Does everyone have "one that got away"?

[ALago1]

If you do, how has it affected subsequent relationships, particularly if the situation of this one getting away was your fault and could have been prevented.

Um, not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything...

[sir_captain]

1. I sure do

I've compared every girl I've met since to her, and they've all paled in comparison. I still dream about her from time to time.

[ALago1]

10. Ouch. I can empathize man...

[EstimatedProphet]

2. Afraid so

The line snapped. I couldn't bring it to shore.

[ALago1]

Was it beyond your control?

That's what bugs me most. I had it and only needed to not force it away...

[EstimatedProphet]

13. Sure was. Must have weighed 15 lbs! Huge!

[ALago1]

19. D'oh! I totally set myself up for that without even realizing

:)

[GOPisEvil]

3. Yeah. Yeah I do.

:(

[SOteric]

6. Aw, Davey.

It's her loss. :hug:

[GOPisEvil]

8. Well...a couple are my loss as well.

:hug:

Live and learn though. (I hope anyway.)

[ALago1]

9. Sucks don't it?

Makes me almost think that it can't be had again if you've already had it once...

[GOPisEvil]

11. It's significantly below average.

On the other hand, if you can do something once, you can do it again.

[Ariana Celeste]

4. Oh yes,

and I still get sick to my stomache when I think about how stupid and *young* and naive I was.

[ALago1]

12. I hear you with the emphasis on "young"

At least for me, I think of how stupid I was to think that something like that wasn't that extraordinary and could be had at any given moment if I wanted it.

Maybe that was my subconscious fear of true intimacy rearing its ugly head...

[Ariana Celeste]

16. i believe that there is more than just "one"

though... for everyone. and I found another, whom I think very well could be better for me. ;)

but at that time of my life I was SO sure. and so it still gets to me. lol.

[jpgray]

5. Isn't that how they caught Bundy?

[ALago1]

7. LOL

Thanks for the laugh!

[Missy Vixen]

14. Are they still in your life?

Are they married to someone else? If not, go get 'em.

You'll never know if you don't try.

Julie

p.s. Do this today.

[ALago1]

17. Hmm. Long story there...

No, she's not in my life anymore but from what I've heard she is happy and with someone else in a very serious relationship. Surprisingly I know the person and he is a decent guy.

I'm staying away, because I have caused her more heartache than I can explain already. My guilt and realization of my stupidity is just enough for what happened in the past.

I guess what I'm concerned about most is that was my one shot to be with someone I truly feel connected with. I haven't found anyone like that since, though I've tried.

Thanks for your suggestion though. I totally agree you have to live life to the fullest and take all chances possible.

[yellowdogmi]

39. Tell me julie are you from NH

Then you might be mine. LOL

[Missy Vixen]

44. yellowdogmi, I'm actually from Seattle

but I'm touched that you would think I might be "the one that got away". :blush:

If you're looking for the other Julie, I hope that she comes back to you.

Julie

[yellowdogmi]

49. One of many that got away

But I'm sure the one I am with now would not appreciate my finding her. The thread just caused me to reminisce then I saw your name. Take care and thanks for the sentiment. Didn't mean to make you blush.

:hug:

[LeftyMom]

15. For a while I thought I did

Then I ran into him again and remembered why there was no future there. All these years and he hadn't grown up at all, it was more than a little sad.

[ALago1]

20. Well I think in the long run that's good

At least you found out for sure that what you were holding onto was an ideal and not the real thing. That very well may be what I'm doing now too...

[LeftyMom]

22. The funny thing was I knew it at the time (as a teenager)

but got to idealizing the guy and glossing over his many many faults. Less than five minutes in his presence and I remembered what an ass he was and was quite over whatever feelings I had left for him.

[djeseru]

18. Yes, a couple.

Too impatient for one, too patient for the other.

[Maine Mary]

21. Nope

I'm fine the way I am.
My only question is which one would have been worse! :freak:

[Redstone]

74. Hey, MM! How are you doing these days?

Got that situation sorted out? Did you take my advice about changing your DU password, then logging out each time you leave DU?

Redstone

[flvegan]

23. Not me.

But then, any of my formers that "got away" are missing out. And the one I'm looking at now, oh yeah, puts them to shame.

[ALago1]

24. Good way to look at it. Glad it worked out for you!

n/t

[flvegan]

27. Hasn't "worked out" yet.

But all bets are on it doing so.

Thanks.

[barb162]

25. I think so.

try to not make the same mistake twice if it was your fault.

[sendero]

26. Yeah..

..... but I was pretty young, she went off to college and we slipped apart. I called her mom a year or two later and she told me that she'd married a rancher with my last name :)

[supernova]

28. I did, but I've learned to let them go

Usually there's a reason it wouldn't work. And we're better served by remembering that, no matter what your feelings might tell you about that person.

Usually, it's not the right time or you want different things, or something. Potential mates are like buses. There will be another coming along.

[ALago1]

31. I like that saying a lot. Thank you.

n/t

[ScreamingMeemie]

29. I did, but i got him back...and realized how stupid I had been the

first time. :hi:

[B Calm]

30. Back in the mid 80s I could have bought a fishing resort in Minnesota

for 125 thousand. Same resort sold last year for one million.

[izzybeans]

32. I ran into an old high school teacher not to long ago

and he asked me if I still talk to "the one that got away". I didn't know what he meant until five minutes into the conversation. I did not know that about myself. I never fashioned myself a fisherman.

[NNadir]

35. A couple. I was lucky they got away.

It was the one I caught that counts.

[Left Is Write]

33. Yes. Two.

And I'm glad both of them got away, though of course, I wasn't at the time.

#1 was 24 and I was 22. I was crazy about him, though we never moved on to a more serious level than just dating. He voted for Bush I that year. I was crushed when he told me one day that he'd be willing to marry my chocolate brownies (I guess he liked them), but that he'd never be in love with me. Last I heard of him - about ten years ago - he was married and living in Alabama. I'm quite certain he's only grown more conservative with age.

#2 was a fantastic person. I adored him. I was 26 when we met. We talked about marriage. He never asked me to marry him, but occasionally referred to me as his "fiancee" (I never referred to myself that way or to him as my fiance). He asked if I'd be willing to convert to Judaism. I wasn't. He wasn't terribly observant, but he said his mother would have wanted the children raised Jewish. He remains to this day my favorite of my ex-boyfriends.



editing - I could have named my oldest daughter's father also, but he didn't "get away". I was the one who got away from him.

[ALago1]

52. Willing to marry your chocolate brownies??

Damn, you must be some cook.

Seriously though, from what he said to you it's a good thing you parted. Hope you find the one that you can stick with till the end!!

[Left Is Write]

66. Thank you, I have.

I've been happily married for 8½ years. :)

[Hardrada]

34. Yes. But it made for a vivid character in a book

I wrote. She would have haunted my journals too but I forced myself to quit verbally crying into my beer and married someone more compatible.

[Lady President]

36. Right Person, Wrong Time

I've known several people who would have been wonderful long-term partners or spouses, but I met them at the wrong time. I guess it was my fault, but you can't always control your circumstances. For example, I was dating a wonderful young man when I started law school-- he was ready to get married, I didn't have the energy to be a good girlfriend. I broke up with him. (It really was a "it's not you, it's me".) Life is too short to beat yourself up over decisions that felt right at the time.

I'm at the point where I truly hope they have found happiness.

[CanuckAmok]

37. I used to, but then I got my "knots" merit badge.

n/t

[prolesunited]

38. Nope

I didn't let him get away, and now he's sporting a wedding ring. He asked me, though.

[Blue_In_AK]

40. I had one that got away in 1963

but I got him back in 2000. Sometimes it takes a while. The intervening relationships were not good.

[AngryAmish]

41. Sure

but we would not have been happy together. But golly.

[StellaBlue]

42. no

**I** am the one that got away. Always.

;)

[Madrone]

47. LOL

Me too.


Sometimes I even have to practically chew my own leg off to do so. I seem to attract the obsessive cling-ons.

[bicentennial_baby]

63. as am i

well, so far at least :D

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

43. I don't have a "One that got away"

But I have a "One who got put away"
:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

[XemaSab]

45. Yes!

I still think about him every day....

Everyone else just seems so wrong.

:cry:

[Fox Mulder]

46. No.

I'm still looking for "that one"...

[ghostsofgiants]

48. Shit, I have nothing but ones that got away.

[insanity]

50. Yes, and that was about six years ago.

While I have found a new love, I still miss her everyday.

[hunter]

51. Yes, THANK GOD IN HEAVEN!

Amen.

[Strong Atheist]

53. Of course. Sigh. nt.

[MissMillie]

54. All of mine got away

My only fault is that I tend to connect with people who don't want to be connected.

There's a pretty big wall around me these days. It'll probably take Superman to get over or through it.

[WCGreen]

55. I did... She was the woman who made me want to quit drinking...

And when I finally did, and the time it took, she gave me a precious gift, her virginity....

But then she walked away from me....

Knowing that was all we could ever have...

She was far wiser than I had every realized...

I saw her at a Musical event after I married Mrs. WCGreen. In fact she was with me....

We talked for a moment...

I wish I hadn't run into her...

The fuzzy, soft memory I had of her was gone....

Poof...

[kwassa]

56. I had one that took me years to get over ... and it was my fault.

It affected subsequent relationships by raising the bar for what was possible. It made it hard to date the way I used to.

And, six years later, I found someone even better.
And, she did not get away, here ten years later.

[ALago1]

60. Woohoo! Thanks for the uplifting story!! n/t

[WeRQ4U]

57. Nope, but I know a girl that does.

;-)

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

58. Yes. I think she got married last summer.

But I don't know, and don't want to know if she's really married. (It wouldn't be hard to find out. I just don't want to know)
In this case, seeking closure is just re-opening an old wound.

If she didn't get married, I would still probably drop everything to go to her.

Hell, if she showed up at my apartment door tonight, there's no chance in hell I'd turn her away.

But she won't, so I'm completely safe in making that statement. :P

[Orangepeel]

59. maybe your rear view mirror is made of rose colored glass?

with time, we tend to remember the good and forget the bad. And, sometimes, we hold on to a romanticized vision of the past because it allows us, unconsciously, to avoid moving forward with anyone else.

Your mileage may vary, of course, but I don't believe that there is one perfect person for each of us. No one is perfect and there would have been stress and compromises and pain and heartache with the "one that got away," too. With anyone, those are things that would have to be worked through.

[ALago1]

61. I think there is a good deal of truth to what you're saying

You're absolutely right in saying the good sticks out more.

Additionally, the fact that this relationship was farily short-term also means that I had no true inkling of any rough times or character flaws that lay ahead, which makes it all the easier to idealize the memory.

[pdx_prog]

62. Yep....she got away.....

but I got her back!

[Orsino]

64. Two of 'em, maybe.

The first definitely left me vulnerable to the second.

I am so much better off today, though. I shudder to think I might have been, or stayed, hitched to either of the others.

[Radical Activist]

65. Yes. She recently contacted me after almost two years.

She's engaged.

[Redstone]

67. I threw a lot of keepers back, but for a good reason.

If Ihadn't been dumb enough not to realize how good some of those women were, I wouldn't have found Mrs R, who's better than any of them.

Things happen the way they're supposed to.

Redstone

[mwdem]

71. You are so right, my friend.

:hi:

[Redstone]

72. I'm glad you understand.

I have stayed in touch with many of my former paramours...and just recently re-connected with a woman I came within inches of marrying when I was 20 years old, then didn't tald to again for almost 30 years...it was nice, but there was no longing for "what might have been."

Nor is there with any of the others. It's good to be friends with them, and Mrs R has become pals with a few, in fact. but if Mrs R got hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd not go to any one of them, though they are wonderful women one and all.

The past belongs where it is.

Redstone

[mwdem]

73. Mrs. R. sounds like a wonderfu woman.

If I'm ever in your neck of the woods, I would love to meet you and your family.

[Redstone]

75. Yes, she is. And you'd be more than welcome to come visit; we're

pretty much always home, we love to have visitors, and have plenty of room:



Redstone

[mwdem]

76. Gotta love that house!

It's beautiful. We're from the east coast originally, lived in S. Jersey for nearly 14 years, and have been as far north as Boston. I have to get back, the midwest is slowly killing me, I think! Just moved to Texas from Kansas 5 months ago. Looking forward to visiting my east coast friends in the near future. Hope to meet you one day soon.

[Redstone]

78. The East Coast is the place to be. We may have snow, but at least

there are no tornadoes, brush / forest fires, mudslides, or earthquakes.

Redstone

[mwdem]

80. You got it!

I'm driving through brushfires to OK tomorrow (hope not!) to send my dog on to Kansas for breeding purposes. Hope it takes. Once she's preggers, I'll get her back for a few weeks, then, since we moved away from the breeder/vet, she goes back to have her pups. Once their weaned, she's finally spayed and we have her 100%. Wish us luck driving tomorrow. I know nothing about these grassfires. Tornadoes, yes, fires, nada.

[Redstone]

81. Brush fires? My guess would be to drive fast until the smoke

is behind you. Best I can come up with.

Oh, and keep your car windows closed, OK?

Redstone

[mwdem]

83. Thanks.

We'll see how it all works out. I'm too much of an optimist to think anything will go bad. Mr. Mwdem, is too much of pessimist. That's how we made it for 33 years, I guess.

[RetroLounge]

68. Christ I have no idea how to answer this...

From my past? Nope, they are gone because they needed to go, by my choice or theirs. No regrets.

But today? Oh, man, who knows...

RL

[fudge stripe cookays]

69. And how.

This guy was everything I had ever wanted....except in love with me.

Into all the cool alternative music, shows, and trivia I was, funny, incredibly intelligent, sensitive, gorgeous (that whole clean cut thing with long hair in a ponytail), wore jeans with a tweed jacket and boots and could pull it off well. He treated me like a princess-- considerate, and sweet, and honest.

He had been burned previously too, so was still one of the walking wounded when he met me. I got too serious too fast, and I was only one of the first girls he'd dated semi-seriously since their breakup. But he was honest with me. He didn't fuck around. When he ended it, he was totally straight with me.

I was TOTALLED. I'm talking wake up crying, cry in the shower in the morning, cry on the way to work, excuse myself at work to cry, cry over lunch, throw up lunch, cry on the way home, cry myself to sleep, pause and repeat. This continued for several weeks to several months.

But he did do something. After all the losers I'd dated before him that treated me like shit, he showed me what to aspire towards. I never put up with crap again after that.

reprehensor came along and knocked me for a loop. Caught me completely by surprise. And because of Randy, I didn't freak when actually confronted with a man who treated me like a treasure.

And we're better suited. I see now that if I'd ended up with Randy, he would have driven me absolutely insane, because he could be very quiet-- almost inscrutable at times.

reprehensor is open, and goofy, and talks all the time. We have no communication problems. I can tell him anything, and I know he feels the same. There was a REASON why Randy got away. I just couldn't know what it was until I found the PERFECT love. He wasn't it.

reprehensor :loveya:

[ALago1]

90. That is a great story

So, basically your saying that one shouldn't be myopic about why things happen, as eventually you'll see why when the time comes?

Ah, wisdom indeed...

[fudge stripe cookays]

93. Exactly.

I was 32 when I married repehensor, but when we got together, it was like a TORCH. I had assumed by then that I was going to be an old woman alone, with lots of cats. And I'd become resigned to it. But I was happy. For the first time in my life, I was completely comfortable with myself and my life.

We were an internet relationship, through personalpossibilities.com. He found me first, and courted me like crazy.

We couldn't meet until absolutely everything was right. The stars finally lined up correctly, and magic occurred. And we were both completely committed once we met. We had to be, because we were 1600 miles apart. It took a lot of devotion and hard work to be together (immigration forms, expensive telephone bills, sadness at constantly being apart), but we try to remember that every day when we quarrrel.

Don't be myopic. Try to achieve peace in your own life, doing what you love, if you can. Your energy will attract that person to you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

70. Yes, I have a story like that as well....only mine is a bit different.....

We were thisclose to being engaged. And then he told me that he felt neither of us had dated enough other people...

He told me that he'd given my phone number to a guy we both knew...

And had told him that I thought he was cute, and to call me....

I was furious! But my boyfriend told me he'd be back, and then he left.

So the second guy called me, and since I was living in a dorm and all my friends were going out.....

And I was damned if I was going to sit there alone while they went out...

I said, sure I'll go out with you.....

So we went out, and it was fine...

And he kept calling, and I kept going out with him...

And I started to get to know and appreciate him.....

I decided to fall in love with him, and then I did.

He fell in love with me as well. There was no turning back then.

When my old boyfriend came back, I told him: Sorry, it's too late. You gave me away, and I'm gone for good now. I was......

We've been married for over 40 years now....and I wonder about my old boyfriend from time to time.

I hope he found someone wonderful; he deserved someone truly good.

But just not me......

[ALago1]

91. I'm speechless! Who does that???

He literally gave you away to a friend of his!! He should have known he was playing with fire from that moment on.

Anyway, glad to hear you are happily married!!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

92. He sure did give me away.....I don't think he thought I'd fall in love

with his friend. And one other thing.....my original bf had given me a book, "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm.....

And this book made it possible for me to fall in love with my husband!

And yes, I am happily married, for over 40 years now...... :hi:

[CornField]

77. I tend to have ones I should have thrown away

Ah well... live and learn

[WritingIsMyReligion]

79. Have to have one first before there's the chance he'll get away.

;) ;)

:hi:

[Wapsie B]

82. Yeah I do.

I just can't think of that any more. I'm through running the whys and wherefores through my head. That's why some days I truly feel numb about true love. I never again want to hear the words, "Someday you're going to make some woman very happy." I'm tired of it. I'm extremely cynical about love and relationships.

[justabob]

84. I definitely do

It happened roughly 15 years ago and I have never gotten over it.... I moved on, but never got over it. I don't even know what happened really, we just stopped associating. Neither one of us was very skilled at relationships being between the ages of 21-25, me especially, so it was probably my fault, but I think I have blocked that period out or something. I still think of this man all the time and wonder what could have been. *sigh* I have not been able to hold a relationship longer than a year or two since then, and don't intend to try again anytime soon. I can't say that 'the one that got away' was the major factor because I have so many other issues, but I do know it still weighs heavily on my mind.

[MissB]

85. Nah, I got him eventually.

It took years. But he has yet to get away.

[u4ic]

86. No

I think about things I could have done differently, but all ended either because it was time, or I could live without them.

[madrchsod]

87. yes -but that was a long time ago

now i`m in the september of my life

[bikebloke]

88. There was a Swede in Greece

We really clicked, though travelling in different directions. For a couple years we kept in touch regularly, until in our separate wanderings, the line of communication was broken. A really sweet person. Might-have-beens can make some nice memories to ruminate over.

And just in case somewhere in the world she's reading this:
Hej Åsa (från Göteborg)!

:hi:

[yellowdogintexas]

89. I sure do. From highschool. He got away in the sense that

we did not fulfil our potential as a couple.

However, we had a deep and abiding friendship which still exists after 40 years.

not too bad for one that got away.

[NaturalHigh]

94. I used to have one.

That was before my wife came along.