"The U.S. Postal Service says they expect to handle twenty billion pieces of mail for the holidays. They'll only deliver about ten billion, but they'll handle twenty billion." --Jay Leno
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"My son Harry turned two years old today! He now has a full head of hair. He no longer wets his pants. I am so jealous. It's still hard to believe I have a son. It's still hard for him to believe I'm not his grandpa." --Dave Letterman
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"NBC announced today that some of its shows will be available on iTunes for a $1.99. That's right if you sit through the show you will be paid $1.99." --Conan O'Brien
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