primate1 has love troubles

[GirlinContempt]

He's too shy and reserved. He likes this totally cute girl who I think most likely digs him in return. But will he say anything at all to her? No. Hint? No.

C'mon people, give him some advice! Egg him on!


But for starters, should he tell her how he feels?

[ghostsofgiants]

1. You are evil.

[GirlinContempt]

2. You love it.

[ghostsofgiants]

3. Haha...

Luckily, however, it's a thread about me, so it will most likely drop pretty quickly and remain below most people's radar.

(And yes, I realize the irony of kicking it to point that out, haha.)

[Midlodemocrat]

4. Not if I can help it.

Go for it. You will never know unless you go for it!

[GirlinContempt]

5. Keep it kicked midlo

This boy needs to come outta his shell

[Heidi]

7. Wrong.

Your hair, and your heart, have made you popular. Aunt Heidi will make sure this thread stays alive. (And if I had a daughter with a male friend like you, I'd be nudgin' her, "Why don't you tell him how you feel?????????")

:hug:

[ghostsofgiants]

8. Haha...it's like I said to GiC over MSN...

This thread will either be highly ignored or highly embarrassing, haha. I'm kinda pulling for the former. :P

Thanks though. :)

[GirlinContempt]

6. C'mon, dude needs advice

[DS1]

9. He's a good kid

I say go for it, or spend the next few days/weeks/months/years *pick one* wondering "what if"

[djeseru]

10. Maybe she's waiting/wanting you to make the first move.

You'll never truly know until you try...

And you know everyone here won't ignore or humiliate you - way too many friends... :)

[ghostsofgiants]

12. Maybe...

Which is where the problem lies, haha.

And thanks. :)

[Heidi]

11. Kickin' it for the coolest young man at DU. (nt)

[FuzzySlippers]

13. Go for it, boy!!!

If she has any sense, she likes you, too.:-)

[RevolutionaryActs]

14. primate1..... tell her or I'm taking back your decoder ring!

:o

[ghostsofgiants]

15. Oh shit...

:cry:

[RevolutionaryActs]

16. I'm sorry, but this is for your own good

:P

[ghostsofgiants]

18. You say that now...

But what happens when I'm single, decoder ring-less and my life is in shambles? What then?!?!?!?! :P

[RevolutionaryActs]

19. I was going to give it back, you know, after the fact.

So there! :P

[Gold Metal Flake]

17. Can't you just ask her out and see where it goes?

What am I missing here?

[ghostsofgiants]

20. Apparently the first sentence in GiC's post.

[FuzzySlippers]

23. You need to start drinking

so you lose some of those inhibitions.:P

[ghostsofgiants]

25. You sound like my roommates.

[Gold Metal Flake]

35. Oops, sorry.

Look, what would be easier, facing this person and attempting to suddenly reveal deep, personal secrets, or just asking her out? Which conversation would be more difficult and rife with danger? A date is step one. Revealing deep feelings might be expected to occur after three good dates. Stop using shyness (something we all have to varying degrees) as an excuse to rush things along. You may feel like you are gonna explode every time you see her, but you won't, I promise. Don't rush ahead and do something you might regret. Take it easy. Just ask her out.

"Would you like to have dinner sometime?" A simple question. Think about it.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. :hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

41. Shyness as an excuse to rush things along?

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Gold Metal Flake]

43. It's simple.

Just ask her out.

[ghostsofgiants]

45. You're avoiding my question...

What do you mean that I'm using shyness to rush things along?

[Gold Metal Flake]

98. Have the two of you dated?

[ghostsofgiants]

99. No.

[Gold Metal Flake]

100. OK.

First, I may have assumed too much. I want to take that statement back, and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I did.

I want to explain why I think asking her out first is a good approach.

GirlinContempt wrote "He likes this totally cute girl who I think most likely digs him in return." I assume that you and the girl know each other. I hope GirlinContempt has a good read on her fellings towards you.

Asking this girl out tells her "I like you, and I'd like the opportunity to get to know you better in a public place where we can simply concentrate on each other". If she says yes, it means " I like you, too and I would like to do the same". The two of you are on equal footing, and there is no pressure. It could be your first date. It could be the first of many dates. If things go really well, it could be the start of one date that lasts many years.

Now, she might say "thanks, but I'm seeing someone". Ouch. But don't discount the value of being on the "to do" list. Things don't work out with the other guy, she just might ask you out!

Now, I think, and I could be wrong, but I think that what this thread is about is you telling her that you have strong feelings for her, and then asking if she has the same. This makes me nervous. It's a big gamble. It might be that she expresses her own feelings for you, and ya'll go on to have a wonderful date etc...

But, it might also happen that she, for whatever reason (we can't control how people react to us) might feel pressured. She might feel that she's being called upon to make a big decision for the both of you that she was not prepared to make. She just might get defensive and back away.

I feel that the date allows her to get to know you in comfort. It also allows her to express any deep feelings she might have gradually, at her own speed. I believe that people have different emotional speeds, how fast they will express their feelings to a new love, and that speed might be slower than yours.

I think I would have had a lot more fun in my youth if I had gotten over my shyness and just asked some certain girls out. It was best when a girl and I were in a social situation wher I could joke and show her a good time and then all of a sudden we were kissing and it was just sort of seamless. But to go up to someone I had a crush on and ask for a date was torture! Dude, even after I gave a New Years kiss to this girl that I had had a crush on for ages, even after she really seemed to enjoy it, I still didn't have the guts to ask her out. Just ask her out, how simple could it have been? Then again, I kinda got over it later in life, and I was interested in this one young woman, I got her number from a friend, I asked her out, she said yes. That was That was 23 years ago, and Ms. OR and I are still together.

So, I don't know, think about it.

[Call Me Wesley]

21. Unless

she's telepathic, primate1 will have to speak his mind. :thumbsup:

Besides, it might come handy when we enter the dark side of our campaign ...



Go for it!

[ghostsofgiants]

28. Still needs beveled text and lens flares.

[Call Me Wesley]

33. Aaaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

OK, I'll try. It's against anything I am, was and will be, but you're the boss, the big gonzo, the uberhammer!

[ghostsofgiants]

34. Woohoo!

You do a mean Howard Dean impression, by the way.

[Call Me Wesley]

40. I wrote his speech ... ;)

And here goes:

[ghostsofgiants]

42. YESSS!!!!

THAT'S what I'm talking about!

[Call Me Wesley]

44. Might I suggest then,

that you run with Nader in '08? You two could split your votes! ;)

[ghostsofgiants]

46. At the very least...

It'd be a good way to piss off a large portion of this site.

[Call Me Wesley]

49. Ha ha!

Just don't let the Lounge know. But go and tell to GD! They'll understand perfectly. Believe me.

[no name no slogan]

22. DO IT

If you don't, you'll always wonder what "could have been". I'm a lot like you are around women-- very shy if I'm interested in her-- but the worst thing that can happen is that she'll say no.

I say GO FOR IT

[jpgray]

24. The worst that can happen is that she'll say no and then shoot his dog

But it's still worth the risk. :D

[ghostsofgiants]

26. Oh great, now I miss my dog, too.

This thread sucks! :P

[jpgray]

29. Just wait--I'll give the "inane relationship similes" lecture series

(weighty pause) You see, women are like dogs. Female dogs. Or, conversely, women are like farming implements that furrow earth. Now let me set up the slide projector...

[no name no slogan]

30. oooooo, this is getting good

:popcorn:

[jpgray]

32. Luckily the lecture ends when someone gets offended

My dad never got through all of it until after the divorce. :D

[ghostsofgiants]

31. I always liked Homer's "women are like beer" similie...

Even though, as has been discussed in thise thread, I do not drink. Funny episode.

[jpgray]

36. You don't drink at all... hmmm

What can I infer from your Rasta-like hairstylings?

[ghostsofgiants]

38. Haha...

None of that either.

[jpgray]

39. I can give you some for realzies advice, but I warn you it's stupid advice

I think relationships should be discussed as stupidly as possible, because the mechanics behind them are deeply stupid sometimes and intellect is treacherously ambivalent in its advice on these things anyway. If she's naturally attracted to you, you're good--almost no sane approach will fuck up. If she's not naturally attracted to you, you have to find a way to develop some attraction before an approach will work. That requires the brain part of you, mostly, which she probably likes already. How to do that is the hard part, but if you're persistent you can usually make it happen at least to the extent that you have an opportunity to go on a date, and that opportunity should be all you need.

[lakemonster11]

107. I just read that as referring to Homer the poet, not Homer the Simpson.

I am a bigger nerd than I ever realized.

This is my advice (if you still want it after that admission):

Start inviting the girl to hang out with you (this in no way requires you to reveal your crush). Some suggestions: a movie she's mentioned wanting to see, an art opening if she's interested in art, a sports event if she's a fan, a trip to the zoo if she likes animals. The invitation can be casual and the event doesn't have to be fancy or elaborate---the main thing is to match the activity to her interests, to show her that you pay attention to her when she's talking and that you're interested in her as a person.

[ghostsofgiants]

111. Haha, I actually thought when I was posting "Should I say 'Simpson'?"

But your suggestion, while a good one, has already been put to use. We hang out casually whenever the opportunity arises.

And I hate myself for responding to this and kicking it again, haha.

[no name no slogan]

27. Hmmm, good point

better make sure she's not packing when you approach her.

[ragin_acadian]

37. uncle R_A says: what the hell has he got to lose? n/t

[aclog]

47. so was ABSOLUT-ly a typo or intentional?

[GirlinContempt]

59. Clearly my one typo should become the focous of the thread

Very important stuff over here folks!

[ghostsofgiants]

60. I think it's pretty obvious you're trying to subliminally suggest...

That I start drinking. :P

[aclog]

62. yuck yuck

since inane teenage drama that we've ALL been through is so ridiculously important 'n all...

he'll live, and even muster the courage to one day talk to a girl...I did

[GirlinContempt]

63. It isn't inane teenage drama

It's supporting a friend (and teasin' him a little), because he has trouble talking to people.

I fail to see the teenagers, or the drama. Except for your attitude, everything around here is pretty alright.

[aclog]

65. What attitude?

I made a semi-sarcastic post on what would have to be categorized as a frivolous thread and you seemed to take no small amount of umbrage.

Lighten up just a wee bit :)?

[GirlinContempt]

67. Which post was that?

The one where you insulted my friend? Or the one that I replied to fairly jokingly?

[aclog]

69. beats me since tone of voice

is subject to misinterpretation

I'm guessing you are going through the same throes as he is though, so you are missing the voice of experience talking in some posts on this thread (witness primate sniping at Shine below)

trust me in 5 years you will regard these gyrations as really lame and/or a haze, although it helps if you drink alot to induce the latter ;)

[GirlinContempt]

72. If I'm anything like you when I'm 30

I want to be drowned, please.

[aclog]

83. thank you

for demonstrating what I'm talking about in post 55

EDIT: am I to take it from your post that you're 25? number one thats older than me, number two hormonally you come across about 19 on this thread...

[GirlinContempt]

86. Thank you for continuing

to be bizarre

[ghostsofgiants]

71. Frivolous it may be...

But frankly I don't much appreciated being mocked by people I don't even know. I'm embarrassed enough by this thread as it is, so like I said, forgive me if I don't find it quite as amusing as you do.

In conclusion: go fuck yourself.

[aclog]

76. whoa, whoa

you are chickenshit around girls we get it, and you are clearly not alone, I was the exact same way, probably worse than you

Its not the end of the world, so don't go making enemies of people who are clearly giving you a good natured tongue-in-cheek ribbing as opposed to attacking you (you little shithead ;))

yes, you have a right to be sensitive about it, but don't expect me to address it like its the goddamn Cuban Missle Crisis, yea?

[ghostsofgiants]

89. Yeah...

It's SO clear that this random guy I don't even know is just giving me a little good natured ribbing. :eyes:

I'm not asking you to treat it like the goddamn Cuban Missile Crisis. Like I said at the top of the thread, I'd rather if people just ignored this altogether, but if you're going to actually mock me about it, I'd REALLY appreciate if you ignored the thread altogether.

[aclog]

93. OK you told me to go fuck myself

so don't take this as a retaliation but you are a fuckhead

If you'd read what I typed sans whatever bullshit filter you are running it through, you'll see some pretty innocuous comments EMPATHIZING with your situation

Yes, I'm calling it lame, but you have a serious stick up your ass if you can't laugh a little at the gawky phase you are going through right now. Hell, self-deprecation is the only thing that got me through some lean times similar to what you're experiencing...

[ghostsofgiants]

94. I admit it's lame...

And I'm actually QUITE self-deprecating (even here on DU), but that doesn't give you license to mock me yourself. I appreciate your empathy, but being mocked for a situation I don't feel all that great about to begin with, not so much.

And I'm glad we share the same opinion of one another.

[aclog]

95. Well whatever

I'll bow out of this thread, I just wanted to see if you would come around and relax a little bit eventually once you understood that no one was harrassing you in a mean-spirited manner

Judging from your snarky sign-off I'd say no and I'd also venture you desperately need to get laid :D

[ghostsofgiants]

96. You haven't exactly left a favourable impression on me.

So you shouldn't be too surprised. Like I said, I don't even know you. If you were someone I knew or even interacted with on a semi-regular basis, I'd have completely laughed it off. I try to take everything with good humour actually, and I usually do, but frankly, I get fed up from time to time.

So I apologize, but that doesn't for a second mean that my impression of you is any more favourable.

You are right about that last thing though. :P

[GOPisEvil]

48. I can't laugh, because I have the same problem.

You SHOULD tell her how you feel, but no matter how much you want to, you just can't. It's fucking paralyzing and aggravating.

You really do have nothing to lose, so jump in with both feet.

[ghostsofgiants]

50. EXACTLY!

Nice to know someone can relate.

[aclog]

52. Pretty much every guy can relate actually

[ghostsofgiants]

64. But instead of acknowledging that...

They prefer to write it off as inane teenage drama.

[aclog]

66. No, thats acknowledging it

and calling it what it is at the same time :D

[ghostsofgiants]

68. Forgive me if I'm not as amused by this as you seem to be.

[aclog]

70. Of course its funny to me

and most of the other guys on this thread

WE'VE BEEN THERE!!!!

*i have anyway

[GOPisEvil]

53. Dude, why do you think I'm single at 37?

:P

Or, it could be that I'm an asshole...nah...

[Shine]

51. OMG, are we still in high school??

:eyes: Sorry, this post just brought back memories...

My two cents: Be Brave. Speak your Truth. It's good practice.

:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

54. Actually, I haven't been out of high school all that long..

So please, take your sarcastic bullshit somewhere else.

[aclog]

55. One thing that will help you down the line

is experience. As much as you've built her up right now you'll probably find out she's an emotional wreck with more issues than the Playboy collection of every guy you know combined...or worse yet she might be the "responsible" type which is worse bc she'll still be emotionally fucked AND she won't put out

And, yeah, riding that roller coaster is a whirlwind the first couple times but after that you just wanna get the fuck off.

[Shine]

56. Oh, come on, I did not mean to offend. Please accept my apology.

the post truly did remind me of the bullshit we would put OURSELVES thru when we were in high school and that's what I was responding to, my memories, NOT your stuff. I personally remember how much it sucked to be shy and unwilling to put myself out there sometimes. How I held myself back from being true to my feelings. I can remember it all too clearly.

Anyway, primate1, I have not "met" you yet and want to extend my sincere apology for any offense you may have felt. Friends?

Peace,
Shine

[ghostsofgiants]

58. Apology accepted.

My humour is a little lacking when it comes to this subject. Not something I appreciate being made light of, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

[Shine]

61. Oh, good. I'm glad we worked it out.

I wish you all the best with the girl that you like.

Have fun!
:hi:

[GirlinContempt]

57. Apparently you are

[Cathyclysmic]

73. Kick for primate1 and all shy guys of the world.

:kick:

[jpgray]

74. This thread has taken a bizarrely nasty turn

Not at all what I expected, but that's to be expected. :dunce:

[GirlinContempt]

79. Sorry I'll try to keep it down

;)

[jpgray]

85. You can't keep it down

The Lounge will be insulting and snide to even its best members when they come asking for help, and no one can ground that phenom permanently. The gorge will rise again!

:patriot:

[GirlinContempt]

90. Well it's proportionally small

It could be worse. The ice men from planet pluto could be attacking, freezing us all in solid blocks of frozen water

[ghostsofgiants]

92. I just hope they wait until summer to show up.

[Beware the Beast Man]

75. oops again. that was supposed to be me logged in.

x(

[GirlinContempt]

77. Hey beast man

how's it goin? Good vacation? }(

[Beware the Beast Man]

80. Yeah. I "took my ball," as they say.

:P

[GirlinContempt]

84. Who says that?

:P

[Call Me Wesley]

78. Bevel and lens flare aside,

I always was, and still am, shy and reserved. I haven't found the cure for it yet, and I was sometimes deeply hurt because of it (or the lack of expression from my side) and sometimes happy I haven't exposed myself to anything that might have hurt me (being shy and silent.) Still, I try to look at this issue from both sides:

As I said before, if she's no natural telepath, she might be somewhat shy and reserved, too. Then, no words about this situation will ever be spoken, every chances will be missed just because of this kind of 'silence' which might lead to a great misunderstanding of both sides. Someone has to articulate the feelings, and I do believe there is even a subtle way to do it if you're not this much outspoken if it comes to these circumstances. I wasn't, but for some reason I understood that if I don't express myself or my feelings, no one would do it for me. It was aggravating and painful sometimes, no matter how it went, but I just had to make a start.

The beginning is always the hardest part, but someone has to step into it first; otherwise, the beginning is lost and with it everything that might have come out of it. Talking, or expressing is essential. Without it, there will be silence.

[GirlinContempt]

82. That's exactly what I've been trying to tell him!

I think he's a little more shy than I in general social situaions (I'm not, at ALL) but romantically-speaking I can be pretty shy. What you're saying is 100% right.

[Call Me Wesley]

91. Took me some time to really get it,

and looking back, I still could kick myself for the situations I didn't spoke out (since there was really nothing to lose, just to gain.) Silence is the worst.

[Oeditpus Rex]

97. Yeah, that's why you got

one o' the bestest wimmen on the whole plamned danet. :eyes:

[Pale Blue Dot]

81. You've got to try.

Simple as that. There are times you may be rejected, etc. but nothing happens if you don't try. Maybe nothing "bad" happens if you do nothing. However, NOTHING GOOD will happen either. :thumbsup:

[jpgray]

88. See how stupid that sounds?

But it's right.

[tjwmason]

87. Yes definitely.

I've only ever asked one girl out (for obvious reasons), and it took me ages to work up to that - but the step had to be taken, eventually it was, and were it not for the small fact that I'm gay we'd possibly still be in a very happy relationship.

[Guy Fawkes]

101. (as long as it's kicked)

That's pretty harsh, yo.

[GirlinContempt]

102. How's that harsh?

[ghostsofgiants]

103. Harsh?

How do you figure?

[tigereye]

104. he seems like a smart and interesting guy -

I know he will find his way.

Or some not so shy young ladies will give him the energy to speak. As an exrovert married to somewhat of an introvert, I know this can work.

Maybe they could go to an art gallery or other artspace and let the art speak for em. Anyway, best of luck.

[cassandra uprising]

105. I say

primate1 you need to recognize your fabulousity!

You go!

[GirlinContempt]

106. Give this lady a pony!

[Omphaloskepsis]

108. Hey P1... You can have my girl problems..

She calls my house 4 or 5 times a day.. And she hangs up if I don't answer.. If you give me your number I will pass it along... You can't lose..

[ghostsofgiants]

109. Haha...

Thanks for kicking this, by the way. Lord knows I was pretty sad to see it leave the first page. :eyes: Haha.

[Omphaloskepsis]

110. Kick and nominated..

j/k