What the hell is wrong with this goddamn TV remote? (humor)

[Deep13]

It never works right. What could possible go wrong with a solid state electronic remote controlled?

What is wrong with my television remote control.

[skygazer]

1. Have you tried changing the batteries?

Or bashing it really hard? I find that's helpful - it doesn't make the remote work any better but it sure takes a lot of my aggressions out.

[Deep13]

2. Not necessary. I have it wired into the fuse box.

Smells kind of funny since then.

[ThatsMyBarack]

3. Other:

Overuse of MUTE button (for commercials I just can't stand!) :grr:

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. Seriously

(I know... blasphemy with a poll like this. Funny stuff, dood.) :thumbsup:

But the little poppie dealies (stop me if this is too technical) on the circuit board, which are what the buttons actually push, lose their springiness over time, much in the same way a mouse button eventually wears out.

The remote for my bedroom teevee is like that. I've actually considered (gasp!) getting up and changing the channel or adjusting the volume manually.

:wow:

I know, I know... sounds bizarre, but...

[Deep13]

5. can't do most of the stuff manually...

...because all the controls are on the remote. Plus there are no knobs. I have to search this narrow panel of buttons with a flashlight to see which does what. Besides, I don't want to get up to participate in the laziest activity known to humanity.

Actual remote problem has been solved. This poll is just for fun.

[azmouse]

6. Try dropping it on the floor a few times.

I do that all the time and my remote works perfectly.

[Deep13]

7. Maybe I should have used a different test object ...

... for my liquid nitrogen experiments.

[warrens]

8. It's not the remote's fault that everything on TV sucks...

[Deep13]

14. Right, shouldn't blame the messanger.

[EstimatedProphet]

9. Maybe it dried out

Soak it in some water overnight. That should do it.

[Deep13]

15. I keep it in the fishtank, so that's not it.

[ksilvas]

10. Hamster inside that runs the switch board needs to be fed.

[Deep13]

16. um, oops.

x(

[anarch]

11. have you tried immersing it in hydrochloric acid?

'Cause I read the manual, and it didn't say not to immerse it in hydrochloric acid.

[Deep13]

17. Did that! Duh!

I read the manual too.

I also tried blasting it with a shotgun, running it over with the lawnmower and shoving it up my ass. Manual did not say not to do those things either.

[bertha katzenengel]

12. other: it misses its great grandmother, the one with just two buttons

it's in mourning - that's why it won't work.

Give it time. Time heals all.

[Deep13]

18. I miss Gramma Clicker too.

;(

[ProfessorGAC]

13. I Just Got A Really Cool New One!

Phillips. Completely universal which can control 7 different devices, and has a real neat "learn" function that makes the stuff for which there aren't any buttons dedicated and those functions can be put almost anywhere on the unit. So, all the TV, stereo, DVD, VCR, and cable box functions on one unit and IT ACTUALLY WORKS!
The Professor

[underpants]

19. My aunt once got an IUD that made the garage door open

SO then there is that

[Deep13]

20. um, wow, TMI

:spray:

[Deep13]

21. Should not have left it in the room while Ashcroft was singing.

[zanne]

22. Picking it up and yelling "HELLO" into it...

Doesn't work. I know; I've tried it.

[Deep13]

23. It doesn't shave very well either. Left a lot of stubble.