I need to get this off my chest.

[Writer]

I get bullied at times. I'm an adult so it seems all the more vexing.

I am a tall woman. I am strong and confident. I know myself quite well. I don't expect everyone to like me. I have a great group of friends, a husband who loves and me and finds me attractive.

Yet once in a while an asshole appears - male or female - who decides to mistreat me. I have had rumors spread about my being sexually promiscuous in office places (not true, certainly). I have had cruel interpersonal experiences. I have had individuals make fun of my appearance or make remarks about some superficial aspect of me. I know this seems sensitive on my part. So what? I'm a human being and these people are the ones who suck.

I am not good at standing up for myself. I'm not quick on my feet. I tend to be more relaxed and cerebral. This causes me to feel angry at myself for not putting these people in their place. I harbor anger toward these individuals and they get mileage off of that.

I just want to get this off my chest. For all those who have been cruel, fuck off. I live a good life and you can't ruin that. I am intelligent, well-educated, and have many who are good, close friends. Fuck off.

Thank you for reading.

[Random_Australian]

1. Lovely rant! Bravo! Too true too!

No-one is born cruel. I do wonder what happens to people to make them cruel, and if the process can be reversed... hmmmm food for thought and if I ever stumble across an answer, I'll let you know.

For your troubles, a :hug: and a :hi: . The lounge is a lovely place to rant, so if you feel the need feel free to fly into rant again.

Don't you adore alliteration? (and assonance) It's a much better pastime than spreading rumours; you ought to tell those people to try it.

[Writer]

4. Thanks so much, Random Australian.

It's good to get that off my chest. Yeah, mean people sure as hell suck. :)

[MissB]

2. Living well is the best revenge.

So they say. :hug:

[Writer]

6. I do live well. I think that's why I had my more recent experience.

I used to not be comfortable. I used to take the bus and wear grungy jeans and t-shirts. Now my husband and I live a bit better, I dress better, but there is someone in my - of all fucking places - graduate class that seems to resent me. He looks at me and assumes that I'm a clean cut conservative. He rolls his eyes at me when I speak. He is EXTREMELY condescending to me. He is, in a word, a little prick.

But I get together with my friends and I feel better. They're such a great support. And then I know that I really do have it good. Friends are more valuable than any item I own.

Thanks :)

[skygazer]

3. Mean people suck

My preferred method for dealing with assholes such as you describe is to simply deign to toss a condescending smile their way, such as one would bestow upon a small child who is misbehaving in a mildly obnoxious way.

Fuck 'em. Don't ever lower yourself to their level or give them the satisfaction of thinking their petty bullshit even penetrates your space. You don't need to put them in their place - they've chosen their place and it's several rungs below where you reside. :hug:

[mac56]

5. so true

They're the ones who have to live within themselves: live with the sorry, mean, and petty lives they've concocted for themselves. There's nothing you could ever do to them that would be worse punishment than that which they've devised for themselves.

[Writer]

7. That is some damn good advise.

That is so true. I shouldn't take the effort to put them in their place. If that's the way they want to behave, then so be it.

Thanks :)

[CBGLuthier]

8. My wife had a bumper sticker

Mean People Suck.

I may be a dick sometimes but I try to take that as a personal philosophy.

[Writer]

14. Well everyone's rude once in a while...

it's whether or not someone will apologize for it later or if they actually feel bad being rude.

Some people, however, seek out victims to be unapologetically cruel.

[pitohui]

9. it happens to everybody don't sweat it

i feel i'm bullied more because i'm short but if even the tall people get it sometimes at least i don't feel so isolated

[Writer]

16. Anyone who is out of the norm gets bullied.

Unless you're average height, wear normal, mainstream clothes and worship God at your local Protestant church, you're more likely than not going to get bullied.

Thanks for the support :)

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

26. Sadly I get treated differently because I am not black enough .

And that sucks but I am only being CarolinaPeridot . I don't know what black is supposed to be . My mom raised me to be me and that's all that I can do . My life has been different but my life is the same as anyone else's because I have had struggles - I get treated differently because I don't talk in a slang and I am into hip hop like the next person . I don't think anything is wrong with it , its just not something that I understand and if I tried to act like that I would just be fake . So I just do me . I am unique and ecentric . I like Outkast and Kanye West but you know who I really like - Duran Duran - and people give me the gas face when I tell them that but I don't give a damn . I think its sad that sometimes in the black community we turn on each other for not being like the next person and we turn on each other because people feel that we are not living up to the " black norm " but what is the black norm ? I have met people who actually expect me to have kids already because everyone else does . That's not me . When I came home from Germany people called me a goody goody because I decided to travel the world and see something outside of my backyard . I speak German yeah but you know what I can still drop it like its hot - but I find other things important .

I have been going through this shit my whole life . When it was time for me to attend college , I got looked down because I did not attend a historically black college like everyone else . I would have attended one but the reasons why I did'nt were because 1) everytime I visited the campuses I did not feel welcomed 2) North Carolina State University paid my way 3) I am just different , I don't do what everybody else does . If I have learned one lesson in life its that no matter what : I have to be me . Fuck everybody else . And since I continue to be myself , I RISE . At work I am rising . In my music , dance and art I RISE . No matter what BS is sent my way - still I RISE .

[Writer]

29. Beautifully stated, CarolinaPeridot

And you continue to rise. I never have met you, but I already can tell that you are a beautiful person because you exude a beautiful soul in your writing. Good for you for overcoming so much. And you have many good years ahead of you.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

33. Yes I know that I am a beautiful person :)

Not to sound conceited but I really believe that I am . And sadly its people that I have met in my life that have thrown me away but yet stick with things and people that do them harm . I treat everybody with respect . I always look forward to talking to this particular cleaning lady at work named Betty because she is always nice to me and I always tell her to have a good night and she told me last week that she thinks that I have a pretty personality . So despite the fact that there are people currently talking about me behind my back because they don't have anything else to make them look good and it sucks to be them . But God sees everything . And I really believe that everyone will eventually get what they deserve . I don't have a evil bone in my body but the more people hurt me I can feel myself wanting to stoop to their level but I won't listen to the devil . I will just let God , Nature and Fate handle it . Because I have some RISING to do :)

[hfojvt]

44. I'm pretty sure they get bullied too

Plus, there seemed to be more Catholics in my school than any other group. Heck, they made all us Protestants eat fish on Fridays even when it wasn't lent. There's plenty of hate and cruelty in the world. Everyone gets a share.

[genieroze]

58. I don't fit any of the descriptions you say, and I don't give a crap

either. My daughter on the other hand it totally obsessed with her looks and how others think of her. She always nags me, mom how can you go out without makeup, how can you go out in sweats? "I'm going to the freaking store for gawd sakes" who cares what other people think. F em! I'm 5'11", anyone who wants to mess with me will hear it and if they aren't worth my time, I ignore them. Even on DU if some a-hole starts with me I put them on the ignore list. I don't need to hear their crap. If this is at work, tell your boss that this is counterproductive to the work environment and WILL NOT be tolerated by you. Unless this person is your boss.

[ThomCat]

10. Thank you for sharing.

:applause:

Please feel free to rant anytime. :)

[Writer]

17. Thank you. That's very kind. :) :) :)

[xmas74]

11. It's fun to kick mean people in the nutsack.

I was bullied for being short, having an odd first name and for moving to a new school when I was younger.

Now they try to bully me because they see a short, thirtysomething single mother and they think that they can get away w/ it. And I know all about rumors about sexual promiscuity-I've been the victim more than my fair share because I'm a single mother.

Guess what? It's not gonna happen. Cut them down, kick 'em til it hurts-whatever it takes. If they know you won't put up w/ their crap they will back down.

[Writer]

18. Oh how many times have I envisioned a swift kick in the groin.

Thanks ;)

[xmas74]

49. Just keep that thought in your head every time they

piss you off.

[Katherine Brengle]

12. Rock on!

I have this problem sometimes, and have all my life. It takes a little mental exercise for me to remind myself that I am smart, and beautiful, and loved, and that the only reason people act this way is out of some sad need to validate their own empty existences.

People who feel truly fulfilled in life and good about their lives don't act this way--just remember that.

:yourock: :hug: :yourock:

[Writer]

19. Very true. Thanks so much!

[Pool Hall Ace]

13. So sorry you're going through all that.

I understand where you're coming from. I've had to deal with people like that, too.

It takes practice, but you have to perfect the art of tuning them out. Eventually, you'll be able to just flick 'em away like they're gnats. Once you can do that, their comments won't even register.

Here's a hug for ya. :hug:

[Writer]

20. Awww. Thanks so much for the hug. :)

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

15. People at work used to bully me ...

notice the word " used " to but when I start ignoring them and rising higher above them , they lowered their heads because they know that I am a much better person than they are . It sucks sometimes when you have to be surrounded by idiots because like I always say " people are stupid " - I sometimes think that I put people on too high of a pedestal and I always think that everyone has the same morals as I do , they don't . As crazy and unsafe as this world is becoming sadly there are people who don't care about themselves and do dirty things - I do have a point somewhere . My point is that you should never have to change who you are to fit in no matter where you are . People try to bully you because they are jealous - you are doing something good that they can't do and it hurts them . People look at me and automatically think that I am younger than what I am . And when I tell them that I am 25 and I show them how much more mature I am than they are , they get bored and leave me alone , because they know that they can't beat me . People suck . Sometimes I do want to yell and curse people out but that would just be stooping down to their level . You can tell a person about themselves and the BS that they are doing , but it won't really affect them until they see it with their own eyes . People suck : plain and simple . Its amazing how people can be so stupid but that's how it is .

[Writer]

23. Oh I understand completely what you mean.

I am 30 now, but when I was 24 I worked at an office in NYC. A girl sat next to me who was extremely resentful and rude to me. Layoff time came around. Our entire department was cut. I remember her crying on the phone, "I know they were going to cut, but I didn't think it was going to be ME!" We all started looking for new jobs. In three weeks, I found a better job with higher pay and a promotion with a new company. As I was looking through old paperwork on my desk, organizing, I came across this person's resume with a recent date written on it. Apparently she interviewed for the same job I had. I simply smiled to myself and threw the resume away. It was sweet revenge.

[Sugar Smack]

25. THAT was remarkable. What a great reply.

I think you're wonderful, by the way. The more you post, the more we all realize what a jewel you really are.:D :thumbsup: :hi:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

36. Thank you .

I really want to meet some DUers in person now . This place has been a great outlet for the past month .

[Sugar Smack]

21. That's one of the best rants I've ever heard.

You're "Writer" because you think things out. I do the same. I cannot reply to some asshat when I'm feeling apoplectic. I think you expressed yourself wonderfully just now, and I applaud you because I know what you're saying.



:applause:

Thanks for being on this website.

[Writer]

24. Wow. Thanks, Sugar Smack. That's a very nice compliment.

Thanks for making me feel welcome to express myself. :) :) :)

[Sugar Smack]

28. Hey, we all get a side of you that no one else can get.

We take the things you give us, like presents. You have this craft that motivates you, and that little shit you're working with has no idea what qualities you do possess. That's his loss. I have had to formulate a huge list of things to memorize & spew back at people who give me trouble. They work very effectively, because I'm pretty prepared for surprises at this point.

Do you want me to loan you "Shakespeare's Insults"? It's still pretty timely. ;-)

[Writer]

30. You know, I think I'd like to see that list.

Shakespeare knew how to skewer with words.

[Sugar Smack]

47. I will give it to you

once I figure out how. :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

[Nikia]

22. I was thinking of the Elenor Roosevelt quote today

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I am considering what this really means and how I should conduct myself accordingly.

[Writer]

27. Eleanor: What a wicked cool lady.

She's correct. The only person who has control over your life is yourself. No one else can control you - unless you let them.

[caty]

31. I'm sorry you

have to put up with mean spirited people like that. Some people don't know any other way to live without hate in their hearts.
I've always believed that the best revenge is to lead a good and happy life. When someone is cruel to you, do something nice and thoughtful for someone else. It makes a good balance in the world.

[Writer]

37. No kidding.

Building good karma for oneself is nice. Thanks for the support. :)

[fun n serious]

32. Things could be worse

I wish I had only these type of problems in my life. At one point in my life I did just have these problems and in that time they seemed sooo big until I ran into bigger more relevant problems such as death of a loved one, the near death of a child, health issues ect,, It wasn't until then that I said, Ah.. I wish I could go back to the stress of gossip and mean people.

[Writer]

34. Thanks very much, and welcome to DU!

[fun n serious]

59. I didn't mean to sound insensitive

I know how rude, mean and cruel people can affect your stress level. Just try not to bring the stress home and know that these things are not worth stressing over. Save your ability to handle stress for bigger issues. I use to dwell on things that were said to me at the office, bring it home and not enjoy my time with my family becuase of these cruel people. I learned they were nothing in my life and I had to confront them and fvorget them.

[Sugar Smack]

48. Welcome to DU!

:party: :toast: :bounce:

[harleydad]

35. Wow - I could feel the pain and the anger.

I commend you on venting. It feels more healthy than the way I would handle it. I used to be bullied a lot as a kid and would do nothing to protect myself because I was brought up to believe that fighing back was sinful. However, as I got into Jr. High I started exercising and got stronger. Finally, I started to confront the bullies, and in one case whupping him in a wrestling match. As I got a reputation for being strong, the bullying stopped.

Why did I say all that? I'm not sure except maybe to say that when I feel strong and content a lot of that bullshit doesn't faze me as much.

Nowadays, what bothers me the most is I can't just say what I think or feel. I sometimes wish I could immediately respond to nasty statements, like you are saying. On the other hand, I have sometimes blurted out stuff in the moment that was really stupid and had to be retracted.

I do not understand these juveniles who like to bully. How could that possibly make them feel good?

I can't imagine how bad I would feel if someone made fun of how I look. Fortunately I haven't experienced that.

Anyway, your post touched a nerve and I wish I could make it better for you.

:thumbsup:

[Writer]

39. What is surprising me is how many share these feelings about being bullied

I think being stronger, or showing your strength and confidence in front of others, helps. It sounds like you found a way. Bullying seems to be accepted behavior in the U.S. Yet there's nothing acceptable about it. We breed narcissism (read: insecurity) into our children by permitting them to pick on others discriminately and telling them that it's okay to get ahead at any cost. We need to find a way to eliminate this self-destructive aspect of our culture.

[harleydad]

43. I don't know about other parts of the country but

here in South Florida, it seems like everything is a big contest to get to the front of the line. It seems like many parents WANT their kids to fight, kick and scratch to get to the front no matter who it hurts - that narcissism you speak of. After all, how many parents set limits on their kids anymore, or discipline them.

Also, when I feel strong I can handle bullies. But at those times when I don't feel strong the bullies can get to me, and what's worse, I sometimes blame myself for being bullied. Hopefully I am learning from this.

[Sannum]

38. A hug to you....

I hate dealing with assholes. I have to much of the time. I was laid off years ago, and it turns out that my boss's wife did not want me working there because I was "too pretty". Of course, I was 18 at the time, and fucking the boss was not even on my radar screen, but she was paranoid and I was let go.

I have dealt with cruel people before. In fact, many of them at my former job. I was even told to my face by a co-worker that "your skinny ass don't belong here, butch". Sweet:eyes: This in a supposedly professional environmemt.

The only thing I can do is think about the amazing things I have in my life...freinds, family, vacations, and such that these people are to bitter and mean to appriciate. It is hard, but since people are bastards, we have to deal with it.

[Writer]

40. I once had to confront the embittered divorcee type.

Her husband had left her for another woman. I entered the workplace at 22 and took attention away from some of the male coworkers in the office. So she started to spread rumors about me, started rudely equating me to Monica Lewinsky, etc.

The result: I went to New York and got married to a wonderful man. She's now working a humdum job as a saleswoman in another business.

What a sad woman.

Thanks for your support. :)

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

41. See there : sometimes you don't have to do anything .

Eventually people get what they deserve .

[Benfea]

42. Can I get on your chest? *SMACK* Ow!

Just kidding. I'm not really that sexist, it's just that I cannot resist bad jokes nor jokes in poor taste. It's gotta be some kind of mental disorder, I just know it!

[file83]

45. Don't "think" you are better than these people. KNOW IT.

As soon as you hear the hate coming from these kinds of people, realize the DIFFERENCE immediately between you and that person. You not having a witty "come back" isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you haven't wasted a LIFETIME attempting to perfect rehearsed "come backs" to negative situations. You know that to do so would require you to regress back to immature, insecure motives, so you don't. You haven't. You've invested your lifetime on cultivating a loving family and contributing to society in a postive way. You should be proud you don't have a canned "response" to those poor creatures. Good for you! :grouphug:

[Writer]

51. Knowing and not thinking... I've always liked that philosophy.

Now if there's a way I can rid myself of that twenty pound stone in my stomach...

[Skittles]

46. I WILL KICK THEIR ASS WRITER

I WILL

[Writer]

52. Oh good. Here let me get you his information...

One moment...

[Generic Brad]

50. Hear You Loud and Clear

I spent a lifetime getting bullied about by my brother, sister and mother. As a middle aged man I was getting constantly ragged on because they didn't like my wife of twenty years, my liberal politics, or my rejection of the faith that was shoved down my throat while growing up.

I am a devoted husband and father, actively participate in my community, and have a responsible job. Still, my birth family felt they could constantly bash me and my wife. We have never been good enough by any of their measures. It got to the point where we felt we were just invited to family gatherings so they could gang up and try to humiliate us. Imagine getting invited to dinner and having to sit through racist diatribes with the stipulation that you are supposed to just sit there and take it. Imagine having to sit through a political discussion where only right wing ideologically slanted views are allowed to be heard. Imagine being told you are going to hell because you left the faith. Imagine being introduced as the son who wasted his time chasing a master's degree.

The only people who have ever bullied me were my family. If it weren't for my wife I might still be thinking there was something wrong with me. I'm very sorry you have had to put up with bullying, Writer. Nobody deserves it. Ever.

Oh, and if you're wondering how my current relationship is going with them -- it isn't. About six months ago I decided to cut off all contact with them, deleted my blog, changed my phone number, my screen name, etc. I have literally dropped off the face of their earth. As Hugh Prather once wrote, "Let them interpret the pause".

[Writer]

53. Oh that is so hard. I'm sorry about how far you've had to go.

You don't deserve how they treated you and your wife. For no reason at all. And now you will have nothing to do with them, and rightfully so. Now they don't have you at all. I suppose this would be a time for them to consider how they continued to violate your boundaries and took you for granted as a person. I pray that your family isn't narcissistic enough to think that they've done nothing wrong.

I didn't speak to my father for about seven years during my 20's. Everytime I spoke to him he always made me feel scared, insecure, and criticized. My sisters were horrible to me for doing so. They constantly hounded me - calling ME a terrible person for doing so. They would not permit me my right as an individual to conduct my life as I saw fit. My entire family is full of bullies.

I did ultimately make amends with my father before I married. In fact, he gave me away at my wedding. He finally decided to let go of his anger and treat me with respect. I think you are brave and correct to cast away your family. They verbally abused you and now they must understand life without you. That is THEIR mistake and not yours. As it was with my father.

Stay strong. Thanks for sharing your story.

[ForrestGump]

54. Well said

I hate bullies, with a passion. I always did. I was never their target -- I defended myself against them and their inevitable minions in high school and prevailed, and I also defended little kids against them when I was coming up through primary school and into my teens. I hate them.

And they don't all change when they grow up. They become, if not neighborhood bar bullies and the like, bad bosses and evil landlords...and they become politicians, some of them. This country is run by bullies, essentially, and in this way the United States itself has become an ever greater bully on the international playground. It's sick. They need to be stopped. And they can be, because the one universal truth is that every bully, without exception, is a coward. A chickenhawk, at best. F***ers.



EDIT: I wrote that I hated bullies "with a fashion." i'm tired...

[bertha katzenengel]

55. Brava.

Be strong and confident, beautiful one. You know who you are. Fuck 'em.

Recommended.

[SeattleGirl]

56. Sweetie, I'm so sorry people treat you so badly.

You don't deserve it. And while it may be easy, while NOT in the heat of the moment, to say fuck 'em if they can't take a joke (and no, I don't mean YOU are a joke), it's still hard sometimes to deal with the meaness of others.

I'm tall. I'm strong. I don't expect everyone to like me either. But it's not okay for people to treat me like shit. And it's not okay for them to do that to you either.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Lilith Velkor]

57. One thing I don't understand

I'm average-looking, jobless, homeless, and I have only one close friend.

I have pretty much nothing going for me, so the jealousy thing doesn't apply in my case, but I still get bullied every time I join a group or make a new friend.

I wish I could have a good life, but it seems it's just not going to happen. I'm glad that you do, and I don't understand why anyone would begrudge you that.

Thank you for writing. :hug:

[elehhhhna]

60. Just say, in a condescending but amused tone:

"Don't be jealous"

shuts 'em up good.


good luck,

a 6'1" sister of tallnesshood