For my 1000th post I give you full disclosure. I AM SANTA CLAUS - Repent!

[eeyore]

Yep, that's right, I am Santa Claus, and I've been monitoring the goings on around here.

I'm not a grumpy donkey named eeyore (as if!) - I am mother fucking Saint Nick y'all!

Just let me say that you are all thoroughly screwed this Christmas, especially all you bastards who insist on re-posting that Brazillion joke!

So, if you want me to even think about coming to any of your houses, you'd better start talking fast. I want to see some grovelling, crying, and begging here or else I'm not even going to bother with the fucking coal - you hearing me?

Admit to your naughtiness and I might have some mercy on you, but don't count on it!

Bring on the whining you sissies! You'd best give me your best repentant mope, because I've been watching you sick bastards for quite some time!

Santa's got a buzz on, and he's not feeling very jolly right now! :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:




--edit to express my disappointment even further--

[eeyore]

1. Come on people...work with Santa here!

Tell Santa all about how bad you've been this year! :spank:

[SofaKingLiberal]

2. I stole a seeing eye dog and sold it for tacos. n/t

[eeyore]

3. Aye-Chihuahua!

Thank you for stepping up first - you're very brave.

Here's your spanking :spank: :spank: :spank:

Now, what can Santa bring you for Christmas this year little boy?

[SofaKingLiberal]

4. A death ray. n/t

[eeyore]

8. Greedy bastard....

Here. This is the best I can do.

[RevCheesehead]

5. No you're not... THIS guy is.

At least, that's what he told me.

[eeyore]

6. Yeah, that was me a few weeks ago...

It's been a rough year already. Amazing what the Christmas season can do to a guy.

I think we both know, Rev, that you have been a very, very naughty girl! ;-)

I'm not sure how much more spanking you can take, but I really can't help myself. :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:

So, what would you like for Christmas this year, little girl?

[RevCheesehead]

7. Oh, believe me, I've placed my order.

;)

And thank you! :evilgrin:

[newyawker99]

9. Congrats eeyore!

:toast:

[eeyore]

10. Thanks newyawker99!

Can I get you anything for Christmas?

[newyawker99]

19. How about a nice glass of egg nog?

:hi:

[eeyore]

22. Here you go....

Happy Holidays newyawker99!

:toast:

[0007]

11. I heard you last night...you was saying

Now Dancer now Prancer, now junior now Cheney
up over that wall
goddamn it
before I cut off your balls

[eeyore]

12. No, I was saying that 0007 has been an awfully bad boy...

And he ain't getting shit from me 'til he gets down on his knees and begs for forgiveness.

Now, let's see some groveling lest I have to sick my horny reindeer on you! }(

[0007]

15. Is it the same one?

One of the herd of "Horny Reindeer"

[rateyes]

13. Yeah, well if you really are Santa Claus,

then, because you didn't get me what I wanted last year, if you even DARE to show up at my house (and, I will know) I'll kick your sorry ass till your freaking nose bleeds. :evilgrin:

[eeyore]

14. Well, well, well......

I don't really care what the hell you asked for last year. This year you're going to get what you sorely deserve - a good old fashioned ass kicking!

I'll see you tomorrow night, and by the time I'm through with you you ain't gonna be seeing too much out of those rat eyes of yours!

I won't be wearing these sissy ass gloves either!

[rateyes]

16. You better get over the buzz...

you will need all your faculties about you to even have a chance at kicking my ass...your ass will go straight up the chimney...which will be quite a trick, because I don't have a chimney....yet!

}(

[swag]

17. This moment has finally come.

Thank goodness we can finally close the book on the misbegotten human enterprise.

[eeyore]

20. Okay, swag...

You can come at Santa with your obtuse wit all day, but the fact stands that you have been very, very bad this year. I've been watching your ass, and I'm not seeing much in the repent department here.

I think I know just what you need, though. Make some extra room in your bed tonight for Tonya Harding, Anthrax Coulter and Michele Malkin. How's that sound to you there buddy boy? A whole year of fighting those three harpies for covers!

There's still time, swag...there's still time.

[antigone382]

18. You've broken my heart, you Eeyore poser...you've broken my heart.

If you really ARE Santa Claus and not Eeyore, could you at least get me this:



I've been a really good girl, apart from the occasional drinking binge here and there...I PROMISE O8)

[eeyore]

21. Yeah, alright you sad little drunk....

I'll get you your little stuffed Eeyore Santa thingy. But for the love of Santa, don't go puking on it after one of your "occasional" bouts with binge drinking!