OK, you're in a new relationship and jumping through hoops for her...

[maveric]

Always nice to her, doing good things for and with her...Now I'm out of town and she Texts me telling me that she's in Craigslist WFM (Women seeking Men), and getting tons of relies. I text her back and nothing. I call her and she doesn't answer.
Should I take my interests elsewhere? She's a good Lady and I love her but I get the feeling that she's unable to love back due to years of being with assholes. Now she assumes that I'm just like them and shows no reciprocation or respect.
Oh boy...I'm about ready to hang it up and resign myself to a life of celibacy.
I must have the holiday blues too. My Ma died last March and its just not the same without her. I've been divorced for 8 years now,and celibate for the past three, and need someone in my life. She is a weird girl. Sometimes she's great and fun, other times she avoids me.
Whadaya think DUers? Am I wasting my time?

[WindRavenX]

1. I would ask her

Do you want to be exclusive with her? Because for some people being exclusive is assumed, whereas for others it must be discussed about.

What do you want?

[NuttyFluffers]

16. oh yeah, i forgot the most obvious of questions...

are they even in a committed relationship? how long have they been openly dating (as in both partners knowing)? has the obvious talk about exclusive dating, etc, been talked about already?

because if all this is about a friendship/lovers/<add another level of blurry, unspoken nonsense here> then this is a simple issue of plain lack of communication. i mean, if this is one of those cases, then she's trying the tried and true, "get him jealous to openly state his desire" tactic. and if this unspoken agreement has been going on a while but both partners are shifting uncomfortably in their undies when they sit a little too close to each other because of the radiating arcs of electricity... nothing like courting blindly, with assumptions, innuendos, crossed signals, and all to drive even the best of us to distraction.

so yeah... did they all have "the talk"? what's the openly declared status? that should've been the first question i asked.

edit: apparently some sort of version of "the talk" happened, but i can't figure out what is the openly declared status... well, revert to tainted love advice.

[nini]

2. Don't resign yourself to a life of celibacy..

Find a woman who will treat you right. Telling you she's getting hit on like that then avoiding you tells loads of her true character.

Sorry for your pain.

[MrScorpio]

3. Dump her - and tell her outright

And get on Craigslist yourself

Stop being a sourpuss, dude

[SeattleGirl]

4. Ummm, yeah

Sounds like she has some healing she needs to do. And you won't be able to "fix" her, no matter how much you might love her, unless she's willing to help herself.

Having said that, though, I don't think you should give up on finding someone. You never know....the perfect person for you may show up at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected way.

(And sorry to hear about your mom. :hug: )

[LeftyMom]

5. She's actively looking for other male prospects and told you so?

If I'm not really misinterpreting that, I think that's really all you need to know. No matter how you feel about her, if she's not ready and willing to commit to a relationship with you and that's what you want from her, than there's not a great deal you can do to bridge that chasm and create a healthy relationship.

It sounds like she's got issues, to be perfectly honest. You deserve better. :hug:

[maveric]

7. She acts like it funny.

And doesnt realize how badly it hurts me. Or just doesnt care. I've asked her several times where "We" are going with this and she waffles around the question and changes the subject. I've been on the bad end of several relationships and am a bit gun-shy. She was the one that initiated this relationship. She was a co-worker of mine who moved back to Sacramento for a couple of months. She called and texted me every day while she was gone. Then she came back and we started dating. Now she is getting too wierd.
I should probably dumpher but I'm in love with her.
"Why Must I Be A Middle-Ager In Love?"

[southlandshari]

8. It's not funny at all.

That sounds insensitive to me, and you deserve much better than that, sweets.

Don't settle. You are way too special a person for that!


:hug:

[maveric]

9. I've been told by others tat there may be some Bi-Polar action going on.

I dont know...maybe its just the time of year and the way I feel about her...? Why do I always get mixed up with these types?

[hfojvt]

12. maybe she wants you to tell her

where you want to go with the relationship. Like they said on Seinfeld if you say "I love you" to somebody and they do not say "I love you" back, that's a pretty big matzah ball hanging out there. The "flirting with other guys thing" could be a warning shot, like "if you don't wanna commit, then I do have other prospects" or "where TF is my engagement ring, bucko?" A little bit of leadership might be in order. Rather than waffling yourself and asking her where "we" are going, tell her where you want "us" to go, and see if she wants to go along. She'll say yes or no, and then you will know where you stand. And if she says no, stand outside her house with a boombox over your head, playing this song

"I'm lying beside you just thinking about us
Too tired to go to sleep and too much in love
I know I'm crazy but I can't close my eyes
I'm scared you won't be there in the morning when I rise
Will you be there?
Who do you dream about are you alone in your sleep?
To who will you reach out?
Oh, let it be me
Oh baby, you're my obsession, my addiction, my drug
Don't want to be without you when I wake up
Will you be there in the morning, will you be there when I want you?
Will you be there when I wake up, Oh I need you to be there in the morning
Will you be there?

Well, you're so close to me but I feel so alone
The more I touch you the more I want
Don't know what to do about me loving you but I pray to God that you feel it too
You're my obsession, my addiction, my drug, so let the candle grow into a great fire of love
Will you be there in the morning, will you be there when I want you?
Will you be there when I wake up?
I need you to be there in the morning!
I wanna love you forever,
Don't want a love that's now or never
Can't you see you got me down on the floor.
I want more MORE!"

[RagingInMiami]

18. The sad thing about some women

Is that they like to flirt and initiate relationships, but once the man falls for her, they back off.

Maybe the man changes and is no longer the challenge that he once was. With a lot of women, you have to act as if you can take them or leave them, no matter how you really feel.

Don't be surprised if you back off from this woman, and she begins coming back to you. It becomes a ritual: the more you pursue, the more she retreats; the more you retreat, the more she pursues.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

24. Now that I read this, I see the possibility

that she's an emotional tease, playing the game of getting a guy interested and then dumping him once he's hooked. Living in an all-women's dorm (the only kind they had back then) in college, I learned of the existence of such types.

[hfojvt]

55. in my dorm, I lived on the third floor

On the fourth floor there was this guy who got this girl pregnant and dumped her. She had an abortion. She lived on the 2nd floor. Every day for many weeks and perhaps many times a day she played Meatloaf's "Paradise by the dashboard light" as loud as her stereo could play it. I started praying for the end of time.

[supernova]

6. I would say move on

She's either unwilling to or can't change her pattern.

It's not your job to teach her.

Sorry. :hug:

[Name removed]

10. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[faithnotgreed]

11. maveric

on the off chance that this would make any difference (and the very real chance that im a broken record about communication) allow me to share these thoughts

if you havent already communicated - really talked - with her please do
i dont know the situation of course but there are so many reasons people act strangely or differently than they had or any number of things that make relationships hard

before letting her go please let her know how you feel and what you want
she may be very scared by getting close
she may have emotional problems that need professional help
she may be any number of things but you wont really know until you talk with her further
and of course you never know (anything) until you try

so since you talk of your love for her then for what its worth i suggest you honor yourself and your very real feelings and state what you feel and what you want
in a gently loving but firm way so she knows you really feel this for her and you want to have an honest relationship with her
whatever that may be....

very best wishes maveric
im glad to hear anytime love is shared
its such a beautiful thing
not always returned the way we want it to be but nevertheless when its love truly given thats always an amazing gift
so much better than anger and regret

[billyskank]

13. Do what Mr.Scorpio said

:thumbsup:

[hickman1937]

14. Run away. She's using you for a potential backup.

Is she warm and charming to you when she decides to spend time with you? Hard to get ahold of about half the time even though you have her phone numbers? She'll charisma you till the cows come home, then dump you kindly("It's not you, it's me") when she finds the mate she's looking for.

[NuttyFluffers]

15. ahh, tainted love... oh l'amour...

well, first the important part: do you really love *her*, or just love being in love, or love getting a piece of the action more regularly of late?

if it's A) (which it sounds like) you have karmic debts to pay off between each other, it's gonna be a wild ride, don't bother trying to "resolve" things, just have a few boundaries and fasten your seatbelt and be ready to dish back as well as she. the proper reply to her very hurtful and destructive remark is, "oh good baby, i was thinking of picking up a hooker while out anyway, this way neither of us will feel hurt." or something equal to those lines.

ever heard the parable of the lion in love with a woman? how the village acquiesced to the lion's demands of marriage, but in seeing his loving devotion asked him to become de-fanged and de-clawed? and after doing so, being love's fool, the village just kicked the lion out with no wife or anything? yeah, don't neuter yourself over this one; you're gonna need those fangs and claws.

this relationship will be all about pain, madness, jealousy, and passion. most people aren't up for that, wanting only the fru-fru, rococo, frosted whipped cream side of love. but you can't always get what you want... but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need (don't thank me, thank mick jagger). flow with the tao and see this sputtering flame to its short-lived conclusion, just remember, *boundaries* people, *boundaries*.

maybe this doomed, star-crossed love is meant to be in your life. it might be here to teach you about your self-worth and how to keep its core separate from sick people who wanna hurt you. maybe to reassert your playful, assertive, self-possessed side (or inner-asshole, but please there's a fine line between sexy confidence and arrogant prick). maybe to give you a real good grasp of crazy and have the knowledge to know the tell-tale signs even in the most subtle and insidious forms (oh, you have NO IDEA how crazy can sneak up on you -- the truly dysfunctional are masked in 1000 lies and seem the most put together).

now if this is just B) your loneliness talking or C) your groin talking, then get out now. we all can do bad enough all by ourselves. dump, run, nurse wound, have a few flings, a still and solitary moment of clarity, then try try again.

[RagingInMiami]

17. In women's language

She is telling you she is not interested. Men, we speak differently. We just say what has to be said. Women have to send you signals and messages and hints and shit like that.

The fact that she tells you she is on craigslist is her way of saying she is not interested.

But you can also get on craigslist and other such websites, and you can also find other ways to meet women. And as lonely as you're feeling right now, there are hundreds, if not thousands of women, feeling the same way in your area.

Never give up. It's all about that chance meeting. But they're not going to come knocking on your door. You have to go out there and put yourself in situations where you'll meet people.

Why not get involved in a local peace activist group?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

57. Whatever!

women do not do code speak any more than men...


and both genders are equally equipped to play passive aggressive

i should know i date both genders!

[RagingInMiami]

75. You don't think it's code

Because when women speak it, they are sending a clear message. Sometimes they just speak a different language than men. It took me years to dechipher their language, but I'm pretty good at it now.

[LaurenG]

19. Maveric

I think your "sweet" person is extremely needy. She waited until you were out of town to tell you she's getting tons of hits from Craig's list and avoids interacting further with you. This lady has some abandonment issues and will always want more than you can give. Was she peeved that you left town? Are you now being punished? She may not realize it but she is playing a game and you are being manipulated. She wants you to know how sought after she is and was trying to make you feel threatened.

Think about taking good care of you and decide if you really want to play that game for the next however many years.:hug:

[justacitizen]

20. For some people

it seems like it is the thrill of the chase and once they capture their target, they quickly become bored and then need the adrenaline rush of the thrill of the chase again. Both men and women can be afflicted by this desire.

[Heidi]

21. I'm sure I'll get slammed for this, but why

are you jumpin' through hoops? :shrug: My best relationships have been the most natural ones, the ones where everything felt comfortable and we didn't have to jump through hoops to earn or win one another's attention and affection. I mean, nobody can jump through hoops forever, so why even start doing it in the first place?

Good vibes to you, maveric, for the healing of your heart after your mother's death, and for navigating your way through this new relationship. :pals:

[tjdee]

22. She's just not that into you--don't make excuses for her.

If Shah Rukh Khan was calling me on the phone, I would take the calls. I wouldn't be telling him about the other guys I'm meeting.

I don't know if I'd outright dump her, but I'd not call her for a while to see if she realizes you're missing.

:hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

23. You don't need this kind of grief

Find someone who appreciates you, no matter how long it takes. Being in a good relationship is the best experience one can have on earth, but being in a bad one where you are always insecure is far worse than being alone.

In a novel I re-read recently, a young woman is having an affair with a married man, and she asks an older person for advice. The older person drags her across the room and forces her to look at herself in the mirror: haggard, weepy, obviously not taking care of herself. If the relationship makes her look that bad,he asks, how can it be "right and beautiful"?

By the way, if you're "always doing good things for her," it may come across as abject groveling for her affection, and that's irritating rather than endearing. In any case, she has TOLD you that she's out there looking for an alternative, and in that, you're oddly fortunate. Some women (and men) just keep two or three lovers on the string at once without letting them know about one another.

True love has a natural, unforced flow to it. Heidi is absolutely right about this. Once you're experienced that, you'll know the difference--it will be like, "Oh, so that's what I was missing!" You have to develop an instinct for when an attempted relationship isn't working and be willing to cut your losses and move on. It's good practice in not being desperate.

[leftyladyfrommo]

25. You don't need to "dump" her

Just go on living your life. Don't jump thru hoops for her. That is the worst thing you can do.

If she's around and you enjoy the company - fine.

If she's not around just get on with things. Live your life.

[liontamer]

26. yes you are

she has issues. If you were just having sex with her that would be one thing. But you say you love her. that means her issues are going to cause problems.(like they already are). Leave now while you still have some respect for her. Don't wait till you despise her for ruining your life.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

27. Run away, don't walk.

You're in for a world of trouble if you pursue that further. If she thinks being a jerk to you is "fun" now, just wait til later.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

28. When someone tells you they are getting attention from someone else

after you've done your best to be thoughtful, let them...and do it early

[EstimatedProphet]

29. Man, I have been right there so many times myself

It seems I have a blind spot for women that like to play games to get attention...

If I were you, I'd get rid of her. Don't bother with that one, son. She ain't worth it.

[maveric]

30. I just made the mistake of going to Craigslist and she posted again.

With a sexy pic of her, thanking all those who responded abd telling them that she will "choose" sometime on Friday.
Now why would she tell me of this, then post like that?
I should take evryone's advice here but it still pisses me off!

[GalleryGod]

33. Lay the handgun on the sidewalk and run away

:scared: she's really fecked-up!:puke:

[EstimatedProphet]

41. It should piss you off

Tell her you don't appreciate being played.

[southlandshari]

51. Yes it should - but I think the less he says to her now, the better.

Hell, she knows what she is doing. And she has to know it hurts him. And she doesn't care, because she is one of the following:

a) scared to death of middle age and in need of attention and validation from lots of men

b) intensely self-centered and narcassistic at any age

c) a pyschopath


Any way you cut it, I think the best path here is to say goodbye with head held high, with a self-confident and unruffled attitude. She knows she is hurting him. No need for him to remind her. And all the reason in the world to remind her that there are other fish in the sea for Mav, and he's not interested in chasing someone who isn't interested in being caught.

Am I making any sense here?

:D

[EstimatedProphet]

53. That's exactly right

What I would do:

Say "I am done. I didn't like being played, and it shows that you have serious emotional issues. I pity the man that gets wrapped up with you."
Walk away. Don't bother talking to her again.

[southlandshari]

46. Maveric - please.

I was just writing a much longer and more personal reply to this thread that was a lot gentler than what I'm about to say, but I saw this before I posted.

You are my friend, and I think you are a delightful and incredible guy, so I will tell you straight up.

Walk away. Now. You don't have to be ugly about it, just send her a note - a SHORT note - telling her how much you enjoyed your time together and how you wish her the best in life, but that you think it is best that you remain just friends. Do NOT mention Craigslist. Do NOT mention her online activities, her flirtations with other men, or her inattention to you. Do NOT ask her anything about her current feelings for you.

I know you are feeling hurt and confused. What would help is if you step out of yourself for a minute, and put on the clothes of an actor in a play. Write to her with a friendly, caring and confident tone (even if you feel none of these things) and wish her well. And then stop emailing or calling her. And do NOT answer her emails or calls -- until at least 36 hours has passed between her message and your reply. And then again, reply with friendliness and confidence. If you act long enough as if you are the one saying goodbye to her, you will begin to realize that it is not a bad thing at all for you to do.

She may even come back to you a changed woman if she realizes what she had and it is not too late. But she will never realize that as long as you enable her insenstive and unloving behavior at this point. Respect yourself and walk away smiling. And you will end up with a wonderful woman who respects you just as much. It may be her, it may not.

I'm sending you a PM on this in a bit. Just wanted to post this for now.

:hug:

[maveric]

52. Thank you southlandshari! I made that decision this morning.

No more calls or text messages. No more e-mails or checking her profile on Craigslist. She knows how strongly I feelabout her but she fails to want to communicate or reciprocate. Its really no fun anymore and I need to quit torturing myself.
Its just that I met her at work 2 years ago and became "friends". Then she started calling me evryday, talking about sharing our dreams...blah, blah, blah... She initiated this relationship. Now I beleive that her being new in town, just used me to meet people and show her the town... So I must have read it wrong all along.
I will take your advice.

[Jed Dilligan]

31. Your mistake is "jumping through hoops"

She thinks you're weak because you cater to her. Either be more of an "asshole" or find someone who appreciates your "service" (dominant woman). They are out there.

[mac56]

32. Run, don't walk.

She's doing you a favor by showing this side of herself to you. Better now than later.
Like the song says, she ain't worth the salt in your tears. You can do better.

[skygazer]

34. Yes, you are wasting your time

And your energy. She has shown, obviously and incontrovertably, that she's not serious about this relationship (hell, you can hardly call it a relationship if she's posting sexy pictures for other men and telling you about it).

It may very well be that she's subconsciously sabotaging this because her past relationships have made her gunshy - doesn't matter. You're not them and she's treating you badly. You're not there to be her therapist and allowing her to do to you what they may have done to her will help no one, least of all you.

But do consider that "jumping through hoops" for someone is not the best way to go about building a relationship. Because you build the expectation of a lifetime of that sort of treatment and that's not reasonable. Certainly, we should all be thoughtful and attentive to those we care about and there is that honeymoon period in which we want so badly to present ourselves at our best. But keep it realistic - if you're going places or doing things you don't really like to do or don't really enjoy, think about whether you're going to want to do that forever. When I started dating my SO, he enjoyed going to sporting events - I don't. I've gone once or twice but he's always known that's not my thing. So rather than going along for 6 years and then suddenly telling him, "You know, I've always hated going to football games," I've always been honest and told him I'd rather do something else. Just an example but people don't all like the same things and if you're open from the start, there are fewer surprises later.

Bottom line, she sounds like she has no interest in a serious relationship with you and no concern about your feelings. And you deserve better than that. :hug:

[Taxloss]

35. There are so many ways to exploit this.

Follow these simple instructions:

1. Create Craigslist profile (or a new one if you already have one) based on what you think she's looking for.

2. Find her profile.

3. Establish contact.

4. Flirt mercilessly.

5. Plunder her for information. "So ... anyone else in your life?"

6a. If she acts like a bitch ("No, no one I care about"; "yeah, this total dork I'm stringing along") then build up the fictional you as the best thing evah, while stepping up the real life charm campaign. Then both your personae can tell her to fuck off, she played the field and got played, on the same day. It would be best if the real life persona split with her first, she ran to the online one for comfort, and the secret was revealed. She deserves it.

6b. If she says you're great, tell her good luck with that, cut contact, delete the profile and work to keep her - while suggesting that trawling for men online isn't "trust circle" behaviour.

But she sounds like a flake. I'd string her along.

[maveric]

37. I think that I'm just not going to contact her anymore.

I "get" the message she's sending me. Its just that when she's OK, she's a great lady. Fun and intersting. She knows how I feel for her but wont tell me what she wants. I guess that this is her way to tell me that I am not for her. She could have been a little more tactful though.
The hell with her! As Phil Collins said, "No more,No more..."
Its just a shame that she waited till the holiday season, and when I was out of towm, to do so.
Damn! Its tough being me.

[Taxloss]

38. Fair enough.

In your position I'd be wanting revenge.

[maveric]

40. She does love attention. So the worst I can do is just not contact her...

at all.
I'm sorry to pour out my problems here. The holidays have been depressing to me for some time now, and this is when she breaks my heart.

[leftofthedial]

36. keep her around for some easy sex

and play the field.

I do not advise celibacy

[maveric]

39. She's not exactly jumping into my bed either.

At times she's a ruthless tease.

[leftofthedial]

42. are you a masochist?

:shrug:

[maveric]

44. Gawd, I must be. LOL!!

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. Text her back and tell her you've dumped her....and that MrsGrumpy

hopes she meets some gross, fungal infested, alcoholic, bad breathed "hottie" for her troubles. That's about what she's worth. Great fun people don't treat people like dirt. You are worth so much more than that. :hi:

[maveric]

45. She's 45, just lost 35 lbs, moved to SD from Sacramento.

And now she's looking for a 29 yr old Brad Pitt @ 6' 6", with a 14 " schlong. Maybe her hormones are taking over her brain, like mine are to me? Now what message would you get if on the 2nd date she takes me to her house, shows me, hell, hands me, her glass dildo, and puts porn on her PC, then says "no touch". Then she e-mails me semi-nude pics of her. She does this frequently. Then when we are alone at her place, which is often, she blows me off, then puts more porn on DVD.
Is she cetifiable or what?

[mac56]

61. Dude, she's nuts.

She's playing the popular courtship game - "Go Away.....But Stay Close!"

Been there, seen it, done it, got the T-shirt.

You may not believe it right now, but trust me, you can do so much better than this.

"Crazy beautiful" just ain't worth this degree of headgames.

[RagingInMiami]

77. I think you're certifiable

For putting up with that shit.

[maveric]

79. I'd have to be!

:crazy:

[RagingInMiami]

81. For the Brotherhood of Men

You need to blow her off now.

It's all about respect and she's not respecting you even though you obviously respected her.

It's no wonder she always falls for the men that don't respect her. Because deep inside, that's what she feels she deserves.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

47. did she agree to be exclusive?

cos if she didnt then shes within her rights to do as she wishes


and you are within yours to dump her if it doesnt suit you

[maveric]

48. She would never commit to anything. Just changs the subject and

goes on about herself. She's extremely self absorbed. But she's beautiful and when she's not manic, a great Lady.
And this idiot fell in love with her.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

50. i would take crazy beautiful over celibacy any day...

but thats just me!

[RetroLounge]

49. She doesn't deserve a ride in your new car...

Move on...

RL

[Willinois]

54. hmm...she usually dates jerks and you were a nice guy

of course it won't work out. Get out now and let her live her self-imposed life of misery, emotional abuse and bad relationships. Maybe someday she'll figure it out, but there's no reason for you to suffer while she keeps making bad decisions.

[maveric]

56. THATS IT! Her grown daughter told that every man she's been with

has been a lying, abusive,cheating, bullshitting, macho jerk. Now a sincere dude comes along and she doesnt know how to handle it. Now she's trying to attract that same type.

[Willinois]

58. Bingo!

At some point in her life MAYBE she'll break out of her pattern of emotionally (and maybe physically?) abusive relationships. Chances are good that she doesn't know how to have a normal relationship without the abusive dynamic she is used to. That means a lot of cruel games, pain and crap are in store for you (being a nice guy), unless she's ready to change, and it sounds like maybe she isn't.

[Jed Dilligan]

60. Go for the daughter! nt

[maveric]

65. Her daughter is 21 and could be a Penthouse centerfold.

Now that would frost her ass, wouldnt it? :evilgrin:

[Jed Dilligan]

73. That's what I'm talkin' bout!

[RagingInMiami]

78. Please post a photo

[AngryAmish]

59. Your approach may be wrong

When dating a gal one must not do all sorts of crazy things to impress her, getting her flowers, etc. It is a sign of weakness. Women smell weakness a mile off and they do not like it. Make it clear that she has to do some work to be with you. Otherwise you are a puppy following her around and she gets to boss you around and will not respect you.

This does not mean be an asshole or you can't be nice to her. However make it clear that you are to be respected or she will take advantage of you.

[I Have A Dream]

74. I think that both men & women do this. Not EVERY man or EVERY...

woman, but a certain percentage of each. It's not just women.

[Blue_Tires]

62. *ahem*

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4323289


AND



http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

[bertha katzenengel]

63. Oh, man, Maveric...

I feel so sad for you, dude. I'm sorry you're missing Ma, sorry you're blue -- sorry this girl you like is being an assclown. What a fool! If she thinks you're not the one for her, the least she could do is be an adult. A face-to-face "I'm sorry, but it's not for me, I wish you a good life" is mature: a text message "Look at all the guys who want to meet me!!" is childish.

:hug: :loveya: be well, sweet Mav.

PS Celibacy. Really. Fucking. Sucks. I feel ya there, Pal. :(

[maveric]

64. Thanks Bertha. You see I've been "Out of the game", for 3 years now...

due to raising kids alone and a demanding work schedule. Then someone who I thought was cute is nice to me and we become friends. Then she leaves town, calling ME every damn day.... So I went head over heels for her and treated her with respect. Then she becomes standoffish<sp>, and now she putting through a mind-fuck at the worst possible time.
I really DO wish that she would come out and tell me to my face. I can take that. Been there done that. But she has to play these games and rubs her wanting to be with young studs and not me, in my face.
After a day of thinking about this, I've decided to stay away from her. I'm not even going to call her.
Fuck her!

[bertha katzenengel]

66. I usually only make this suggestion to women, Mav, but here:

Do something nice for yourself tonight. Think of a few things that you just LOVE to do and do one or two. Movie? Favorite restaurant? Hot hot shower, a few beers, and a movie or two with trash food on the side? (A manicure? A bubble bath? A trashy novel? ;))

Do something really nice for yourself. Be kind - you deserve it. If I were in SD I'd take you out. I really would. Or cook you a nice meal.

Or - or - hook you up with my sister! Yeah, that's the ticket... how old are you? ;)

[maveric]

67. 49 and in full-blown mid-life crisis.

I'm currntly in SF on a "finding myself" road trip. If it was 39 degrees and raining I'd go down to the Tenderloin district and watch the dancers. But due to weather and lack of parking in downtown SF, I'll remain here. I do have a pint of Seagrams Seven and a bottle of 7-up. Some decent bud too.
Where's your sister at? SoCal? I'm heading back to San Diego tomorrow. I NEED my sunshine right about now.

[bertha katzenengel]

69. My sister's in Orange County.

And she likes older men. You're not much older, but if everything's right, that doesn't matter. ;)

I knew you were on your trip. (I lurk.) I am sorry, honey; it seems your trip isn't a pleasant one. But road trips can do all kinds of good things for us, whether we have a really great time or not. p;<[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ -- uh, Daddy the Cat says hello[br />

Mrs. V. and I hit will the road on Friday afternoon -- a "my mama needs me" surprise christmas trip home to Tennessee for Mrs. V. She doesn't drive and we can't afford to fly (and I hate to do so anyway). Her mom is so worried about so many things, and I know seeing her daughter will do her WORLDS of good. What I'm saying is I'm not particularly thrilled about this trip, but Mrs. V. needs it, and so it will be good for me. Besides, it's a beautiful drive from Maryland to eastern Tennessee. I love road trips, even something like this. (Halfway out Friday, motel, finish the drive Saturday, drive back in one go on Monday. Good thing I took Tuesday off.)

Buck up, buddy. You are a star in my sky and you're going to find your way. :hug:

PS :smoke: some for me... I've always wanted to try that...

[maveric]

70. Ahh Bertha you made me smile.

And blush :blush:
I hope that you have a great trip. Mines not THAT bad. I took some nice pics on HWY 1. It just sucks being alone and with a sense of relationship hoplessness.
I will survive this too!

[RagingInMiami]

80. Go to one of those Asian massage parlors that SF is known for

That'll take your mind off her.

[JVS]

68. Tell her to go to hell

[maveric]

71. I am, but in a silent way.

I'm just not going to call, go over her place or text her anymore. She'll have to contact me.

[Redstone]

72. Run. Don't walk. Run.

And never, ever look back.

Redstone

[Wapsie B]

76. Broken record time here, but

get the hell outa this relationship. Period.

[Doctor_J]

82. Enjoy the memories

I thought I was starting to "connect" with a dear friend - I've known her for 6 years, and recently we'd shared beer & pool games with friends and a couple long walks. I tried to up the ante just a wee bit, and WHAM I haven't heard from her since (3 months). So look back at it as a good experience that's now in the past.

FWIW, my ex-friend and I are both in our late 40's, and while she's alot better looking than I am, getting rejected at my age, without any real closure, is pretty saddening. I'm sure you will bounce back strong.

[guidod]

83. Trust me, she's not a good

lady if she can't be honest with you. I'm really sorry about your mother but, trust me, you don't want this little girl to take your mothers place. If she's testing you and you start crawling, trust me, the manipulating will start. In one breath you're saying she's on Craigslist, getting a lot of replies and doesn't return your calls and she's weird. In the next breath you say you love her, she's a good lady and she's great and fun. If she says she's unable to love because of years of being with assholes and she can't get any respect and you're just like them, trust me the manipulation has begun.

Pick-up your nads and leave, TRUST ME.

[last_texas_dem]

84. I say "Get out now", however...

If she's acting this way this early on, I'd say it's better to get yourself out of the relationship before you start getting more attached and she starts to mean more to you.

However, if think what's going on is more just a major misunderstanding concerning the different things that the two of you want out of the relationship, and you think that if this were cleared up the two of you could have a very good relationship, I'd discuss the issue with her. Just make sure that when you discuss it, you don't hold anything back yourself, and find out everything you want to know about her feelings from her.

But don't stay involved unless you can come to an agreement that soothes your concerns at this point, 'cause there are few things worse than staying in a relationship where one person ends up doing all the giving.