I've gone back to college and I feel like a dork

[Der Blaue Engel]

At 30, I decided to go back to school as a postbaccalaureate pre-med student, which seemed crazy at the time, but not entirely absurd. Since I was a single mom of an ADHD five-year-old, this didn't exactly go as planned, and I dropped out after two semesters.

Fast-forward nine years (and it certainly seems as though it has), and my son is a pretty cool high school freshman who is no longer in trouble every other day at school, and so I have time to think about what I want again...and I can't get the damn med school thing out of my head.

At this point, we have moved beyond crazy and well into the realm of the plain ol' absurd. So I haven't quite made the leap of finishing my pre-med path, but I've gone back to school to see if it's something I even know how to do anymore. I'm taking Russian Culture, and will be taking Russian language lessons in the summer. (This is a combination of a whim, and research for a novel based loosely on the story of Anastasia.) I figure if I can handle this, then I'll think about re-taking chemistry to get rid of the "D" I got last time, and then decide where to go from there.

And I have to say, sitting there in a room full of 19-yr-olds, I feel pretty damn stupid. I suppose I don't look like the average 39-year-old mom with my (currently) fuschia hair, pierced nose, and tattoos, but I still feel like a crone sitting there...and worse, maybe a fool, for having fuschia hair, a pierced nose, and tattoos at the age of 39.

Has anyone else been (or are you currently) in this kind of situation? Have I lost my mind? (Is everyone secretly laughing at me behind my back?) Should I just grow up already and accept that I'm a mediocre, middle-aged writer and copy editor and let it go?

</pity party> :nopity:

[Shine]

1. Well, I, for one, think it's totally cool you are following your dream.

and, at 39, you're only a "baby crone", trust me. ;)

I have not been in this situation, but I fully empower you to embrace the wisdom your age brings you. Good luck!

:hi:

[Der Blaue Engel]

2. Thanks, Shine

I just wish I knew whether this was really my dream or an unhealthy delusion. ;)

[Dora]

3. "just grow up already" Oh, please.

Good for you. School is fun. Nobody is laughing at you behind your back. Well, maybe some are, but they're nineteen for pete's sake, and that's what shallow young adults of the millennium can do. But, I can promise you that most of them aren't laughing. They're so freaked out by their own experience that they're not thinking about you. Let's not forget that this is post-bac work. You've already earned your degree... they're still slodging through the trenches.

You're messing with your own mind, and you can stop it. Freelance copyediting will give you the work and course scheduling flexibility that other students only dream of - what a great opportunity!

Geez - now I'm wondering if I've dropped the ball because I'm 36 and haven't yet gotten a tatto, only because I can't decide what I want, and I only have one pink streak in my hair. I wasn't nervy enough to do my whole head. See how much you've accomplished???

[Der Blaue Engel]

7. "I wasn't nervy enough to do my whole head."

Lol...now there's something you don't hear every day! :D

I have two (thick) streaks, actually, though I have had full color in the past.

Anyway, you're right...I am messing with my own mind. I do that a lot. Good point. :)

[0007]

4. Any serious student doesn't pay any attention one's age.

[ContraBass Black]

5. I'm 20. We look at the older students with the same respect

That we do with people our own age.

And if you look Punk, that will earn you more cool points with some people than I could ever hope to touch.

[Der Blaue Engel]

9. I just keep seeing that Scrubs episode in my head

where the white-haired older woman is in the new group of interns and everyone is like :wtf:

(Maybe that's why I keep dying my hair pink.) :D

[ContraBass Black]

12. If you whiten your hair completely at your age, that might be punk too.

Though I'm not an expert on such things.

If 39 is old, I'm damn near out of time.

[petronius]

6. I think it's great...

As a professor, I love having non-traditional students in the classroom (at least I know one person is paying attention) and as an undergrad my all-time best lab partner was a mom coming back to school.

[LeftyMom]

8. I'm not help on the going back to school thing

I'll get around to it when my own kid's a bit older, but I wanted to tell you that anybody who has a problem with you being a mom with fuscia hair and tatoos needs to get better shit to worry about. I can say that, cause my Mom is almost 50 (she'd kill me for saying that) and she's got pink hair and more tatoos than I care to count. :D She rocks and so do you.

[Der Blaue Engel]

11. Aww, thanks LeftyMom

:pals:

I think maybe it's me that needs to get better shit to worry about...this is probably all in my head. (Oh, no! The demon of External Validation!) :)

[jane_pippin]

10. Let me tell you a quick story:

I'll cut out a bit of it and jump right to the relevant part:

After spending some time at one school, I transfered to another and I ended up going to school with my mother who was attending college for the first time in her 50's. It was an all women's college, and a LOT of the women in my program were a lot older than me. For a while, all of us felt stupid because of the other people there. But we got over it. Some of the women I met there were just divorced, had toddlers, teenagers, grandkids, or were expecting their first kids. Some were like me, traditional college aged students with nothing but our selves to worry about. We all wound up learning a lot from each other, but one of the best things we learned was that nobody should be discounted because of their age or experience.

Hang in there, work hard, and don't let silly things like age or god forbid hair color prevent you from getting the education you want and deserve. :hi:

[eyesroll]

13. My SO's a nontrad at 30.

History and political science. He feels...old. But not horribly so. (He was a bit shocked/appalled when one of his classmates mentioned she was 7 when Kurt Cobain killed himself.)

He's not pierced, has no tattooos, has a few gray hairs, and wears a tie to class most of the time, so he might stick out a bit. He said the biggest challenge for him is SHUTTING UP during the discussions. He doesn't want to be the know-it-all, but at the same time, when you have an 8 a.m. history discussion, it's pretty much the nontrads who dominate, as the traditional students are still asleep.

I'll be doing the less-jarring nontrad thing next year myself -- law school, where I will be almost 31, and the average 1L is 25. Not a huge difference there, but it might be enough.

[Radical Activist]

14. I remember when I was an undergrad

there were always people in my classes who were a little older. They always thought about it and were a lot more self-conscious about it than any of us young students. I don't remember caring or thinking it was odd.

[pitohui]

15. no one is laughing at you for being an older student

however, yeah, still living in the 80s w. the hair, etc. that is kind of sad and i'd feel goofy too

i know women in their 50s in school, one of them is an honors student and will be in a doctorate program soon, so it can be done if you focus on what's important

"look at me i forgot to grow up" hair and piercings probably aren't what is important nor do they make you look any younger

take out the piercings, dye your hair in a flattering shade, and look around you at the MANY mature women in your classes, they are not all 19 year olds, the majority is not 19 in college any more, those days are gone, college is too expensive for 19 year olds really!

you wouldn't worry abt what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they did

[Der Blaue Engel]

21. Thanks for the fashion tips

Lol. Not gonna happen, though. I like my hair and piercings...I just feel a little weird around younger people who may think I'm trying to act like I'm one of them. This is just the way am. (And it goes over just fine when I'm with my "tribe.")

Your last sentence, though, is a good one. Thanks for reminding me.

[Thtwudbeme]

16. I have been back in school for awhile

I will be 42 on the 28th.

Here's my problem: I went from a small private school, to a big assed state college---and I HATE it. I mean, hate it----I never felt out of place where I was, but then we moved--so, I had to change.

The school (a UNC school) ASSURED me that there were older students there--"a huge percent of the student body." Bullshit. I am sitting there with children, and the little Republicans make me want to bash their snotty heads in.

IF you can go to a small private school--do it. The teachers are better with non-traditionals, the students tend to be better.

Now, I am going to get flamed all to hell and back--but---I will only listen if one of the Young Republicans has something to say! I assume nobody in the Lounge is a Young Repub! ;)

[Der Blaue Engel]

29. Young Repugs

Ugh!

Luckily I'm in San Francisco going to the community college, and the kids do at least seem pretty intelligent and in tune with reality. (I guess that's why a feel a little intimidated...I'd rather be able to sit there feeling superior! Lol!)

Maybe your peers are in different classes; hope you find them. Good luck! :)

[hfojvt]

17. I probably would be worse at 44

with my briefcase and my little red bowtie.

I felt like such a geezer when I went to graduate school at 26. Not that there were not older grad students than me, but most of them already had MA's. Then, even worse, some of my classes were grad/undergrad classes. I did not feel self conscious about it or anything, it just seemed like I was behind, that I should get out of school and get on with my life. Plus the whole experience seemed to be a stupid game, more than it was about learning or scholarship. It was an irrelevant hoop I had to jump through so I could teach, even though I was already teaching while I was jumping through the tanjed hoop.

[Tikki]

18. The students who would single you out....

..and make comment because of your age are not going to make it through College...they aren't studying hard enough..
they have too much time on their hands.

The other students in your classes won't care about things like that..

Plus, it will be harder for those Professors to BS you because you know a thing or two, already.

I went to University from age 43 to 46...




Tikki

[LisaL]

19. Well, you can't get rid of your tattoos. But if purple hair bothers

you, there is no reason why it should stay purple.

[Der Blaue Engel]

23. See post 21

:)

[Orsino]

20. Sorry, but you ARE a dork.

No reflection on you, though. No matter how hot or how hip you are, you're still a decade past the ages of those around you.

Give in. Embrace your dorkiness, and satisfy yourself with all you have that those punks around you can't begin to understand. :toast:

:yourock:

Seriously, I went through something perhaps a tiny bit like this in the Army, enlisting at the age of 28.

[bigwillq]

22. Good for you!

Go for your dream. It's never too late to do the things you always wanted to do when you "grow up"!
:hi:

[Der Blaue Engel]

31. Thanks, bigwillq

And I'll let you know when I do. :D

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

24. I had a med school classmate who was around 35, which would be you

starting med school. He'd been a helicopter pilot in his first career. He did fine, is a family practitioner.

I will make one comment. Certain specialties and programs WILL age discriminate. One of my intern classmates was 40 (he'd had an earlier career, again you'd be around 39-40 as a starting intern/resident) and wanted to be a surgeon, and was in the surgery program. However, the (general) surgery program really didn't want a guy as old as him, but they weren't fully honest with him when the accepted him into the internship, i.e. they were happy to have him do their scutwork as an intern but didn't want him in the full residency. He wound up going into emergency medicine and as far as I know is doing fine.

I don't know if the civilian surgery programs discriminate in this way but it wouldn't surprise me.

Since we were in a military training program, the internship and residency were typically broken up by a tour as a general medical officer, unlike civilian programs where the surgery internship/residency is a coherent whole.

Personally I think the age discrimination is actually appropriate in instances such as surgery, it's very different having someone in their mid 40's pulling grueling general surgery call nights as a senior resident compared to someone in their 30's or late 20's. Possible, but the odds of failure are greater. That's my opinion as someone who used to run a training program myself (not surgery).

I personally have noticed since passing my late 30's that tough call nights where you are up all night are MUCH MUCH more difficult than when I was younger.

(On edit, I just read your post more carefully, LOL, never mind.)

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

25. Congratulations!

And put those self defeating thoughts out of your mind. :)
You are there because you know what you want to do. Most of your classmates are there because a) they are pleasing their parents b) hiding from life c) just don't know what they want/who they are.

I went to school after the service (for a couple of years) and did much better than most of the younger students, I was more focused.

Keep us posted! :toast:

[Der Blaue Engel]

34. Thank you, Dyed

I sucked when I went back the first time; I was used to making Bs and As, and got Cs and Ds. I really hope I can be more focused this time. Not having a wound-up 5-yr-old will help! :)

[madrchsod]

26. i have done that also when i was 35

i could have given a shit less what they thought. i also found out that the profs appreciated someone who actually had a thought..i`m waiting another few years before i take the last few classes to graduate.i started jr college in 1967 and after accumulating 95 credits i`m still 12 credits short!

[brook]

27. For heaven's sake...

You're young! Well, maybe not as young as your classmates - but I doubt they're paying much attention to your age.

I got my first computer and went back to school at 65 to learn how to do html and design web pages. Had a ball. If they were laughing behind my back, I never noticed. We were all so absorbed in the 'process'. I'd go back in a New York minute if I could! Enjoy your life, my dear. Think of it as the ultimate Treasure Hunt.

[Hissyspit]

28. Trust me, your professors love to have you there. n/t

[bettyellen]

30. how cool for you, betty! i have gone back intermittantly for a class here

and there and i get so much more out of it being older, and you know- i want to be there, as opposed to felt like i had to, when i was younger.
i get a kick out of the younger people too, but i've always had friends in a broad range of ages, so it doesn't bug me at all.
i say go for it, if you have the chance now, do it.

[Der Blaue Engel]

32. Hi, Betty! :)

I figure I'd better do it now before my son's sitting next to me in class! :D

[bettyellen]

33. there's no time like the present, and by the time we are old enough

the retirement age will be 75, so there's 10 years of career you didn't think you'd have, right?
my friend redid her whole BA after the age of 30, 10 years later, she's totally caught up, and thrilled with her choice.
why not?

[Der Blaue Engel]

35. And as someone once said to me

when I was 30 and worrying about being 40 by the time I graduated from med school (which is ironic, now!): You're going to be 40 anyway.

And her other sage advice: It beats the alternative!

:)

[bettyellen]

38. wise advice. i hope you get what you want, and have a great time

along the way. being around the younguns can kinda rub off on you, instead of making you feel older, you know.
not always smart, but often fun. :)

[philosophie_en_rose]

36. Trust me. Students that pretend to know everything don't.

As a law student, I can assure you that the people that claim to know everything are not necessarily the ones the succeed in the end.

They're too arrogant to really listen or learn.

Give yourself permission to struggle. It's okay. You're a good person and your effort will pay off in some way.

Maybe your med classes will lead you to a brilliant legal career. Or maybe they'll teach you how to describe the open chest wound and explosions that will no doubt be in your Anastasia novel. :silly:


P.S. Professors appreciate older students. I don't mean to generalize, but I've found that older students are far less likely to surf the internet, socialize, and otherwise disrespect the professor during class.

[Jamastiene]

37. I'm 35 and the dorkiest of them all.

Today my Physics teacher spent 15 minutes explaining the basic concept of Physics to us. I had to really bite hard on my lip, because basically what he said is there is a right way and a wrong way to go around your elbow to get to your asshole. I am surrounded by cell phone addicted rich kids with money to waste who think we are all going to become engineers in Rockingham, small town. I have an English teacher who is never satisfied. He is also the cause of millions of holes all over my living room floor. Long story short, he hands out tons of handouts and insists we punch holes in them and put them in a notebook. He thinks he is God, therefore, I have holes all over my living room floor and a vacuum cleaner full of them too. Every time I think I have erased the nightmare that he really is out of my home, another hole shows up just to remind me of the horror again.

I love some of my teachers for their insight and wisdom, but then again... I have some, like the physics teacher, who actually seem to think NASA is going to open a rocket building center here in town. He keeps saying that if we make a mistake in math ever in our lives, it will cause a billion dollars to go up in smoke. He's one of those my way or the highway types. Did I mention the fact that I am surrounded by 20 year olds who know everything already (and most of them are junior freepers to boot?) They are just floating through classes to get their degree? And to think, I actually thought we had made some progress with the next generation. Yeah, the older I get the more I realize how little I actually know.

[Der Blaue Engel]

39. And though the holes were rather small, they had to count them all...

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. :D

I've just gone to the first class so far, and the teacher seems a bit daffy, but the students seem pretty together. It's a night class at a community college in one of the most liberal cities in the country, so I'm definitely counting my blessings.

Class meets again tomorrow, so I'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll feel less like a dork remembering all the encouragement from the wonderful DU Lounge Lizards. :)

[nemo137]

40. Um, I just got here and feel like a dork. Besides

something other than a bland, 19 year old suburbanite with daddy's money (bad stereotype, I know), would be welcome in most of my classes.

[Wetzelbill]

41. I started at 24 and am now 31

Of course, I look about 19 though, haha. Hell, I think you're awesome. Just do what you find enriching. I know lots of people in their 50s in some of my classes. One of my Aunt's was in her mid-40s before she ever started school. Now she is in her 50s and has a Master's and works at the U of MT doing what she loves. Just keep at it!

[Der Blaue Engel]

42. U of MT?

I assume that's Montana? Out of curiosity, what kind of work is she doing there? I have a soft spot for Montana (I was born in Billings) and always like to hear stories; I'm tempted to get a little property there someday.

[Wetzelbill]

44. yup Montana

She's the Coordinator of what is called the Confluence of Cultures program. It's affiliated with American Indian studies, I believe.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

43. This former college professor says you'll do fine because

1) Unlike most of the 19-year-olds, you know why you're there and what you want to do.

2) You know how to budget your time.

3) Whether you know it or not, your brain has matured so that you will automatically have better study habits.

4) You won't get distracted by ditzy friends who want you to put aside those stupid books and party all night.

[Fredda Weinberg]

45. I'm 45 and in grad school

Let it go ... we're doing the right thing.

[Der Blaue Engel]

46. :)

:toast:

[mulsh]

47. 48 year old undergrad

returned to school this sememester. sure feel old, very old. only guy with gray hair aside from one instructor. strange thing some of the other students are starting to ask me questions in my Econ and Computer classes. geeze guys I'm way more lost than I appear.