Have you ever been afraid to go to sleep?

[RevCheesehead]

:scared:

[SofaKingLiberal]

1. Every night

:scared:

[KitchenWitch]

2. Yes I have

I really do not know what got me through that, though.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

3. I keep the light and the TV on,

but it doesn't stop the tears from coming. :(

[KitchenWitch]

7. I am so sorry!

Maybe a long prayer session would help? I wish I could fill up the lonely spots for you.

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. I'm sorry, Rev

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

5. For some reason, I can sleep during the day.

But right now, it's really hard. I popped a Vicodin, hoping it will take effect... that was 45 minutes ago.

[Oeditpus Rex]

9. Daylight reveals all

The night is quiet and murky.

I know.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

10. ...

:hug:

[Dangerously Amused]

6. Honey, I know you are sad, but what are you afraid of?

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

8. The night is when the tears come.

And reality hits. That's what I'm afraid of. :(

[Dangerously Amused]

11. So...

Afraid of the reality of life without Mom? I can understand and appreciate that.


Anyway, you don't have to answer here. But I'll be up a while yet, PM me if you would like my number and someone to talk to about it until you get sleepy.


:hug:

[Random_Australian]

12. Have a hug, perhaps that will help....

:hug:


Yes? No! I'll show you!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug:
:hug:
:hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

There you go! Sleep tight!

[RevCheesehead]

18. thank you.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

19. thank you.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. Yes, I have indeed, my dear Rev......

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

16. ....

:hug:

[billyskank]

14. ...

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

17. ...

:hug:

[FunkyLeprechaun]

15. Yes

That's why I make sure I don't watch A&E's City Confidental and American Justice alone. If I do, it's instant insomina, and even Nyquil won't knock me out. The worst episode was called "Little Sister Lost" and it had a videotape of the crime scene and showed the investigators flipping the corpse over (the body was rigor mortis). So I kept dreaming that and urgh... Disney for me now on.

Nyquil seems to work for insomnia. But it's not a good idea to take it at least 8 hours before you go to work. I took it less than 8 hours before class and I fell asleep in classes several times.

[Broken_Hero]

20. yeah...

during my meth days....after being awake on that shit for days/weeks on end, when i would come down, and I was about ready to fall asleep, i would freak out and wonder, if my heart would explode when i feel asleep...trust me, nothing makes sense when coming down off that shit...:)

[ContraBass Black]

21. More times than one might think possible, considering my age.

At one point in particular, every night became an ordeal, as my worst fears and hates violated me brutally. Every time a particular kind of dream lost its effectiveness because I became accustomed to it, the dreams would switch to some new regret, shame, or fright. I would wake up violently and screaming "Stop f---ing with me!" Eventually, however, I ran out of fears, hurts, and embarrassments. There was no fresh material with which to torment me. When whatever malicious agent came at me again in my sleep, I responded, "Ho-hum. Wake me up when you finish." The dreams stopped, and I found myself less scared, shameful, and regretful during the day.

I hate crying. I usually only do it once every couple of years. The last couple of time it happened, though, it didn't sting me as it used to. Several months ago, my best friend complained to me over the phone about her own weeping. For some reason, I was reminded of some time I cried in joy instead of grief, and tole her that "Tears are a gift from God, forcing attention to deeper emotion." Two months ago, when she was visiting me, I tumbled out of sleep bawling my eyes out for the first time over a loss two years past, and she held me and repeated my words.


Reality tends to be cold, ugly, and mean. Small comfort though it may be, one component of the reality that ought to confront you tonight is that you are still not alone.

[RevCheesehead]

22. Yes - I know about the cold.

When I first got the phone call, my blood literally chilled. And when I feel the fear, I get that same deep chill inside me. What is that? Adrenaline? or something else?

The reality is that my mom is dead, and nothing is ever going to change that. I keep hoping I'll wake up, and find it was just some horrible nightmare. What keeps me awake is knowing that when tomorrow eventually comes, the reality is still with me. I haven't found my way to adapt, and that scares me.

Thank you for sharing your story. It does help. :hug:

[ContraBass Black]

23. The chill is from the body diverting blood flow from the torso to the legs

In preparation for flight. It's not just perception. I've been told that I become cold to the touch when frightened.

[SeattleGirl]

24. Yes, I have, Rev.

I was that way after my dad died. Daytime, I made it through okay, but at night, the tears wouldn't stop. You may not want to hear this, my friend, but let yourself cry. You're grief is so fresh and raw, and your tears are a way of expressing that grief. I know that as a Rev, you are used to ministering, to caring for people in their time of grief. It's your turn now. You won't always be crying every night, as your grief will ease some over time, but really, let it out. And lean on us, and your friends who are physically around you. Let us and them minister to you for awhile, dear. I hold you in my heart, Ruth.

:hug: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

25. Thank you.

:hug: And thanks for the reminder to be human.

I just don't want to go through this process, ya know? It hurts so deeply, and nothing takes away the pain. I just don't want to be a drag on my friends, and have people avoid me, not knowing when I'll lose it.

And, how in the hell am I going to get through church on Sunday? I haven't even begun to put together a bulletin yet. Don't even want to think about it.

[SeattleGirl]

26. Yes, I know how deeply it hurts, and I resist it myself

But it won't go away by trying to avoid it -- something you have probably told your parishioners before, in one way or another. And don't assume friends will turn away from you. Some may, out of uncomfortableness, or not knowing what to say, but I bet most will not.

As for church, wow. I'm not sure what to say about that. Is there someone else who could give a talk in your place? Or, can you talk about you loss, about how we all experience it, but that God is always there to turn to in the midst of our pain. It's not for me to say what you should do, but I know it will work out for you, in one way or another.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

27. What you just said = excellent.

I think everyone's kinda expecting it, too, ya know? But I need to make sure I keep it within the realm of worship, and not personal therapy. Thanks for the wonderful suggestion. Now, to get that bulletin finished...

:hug: you the best, SG.

[SeattleGirl]

28. I'm happy to be of help, my friend.

I hope you post your sermon. I would love to read it. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

29. I don't write them out anymore.

But once I do it on Sunday, I'll be glad to give ya a summary - a general idea of what I said.

[merh]

30. If I didn't think you were asleep, I would be on the phone to you

right now. That drag on friends thing really gets on my nerves. What did I tell you last night, any tme, day or night, always here.

SG is right, you are not super woman and your congregation doesn't expect you to be one. Take the time you need to cry, to hurt, to feel, to mourn.

You are allowed. :hug: :loveya:

[redwitch]

31. It won't always be this hard.

:hug: It really does get easier with the passage of time. It is frightening how deep and raw the pain is, but it gets easier.

[lizziegrace]

32. Rev

I know I avoid emotional pain at all cost, but keeping it inside guarantees an eruption and an irrational response to something else. During the worst times in my life, I too feared the night. I was truly alone and there really wasn't anyone I could call just to talk. By dawn, I'd start to feel better.

My parents are everything to me. Losing one of them is losing a part of yourself. Your childhood, your innocence and your anchor in this world. It also means that you must face your own mortality.

It's not fair that the more you love, the more you ache when that person's gone. But I wouldn't trade the love for less heartache EVER.

:hug: my dear Rev. I wish we could take the pain away, even for just a few minutes.

Oh, and about that sermon? Ask the Big Guy to drive.

:grouphug:

[LaraMN]

33. Yes. After I watched "the Grudge."

There was a scene in the movie where a hideous ghost-child popped up at a woman from under her covers...I was by myself, curled into a ball, wrapped in my blanket, and I didn't want to open my eyes for fear a shadow might freak me out further.