. ....

[In_The_Wind]

57. Hello there, Patsy Stone!

It's so nice to see you here!

[Berry Cool]

59. Ahem. *cough* *cough* *cough*

I'd like to audition, please? (looking nervously around)

OK, here I go. Regarding the indictment, in the words of Keith Olbermann:

"If it be now, ’tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all."

And, well, if it be not ever, again, in the words of Keith: "When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions."

Thank you. Thank you.

[Patsy Stone]

61. Thanks, Joan!

Had any good quail recently? :)

[In_The_Wind]

62. I do declare ~ I seriously do need another plate of roasted quail!

:evilgrin:

[WolverineDG]

60. ::ahem::

Tomorrow & tomorrow & tomorrow creeps in this petty pace...OH FER CHRIST'S SAKE, JUST INDICT THE SOB ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;)

dg

[wildhorses]

63. may I play too?

"The play 's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king". ...ahem
sorry to interrupt
you guys just look like you are having too much fun
:blush:

[In_The_Wind]

64. Oh My! You Made Me Look!

good one :thumbsup:

[wildhorses]

65. well Thank you Miss Joani...

looks like a great bunch of people hanging out in this thread...guess I am just a frustrated actor at heart...

[bunny planet]

66. Help me I'm swooning.

Is there a divan or a
fainting couch.

[In_The_Wind]

67. You can use this one.

I don't think I need it at the moment!

[bunny planet]

68. Oh thanks, its pink

my fave color.
Perfect.

[Patsy Stone]

70. That's a fabulous divan

It's divine.

[Kurovski]

71. For my audition I shall recite for you a scene from Shaw's Saint Joan.

Would the assistant director be so kind as to read the role of Dunois? Thank you, dear Madame directress.

*AHEM*

JOAN. Jack: the world is too wicked for me. If the goddams and
the Burgundians do not make an end of me, the French will. Only
for my voices I should lose all heart. That is why I had to steal
away to pray here alone after the coronation. I'll tell you
something, Jack. It is in the bells I hear my voices. Not today,
when they all rang: that was nothing but jangling. But here in
this corner, where the bells come down from heaven, and the echoes
linger, or in the fields, where they come from a distance through
the quiet of the countryside, my voices are in them. cathedral clock chimes the quarter] Hark! Do
you hear? 'Dear-child-of-God': just what you said. At the half-
hour they will say 'Be-brave-go-on'. At the three-quarters they
will say 'I-am-thy-Help'. But it is at the hour, when the great
bell goes after 'God-will-save-France': it is then that St Margaret
and St Catherine and sometimes even the blessed Michael will say
things that I cannot tell beforehand. Then, oh then--

DUNOIS Then,
Joan, we shall hear whatever we fancy in the booming of the bell.
You make me uneasy when you talk about your voices: I should think
you were a bit cracked if I hadnt noticed that you give me very
sensible reasons for what you do, though I hear you telling others
you are only obeying Madame Saint Catherine.

JOAN Well, I have to find reasons for you, because you
do not believe in my voices. But the voices come first; and I find
the reasons after: whatever you may choose to believe.

End scene.

-Thank you for your kind attention, Madame Stone. Now to whom am I to offer the sweetest flower of my--youth--in order that we may ensure myself a role in this most magnificent artistic endeavor?