Really need advice..caring for parents (pls, I need it)

[benny05]

I posted this a bit ago. Spouse and I are considering having my mom live with us. I think there are many pros and cons.

Like any advice...we need it. thanks!!!!

[xmas74]

1. Does she have any medical problems?

You need to speak w/ area doctors and possibly home health for additional care. A good idea is to also check into your local senior center or adult day care for activities, whether she is in good health or not. Look into various organizations in your area so that she can have ocassional outings.
Be ready to change how you live.

[supernova]

2. Consider adapting your home

if it's not already for handicapped/wheelchair accessible, (things like doorway widths, walk-in shower, entrance ramps, etc. Even if your mom is ambulatory now, in the future she may not be and you want to be able to maneuver equipement around.

You would be doing a wonderful thing for your mom. :loveya:

[benny05]

5. Mom & I discussed that these are bare essentials

to be done..to make our house more friendly for her. We are compatible in many respects. We are buddies as we have the same value systems and interests. But we haven't lived together in 20 plus years, other than visits.

She is reticent, as we, about making a decision. I'm glad we're not in a rush, but I just want to make sure spouse and I don't overlook situations.

Thanks for ideas...

[babylonsister]

3. Is she sick? Do you all get along?

Yes, there are many pros and cons you and your wife need to work through, unless you share more details. :evilgrin:
Having said that, my husband and I each have a parent left, and if the need is ever there, it's a done deal.

[Lars39]

4. Find out what services are in your community *before* you need them.

:hug:

[politicat]

6. If you can, when you renovate, create a mini-apartment for her.

A little suite, with bath, mini-kitchen, and a separate sitting area and if possible, entrance, so that she can maintain her own life for as long as possible. (If, at some point, she can't be trusted not to go out her own entrance, the locks can be changed.) There are times when she's going to want ot be on her own, and giving both of you the options of doing that is a very positive thing.

My great-grandparents did this in the family home for their parents, and the tradition has continued through the family. It works really well, especially if you're oging to be renovating anyway.