I'm gonna tell you a story you won't believe

[ET Awful]

But I fell in love last Friday evenin'
With a girl I saw on a bar room TV screen

Well I was just gettin' ready to get my hat
When she caught my eye and I put it back
And I ordered myself a couple o' more shots and beers

The night that I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
(Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round)
The meanest hunk o' woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

She was five foot two and two fifteen
A bleached-blonde mama with a streak of mean
She knew how to knuckle
And she knew how to scuffle and fight

And the roller derby program said
That she was built like a 'fridgerator with a head
The fans called her 'Tuffy'
But all her buddies called her "Spike"

The night that I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
(Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round)
The meanest hunk o' woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round
Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round
Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round

Well I could not help it but to fall in love
With this heavy-duty woman I been speakin' of
Things looked kind of bad
Until the day she skated into my life

Well she might be nasty she might be fat
But I never met a person who would tell her that
She's my big blonde bomber
My heavy handed Hackensack mama

You know that I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
(Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round)
The meanest hunk o' woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

Round 'n' round, go round 'n' round
Round 'n' round, go round 'n' round
Round 'n' round, go round 'n' round