women and convicts...I just dont get it.

[Saphire]

a woman on another site has been posting about "Chai", her soulmate. Well, Chai has been convicted of several murders ( in Minnesota I think) and I just dont get where the "love" comes from. She seemed pretty upset that maybe "Chai" has been talking to another woman..and I would guess it's true. Why, oh why, do women do this to themselves??? Lack of drama in their lives, or lack of self esteem??? What do the women ( and men) of DU think?

[mike_c]

1. lots of lonely people out there...

...is what it comes down to, I think. Loneliness makes us do some pretty sketchy things.

[Hobarticus]

2. I think some people need a "project" for their sense of self

"If I love this man/woman enough, I can cure them of their alcoholism/drug use/tendency to bludgeon strangers in their sleep."

[sasha031]

3. the caretaker in us

and defiantly a self esteem issue...

[progressivebydesign]

4. As a woman, I've never understood that either.

Lots of women, I think, fall for guys like that because they're lonely, and underappreciated, and need the drama. At some point, soap operas aren't enough stimilation anymore. Sad... cuz most of those guys know how to manipulate and work these women to their advantage.

[Boomer]

5. Beats the heck out of me

But like you, I've wondered what possible psychological dynamic leads to women falling in love with men imprisoned for heinous crimes. If they're attracted to scumbags, there are plenty walking around free. Why choose one behind bars?

Or maybe that's the point. It's edgy, but safe, to love someone who won't be leaving his cage. A woman can get the frisson of walking on the wild side without leaving her comfort zone and actually living with the guy, or even having sex with him.

Which begs the question, to my mind, of whether many of these women have been abused as children. This would certainly be one way to unconsciously protect themselves from a fatal attraction to the familiar.

[SmokingJacket]

6. I am SO far from getting it.

I wouldn't even date a guy who was rude to a waitress, let alone a guy who killed people!!! I mean, what a turn off.

My only guess is that it has to do with a screwed up relationship with Daddy...

[Lex]

7. Well, at least he's dependable in that he will "be there"

for her.

"There" being prison.

No drinking, drugs, and nights at the Motel 6 with another lady. Is there comfort in that for some?

:shrug:

[Boomer]

8. LOL!

Yeah, you certainly would know where to find him! Every visiting day at the prison, there he be...

[sasha031]

10. the drinking and drugs I am not sure about

but access to Motel 6 would be difficult.

[sasha031]

9. who wrote the series yrs ago

Co Dependent NO More, Marilyn Beatty?
a must read for anyone venerable to situations like that.

[Ariana Celeste]

20. Great book.

Helped my mom get the strength to leave an abusive relationship. I'd reccomend it to anyone.
Not sure the author's name, but that's the title.

[Poll_Blind]

11. I dunno. I remember hearing about the ladies who corresponded with...

...(Something) Ramired ("The Night Crawler", I believe) and Ted Bundy and thinking what the hell? Then again, I've had occasion to stand smoke a cigarette while the females from my local jail took their cigarette break across the street. They didn't look sexy- they looked damned sexy! After all, these were criminals, powerful women not to be trifiled with. They hungrily eyed me, occasionally nudging one another to no doubt relay some explicit fantasy of holding me down and ravaging me into a senseless bliss.

"Sex-starved, dangerous women..." I thought. Arousing!

Then my cigarette was almost done and I put the fantasy aside, realizing that these individuals are likely the scum of my local community, despite the heaving bosoms and thighs and buttocks hardened into smooth iron by the compulsory nude aerobics and pro-level tickle-fights (also nude) which must occur behind bars. It was an amusing fantasy, though.

I guess for some people, men and women, they never get past the mystique.

PB

[Warpy]

12. Lifers are perfect boyfriends

They're controlled, penned up, forcibly sober, and on their best behavior the few times a month you get to see them. Psychopaths are incredibly charming, as long as you don't get too close, and there's nothing like bars and guards to make sure you don't get too close.

The women get to live in a romance novel fantasy of the mysterious man with the sordid past and only she can see through to the good within (Beauty and the Beast syndrome) who was falsely convicted and she hopes and prays every day that the real killer/child rapist/granny torturer will come forward and confess so that she will be united with her beloved to walk hand and hand along the rose petal strewn path of a perfect life.

Did I mention lately that I'm a sarcastic old bat? Well, I digress.

It's the perfect setup for the type of woman who is addicted to herbal romance. He's not going to lay around in a recliner chair in his underwear, unshaven, demanding more beer between belches. He's not going to leave toenail clippings on the bathroom floor or nubs in the sink. He's not going to embarrass her in front of her friends or bring his obnoxious buddies over every week for cigar and poker night. In other words, there will be no reality to intrude on the fantasy of the perfect soul mate, a match made in heaven but thwarted by a cruel fate on earth.

That's what I've observed, at any rate.

[MichiganVote]

13. Its the equivalent of the adult fairy tale they are after

[B Calm]

14. Have you ever been to Ladies of the Pen web site?

http://www.ladiesofthepen.com/index.html

[mike_c]

15. that was... interesting....

And a bit sad.

[Divameow77]

17. One fo those pictures is of

Reese Witherspoon, I remember seeing it in a magazine a few years ago.

[B Calm]

18. There is another website. I think it;s called Babe's Behind Bars or

something like that...

[SmokingJacket]

19. Fascinating and really sad.

Seems to me the one quality most of them have is extremely poor judgement, which isn't suprising I guess...

[Jamastiene]

16. I don't know exactly.

They sometimes get married to convicts and have conjugal visits too. I just don't get it. If someone is cute, I guess they will forgive any crime. Maybe the prisoner is remorseful and wouldn't kill again, or they women think so. Who knows? I admit I was fascinated by Dahmer, but even if he had been straight, I wouldn't marry him. Of course, I'm a lesbian myself. I would have talked to him from a more curiousity standpoint than a romantic one though. I wonder how "I didn't want them to leave me" ended up causing the man to do some of the horrendous things he did...