I'm having to use Vise Grips on my nuts

[leftstreet]

Got a wonderful fruit and nut basket from my neighbor today. Almonds, pecans, walnuts. But hard as I searched through my kitchen drawers - I have no nutcracker. So it was out to the garage for the vise grips.

They work pretty well - if you like pulverized nutmeats.

[NMMNG]

1. We got a fruit and nut basket at work

Alas there is no nutcracker at work. No problem, I just stole several of the walnuts and took them home. :evilgrin:

[Heidi]

2. A "vice" grip might be more appropriate. (nt)

[leftstreet]

3. You're right. But I think I'll leave it.

"Vice" grip sounds seedy somehow.
:P

[Heidi]

4. "Seedy"?

:spray:

[leftstreet]

5. ROFL! No matter how shitty my day has been, I can always come here

I swear, The DU Lounge has THE GREATEST undiscovered standup comics on earth.

(Makes me remember that the Universe is unfolding as it should.)

[Heidi]

7. I'm a sit-down comic, but

we can proceed under the illusion that I'm standing up. Whatever blows yer skirt up, honey. :evilgrin:

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. If you use the thumbscrew

it shouldn't crush your meat. Just crack the shell.

[SeattleGirl]

8. Well, I don't know......

you'd have to be awfully careful!! :rofl:

[leftstreet]

9. You're talkin torture now

"We do not torture."

[Heidi]

10. I find your use of the word "thumbscrew" gratuitously

sexual and appealing to prurient interests. In addition, I'm referring your use of the word "meat" to the vegans among us. So there.

[leftstreet]

11. Yeah really. Animal killer!

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. See what happens

when one uses care in choosing one's words?

:evilgrin:

[Heidi]

13. Hang on, OR. It could be a rough landing.

[leftstreet]

14. That's a pretty impressive cockpit. n/t

[Oeditpus Rex]

15. I'd say so!

According to the altimeter, that plane's about 7,400 feet too high.

And that kid ain't helpin' the drag coefficient any.

Wipers on!

[pokerfan]

16. I just took a hammer to my nuts

So there.